Chapter 4

Q

~Stroke me, provoke me, adore me, I implore thee, take all of me, ensnare me, play me to your tune~

The release wasn’t enough.

It’d been too quick, too tame.

Even as I’d driven deep inside Tess, coming hard and fast, I knew it wouldn’t sate me for long.

It wouldn’t sate me because it’d been ~normal.~ Fucking vanilla. Sex wasn’t what gave me pleasure and got me off.

It was the dominance—the role-play, the mind games, the linking of masculine and feminine through bodily control.

The one strike I’d delivered had been enough to send me over the edge, but not enough to stop the churning in my gut for more. I needed worse. I needed dirty.

I sighed, throwing an arm over my eyes.

Tess was still in the bathroom. She’d been in there for at least forty minutes.

What the fuck was she doing?

My eyes travelled around the suite. From the bedroom, I could see most of the lounge and part of the drawing room where dinner and business meetings were concluded.

Each room took up a colossal amount of space with huge windows bordering the view of the seaside, colourful umbrellas, and lobster-red sunbathers.

I threw myself back onto the covers, staring at the ceiling. The suite consisted of soothing shades of white: eggshell, alabaster, and chalk.

I knew because the hotel stupidly provided a decoration guide complete with drapery design, carpet blends, and colour swatches.

As if I’d come here for fucking decorating advice.

I’d flicked through the magazine after rolling it up into a tube, testing it as a spanking device. I’d discarded it because the slick glossy pages were too heavy—it would bruise.

And although I wanted Tess to pant and a few tears to be shed, I also hated the thought of marking her. Which twisted my gut with perplexity.

I missed the straightforwardness of before. The joy at knowing Tess could take it. Now, I had no fucking idea what she wanted or even what ~I~ wanted.

Did I want to hurt her?

Yes. Fuck, yes.

Did I want to make her cry?

Yes. I loved her tears.

Did I want to protect her and never lay another finger on her?

More than anything.

I would’ve castrated myself if it meant I could be free of the evil lurking in my blood. Tess didn’t deserve any of that. Tess deserved to be made love to. Not fucked.

Not used by a man who had issues deeper than the fucking ocean.

The door opened.

Tess came out of the bathroom. I sucked in a breath as she made her way toward the bed. Her naked body was flushed and scrubbed.

Droplets from the shower sparkled in the late afternoon sunshine streaming through the window.

My eyes dropped to the red outline of my hand on her thigh.

Ah, shit. Seeing the mark tangled my conscience into further chaos. My heart raced in bitter regret, while my cock leapt with fucking joy. The blush. The thrill.

The knowledge I’d put it there sickened as well as bewitched me.

I wanted more.

~No, you don’t, you sick bastard.~

My eyes fell to the ugly yellows and greens mottling her skin. Fading abuse from other bastards like me who got off on abusing women.

~How can I be like them? ~How could I hurt the woman who owned my soul?

I struggled to suck in a breath as Tess climbed gracefully on the bed, carefully avoiding my eyes. Every movement was understated, carefully orchestrated as if she was invisible.

Her hair was coiled upward while damp strands escaped, sticking to her neck. Her spine stood out, her collarbone a stark necklace. She looked so innocent and young.

But strong. So fucking strong.

I waited to see if she’d come to me. My arms throbbed to hold her. I wanted her to curl against me and let me guard her—I would be her protection so the nightmares would never find her.

But she didn’t come closer.

With a soft sigh, she reclined against a pillow, staring upward. Her eyes were large and lost. Her face tense and timid.

My blood boiled. What had she been thinking about in the bathroom? Something had to have happened for her to become so withdrawn.

It didn’t make sense. I hadn’t hurt her. I knew she’d enjoyed me taking her. She’d come. She’d wanted what we’d shared. I knew that with utmost certainty.

Her release had milked my cock, telling me blatantly how much she enjoyed it.

So why? Why the silence and sadness?

Confusion itched my muscles, making my temper flare.

“~Plus de secrets, ~esclave~.~” No more secrets.

Tess looked over, her eyes filling with warmth. “No secrets. Just tired.”

Damn fucking ~lies.~

The large bed created a barrier between us. Lies filled the silence, secrets distanced us—pushing us further and further away.

~I’m done.~

Nothing would stop me from cracking open her mind and finding out the truth. I was done fucking waiting.

Throwing myself off the bed, I prowled around the mattress toward Tess. My cock hung heavy between my legs, reminding me I had plenty more to give. I’d use it to break her.

I’d drive her mad with wanting and then I’d ask. I’d ~demand to know.

Tess’s eyes closed, either blatantly ignoring me or hiding yet more secrets.

“Esclave. Get up,” I ordered.

Her gaze flashed open; she sucked in a gasp. Her vision drifted down my chest, over sparrows and ink to latch onto my rapidly growing erection.

It jerked under her inspection, begging for her wet heat.

Tess froze; something flickered across her face but then was gone. For a split second clouds rolled over the sun, drenching her in shadow, painting her face with grief.

But then the sun broke through, and she smiled.

Her body moved like water, slinking and rising from the pool of bedding to stand before me. Fuck, she was stunning. And mine. All mine.

I locked my muscles to stop myself from reaching for her as she came to stand before me. Every moment echoed with strength then shyness. Rebellion then obedience.

Her entire demeanor played havoc with my head.

One moment I saw the woman I fell for, the next all I saw was prey. Prey I wanted to molest and break and bend to whatever sick fantasy I desired.

My jaw locked as she raised her chin, looking me in the eye. I wanted her to bow to me. To serve. To let me do whatever I damn well pleased.

Everything inside—everything I’d been missing—sprang back to life. My soul that’d been scarred and tattered thanks to Tess’s abduction slithered away, leaving me angry. So fucking angry.

The anger started as a burn in my heart—a spark with a flash of gasoline, erupting into a flame, igniting my blood until my entire body set alight with furious need.

I needed to take Tess ruthlessly and painfully. I needed to remember who I truly was at heart. She might have let me brand her and accept my callous ways, but I’d held back. All my life I’d held back.

And every time I did, it layered more darkness in my gut. Building into something manic. Tess had let me use her, but it was nothing, nothing, compared to what I wanted now.

“Je suis désolé.” I’m sorry.

Her lips parted, her skin whitening.

My arms banded around her—picking her up in a vice. “I’m not done with you, mon coeur.” My heart.

My mouth stole hers; my legs almost buckled at the fresh taste of her shower, cloaking the muskiness of spent desire.

Her lips went slack, allowing my tongue to dip inside her mouth. I groaned as she kissed me back. Her hands left the ramrod position by her sides, coming to rest on my hips.

Her fingernails scratched my skin, dragging me forward until my lips bruised hers in a searing kiss.

“Q—please—”

Her beg wobbled with passion…no, wait—

My heart squeezed in panic.

It can’t be. It couldn’t happen.

I pulled back, glaring. I searched for some sign—some hint she wasn’t coping. Her blue-grey eyes stared back.

For the first time since I’d met her, I couldn’t sense what riotous emotions she kept hidden.

Did she mean what she said? Or was that a lie, too?

She was unreadable.

The panic morphed to rage; I dragged her against me. My lips latched onto hers, kissing her hard. I tried to break her perfect façade.

I wanted to crawl down her fucking throat and steal her heart and soul forever, so I’d always know her innermost hellions.

The monster inside—the one who lay dormant for weeks—came roaring back to life.

Control.

~Smash her. Test her. Force her to give you her fears.~

The sickly entice slithered in my blood, whispering of blackness and violence.

~She won’t tell you unless you make her.~

Wasn’t it my right to know everything about her? I had blood on my hands for her—the least she could do was talk to me—let me inside her soul.

~It is your right. Just like her screams and pain are yours.~

I shook my head, dispelling the rapidly building darkness. I never listened to the monster—why was I granting it power now?

~Because you can’t help what you want. Take it. Stop fighting.~

Shit, I was losing control.

I shouldn’t have let myself get so wound up. I should’ve taken my time before, drawing out the moment, giving me the chance to keep the infernal beast wrapped in chains where it belonged.

Tess kept something hidden—I sensed it on a carnal level. I didn’t know what’d changed but it called to me—twisting me inside out until I slipped further away from right and into wrong.

Something was different. Something I couldn’t see or hear or touch, but it drove me insane.

My fingers crept up, latching around Tess’s throat. Her muscles worked hard as she swallowed. Her eyes were empty orbs—empty of fear or lust or love.

I fucking hated it.

“What have you done?” I ran my nose down her cheek, inhaling the scent of expensive hotel soap. Maybe I could smell the truth. Maybe then I might find out what she was hiding.

She squeaked as I spun her around, backing her into the lounge. Every step she took, the urge to give myself over grew stronger. It’d never been this bad before. This ~insistent.~

Her fingers locked around my wrist, holding on while her feet moved backward. “Q…”

“Tell me, Tess. Tell me what you did.”~Tell me how I ruined you.~ Because I had. There was no other reason for the way she shut me out. “Tell me why I’m feeding off something you’re projecting?

“What is it? What did you do?” I shook her, hating and loving the spike of emotion in her eyes. It was neither fear nor lust.

It scrambled my thoughts, confusing the shit out of me.

The chaise lounge in the center of the room halted our journey, pressing against Tess’s legs. She jerked to a halt, still holding onto my wrist. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I glared into her eyes—dying to see what she hid, dreading it at the same time. “You’re lying—but I don’t know why.” Shaking my head, I tried to grab hold of sanity.

The monster inside urged me to string her up and whip the words free from her mouth. She needed to be taught that keeping things from her master was not fucking allowed.

Lying was the worst treason of all.

But then the voice of reason smashed my limbs.

~You’ll never forgive yourself for doing this against her will.~

But that was the kicker. I couldn’t tell if this was against her will or if she wanted it as much as I did.

Tess’s pulse hammered beneath my grip; her skin turned cool as winter. For the first time in my sorry existence, I couldn’t control the bastardly desires roaring in my blood.

Giving her one last chance to stop this, I whispered, “Tell me to stop. Tell me what you’re not letting me see.” My eyes dropped down her naked body, searching for clues of horror or lust.

She was blank in both nuances and speech. “Do you want me to hurt you, ~~esclave~?~ Do you want me to fill you with my cock and grant you pain while you come?”

Something darted in her gaze, then was gone. A snake in the grasses of fucking temptation.

Tess dropped her hold on my wrist, stroking my cheek. Her gentle caress jolted me, granting me a lifeline in the sea of black.

I loved her.

I adored her.

I didn’t want to hurt her.

“You never have to ask. I’m yours. I want what you want. I want whatever you give me.” Her soothing voice twisted my brain.

~See she wants this, too. You’ve nothing to worry about. Take her. Stop holding back.~

Relief and excitement shoved away the hesitation and uncertainty. My fingers tightened, cutting off her air. Her eyes flared but displayed no other sign of alarm.

~Don’t. Pull away. Something isn’t right.~

That voice. The words of wisdom I always listened to.

Too bad it faded with every heartbeat.

Pressing my lips against hers, I never looked away from her blue-grey depths. She stood so regal, not slouching or trembling when I released my grip. “Are you telling me the truth?”

Tess never spoke to me in French, but she whispered,~“Je comprends. C'est bon.”~Yes. It’s okay.

Her touch threaded through my hair, cupping the back of my skull. Her nails sank into my scalp, causing me to break out in shivers.

The sharp thrill reminded me all too well of being strapped to the bed and at her fucking mercy.

She’d torn me apart.

She’d flayed me alive.

She’d made me weak.

The beast inside growled; I trembled, trying to keep the cage locked and secure.

“Take your hands off me, Tess,” I said, low and curt. Gritting my teeth, I fought against the violent craving. The one screaming of retribution. I wanted payback. Strike for strike. Lash for lash.

Tess stiffened, dropping her arms.

The sane part of my brain—the part unshadowed by monsters—fought to understand what had changed. Something about her drew everything evil to the surface. She called to this awful part of me.

Squeezing my eyes, I hissed, “I need you to stop.”

~Stop so I don’t hurt you. I don’t want to fucking hurt you.

Yes, you do.~

“There’s nothing to stop,” she murmured. “I want this. I want you.”

“Stop!” I roared, shaking her. My fingers burned to choke. Unable to stand touching her, I shoved her away. She fell onto the chaise, her breasts bouncing with the force of her fall.

I spun away, clutching my head. ~Get out. Get out!~

I had to get control. I had to find a way to protect her. None of this was right.

~Then why does she give you permission?~

I opened my eyes, hoping to see the strong unsullied woman I’d fallen so madly for. I needed to see her strength. But all I saw was a shell. A vacant shell.

Fuck!

I took a step back, cursing when something sharp poked my sole. I looked down and my stomach hollowed out.

My belt.

~Hit her. Strike her. Turn her white skin red.~

Breathing hard, I stared right into Tess’s flushed face. Where was my ~~esclave~?~

The equal measure of fuckedupness I’d come to rely on was gone—twisted into something entirely different that I couldn’t understand.

Her fire had been replaced by acceptance and resilience. Her eyes didn’t taunt me to hurt her, or glimmer with lust. She stood, waiting like a perfect fucking slave.

Goddammit!

My anger went from simmering to explosive; I lost another part of my soul.

Her panting chest drew my attention; my eyes devoured her naked flesh. “I can’t stop it. Whatever you’re doing—it’s making it worse. Ten times worse.

“A ~thousand ~times worse.” The roaring grew louder, tearing my brain apart with the need to give in. “Tess—you’re…”~You’re not safe. Run!~

Her entire body flushed with fear before being hidden by submission. Her back straightened. Her eyes screamed some silent message while her mouth devastated my remaining self-control.

“Do it. Please, Q. You need to. I see how much you need to.”

I wrenched my hair—Tell the truth. Stand up to me.—

Only she could stop this. Only she could put me back on the leash I desperately needed.

“I’ll hurt you. Do you understand that?” I could barely speak through clenched teeth.

Silence.

~Tell me no. Be brave.~

She bowed her head. “Yes.”

I shook my head, disbelieving. “I’ll draw blood. Do you want that?”

Her shoulders rolled. “I understand.”

“I’ll make you fucking scream. You can’t mean it.”

Her body hunched. “I do. I do mean it.”

The beast roared, and I had nothing left. No sanity, no strength.

She’d given me absolute control while presenting her fear and acceptance in front of a man who’d fought against his baser desires all his life.

~This~ was why I ran from weak women.

This was why I ~never~ let myself go near a slave who’d been used to the point of graceful compliance.

Because I wasn’t fucking strong enough to say no. I wouldn’t hold back—not now.

The leash snapped free. The cage flung wide.

I snatched the belt off the floor.

Breathing harder than I ever had before, I slammed down on the chaise beside Tess and yanked her over my lap.

The rapid pace of her chest rose and fell; her clammy skin stuck to my thighs as panic sprang from her pores. I’d crossed the threshold of no turning back.

Tess wiggled, but I held her down.

“Q…Q, wait.” Her voice rose an octave, filling with terror.

Before, it would’ve been enough to cut through the dense black fog I existed in, reining me back.

But not now.

Now it fucking fed me.

Having her splayed, so vulnerable over my legs, set free every diabolical demon inside. I would hit her. I would fuck her. And I wouldn’t stop until I tasted her blood.

Bending over, I hissed in her ear, “You’re going to writhe for me. You’re going to scream.”

She swallowed a sob, dropping her head. Her entire body went boneless over my thighs. Yanking her hair free from the tie, I fanned out her blonde curls, stroking her back with trembling fingers.

My cock throbbed in time with my heart. I could’ve come just by rubbing against her prone body.

I flinched as Tess wrapped her arms around my calves, anchoring herself to me. Her body racked with shudders, but she didn’t make a sound.

Pressing her shoulder blades with one hand, keeping her in place, I folded the belt in half with the aid of the chaise.

Grabbing the buckle, I ran my fingers from her shoulder blades, down her spine, to stroke her ass.

So white. So pristine.

My vision was all grays and blacks. Color no longer existed in my world. I’d embraced everything I deplored—there was no leaving until I’d sated what needed to be sated.

Not only did I want to physically abuse her, I wanted to mentally ruin her, too.

If I were sane, I would’ve told myself I was a sick fuck and to end this madness before it was too late.

But how could a monster be sane? A monster did what he wanted. A monster took what was given.

“Do you love me, Tess?” My voice was black, heavily accented with a language that was meant for romance not bloodshed.

She nodded without hesitation.

I ran my finger down the center of her ass, deliberately taunting her with softness. “Do you want this as much as me?”

Again another nod instantly.

“Do you want me to stop?”

She shook her head.

Such a perfect slave. Such a perfectly well-trained slave.

With a palm, I stroked her gently, loving the twitch of her hips. Her hair hung around her face, obscuring her features. Her mind might not be mine, but her body was.

Mine to paint with violence.

I slid two fingers between her legs. She stiffened as I found her folds. I angled my hand to penetrate her but her thighs snapped tight, blocking my right as her master to touch her.

A headache thundered into being—gathering tight and painful behind my eyes. ~How dare she deny me!~

“Tu payeras pour ça.”~You’ll fucking pay for that.

Raising my hand, the sun glinted off the buckle as the belt came down fast. The first slap of leather made my vision sputter and fade.

The headache morphed into a mind-splitting migraine—my last defense against the beast inside.

Headaches were the bane of my life—but also my salvation.

~Stop!~

My eyes focused on the red lash across Tess’s ass—there was no chance of stopping.

I was too far gone.

Another strike and my cock jerked with delirium. This was what was missing in my life. This deliciousness. This supremacy. I’d never hit so hard. Only two strikes and already blood blisters formed.

Tess’s fingernails dug into my calf, but she didn’t make a sound. Her entire body locked into place, feeling like she’d transformed into a diamond rather than blood and bone.

I hit her again.

This time across the top of her ass. My mouth filled with eagerness to lick at the tiny crimson droplet welling from the strike. Her white skin turned into a criss-cross of pink and red.

With a fingertip, I rubbed the blood across her flesh in a smear of rust.

Tess whimpered.

Her whimper did two things to me—shattered my black-riddled heart and hurtled me faster into hell.

My headache latched onto my nervous system making me hot and jittery and sick. I wanted to throw up.

~Stop!~

The monster had grown from whisperer to commander. I had no way of halting. Hitting her wasn’t enough. I needed to mark her everywhere. Her ass had been claimed. It was time for other places.

Tossing the belt away, I pushed her off my legs onto the carpet. She landed on all fours, her breathing ragged, face mottled with emotion. She refused to meet my eyes.

Her lips were parted, panting hard, matching my out of breath breathing.

Stalking to the side table where a red candle rested, I scooped up the lighter beside it and lit the wick. The flame burned bright, hurting the backs of my eyes.

Carrying my prize back to the chaise, Tess’s gaze locked onto the flickering fire. Tears gushed down her cheeks, tracking over her white skin in a river of grief.

I wanted sympathy, horror—some emotion that reminded me of my humanness. But I’d lost it the moment Tess gave me permission to cave. Nothing else mattered than doing what~ I~ wanted.

And I wanted to burn her.

Grabbing her wrist, I plucked her upright, dragging her to the small table at the back of the couch.

“Q—please…don’t.”

I laughed, placing the candle on the edge of the wood. Picking her up, I laid her onto the piece of furniture. She winced as her flayed ass stuck to the varnish.

Pressing her sternum until she lay flat, I said, “You had the choice to say no.” Taking the candle, I smiled at the small puddle of melted wax. “You no longer have that choice.”

Holding her down with one hand, I poured a little of the wax directly onto the swell of her right breast.

She screamed, her fists clenching at the onslaught of heat. The liquid quickly hardened to solid. The slash of red looked like blood.

My cock fucking begged to climb inside her. I needed to come. Hard. I needed to sink down as far as I could until she knew just who owned her.

~Stop!~

My cock fucking wept. ~It~ was the monster. That piece of meat was the driving force of this whole nightmare.

Tipping the candle again, I let it splash over her left breast, licking my lips at her gasp of pain, the flash of terror in her eyes.

“God, I’m hard. So fucking hard hurting you.”

Tess turned her face away, tears flowing in a steady, uninterrupted stream. I leaned over her, licking at the delicious salt.

I poured another dollop of wax right between her breasts, a large seal of blood-red fire.

Tess bit her lip, moaning in agony. “Enough! Please enough.”

What the hell was that? “Nice try, Tess. I know you’re loving this, too. I’m used to your games. Your begs won’t stop me. You gave me this power! I’ll stop when I’m good and fucking ready.”

Tess cried loudly as I tipped another spritz of wax over a nipple.

Her tears looked genuine but I knew my little minx. I knew she wanted this, just like me. She wouldn’t have agreed if she didn’t.

The instant the wax hardened, I latched my mouth around the greasy residue, biting it off. My cock lurched at the glowing burn mark left behind.

Not only did the wax look like blood but it branded her, too.

The pits of hell opened its gates at the morbid pleasure thrilling through me. Blowing out the candle, I put it down. With eager fingers, I picked at the hardened wax.

Tess moaned as I peeled it from her irritated skin.

Depositing the pieces taken from her, I savored the revealing of her burned flesh. Waves of blooming heat that ~I’d~ put there. ~Me.~ Her master.

The last piece, I dangled over Tess’s mouth. “Open.”

Her face blanched, her cheeks glistening with moisture. “You can’t be serious.”

Fuck, she was incredible. Her acting impeccable.

“Deadly. Eat it and I’ll let you up.”

Tess shook her head.

With cruel fingers, I twisted the nipple I’d burned. Her mouth opened in a silent scream. Placing the small piece of wax on her tongue, I glowered as she screwed up her face.

Raising an eyebrow, I let her make the decision of more punishment for disobeying or the end of torture by obeying.

It took a never-ending second before she grimaced and swallowed.

“Good girl.” In a fast move, I pulled her upright, before pushing her down onto all fours on the carpet. She sniffed, a small sob escaping her wracking body.

~Can’t you see you’re fucking ruining her?~

The sane thought came from nowhere, bringing the power of a migraine, shoving ice-picks into my temples.

~Oh, fuck, what am I doing?~

Pain compounded on pain. I cried out, clutching my head against the agony in my skull. I fell forward, collapsing onto one knee.

Tess tried to crawl away, the curtain of curls hiding her face but not the red punishment on her ass.

“Where are you going?” Grabbing her ankle, I pulled her backward. “I haven’t fucking finished.” Her legs splayed; my mouth watered at the sight of her pussy.

I wanted to taste. I wanted to fuck.

~Don’t do this!~

Climbing over her, I pushed her onto her stomach. Locking a leg around hers, I kept her thighs completely open. Exposed.

My fingers slid up her thigh, aching to touch her.

The monster licked his lips at the thought of finally having satisfaction. Of finally taking her like I’d always wanted—rough, against her will—ruthless.

Every inch I travelled, she didn’t say a word. Not a peep or sound as she buried her face in the carpet.

The migraine made my mouth go dry; the sun became my worst fucking enemy. Too bright; digging into my eyes, ruining me further.

~This is wrong!

I’m past caring.~

It felt so good to finally let go. To drop my barriers. Tess ~wanted~ it. She’d encouraged me.

I couldn’t wait any longer. My fingers latched around my cock, guiding it to her pussy.

“I’m going to take you. I’m going to come so deep inside you.”

I thrust against her, wanting to lodge myself inside with one impale.

She cried out, her back bowing with agony.

I rocked forward, unable to understand why I couldn’t enter her. ~Come on!~ I needed to be inside.

Reaching between us, my forefinger stroked her clit, dropping to where the head of my cock pressed against her folds.

My world screeched to a fucking halt.

~What—?~

The beast froze, giving me one clear, untainted moment.

She wasn’t wet.

Not at all.

~Fuck. This can’t…no…~

A surge of agony hit me like a baseball bat. My migraine shoved the monster back into its cage. Beating it with hatred, yelling, cursing, threatening to murder everything awful inside.

~What have I done?~

I scrambled backward, dry-retching with horror. “No. No. Fuck, no.”

Tess was the driest I’d ever felt.~ She isn’t wet.~ Everything I’d let my foggy fucked-up brain conclude had been a lie. She was drier than the Sahara.

Low moans sounded as Tess panted hard. She hadn’t moved, lying unprotestingly and ready—ready for me to fucking rape her.

My heart broke into a bazillion fractured fragments. My ears filled with screeching from the horror in my soul. “What have I ~done?”~

Fuck.

Fucking ~fuck!~

I could barely function. My body crashed from its high of sadistic animalistic needs, leaving a junky who’d never be fixed.

“Tess—oh, my God.”

Blinking away the pain of my headache, I gathered her freezing body off the floor. Rocking back, I sat and leaned against the table leg, cocooning her on my lap.

Her body wracked with shivers, shuddering with every ragged breath.

Shit. What have I done? What have I~ done!~

Silence echoed horribly loud. A minute ticked past. Then another. I didn’t know what to say. I had no clue how to fix the atrocity of what I’d committed.

I wanted to carve out my sick, sick brain and beg for forgiveness. But this—this was unforgivable.

Then Tess hiccupped, turning her face into my chest. Her trembling arms slowly wrapped around my neck, spreading the slickness of her tears.

They turned from seeping to raging, soaking into my worthless flesh, staining my soul forever.

My fractured heart oozed with corruption and terror. Everything she’d said was a lie. She’d made me hurt her against her consent.

I’d spun the worst kind of lies by listening to the darkness inside me.

I howled silently, slamming the cage into place, locking it forever. Never again would I let myself be swayed. Never again would I believe what Tess said.

Lies had the power to tear apart a relationship—it also had the power to kill.

~How much further would I have gone?~

I never wanted to know the answer.

My eyes smarted with rage—rage so hot and torrid I wanted to kill myself for being so fucked up. Then the rage dissolved under the colossal weight of guilt—rock after rock—burying me alive.

“Why?” I whispered. “Why did you let me do it?” My arms banded tighter, completely terrified she’d walk out the door.

How could she ever stand to look at me again? Nothing could fix what I’d done. No apology or heartfelt note could ever excuse almost raping the woman I would die for.

I couldn’t stomach it. I couldn’t breathe with the enormity of what I’d become.

Burying my face in her hair, I gave myself over to despair. “Tess,~je suis tellement désolé.~ ” I'm so unbelievably sorry.

She hunched in on herself, but her arms wrapped tighter around my neck. My migraine pressed me further into the depths of hell. I suffocated on her hair. I’d never be able to look into her eyes again.

I was scum. Fucking awful ~terrible~ scum.

“Why? Why, Tess?”~How could you let me do this—after everything?~

She sniffed, raising her head. I gripped her harder, forcing her to stay, shaking until my teeth clacked together.

Pushing me a little, she sat upright, snuggling closer in my arms. “Because I love you, and I didn’t want to let you down.”

I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it.

I squeezed my eyes, unable to look at her. I was the worst kind of villain. Once a devil, always a devil. I’d finally shown my true form. I’d shown Tess just how heinous I truly was. I’d lost my soul.

“Let me down? Fuck, Tess, you’ve just destroyed me. You let me do that against your will.”

She shook her head. “It wasn’t against my will. I let it happen. I gave myself to you because I love you.”

A cavernous hole opened in my chest, sucking me down and down. I didn’t deserve her love. I deserved nothing. ~Nothing.~

“You can’t love me. Not now.”

Her face shone with tears, but the strength I’d needed so badly shone in her gaze. “Yes, I do.”

I couldn’t bear to look at her anymore. Bowing my head, I concentrated on the sickness rampaging my body. I threw myself into the pit of pain, knowing it was all I ever deserved.

“Q—” Her hand landed on my cheek. “Look at me.”

I couldn’t.

“Q—it’s okay.”

Rage.

She’d made me become this...this~ monster~ by being the perfect submissive. She’d drawn out the part of me I’d forever kept dormant. There was nothing okay about that.

“Don’t. Just stop it. None of this is okay. Don’t you get it? I would’ve raped you. I would’ve been no better than those fuckers I’ve put down like dogs. Don’t you ~dare~ tell me this is okay!”

Tess flinched, but her touch never left my face. Her eyes locked onto mine, looking angelic and so forgiving.

The anger suddenly evaporated, leaving me a trembling wreck. Resting my forehead against hers, I whispered, “We’re broken.”

Tess froze. “No. Don’t say that.”

“We are. I’ve ruined us. Ruined you. Ruined everything.”

“I’ll get better. I’ll find myself again. I know I will.”

I didn’t believe her.

“Did you even want me before—when we first arrived?” The need to know filled me with undeniable urgency. She’d come for me. She’d been wet. But what if I took advantage?

What if she hadn’t wanted me to go near her? I was already condemned.

“Yes. More than anything. I loved having you inside me.”

My arms lassoed tighter, trying to calm the confusion inside. The migraine coated everything in gritty agony—lacing with tears I wished I could shed.

Then it hit me.

The truth.

The truth Tess had tried so hard to hide and by doing so fed the demons inside.

She no longer wanted pain.

The jitters stopped, leaving me freezing cold and numb.

She doesn’t want what I do anymore.

Tess curled closer, her eyes swimming with tears. She knew I’d figured it out.

“I’m so sorry, Q. So sorry.”

I couldn’t stand her apologizing—not when I’d be forever indebted and endlessly sorry for what I’d done.

“You’ve nothing to apologize for.”

“But I can’t give you what you need anymore. I’m the one who ruined everything.”

Temper thawed my numbness. “It wasn’t you. It was them.” Capturing the back of her neck, I glared into her eyes. “Listen to me, Tess. Nothing and I mean nothing can stop me from loving you.

“I don’t fucking care if you no longer need pain. I’ve sworn my life to you—if you’ll still have me—don’t you ever feel guilty for this.”

“But it isn’t enough.” She used her hair as a cloak to hide her true despair, but I saw it. Fuck, I tasted it. “It isn’t enough for you,” she breathed.

She’s right.

I hated that she was right.

No matter how much I wished it. No matter how hard I tried. I would never be able to control myself without a small outlet—a small avenue of granting what I so needed.

You almost broke her. That’s enough to bury those urges forever.

A small curl of confidence strengthened me. I could use the debilitating fear of what I’d just done as a deterrent. Yes, I could bury them. Because I never wanted to hurt Tess again.

“esclave. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I refuse to lay one finger on you. After today, I’ll keep my needs under control.” I sighed, hugging her harder. “I want you. You and me. Together.

“That’s all that matters.”

All my life I never thought I’d find someone to match me. I’d carefully kept my heart locked away for that very reason. No woman should have to put up with a man like me.

But life decided to create a perfect other. A girl so strong and brave I was in total awe of her.

And I fell flat on my face in love with her.

I’d had the perfection of a life I never thought I could have for three fucking days. Then the devil stole her, hurt her, damaged her, and left me with a shattered dream.

Fucking bastards.

I howled for my loss. I snarled for the ghost of the girl I’d fallen for.

I’d lost her and any chance of complete happiness I stood to have.

Looking at her, I drank in her beauty. ~I’ve lost you.~

Tess shifted in my arms. “You haven’t. Don’t ever think that.”

My eyes flared. “I didn’t say anything.”

Her gaze turned liquid with sadness. “You didn’t have to. I know you think you’ve lost me. But you haven’t. You never will.” Her chilled body scattered with goosebumps even in the warm room.

The sunlight had faded to twilight, leaving us in shadows.

“This changes nothing. I still want you to love me in your way. I need you to still take me. Promise.”

My lips pulled back. “You can’t be serious. I’m not going to hit you for my own pleasure.

“That makes me no better than everything I’ve run away from.” I swallowed, trying to keep my heart from threading with anger. “It was different before. You wanted it.

“I fed off you—I lived to please you. But now…” I sucked in a breath. “Don’t ask me to hurt you again, ~esclave~, because I won’t. Ever.”

She shook her head, curls cascading over her shoulders. “Don’t say that. I want you to. You have to believe me.”

My muscles locked in incredulous anger. Imprisoning her, I glowered. “Forgive me, Tess, but everything you just said is bullshit. Your lies piss me off. I know you don’t want it.”

Her face went from imploring to young—so fucking young. She looked lost and afraid and on the verge of tears. The truth she’d been trying to hide burst forth. “You’re right.

“The thought of you hurting me terrifies me. I no longer need it to feel alive. I no longer crave that bond through pain.” Her eyes glassed with unshed tears.

“But it doesn’t mean I don’t want you or need you to take me however you want. ~Je suis à toi,~ Q.”

I dropped my hold, my body seizing with understanding.

That’s what set me off before. ~That’s~ what conjured all the rottenness from my soul.

She’d given me power over her, all the while deploring it. The mixed signals had turned her into ultimate prey.

I shoved her off me, bolting upright. Yanking my hands through my hair, I stumbled backward. “You can’t do this.”

Tess scrambled to her feet, spreading her hands, looking as if she calmed a beast. “I already have.”

“God, Tess. ~Qu’est-ce qu’ils t’ont fait putain?~” What did they fucking do to you?

Somehow, I’d broken the one slave I thought would be forever strong enough to defy me. Her inner spirit was gone. Her will to fight me vanished.

My wonderful Slave Fifty-Eight had turned into the one thing every cruel master wanted.

She’d willingly given me every part of herself.

Her pain.

Her sanity.

Her free will.

She sacrificed her happiness all to keep me pleased.

~Fuck.~

I groaned as the gross realization of what I’d lost finally crashed into me.

She was perfect.

She was mine to control.

She would never argue or say no.

She wasn’t just in love with me. She believed she fully belonged and would spend her life never displeasing me or fighting back.

She was the perfect slave.

My heart raced to a dying beat. “God, Tess. What have you done?”

She couldn’t have decimated me more. She’d taken all my dreams, throwing me headfirst into the dark. She’d made me become~ him.~

She’d turned me into my fucking father.

Standing on the precipice, I visualized my future. Two paths. Two choices. One, I could accept Tess’s unselfish gift and take her—become her true master forever.

Or I could reject her offer and fight to get my woman back.

~Take her. Accept it.~

I growled as a slow burn scorched through me. Temptation. Sheer fucking temptation. It would be so easy to accept the blackness and take her as the ultimate submissive.

Too tempting. Far, far too tempting.

But by accepting, I would condemn myself to a life worse than death. I’d lose myself forever.

I’d be no better than the man I strove never to become.

I would kill her.

Tess stayed bowed at my feet; her gorgeous face glowing in the gloom. She looked like a goddess straight from another universe—sent there to see just how far I’d fall.

She was sublime. She was majestic. She annihilated me.

“Tess—” My lips wouldn’t move. I wanted to tell her to snap out of whatever enactment she played.

I wanted to shake her, slap her, hit her until the old fire and thrill of pleasure and pain came back into her eyes.

But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go near her—not while she stayed so open and willing at my feet. I could feel the beast inside reaching for her, snarling at the taste of fully owning her.

If I let myself touch her, it would be over. She wouldn’t be my wife. She would be my slave. I would never find balance again.

I was better than that. Tess deserved more than that.

I had to find a way to end all of this horror.

I had to rewind time.

“On your knees, esclave.”

Tess slid to the floor, looking so fucking beautiful in a sheer silver dress and no underwear. Every bruise, every cut, every bite glowed beneath the fine material, stamping my ownership.

Marking my claim.

“Please—not again,” she whimpered, sliding to the carpet.

Her disobedience drove me mad—I’d teach her a lesson about her rights. Namely that she had none.

“Your only purpose is to please me. Open that pretty little mouth.”

Her face blanched, but her lips parted like a good little slave. She wore no collar but the brand on her neck glittered silver with permanent scarring.

Mine.

My hands landed on her head as my cock slid into her mouth. Deeper, deeper, harder, harder.

She whimpered but accepted, spit trailing down her chin as I used her.

The need to come overpowered me, tingling my back, locking my quads. I threw Tess to the floor, and a whip appeared in my hand. I wanted to come all over her while making her skin glow red.

“I won’t. Don’t make me,” Tess pleaded. She fell silent as I struck her.

And struck her.

“I’m not making you do anything you didn’t want. You did this. You made me become this. You gave yourself to a monster.”

I hit her again.

And again.

And again.

I jolted awake.

Launching upright, I glared around the opulent suite. My hand disappeared under the pillow for the HK P2000 hidden there. Franco wasn’t the only one who carried concealed weapons.

Heart revving, eyes darting, I flicked the safety off ready to fucking eradicate any bastard who dared come near Tess again.

The room was dark as a tomb—no light peeked through the black-out curtains, no trickle of illumination anywhere.

The dream echoed behind my eyes.

Tess had been resplendent. Accepting my violence with the beauty of a slave who’d been to hell and back. She lived only to make a devil happy.

My mouth was dry, but my cock was rock hard. I couldn’t shake the image of Tess’s mouth wrapped around my length; I still felt her dream-lips sucking, her tongue licking…taking.

Fuck.

I wanted to tear out my black soul and burn it. I wanted to crucify everything disgusting inside. Maybe if I purged myself with fire, I might get rid of the nastiness.

Redemption.

I needed to find some way to redeem myself and halt this path—the road leading to becoming Quincy Mercer II—true born son of Quincy Mercer, the raping bastard.

Shaking my head, I forced myself to focus on the room and not my rapid descent into purgatory.

Something woke me.

Something caused my body to switch straight into killer and protector. I had to stay vigilant just in case one of the many assholes I’d dealt with had come for me—and they would.

I knew the underworld they existed in; retribution would be on its way. In a way the waiting was worse. I wanted it over with—so I could kill.

My hands twitched, gripping the gun harder, training it on shadowy corners of the room.

“No. Please—”

My heart skipped as Tess seized beside me. Her eyes screwed up, a dew of sweat gleaming on her upper lip.

Even in the darkness I made out every perfect sweep of her eyelashes, following the soft curves of her body.

Her.

She’d woken me.

I should’ve known—it was hardly a new occurrence. Her voice must’ve plaited with my dream, lacing fantasy with reality. Her pleas had been real, but not for me.

Somehow I’d taken the past and Tess’s amazing willingness to give me what I needed, and twisted it with how she was now. She would never say no to me. I learned that the hard way.

Her lies had confused the shit out of me, making me lose complete control. I could blame her for everything—but ultimately it was all on me.

Me, the cocksucker who didn’t deserve her.

My back went rigid as she squirmed. Her obvious distress sickened me, yet in my dream I’d relished it—wanted more of her cries and begs.

I hadn’t cared she didn’t want me. I loved that she didn’t. I ~loved~ the non-consent.

~I’m heartless and fucking cruel.~

Suddenly, my body weighed too much. The migraine had broken thanks to the brief sleep, but the dregs lived in my skull—puncturing my brain with tiny needles. At least my body punished me.

I’d earned the pain.

Tess. Goddammit, I couldn’t look at her without dying of guilt.

~You burned her. You almost fucking raped her.~

I dropped the gun onto the mattress, letting my body sag. My hands disappeared into my hair, holding a mind churning with so many black things.

Her body jolted but she stayed deep asleep—too trapped by her nightmare to wake.

My arms tensed, wishing there ~were~ a trespasser in the night—I would make him bleed. I would tear him fucking apart.

The migraine pulsed, gathering power now that I was awake. A fresh wave of sickness spread its nausea-inducing fingers up my back, latching around my throat.

I wanted to fall to my knees and spew my fucking guts out for what I’d done.

Guilt could kill a man—I’d never been free of the fester all my life, but now it’d grown monumental.

I groaned as a lance of pain hit behind my eyes. I hadn’t had a headache this bad since Tess had been stolen. And I had no one to direct my rage onto but myself.

This time the motherfucker who had to die for hurting her was me.

Fuck, I missed Frederick. I missed his cool-headedness, rational thinking, even his crazy ideas. He kept me sane. I hated to think how I would’ve coped without him in the wings.

Keeping me focused, reminding me I ~was~ strong enough to ignore the needs and be a better man.

Picking up the gun, I ran my fingertips over the weighty metal, stroking the weapon that’d been used to take the lives of sadistic men. I’d fought against them.

I’d ended their horror, giving the women back to their loved ones. All apart from one.

I looked over at Tess; her voice popped into my head.

~“My name is Tess Snow. Not Sweetie, or Tessie, or Honey. I’m a woman only now realizing what she’s capable of. I’m no one’s daughter. I’m no one’s girlfriend. I’m no one’s possession.

“I belong to me, and for the first time, I know how powerful that is.”~

I relived the moment where Tess had returned, bowing to me in the foyer. She’d taken away all my power by giving me all of hers.

~“I came back for the man I see inside the master. The man who thinks he’s a monster because of his twisted desires. I came back for Q. I came back to be his ~esclave~, but also to be his equal.

“I came back to be your everything.”~

I squinted at my palm where I’d sliced the flesh, making a blood-oath with Tess. I’d sworn to honor her, cherish her, protect her.

I’d married her in my heart that very second in my office, sharing everything that I was while hiding everything I could. She’d come back to me knowing nothing of the real me. The monster.

~She trusted you despite everything and look at how you repaid her!~

My body stiffened.~ I have to fix this.~

It was my duty to fix what I’d broken—not just today, but for everything I’d done and everything that’d happened.

Tess slept on, giving me space to untangle my thoughts. After the incident, I locked myself in the bathroom and spent an hour under scalding hot water, trying to expel the evil from my veins.

When I’d finally had the balls to come out, she’d been asleep—curled up like a homeless kitten hugging a pillow.

I hadn’t meant to fall beside her and close my eyes, but the migraine forced me into a spiral of unconsciousness, giving my imagination time to haunt me while my body healed.

“I won’t! Kill me. I don’t care. I won’t!” Tess shuddered, her voice shattering the silence.

My muscles tensed at her outburst; she fell silent. Watching her, I drank in the slightness of her arms, the twitch of terror going through her limbs.

Her body overheated, yet her teeth chattered with cold.

I couldn’t stop fury bubbling in my chest. “Tess. ~Je veux te sauver mais je n’ai pas la moindre idée de comment le faire.~

~“Si je pouvais briser chaque horloge pour remonter le temps je le ferais si seulement je pouvais te voir sourire et être heureuse à nouveau.”~ I want to save you but have no fucking clue how.

If I could smash every clock to rewind time, I would—if only to see you smile and be happy again.

A horrible thought barrelled into me. Maybe the only way to make her happy was to let her go?

Maybe I needed to stop being so fucking selfish and let her walk away—from me, my life, from every bad thing that’d happened.

My heart twisted into a painful knot.

~I’m not fucking strong enough to do that.~

I was cold enough to admit I would rather keep Tess, even with her soul in tatters, than let her go. And that just made me hate myself even more.

Fuck!

She thrashed suddenly, throwing her arm out, catching my chest with her sharp nails.

I hissed in a breath. A keening moan escaped her.

Goddammit, I might never have the courage to set her free—but I wouldn’t sit back and let her circle further into madness.

Tucking the gun under the pillow, I scooted closer, grabbing her clammy form. She fought, but her thin arms and floppy legs were no match. My body wrapped around hers, dragging her into me.

“No. Don’t hurt me. Not again. I can’t take it again.”

Every implore caused the ache in my chest to pound with boulder-sized guilt. I no longer had a ribcage but a gaping, vast hole that I had no fucking clue how to fix.

Even though her words weren’t meant for me, they were too apt—the perfect conclusion of our fucked-up relationship.

Locking my arms, I held her close. Sliding onto my side, I tucked her back to my front, wrapping a leg around hers. Spooned and cocooned—protected by my body.

“It’s okay, ~esclave~. I’m going to fix this. I don’t know how yet…but I will.”

Tess didn’t respond. Even with the heat of the room and warmth from the sheets, her body was ice. Worse than ice: it was dead—sucked into a dream where the only thing she wished for was to die.

Another shudder passed through her. My palm twitched with the urge to slap her awake, but I knew from experience it didn’t work. It only made me feel like shitless scum.

Instead, I pressed my mouth against her soft curls, swallowing my anguish.

I wanted to fucking scream at how broken everything was. This was torture. Worst fucking crucifixion imaginable.

~Don’t accept it. Don’t fucking put up with this.~

I wanted to fight on her behalf. I wanted to tear her brain apart and delete what I’d done. Now she’d seen what I really wanted, how could I hide?

How could I ever convince her I would never raise my hand to her again—even though I would always dream of it?

Her body stiffened; I locked my arms tighter. I was ready for this part. It was the same night after night.

The nightmare came in threes: first the screams, then the pleas, and lastly the acceptance of absolute terror.

~“Je suis là.”~ I’m here. I didn’t know if she heard—but at least she wasn’t going through this alone.

Her body seized like an epileptic. My biceps ached from holding, anchoring her to me, adrift in the storm of nightmares.

“You win. I beg. I beg you to end my life.”

The tears began. No sound, just a soft waterfall trailing her cheeks. Droplet after droplet of sadness. “Kill me!”

My stomach churned. I ~hated~ being so fucking helpless. Hated lying there unable to ~do~ anything.

Pins and needles stabbed my fingertips as I held her too hard. The protectiveness in my blood drummed with need to desecrate her demons.

Her vulnerability angered me; I struggled briefly to see her as the strong fighter and not a broken slave.

Tess walked such a fine line in my life—she had to be strong, but not too strong to tempt me to break her. She had to be submissive, but not too weak that it called to the monster inside.

Such a fine line where one slip meant either being shoved away in repulsion or dragged closer in poisonous obsession.

Not for the first time, I worried I was completely psychotic and in desperate need of help.

At least she wasn’t giving me mixed signals while she slept. And I no longer needed to find out the truth. I knew.

She hated pain.

~Deplored~ pain.

The one thing that’d brought us together was the one thing driving us apart.

A flutter of her breath tickled my chest. I glanced down. The palm print from when I struck her in the hallway looked almost black in the gloom—outlined on her white thigh like a curse.

The red burns from the wax on her breasts were beautifully horrific.

My heart banged with disgust and passion.

~You’re sick.~

I bowed my head.

~I know.~

I’d wanted the truth, but Tess hid it too well. She had no idea my instincts would pick up on her tales, messing with my mind.

The beast couldn’t tell what was real and what was not—driving me further into the dark.

But now she knew who I truly was. Knew what I’d kept hidden. The starkness of her lies were nothing compared to how black I really ran.

“You should’ve told me, Tess,” I murmured against her hair. “You helped me find my humanness but you took it away with your lies.”

My eyes flared. Was the unfixable fixable?

Maybe I had to let her hurt me again—pain for pain. Give her equal power. It worked previously, but not…completely.

The research I’d done on Tess’s emotional shutdown stated she suffered symptoms of Dissociative Disorder. It wasn’t something curable overnight—if ever.

Sure, I’d forced her to return to life, but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t try to hide again. I had to go deeper than that.

I had to break every chain of the disorder, changing her impulses from shutting down to believing in me.

I wouldn’t be able to repeat letting her emotionally and physically scar me—that had been a onetime deal. I’d never be able to give up control again.

~Damn fucking Frederick and his ideas~. It was his fault my mind was messed up. He’d made me become this…this~ thing.~

I had to come up with something else—something chain-smashing, lie-killing, life-fixingly perfect.

My teeth ground as Tess stiffened, shaking her head against my arms. She mumbled something incomprehensible. The nightmare was coming to an end.

The bed suddenly felt too soft, too reminiscent of the mattress I lay upon while Tess coaxed me closer to death with the aid of floggers and cat o’ nine tails.

Untangling myself from her, I swung my legs over the side and dragged hands through my hair. With heavy limbs and a heavier heart, I made my way to the other side of the bed.

She looked so innocent and delicate; a blonde wraith sent to tempt and destroy me.

But beneath the façade was a fighter—the same fighter who’d turned my world upside down, made me fall in love, and collared my demons.

I needed to get that fighter back.

Tess curled inward, looking like an ethereal being about to fade from this world. She was the sparrow I’d freed but never caught. The one bird who’d put ~me~ in a cage instead.

My eyes fell to my chest. I traced the red healing ‘T’ over my heart, before following the inked feathers and beady eyes of my favourite bird.

The symbol never failed to make me feel better about myself. I didn’t see a tattoo, I saw a promise; a message written on my skin, giving me faith to keep going—knowing I was better than my thoughts.

Better than my fucking fantasies. I’d proven it by saving women I could so easily have broken.

My hands fell to bare skin on my right side where no clouds or barbwire existed. It wasn’t fair to leave that part unwritten. That part belonged to Tess and my future.

Tess’s body jolted as she slammed onto her back; her mouth opened in a silent scream. Sucking in greedy breaths, she cried, “No. Not again. I won’t—”

Goddammit, I couldn’t listen to this night after night. I couldn’t torture myself lying beside her when I couldn’t save her.

I ~would~ fucking save her, and in turn, I’d restore my self-worth.

Any second now she’d wake and hurl herself back to life. Any second now I would catch her and hold her while she sobbed from whatever filth she’d relived.

She would turn to me for help. And I would be there for her.

~You almost raped her today. You’re a fucking asshole.~

The memory compounded my headache. How could I want to hurt someone who ruled me?

My stomach knotted, acknowledging the truth. Tess had so much power over me. More than anyone in my entire life.

~She’s my fucking queen.~

The darkness gave way to light for a brief moment—the roles switched in my head. Abusive master to willing slave.

My eyes snapped wide. I snorted in the darkness. ~I’m the esclave~.

Her messy hair snagged on the pillows, throwing herself onto her side. Her tiny hands fisted while her body turned in on itself.

Standing over her, I forced myself to pick up the splintered pieces of my heart from this afternoon. I was done suffering the gauntlet of right and wrong.

No matter how much I wanted to accept her flawless gift of absolute ownership, I wanted more.

I ~deserved~ more.

I was fucking besotted. She would never just be a slave. And I would never just be her master. Our connection went past flesh and blood.

It was soul-deep and everlasting and I refused to fuck it up with one mistake.

We’d reached a pinnacle in our relationship. The ugly truth was aired. It was time for decisions.

Fuck letting lies win. Fuck letting the past ruin our future.

Tess and I were stronger than words. And I refused to let them wedge us apart and destroy the only good thing in my life.

I would stop this—end all this decay before there was nothing left but rottenness and nothing to salvage.

I would start a new beginning. A clean slate.

I had to do something drastic.

My eyes widened. ~You already know what to do~. Fuck, why hadn’t I thought of it sooner?

My headache kept pace with my heart as I glared at Tess. I’d wasted so much time.

Lefebvre and the shower.

It worked last time.

Could it work again?

Energy exploded through my limbs. Looking at Tess one more time, I stormed into the bathroom.

Turning on the light, the glare stung my eyes as I hunted for my clothes. Collecting my trousers off the floor, I jerked them on, followed by a black shirt I’d unpacked before.

My reflection showed a man sleep-disheveled and wired to his fucking eyeballs, but for once there was a glimmer of hope. Glorious fucking hope.

~This is wrong. Wrong on so many levels.~

Ignoring the seeping worry in my veins, I didn’t give myself time to second guess.

Fishing into my back pocket, I grabbed my cell phone and punched in a number I’d known by heart since I was five years old.

It took a while to connect. The ringing sent spasms of pain through my head. I stabbed a finger at my reflection.

“This has to fucking work, so don’t screw it up.” The mirror stole my threat, echoing back the image of a lunatic. Doubt reared its unwanted head.

My eyes looked almost soulless; my five o’clock shadow unkempt. The tiny scars on my cheeks, brow, and nose glistened like tiny crescent moons.

~Goddammit, pick up the fucking phone.~

The number rang and rang.

~“Bonjour?”~ a sleepy female voice came down the line.

About time.

“Suzette. You’re going to do something for me.”

Shuffling, followed by a yawn. “You need something at two in the morning, and you’re not even here?” Her tone mixed with annoyance and obedience. “Did you forget something?”

Before Tess came into my life Suzette was the only female I let get close. We’d never been more than saver and slave, then employee and employer, but our connection had grown to friendship.

She pushed me even when it was dangerous to do so. She saw the real me—the one I never acknowledged—and encouraged me regardless.

When Tess arrived it was Suzette who gave me permission to be a bastard. What were her words? ~Be like them for a while, because even on your worst days, you don’t rival what they did to me.~

I’d never asked her what she’d lived through; I didn’t need to. She told me in her own way—in the panic attacks and sudden terror of my temper. But beneath the small fractures, she was strong.

“I need you to arrange a wedding.”

Suzette giggled. “I thought you eloped so you didn’t have to do any of that?”

I imagined her rolling her eyes as if I was some stupid child who’d forgotten his lunch for the day. She’d taken the role of caring for me a bit too well.

“That was the original plan. ~Oui~.”

Another laugh. “But now you’ve changed your mind and want an over-the-top, completely impractical wedding?” A pause. “Did Tess refuse your crazy idea of marrying in the middle of nowhere?”

I snorted. “No. She didn’t refuse.” Even after everything I’d done today she ~still~ wanted me. The knowledge would never fail to rip the breath right from my lungs.

“It’s hardly a dream location for a girl. She deserves more than a pelican for a witness.”

“Suzette,” I growled. “Instead of undermining me, how about you agree to fucking help.”

My mind raced, forming the crazy idea faster and faster. Tess would have every reason to kill me. She would probably try.

I ran a hand down my face, shaking my head. God—this was fucking dangerous.

“So—why do you need my help?” Suzette prompted.

My mind switched from what I was about to do to the wedding. I didn’t want big—hell, I didn’t want anything more than someone joining Tess’s life to mine—but Tess had said she wanted Suzette there.

~She wanted Brax, too.~

No fucking way was that little cunt going to be at my wedding. There was only so much I would tolerate.

I paced over the tiles, gripping my chin in thought. The original plan was still my favorite—but I wanted to give Tess the world. And I would.

“You’re going to arrange our wedding.”

“What?” Something banged in the background; Suzette yelped.

My heart exploded. Intruders. Fucking traffickers.

“Suzette!”

Suzette made a sucking noise. “Sorry. It’s dark. I ran into the door. Bashed my fingers.”

“Goddammit…” I breathed out heavily. Franco left a decent team of security in Blois but who knew what the underworld morons would do to get to me.

I didn’t want any more blood from people I cared about.

My patience was wearing thin. I wanted them to make a move ~now~, so I didn’t have to sit in the shadows and wait.

Pushing the urge for a fight out of my head, I demanded, “Pay attention. Did you hear me? You’re in charge of the wedding.”

A postponement really pissed me off.

I still suffered the overwhelming need to make Tess mine in every way possible—to both man and beast—but this new plan…this plan that could royally fucking backfire in my face…it might be everything we needed.

To pull it off I had to embrace a little of what I always ran from. To make it work I had to make Tess believe.

“Yes, I heard you. You’re coming home while I arrange it, right? I need time.”

“No, we’re not coming home. I expect you do it quickly.” How long did it take to arrange a simple ceremony?

“I can’t do it quickly. If you want to give Tess the dream, I need at least a month.”

“No, fucking way. You have five days, Suzette.” My heart galloped, fixated on the idea growing rapidly out of control. Every second sent me hurtling into the unknown.

“You have five days to arrange a suitable wedding. Invite who you think should be there. You’re in charge.”

A surprised squeak hurt my ear. “~Five~ days? No, there’s no way—”

“No arguing. Do it.”

I made eye contact with myself in the mirror. ~Do you seriously think you can pull this off?~

That was the kicker. I didn’t know. If I was honest, I was fucking terrified. But I had no choice. Tess couldn’t go on like this. ~I couldn’t go on like this.

The only way forward was to go back.

Back to restart time.

Suzette grumbled, “Why do I get the feeling you’re up to something again?”

~Because I am.~ Something that could mentally screw us up completely.

Suzette sucked in a breath. “Please tell me you’re not doing something crazy. Like releasing all your birds or letting Tess butcher you?”

My jaw locked. “You’re not to mention either of those two things. Ever. Again. Am I understood?” I shuddered involuntarily. I hated that Franco and Suzette saw me so weak.

For a while, I worried I’d have to fire them, so I never had to look into their eyes and remember.

But they didn’t watch me with pity like I expected. If anything, their loyalty and respect increased.

A soft sigh echoed down the line. “I’m sorry. Just—”

“I’m going. Five days, Suzette.”

“But! But, I have so many questions. Where do you want it? How many guests? What sort of vows?”

“That’s for you to figure out—”

“Wait! Whatever you’re doing, Q…just remember a person can only take so much before it’s all over.”

~What the fuck?~

I reared back, glaring at the phone as if it had somehow transmitted my idea down the line and into Suzette’s thoughts.

Suzette was intuitive. Just like Tess.

I looked over my shoulder to the bathroom door. Fuck, if I was so obvious, what if Tess sensed what I was about to do? What if she’d run again?

Urgency and fear hijacked my legs. I stalked to the door, wrenching it open to glare into the bedroom. Tess hadn’t moved, bundled tightly in the sheets.

~I’m coming for you.~

My headache raged with the finality of my decision.

I was done with the phone call. Every passing second was a second I could never get back. “Get it done, Suzette.” I hung up. Shoving the phone into my pocket, I sucked in a ragged breath.

This was it.

No turning back.

The moment I started this, I had to keep going. Regardless if Tess swore, cursed, or wanted me to die. She might absolutely despise me afterward—but that was a risk I would take. For her.

I would willingly wear her hatred if it meant I cured her.

Turning on the tap, I splashed my face with cold water, glaring at my reflection. ~Man the fuck up and do it.~

Pacing to the door, I tore it open. My hands opened and closed as adrenaline filtered through my limbs.

Tess didn’t wake, comatose with the devils inside her. If I had my way, it would be the last nightmare she ever had. Tonight, I would enter her thoughts and slaughter every last fucking one.

Prowling through the darkness, I found the wardrobe and wrenched it open. A small light came on, highlighting a multitude of dressing gowns. Towel, fleece, silk, and cotton.

Ripping out a silk sash, I ran the material through my fingertips. It was soft, cool, and black. Perfect.

Grabbing another belt from a cotton dressing gown, I yanked it to see if it stretched. Just a little give. Good to know.

With the belts clutched in my hands, I faced the bed.

Tess whimpered, her hands bunching the sheets. From here, her face was flushed, not deathly white. She was close to waking.

I moved forward, glad of the dark. It was my friend, my ally. The accomplice in what I was about to do.

The bed hit my knees. I climbed onto the mattress, crawling forward till I positioned myself hovering over Tess. My fists indented the bed either side of her head as she slept.

I allowed myself a moment to drink her in. To trace the almost disappeared bruises on her arms. To grow hard staring at her perfect figure. But it was the brand on her neck that enraptured me.

The angry burn settled the growling monster inside. She would never be able to remove the scar. She’d announced permanently she would never leave me. No matter what I did to her.

My heart lurched, willingly allowing a small flavor of anger and darkness to settle.

Tonight was the last night she would suffer. Tonight, I would kill the past and invoke a new future.

By doing to her what the other cocksuckers had done before.

I’d broken the hold of her rape by giving her a new memory. I took her in the shower—replacing Lefebvre with me—turning horror into something more livable.

I didn’t think it would work. It was a stupid, ~stupid~ thing to do.

But it did work. And I had to believe it would again.

I was about to make Tess relive everything.

I was about to stamp out the past and replace each incident with a new memory.

I was about to kidnap my fiancée.