chapter 32

The room was quite silent that even if a pin dropped it would be audible. Suddenly tears from my eyes started falling, I wanted to cry with as loud as I could do, but I didn't do that . I said "they are my kids. No one has rights on them". Sudha suddenly rised from her seat and came to me then she hugged me and said "don't cry". I wiped my tears and said "I'm not crying why should I cry for something unnecessary". By saying this I even cried more. After 5minutes I stopped crying and Sudha brought me a glass of water. She said "I understand you have done everything for your kids that you don't want anyone else, but don't you think they also needs father's love?". I also understand her points but this was impossible. I said " I understand this, I also seen them longing for father's love, but this is impossible". Sudha said"that time was different and now it's different, I think Aditya is a nice guy and I have seen,how much he loves kids without even knowing that they are his own kids". I didn't say anything. Sudha said "I think he will understand you and your reasons of leaving him". I said "what if he find himself guilty for this! What if he don't accept us? And the most important thing is my kids will be called as bastards. I don't want anything like this to happen". Sudha said " why are you thinking so much, first let him know, then we will see what is happening. And When did you started caring for society, did you forget six years back what you  have done was against society. That's why I want you to give a thought on this. Have you ever thought about yourself! You also needs someone's love and support. I understand how painful it must be for you to see the person you love infront of you and didn't able to do anything, that's why you are always running away from him". I said "I...  I don't love him anymore". Sudha smiled and said "really!  just ask to yourself then you will find out that you still loves him". Suddenly I got up from my seat because I wanted to hide myself, if not Sudha would find out that I still loves him. So  I  started to walk towards my bedroom. Sudha said from my back" just try to accept your own feelings and you need to think about your kids. If you loves your kids then even you don't love him just do it for your kids, because they really needs a father now. I really hope to see a perfect family of yours, this is the time you must give a thought to this". Without answering her I left drawing room.When I was in my bedroom my heart was full of sadness. I didn't know what to do next. Sudha was right my kids really needs father's love. I can't see them longing for something. But what would Aditya think about me! What if he didn't accept my kids! What if he feels guilty for this! What if he hate me for hiding this to him! My mind was full of these thoughts that I didn't know how I fall asleep. And my dream took me to the back, six years back........