Chapter 12

Tess

~Save me, enslave me, you will never cave me.~

~Taunt me, flaunt me, kill what haunts me…~

Two days? A week? A month? A year?

I no longer knew how long I existed in this hell.

It no longer mattered as my body was broken, my mind unrepairable.

I existed in turmoil and grief. I lost weight as I no longer ate. My bones stuck out in stark relief and my mouth was always desiccated.

The drugs never granted me a moment’s peace—taking me from a monstrous reality to a nightmare-encrusted subconscious. The fog, the smog, kept me from realizing just how close I was to the end.

Leather Jacket kept taunting me—making me hurt the two blonde women until I obeyed without question. If I didn’t hit them, he did.

If I didn’t wallop them with the baseball bat, he did.

If I broke down and cried, he hit them harder, breaking a bone or drawing blood.

I wallowed in drugs and apologized and cried. He laughed and prodded and thrilled to hurt.

He made me hate myself for being alive. He made me doubt everything that I was and all the good things I thought I’d been. There was nothing left.

Who could love me when I was a devil’s protégé?

My mind tortured me with visions of a happier place: of Q’s bed, Suzette’s laugh, and warmth.

I wanted to be home. I wanted to sleep in a patch of sunlight and never be cold again. I’d never been so cold.

Sparrows visited me often in my dreams.

At first they helped fly me away, taking me upward and beyond Leather Jacket’s reach, but the longer I tortured and mutilated others the more their black eyes went from condolences to hatred.

Now their wings weren’t my salvation. They pecked my flesh with sharp little beaks, hopping around me like tiny vultures.

Every time my thoughts turned to Q, I shut down. The pain was insurmountable, and I couldn’t handle the hard hatred in his eyes.

~“Your soul is rotten,~ esclave. ~Bound by darkness and I can no longer save you.~” He leaned over me, smelling so fresh and citrusy pure. “Je ne suis plus à toi.~” I’m no longer yours.~

It was those words that unthreaded the rest of my ragged mind. I was no longer Q’s. I was unbelonging once again and instead of old hurt, all I felt was relief. Relief because soon, I wouldn’t exist.

Soon I would die, and then I would no longer have to suffer hurting others.

Something shot me back into the present. I looked down at my shuffling feet, my arm braced in Ryan’s meaty grip.

Another block of time. Gone. Never to be recalled or remembered. What was I doing before walking?

Forcing my tongue to work, I mumbled, “Wh—where are you taking…” My strength left and I could no longer remember what I wanted to know.

My mother appeared in front of me, watching with her arms crossed as I shambled closer to her.~ “Look at you, child. You need a bath. You look like a homeless ragamuffin.~

“How many times did I tell you to eat?” Her concern for my wellbeing felt nice, until she snarled. “If you are all skin and bones, what will be left for the Wolverines at dinner?”

The illusion shattered as Ryan jerked me into a room at the far end of the eternity-long corridor.

“Time for your final lesson before you graduate, lovely.” He patted my head like I was his favourite pet. “I’ll miss our fun and games. Your nails are fucking sharp.

“Loved watching you scratch like a baby kitten.”

I swayed on the spot, mortifyingly enjoying his petting. After so long in the dark with only freezing concrete for company it was heaven to feel the comfort of another’s hand.

Even though the same hand had beaten a girl within an inch of her life.

Deep inside, I managed to find the strength to stumble away.

Leather Jacket appeared from nowhere, chuckling. “Still fighting, even after all this time, slut.” He grabbed my face and I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to see him and his piercing black gaze.

“Tessie, why did you leave me? For this? You left my kindness and respect for this? To chase a life of pain and ruin?” Brax swirled into being before me; I swallowed hard.

Brax represented everything I no longer was.

He was untouched and pure and sweet, and I wasn’t worthy for him to talk to me.

“Don’t look at me! Please.” I buried my face in my hands, but Brax came forward and unpried my fingers to look into my eyes.

His sky-blue gaze rendered me helpless. “I may not understand your decisions, Tessie. But I’ll always be your friend. I’ll always be a safe haven for you.”

Leather Jacket shattered my drug-induced daydream by grabbing my hair and throwing me to the floor.

It hurt. It degraded. I didn’t care; I just lay there.

Someone threw something heavy at me. It bruised my spine before bouncing off and clattering to the floor.

I curled into a ball, wracked with shivers from whatever fever I’d caught.

The coughs were getting explosive, and slowly my lungs filled with more and more liquid until I felt as if I floated in an ocean as well as fog.

“Pick it up, puta.” Leather Jacket nudged my hip with his foot. “Now. Don’t make me ask you again. You know what will happen.”

I didn’t think I had the strength to obey, but one moment I was lying, the next I sat on my knees, staring blankly at the cracked floor.

Something cool rested in my hands.

Something heavy and black and sinister.

A gun.

My heart rate peaked for the first time in days, racing fast against the comatose of the drugs. Why am I holding a gun?

“Final lesson,” Leather Jacket pointed at the girl in front of me. The gentle blonde with the small breasts and hummingbird tattoo on her hipbone.

She was gagged and her red-rimmed eyes were dry. She’d stopped crying days ago when Ryan broke her left arm. It was as if her mind had already gone.

I tried to smile at her, both of us locked in this horrible prison, but she just stared blankly at me.

“Kill her, cunt. Or I’ll cut her fingers off and then her toes until she dies slowly.”

The drugs couldn’t hold down my horror. I dropped the gun and crawled away. “No!”

“No,” he chuckled. “Did you just say no?” He stood in front of me, his legs barring my passage. “You really should’ve said yes.” He looked over my head. “Ryan.”

The glass-shattering scream made me retch as Ryan cut off one of the girl’s fingers.

I couldn’t look.

~I can’t look.

Don’t look.

“Tessie, leave this place. It isn’t what you want,”~ Brax murmured.

“ Esclave, ~you’re not one of them. If you even think of giving up and dying, I’ll hunt you for eternity.”~ Q’s passion shocked me. For days he’d been telling me to die. To give up and let myself go.

Was it my mind telling me not to be so weak? Could Q really still care for me after all I’d done?

“Shoot her.” Leather Jacket pushed me backward. “Go on.”

Another moment ticked past and another scream rose.

I kept my eyes downcast, but it didn’t stop me seeing the puddle of blood forming around the girl. Even though she screamed for mercy, she still didn’t cry.

My heart squeezed to death at the thought that she couldn’t even find relief in tears. Her life was gone. Whether I shot her or not, her life was over.

She wouldn’t survive.

~Save her. Shoot her. Set her free.~

“One last time, slut. Shoot her.” Leather Jacket crouched to my eye level, placing the gun in my grip. “Do it.” He stood and backed away.

Every last shred of decency in me imploded. To save a girl from horror, I would steal her life.

With shaking hands, I raised the muzzle and pressed the trigger.

Some divine guidance took hold of the racing bullet, lodging it directly in her forehead.

The life in her eyes instantly extinguished and a small smile tugged her lips before she fell sideways into silence.

I did it. I killed a bird that Q would’ve given everything to save. I was truly the devil and I couldn’t live with myself anymore.

Do it again, Tess. You set her free. Set yourself free.

Yes. I could escape everything.

I angled the gun into my mouth, sucked on the sulfur-laced muzzle, and pulled the trigger for the second and final time.

“So, you punched her because she tried to kill herself?”

“Yes, boss. I did as you said and only put one bullet in the gun, but she still tried to swallow a fast one.”

“Good work. You succeeded. A strong bitch would never try to take such a chicken-shit way out.”

The voices weaved and plaited together, making me dizzy.

A steady throb in my temple brought me back from serene blankness to a freezing, emaciated reality.

“She’s coming around. We need to end this tonight. I have no more use for her.”

I cracked my eyes open just as White Man loomed above me. He smiled his crocodile smile. “I hear you tried to put yourself down like a dog, little girl?”

I moaned, reaching for my head. The pain was stronger for some reason, the fog not as thick or syrupy.

The drugs...they were wearing off. Clarity started coming back along with a terrible racking shiver. My jaw locked as I fought the trembles.

“Ah, do you know what that is?” White Man caressed my cheek. My reaction time was quicker and I jerked away. “That’s the first stage of withdrawal. You’re dependent on what we’ve given you.

“It’s the perfect key for any master to keep you in line.”

He sighed, grabbing a lock of my dirty hair and twirling it around his finger. “Do you know what would happen if you didn’t get a fix in an hour or two?”

“You’d shake so hard you’d probably bite off your own tongue,” Leather Jacket announced happily, adding, “You’d be so consumed with the need for a fix you’d pick at your own flesh.

“You’d climb the walls. Tear off your fingernails... You’d willingly sell your body for a meager drop of what you need.”

I shoved White Man away, hunching with my head in my arms.

~Is it true? Would that happen?~

But I didn’t have to believe them for it to be real. Already my skin itched for relief and my mouth watered for something other than food. I couldn’t exist in this world.

I wanted the endless smog, the warm comfort of oblivion.

I looked up. I sat on a desk in the corner of a large room with threadbare carpeting and filing cabinets. A tatty cobweb-covered lightshade hung in the center of the room.

I squinted, trying to focus. I didn’t know if it was the drugs or lack of food, but my vision was fading. My hearing was dulling. My body failing.

Coughing loudly, I almost fell off the desk with the wracking episode. I wheezed and every rib dug into my skinny sides. I didn’t need to be a doctor to know I had pneumonia.

The constant chill, the heavy, lethargic limbs, the sloshing in my lungs when I went from lying to standing all pointed to the illness.

White Man clucked his tongue. He stood over me, looking regal and collected in his baby blue polo and jeans, belying the true evilness inside him.

At least Leather Jacket wore his intentions on every inch of his body. White Man looked like a favorite uncle or distinguished businessman.

“You passed your final lesson today. How does it feel to be a killer?”

I sucked in a breath, trying to stop the memories from overtaking me.

The loud ~boom~ as the gun went off.

The kickback of the heavy weapon.

The smell of gunpowder and bloom of red on the innocent girl’s forehead.

I squeezed my eyes shut as my fingernails scratched my forearm, finding some relief from the slowly building itch.

White Man didn’t leave me alone. “Did you enjoy breaking that girl’s leg?”

Slamming my hands over my ears, I forced myself to forget.

Forget the ~thwack~ of the bat against her femur.

The ~snap~ of bone as it gave way under the force.

I whimpered, rocking on the desk.

White Man grabbed my hands and inspected my fingernails. Broken, dirty, a thick layer of filth wedged under the tips.

“Did you like scratching that girl until her breasts ran red? It’s her blood under your nails.”

My mouth hung open as I stared at the horrible evidence.

Images of scratching her, sobbing as I dragged my claws across her stomach and breasts haunted me. By the time Leather Jacket let me stop, she looked like she’d gone head to head with a cheetah.

I wanted to collapse into a puddle and cry. I wanted my soul to leak free from my eyes and escape this ruin. These memories of what I’d done.

White Man stroked my cheek. “You did well. And your action today proved to me that you’re ready.” His lips twisted in a sadistic bow. “Do you want to know what you’re ready for?”

I shriveled inside. My heart chugged with terror. I didn’t know and I didn’t ~want~ to know. I couldn’t listen to more atrocities. A salty tear escaped my scratchy eyes.

~Kick her.

Punch her.

Scratch her.

Kill her.~

And I did.

Over and over.

I relived the moments where I became Leather Jacket’s toy—his obedient monster. Oh, my God, I remembered their agony. Their terror.

The sound of their bodies breaking, repeating like a horrible symphony in my head.

More blood. More screams. More…more…

“Get out! Get out!”

White Man cooed, “There, there. Do you want something to take the edge off? Make it all go away?”

~Yes!~

No!~

They owned me. Drugs were now my deliverance. My reality was something I could no longer endure as I’d dirtied it, torn it to smithereens, and filled my soul with corruption.

Seconds ticked past, and I shook so bad my entire body jiggled like a flesh-picked skeleton.

“Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you.” He stroked my hair, trailing his hand to my breast.

I moaned a little, tugging free, but he pinched my nipple, keeping me in place. “You can try and fight it, but ultimately you know you won’t win. Already you’re craving.

“We’ve given you a high dose…you have a long way to fall, little girl.”

“Wh—what d—do you w—want?” I chattered, scratching openly at my dirty arms. The itch was spreading, consuming me.

He licked his lips. “Such a sweet question. But you know what I want. I want you to beg.”

I shook harder, trembling as ramifications bowled into me. He wanted me to beg…for what? Drugs? Sex? For him to do whatever he wanted to me?

~I can’t.~

I won’t.

But you know you will…eventually.~

Icy panic turned my shivering into quaking. I dry heaved as my lungs ached with liquid and sickness. “Please. Just let me go.”

He stroked my hair, pulling me against his chest until my cheek rested on his shoulder. “Soon, little girl. Soon we’ll sell you, but you aren’t quite broken yet.

“I made the mistake of selling you whole and it landed me in a lot trouble. I won’t make the same mistake again.”

His voice soothed me even as his words signed my death warrant. “When I sell you, you’re going to be so dependent a master will be able to do anything to you and you’ll want it.

“Your mind will be so fragmented you will accept orders as life-lines, as you can no longer think for yourself.”

I cried silently. Hating the promise in his voice. Hating that all of this would come true. I was so close to being the perfect slave.

My addiction to Q was overshadowed by the need to have the fog and jittery warmth. I’d never been this close to losing myself.

~I’m already lost.~

It petrified me.

“Please…please…” I no longer knew what I begged for.

“That’s close enough,” White Man murmured. “Ignacio.”

Someone grabbed my arm, and the small prick of the needle was pure elation. I wouldn’t have to listen to bones snapping or see blood gushing. I would drift uncaring and remote.

“Precious, I’ve enjoyed this journey with you. You’re not ready yet, but after tonight…perhaps you will be.” White Man kissed me on the forehead as my body gave out and I hung lifeless in his arms.

False warmth welcomed me and I sighed, letting my body sink deeper, faster.

At the bottom of the fall, Q was waiting.

His arms crossed over his powerful chest, his suit glistened black, looking like velvet. ~“This isn’t you,~esclave. ~My Tess wouldn’t be this weak.”~

I giggled, rolling in the fog, letting it cuddle me in its chemical embrace. ~“I’m no longer your Tess. I’m nothing anymore.”~

~“Don’t say that. I’m coming for you. Fucking fight. Don’t waste my journey to find you.”

“You’re too late. You’re too late.”~ A fluffy cloud danced in front of me and I reached for it, falling flat on my face.

A livid Q paced, his perfect shoes kicking up wisps of fog. “~Fight dammit! ~Se battre comme vous le faites toujours!”~ Fight like you always do!~

His voice seeped through my stupor, making me hate myself.

Instead of screaming back, I hung my head and let his wrath crash over me. ~“I can’t. I can’t. I’m done.”

“You’re not done. You hear me. Fight!”~ The command forced some sort of energy into my body, only to amplify my wounds and reinvigorate awful memories. I deflated further to nothingness.

I closed the door on Q’s beautiful face. I cut myself free so I no longer had to endure. ~“I’m sorry. I wasn’t strong enough.”~

The world went dark as the smog whisked me away.

~“Goodbye.”~

Cold woke me first.

A biting freeze on my nipples.

I groaned, trying to swallow the thick furry aftertaste in my mouth. My entire body felt foreign, frigid.

~Where the hell am I?~ I thought hell was supposed to be unbearably hot.

I could do with heat. My lungs were heavier with liquid, and every breath I wheezed with a struggle.

The punishment of beatings and abuse turned my body into a wasted object, no longer useful for anything apart from the garbage.

“She’s awake. You may precede, Ignacio.”

My heart raced, chasing away the last of the smog I lived in. My brain kicked into gear and I looked around.

~Shit~.

I was in some sicko’s idea of a bedroom: a satanic bedroom.

Black curtains hung lopsidedly over a boarded-up window, peeling wallpaper hung off the wall like dresses half shed, and a red lightbulb in the grotty chandelier turned the entire room into nothing but sick shadows.

My stomach twisted as I looked down. I was shackled to a scratchy bed, naked, wearing only gnawing rope on my wrists and ankles. The knots held my legs open, completely vulnerable.

Vomit rose in my throat but I swallowed it down. If I threw up I might choke and drown.

~Good. Drown. Death would be a far better existence than what’s about to happen, Tess.~

A whimper sounded beside me and I looked to my left. The blonde with the barbell and scratches down her chest lay in the same prone position.

Our eyes met and her mouth wobbled as she fought back tears.

“Help,” she whispered.

I wanted to reach out and hug her. I wanted to protect her. Tell her all of this would be okay; that it was just a horrible dream.

I shook my head, biting my lip so I wouldn’t cry.

She squeezed her eyes, dispelling a waterfall of liquid. She sniffed, trying to bury her head into her shoulder.

“Which one do you want first, Ignacio?”

My eyes flew to Leather Jacket as he prowled at the end of the bed. White Man sat in a fancy faded chair by the peeling wall.

Leather Jacket smirked, his eyes slithering over every exposed inch. “I’ll go with chubby. Let the ~puta~ bitch see what’s gonna happen to her once I’m finished.”

Oh, God.

I thrashed my head, twisting my limbs, trying to get free.

I cried out as the woman who’d tattooed me waved from beside the bed. She gave me a horrid grin. “Time to go to a happy place.” She sat on my shoulder and inserted a needle into my overused vein.

As she pressed the plunger, White Man murmured, “This is a different concoction than what you’re used to, little girl. It’s going to... well, it’s going to play with your mind.

“After all, that’s the part we need to break.”

The icy heat already threaded through my veins, heading to my heart to be shot around my body.

White Man stood and came forward. Patting my naked foot, a shred of pity appeared in his gaze. “After today, you’ll be sold. I’ve kept my side of the bargain. I will miss you, though.

“I’ve grown rather fond of your strength. It’s been a privilege to ruin you.”

He moved forward to cup my cheek. “Don’t worry. I’ve told your new owner that you like it rough. You’ll be well taken care of.”

I gasped as the worst feeling in my life started.

Beetles.

Spiders.

Insects with teeth and tiny claws shredded my intestines with rapid gnawing. My entire body itched and burned, and I screamed. Then I coughed because my lungs couldn’t hold enough oxygen.

I cried and coughed until I wheezed for breath, and still the insects grew worse.

~What’s happening?!~

“Make it stop!”

Leather Jacket and White Man looked on as the sensation crept up my arms, into my fingers, my toes, my stomach, my chest. My heart became infested with cockroaches. My tongue chewed on by locusts.

And then it hit my brain.

I screamed as if my soul could fly free and evict itself from this prison of a body. This prison fast filling with murdering beetles and bugs.

White Man morphed into a giant rodent, his perfect teeth elongated into yellow fangs. Leather Jacket evolved into a jackal, slobbering and laughing, growling and raging.

The girl next to me stayed pure and virginal, glowing white and silver with all the goodness in the world while the room began to dissolve, walls melted, paint dripped from the ceiling, scalding me as it landed on my naked body.

Leather Jacket with his jackal head started undressing. He removed his black jacket and slung it to the rapidly eroding floor. Flames licked the awful carpet, singeing a fiery path toward us.

I couldn’t breathe. ~I can’t breathe. This can’t be real. It can’t be real.~

Once Leather Jackal removed his shirt and trousers, he eased off his disgusting underwear and stood with his small bent cock jutting out from a thicket of black hair.

His groin crawled with spiders, a mass seething between his legs.

I closed my eyes, but the visions found me there, too. If possible, they were worse.

Q featured, and he morphed from naked perfection with his sparrow tattoo into a raging black-winged angel. His back sprouted three-meter-wide wings, glistening ebony with oil-slicked raven feathers.

His pale jade eyes glowed with ferocity.

He shook his head in weighted disappointment and turned his back on me. His wings encompassed him into a black cocoon until he exploded into a million birds and took wing.

He left me.

Left me with Jackal and Rodent.

Something grabbed my ankle, and my eyes flew open. White Man Rodent trailed his fingertips up my shin, my thigh, right to my hipbone, cutting me like a dagger even though he had no weapon.

Phantom blood wept from where he touched, crying with red.

“This is for your own good.” He raised his fist and punched me in the jaw.

My head snapped sideways, and I latched onto Blonde’s eyes. She panted, looking manic and wild. Undrugged, her eyes were clear and panicked.

She looked like an angel, and I went from wanting to protect her to wanting ~her~ to protect ~me.~

~Please save me.~

Another punch, but this time to my stomach. Lying down made the hit resonate through my tummy to my kidneys and liver.

Leather Jackal climbed onto the bed and came forward on all fours, gawking at Blonde Angel and me.

His knee went between my open legs, and I cried out as he slurped his horrible feral tongue into my belly button and down. He nipped at my clit, dripping with burning saliva.

I screamed and screamed as his saliva ignited into flames, burning me to a cinder. It hurt. Fuck, it hurt. ~Make it stop!~

White Rodent ordered, “Pay attention to the other one. Let the drugs fade a little. She won’t cope otherwise.”

Jackal nodded, breathing deep and gruff. One long paw grabbed me between the legs, probing me, raking me. He groaned as he forced a shredding nail inside. “You won’t be dry for long, ~puta.~

“You wait for those drugs to switch. Soon you’ll be begging me.” He removed his touch and clambered on top of poor Blonde Angel. She keened as he settled between her legs.

His hairy, untoned ass thrust hard as he rested his elbows on either side of her face.

“Lesh her go—go—you bastard!” Was that me? That slurring, broken, wild-sounding thing?

White Rodent punched me again, this time in the ribcage. I cried out as my old cracked rib wailed in agony. Did he rebreak it?

It felt like it—every breath punctured my lungs, letting the build-up of liquid trickle out, filling my body with slime.

“Every time you tell Ignacio to stop, I’ll hit you. Do you hear me? You have to learn that speaking without permission equals pain. You have to learn that obeying is the only thing left for you.

“Do you understand, little girl?”

I raised my heavy eyes to look at the massive rodent standing over me in his blue polo and jeans.

~Why is a rat dressed? It’s speaking to me.

“It’s here to rape you, Tessie. Do things to you that I would never do. You left me,” ~Brax murmured in my mind.

I knew it wasn’t real, but no matter how hard I tried to snap out of it, I couldn’t. The horror wouldn’t let me free.

Leather Jackal kissed Blonde Angel, rubbing his horrible snout all over her face. She cried and wriggled.

“St—stop it!” I yelled.

Instantly, a sharp ringing slap blazed my cheek. “What did I just say, precious?” White Rodent shook his head, admonishing me. “You need to learn.”

He said something about pain. Disobeying? ~Don’t disobey?

“Disobey. Fight. I’m coming for you, Tess!”~Q raged in my head.

~But if I fight, I get hurt. Why would I keep inviting such pain? That’s stupid.

“It’s who you are. You’re too strong to let them do this to you.”~

Q fizzled away, replaced with White Rodent again. He asked, “Are you still with me, little girl?” He peered into my eyes, but I couldn’t bring him into focus. He stayed blurry and furry and vague.

Jackal spat on his paw and rubbed his claws between Blonde Angel’s legs. Her whimpers turned into ragged gasps and pleas. “Stop. Please. I’ll do anything you want. Please. Don’t do this!”

“L—listen to her! S—stop!”

A punch to the breast.

Fuck, that hurt the most. The sensitive tissues yelped and burned.

“Learn, girl. Retaliation equals pain. Next time, I won’t be so kind.”

Next time? Next time what?

Coherency left me and I swam deeper into fog.

~I’m cold. So cold. Insects have taken over my body. I feel them creeping through my blood. They’re chewing on my brain.~

Blonde Angel suddenly bellowed and screeched. I watched in horrified terror as Leather Jackal plunged his putrid cock inside her. He groaned deep and licked his lips, looking deep into my eyes.

“You’re next, fucking bitch. See how I’m fucking her. That’s gonna be you.” He thrust again and again. “Oh, yeah. You’re gonna take me. I’m gonna pay you back for fighting.”

The fear swelled over me, bringing with it more spiders and locusts.

Blonde Angel fell deathly silent. Her body rocked with Jackel’s pummels and her eyes never stopped leaking, but her face went slack as shock stole her mind.

I literally heard the snap as her mind broke.

~No!~

I went crazy.

I bucked and cried, uncaring that my body couldn’t withstand movement with its injuries. Nothing else mattered but getting free. I wanted to kill Leather Jackal. I wanted to rescue poor Blonde Angel.

~Get off her!~ It wasn’t fair. The poor girl. The poor innocent girl. Ferocity blew the drugs clear for one precious moment and I screamed, “Get the fuck off her! Get off her, you bastard.”

Pain.

Intense, radiating pain.

I retched, activating aches in my chest. The agony swirled in my head, threatening to knock me out.

White Rodent stood above me with a pair of pliers. His eyes were grim, jaw set. “See what you made me do. Learn!”

I looked down, already back in the pit of hallucinations.

My middle finger was snapped in two. Bone protruded from skin and blood ran freely. Worms appeared from the wound, wiggling in the air.

The throb grew worse and worse. I wanted to tear my hand off just to be free of it.

“Nooooooooo!”

“Yes. Fuck yes.” Leather Jackal panted, rutting harder into his victim. She squeezed her eyes and endured.

I cried. It was sick, so sick. I opened my mouth to tell Leather Jackal to stop. To leave her be, but a lasso of panic noosed me.

~Retaliation means pain.~

My tongue lodged in my mouth and my eyes flew to White Rodent. He waved the pliers in my face. “Are you learning yet?”

Against everything, yes, I was learning. My body had been reconditioned. My mind enslaved to chemicals.

Everything I thought I knew had been reprogrammed. Pain was hideous. Pain was atrocious. I wanted to run away from pain and avoid it forever.

Never again would I crave the fine line of passion and sweet, sweet agony.

Never again would I want Q to touch me.

Never again would I find myself in the mess I’d become. I was utterly, truly lost.

Leather Jackal groaned, pumping harder, shaking the bed as he came. Blonde Angel half-sighed, half-sobbed as he pulled out of her.

The small relief that he’d finished with her was ruined when his gaze fell on me. “Give me five minutes, ~puta~. Then I’m all yours.”

My lips pulled back to snarl, but the cold bite of metal encircled my pinky. White Rodent murmured, “You sure you want to say whatever you’re about to say?”

I squeezed my eyes. If I said yes, I might force them into killing me. I could make them give me my freedom.

~Say it, Tess. Be done with this.~

“She probably doesn’t, but I’ll say it for her.”

That voice.

The echoing softness, the fine edge of violence.

I knew that voice. From another life. A happier life.

My heart picked up its sluggish beat, so downtrodden by weariness it barely functioned. It took all my remaining energy to twist my head to the doorway.

The magnificent black raven angel from my hallucinations was back. His three-meter wingspan filled the room, sparking with ebony fire and murderous rage.

A flock of crows fluttered around him, turning the melting room into a whirlpool of feathers.

White Rodent spun and faced this new vision. I sighed and wished with all my heart he was real. I wanted him to be real so I could finally relax and be safe again.

“How the fuck did you get in here?” White Rodent growled, pacing toward the figment of my imagination, wielding the pliers.

Crows squawked and attacked from above, raining little black bombs with beady eyes and yellow beaks, but it didn’t stop him.

Ryan the Ogre appeared from behind my apparition, launching himself at the angel. But Q spun too fast and a loud bang filled the room.

Ryan’s skull exploded in a fine mist as his body crumbled to the floor. White Rodent backed up, throwing the pliers down as more angels spilled into the room.

Black-winged Q soared toward me, feathers rustling as his eyes drifted over me in horror. I wanted to tell my dream to take me away. To save me. I didn’t care if leaving meant death.

Not if I could go with him.

~Take me. I’m ready to leave. I’m ready to go with you.~

“Franco. ‘Attrape ce fils de pute.’” Grab that son of a bitch.

I blinked as a man appeared around Q’s black wings. His muscular chest glittered with gold fur, and emerald eyes blazed like twin moons.

“It would be my fucking pleasure,” Gold Man muttered.

“Wait. Don’t,” White Rodent said, pressing hard against the weeping, mold-riddled wall.

Gold Man punched him square in the jaw, grumbling in satisfaction as he slammed to the ground.

My eyes darted from Gold Man to Angel Q as he sucked in a ragged breath. “Tess…” His tortured voice caressed my body. I shuddered.

“Fuck. I’m so sorry.” He reached out to touch me but stopped himself. His face twisted as his shoulders bristled with self-loathing. “This is all my fucking fault.”

Another man appeared beside him. Glowing with a sapphire light, his old-world beauty made me smile. “Q. Not here. Stay together, man. It’s not over yet.”

Q stood upright and shoved him back, screaming in rage. “Do you see? Do you see what they’ve fucking done?”

The Sapphire Man grabbed Q’s face in his large hands, forcing him to look him in the eye. “Yes, I see. But you have work to do, remember?”

For a moment, it looked as if Angel Q would tear the man apart, but eventually, he gritted his jaw and jerked away. “You’re right.”

He spun to face me. The agony in his eyes shut down until nothing existed but grim determination. His large hand landed on my wrist, fumbling with the rope.

I sighed, watching him, wanting to stroke his feathers, feel the softness of his wings.

Once my wrists were free, he ran a thumb over my tattooed skin, his face spasming with such awful regret. “I’ll make it my life’s work to keep you safe, Tess. ~Tu es à moi.~” You’re mine.

“And I’ll never let you down again.”

Releasing me, he turned to my ankles.

~“He came for you, Tessie. That’s nice. He did more than I ever did.”~ Brax stood over me, smiling softly.

I shook my head. ~“He isn’t real. I’ve finally cracked, Brax. I’m not returning after this. I’m leaving. Dying. I don’t care as long as I don’t have to live this life anymore.”~

He shook his head. ~“You’ll survive. You always do.”~

The vision shattered as Q leaned over me, pressing his forehead against mine. I breathed in his deep scent, drowning in musk and something heady—a dirtier smell of sweat and blood and toil.

Q’s face twisted with heartbreaking grief. “I’m going to murder the men who did this to you. I’m going to make them fucking scream.” His anger buffeted me, sending my heart rate spiraling.

~“He’s going to hit you. And you deserve it for what you’ve done.”~ My mother appeared.

Q touched my cheek softly, but I cried out. Expecting more pain. Expecting more torture.

He jerked back, eyes glassing with remorse. “Someone get me a fucking blanket!”

His face came over mine again, pale eyes searching mine. “Tess. I’m going to pick you up. I swear on my mother’s grave I will not hurt you. You have nothing to fear. I promise.”

Nothing to fear.

~Nothing to fear.

“How can he say that when he whipped you, Tessie? He drew blood from you.”~ Brax scowled at Q, crossing his arms.

~“I asked for that, though. I wanted it. I begged for it.~” Even as I said the words, I couldn’t remember why I would ask for such agony.

~“Did you, Tessie? I’m not so sure…”~

Time shot forward and another block of awareness was stolen.

Stabbing, intense pain from my finger consumed me. Someone wrapped a piece of bedding around it, but already blood stained the cotton.

Swallowing hard, I noticed something warm and scratchy covered me, chasing away the icy chill I’d lived with for weeks.

Hard muscle cradled me; Q murmured, “I’m going to take you home and fix this,~esclave. ”

Esclave.~

The word shocked me from my drug-stupor; I blinked. Q carried me toward the door, his ebony wings shimmered with every color as he strode beneath dangling lightbulbs.

His jaw was covered in a thicker shadow, lines etched his mouth, and his eyes were aged and sleep-weary. The strain wasn’t in keeping with the perfection of my illusion.

Why did my angel look so… so human?

My eyes distorted, flickering with another vision. An image of Q in a dirty rumpled suit, carrying me as if I was a long ago misplaced possession.

Something he had no intention of ever letting go again. Anger permeated around him while sadness wept from every pore.

My heart picked up its sad little rhythm.

~Q found me. He’s here.~

~“Don’t be so stupid.”~ My mother sneered. ~“He wasn’t looking for you in the first place. No one wants you, Tess. Stop making up such fanciful stories.”~

My lungs faltered in the quest to breathe as pain ricocheted around me.

Why would he come? After all, I was an enemy now. I hurt women. I had blood beneath my fingernails and a kill staining my soul.

“Are you r—real?” I whispered, wincing at the ache in my lungs.

Q faltered, pale eyes connecting with mine. For a never-ending moment he just stared until his mouth tightened and he murmured, “I’m real. It’s over, Tess. You’re safe.”

I tried to smile but centipedes chewed my lips off. I shuddered, slurring, “That’s n—nice. See, Brax. He did come.”

Brax appeared, running a gentle hand through my hair. “~He did, Tessie. But you can’t be so naïve to think you can go back to the past. Not now. Not after what you did.”~

My heart smashed into pieces. He was right.

Q’s muscles bunched beneath me, hoisting me higher, bringing my chest to his face. He trembled as he whispered tortured words into my neck. “Your mind is not broken. Your mind is not fucking broken.”

Somehow, I didn’t think he spoke to me.

He rambled in French. “~Si vous me l’enlevez, je le jure devant Dieu je vais ... Je vais …~ If you take her from me, I swear to fucking God I'll... I'll... He didn’t finish.

Instead, he lowered me in his arms, bundled me tight, and roared at White Rodent, “Did you fucking think you could get away with this? Rape women? Traffic them? Drug them?

“You’re a fucking dead man and the only place you’re going to is hell. I guarantee your corpse will be chopped into little pieces.” Q chewed on every word.

His anger was palpable, filling the room with thick tension.

I looked up, bewitched with the way his wings rustled with ferocity and he stood so rigid and unswerving. He looked toward Franco. “Bring them. The pliers, too.”

Q turned on his heel and strode out the room. I curled tighter into his body as the corridor contracted around us, making me feel like I lived in the belly of a ginormous snake.

My snapped finger threatened to send me into darkness again, but I held on. More insects came to nibble on my brain and a procession of visions trailed after us.

My mum, dad, and Brax all followed as Angel Q whisked me off to safety.

Q bent his head. “I’ll pay them back like for like, esclave. Mark my fucking words, they’ll wish they were dead before I’ve finished.”

A burst of heat filled me as black wings fanned around us, entrapping us in a cocoon. His hotness was a bonfire against my chilled skin, and he carried me as if I was a feather.

A damaged and broken feather.

I didn’t trust anything anymore. This couldn’t be real. I’d done nothing to warrant such saving.

If only this ~was~ real. If only I was being taken away. Maybe I was dying. Maybe my brain created its own sense of finality. Saying goodbye to Q. Majestic Q with his raven wings and cloud of crows.

~“You are dying. Confess your sins now, child, or you’ll never be welcomed into heaven.”~ My mother wrung her hands. ~“Confess how you screwed up our life. How you ruined your brother’s life.

“How you’ve ruined a man’s heart. Just die already.”~

I choked on the intense hatred gleaming in my mother’s eyes. I couldn’t believe the pain she caused.

“I never wa—wanted to be a burden.” The tears I’d been holding all this time spilled. Once they started, they wouldn’t stop.

Q jerked to a halt. “No, esclave. Stop it. You’re not a burden. Never.”

With a shaky hand, I reached up and caught a black oily feather from his wings. They quivered as he wrapped them tighter around us like a shield. I ran my fingers over the quill.

“I confess to everything. I’m worthless and want to die.”

Then I passed out.