Chapter 20

LILY

I don’t know what’s wrong with Mason.

He’s not himself.

Liam said all he does is sleep all day and night.

For the last three weeks, I’ve been coming over to the apartment straight after my last class of the day, even though I hate it.

Mason isn’t my Mason at the moment.

When I walk through the door, Liam gives me a sympathetic look.

I hate that look.

I sigh before I knock on Mason’s door and go in.

He’s sitting shirtless, slouched in his bed, watching something on TV—or at least I think he is.

His eyes are glazed over.

“Hey,” I say, just loud enough to gain his attention.

“Hi,” he mumbles as I carefully sit next to him.

“How are you feeling?” I ask, examining his shoulders.

The swelling seems to be going down, but there’s still a large, now yellow bruise.

“Sore. I’m always fucking sore,” he snaps.

The first time he snapped at me, I was taken aback.

Now I’m sadly used to it.

“The swelling and bruising are looking better,” I comment, making him grunt.

“Yeah, but it still fucking hurts,” he snaps.

“I didn’t say it didn’t.”

I can’t help but snap back, but by the time I’ve finished my sentence, he’s sound asleep.

Another new normal thing.

I swear we haven’t had a conversation without him falling asleep since the night of his accident.

He is like a shell of a man.

I’m trying my hardest to talk to him and get through to him, but it’s like talking to a brick wall.

I don’t know why, but I actually expected him to show up to my volleyball games.

After the first time he didn’t show up, I had to hold my tears back for the whole game.

And by the time Brittany and I played our double game, I was pissed.

Pissed at Mason and pissed at myself for expecting him to actually show. Britt was also pissed on my behalf. We played the best we’ve ever played together.

The second and third time he didn’t show up, I started to feel numb, even when my dad texted asking to come to my games.

I told him not to bother, worried he’d probably disappoint me too.

“See you later. I love you,” I whisper, kissing Mason’s forehead gently before I slip out of his room and head straight to the school library.

I have so many assignments to catch up on. It’s actually overwhelming me so much that I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment.

I sigh as I tear out a piece of paper from the notebook I’ve been making notes on for the stupid project Mason and I are supposed to be doing together. I screw up the piece of paper and toss it onto the desk in front of me.

“Struggling?” Oliver asks me as he walks past my table.

“Go away, Olly.” I sigh, pinching my nose. This is way too hard to do by myself.

“Come on, Lily, I just want to offer my support,” he says, faking hurt and even clutching at his chest for good measure.

I glare up at Oliver. Ever since Mason has been hurt, he’s been extra nice to me, even telling Cameron off when he starts tormenting me.

I took Samuel’s advice and went to the dean, which was stupid. All the dean did was tell him off for being inappropriate and pretty much told me it wasn’t a big deal because it was just a kiss and nothing more.

Cameron is calling me a fucking narc, a pussy-ass bitch, a sensitive little bitch, and any other insult he can think of whenever he sees me. At least he’s stopped asking me to suck his dick.

“We made a great team, Lil,” Oliver says, slipping into the empty seat next to me.

“Where’s Leah?” I ask, wondering if that’ll make him stop talking to me or if he will actually tell me where she is.

I am dying to know why I haven’t seen her.

“She flunked senior year and stayed back to get her GED,” he explains, rolling his eyes.

Wow, I didn’t think Leah would’ve flunked out of high school. I mean, she wasn’t the greatest student, but not the worst. I wonder if something happened for her to fail.

Even though she’s an absolute bitch, I don’t want her to have a bad life.

“I heard she’s dating some twenty-six-year-old biker with three kids now. She’ll probably be knocked up already,” he says, almost as if he actually enjoys the fact that her life isn’t going as she planned.

Leah always said that after college, she would be a career woman for five years, then get married and have two kids by the age of thirty.

“How’s Cooper? Coach said that he won’t be able to play again.”

“Go away, Oliver,” I snap.

His talking about Mason has triggered something inside of me. How dare he, of all people, speak about Mason? I wouldn’t be surprised if Oliver and Cameron planned out Mason getting hurt together.

I can’t be around this jerk anymore. He clearly isn’t going to leave me alone, so I throw my stuff into my backpack and get up to leave.

I thought the library was meant to be a peaceful place. But I guess when Oliver is around, nothing can be peaceful.

I check the time and decide to get a coffee before heading back to my dorm. Sophia has another class and won’t be finished for another hour and a half, so I can hopefully get some of this stupid assignment done.

Once I get back to my dorm, I settle at my desk and begin working away. Surprisingly, I actually make some progress—not a lot, but enough.

I sip the last of my coffee as the door flies open. I pull down my headphones to say hello to Sophia. But when Brittany storms in behind her, I’m more than surprised.

“Brittany’s here,” Sophia announces, dropping her backpack on her bed before flopping down on it.

“Hi,” I say to both of them.

Brittany looks like she’s fuming, and Sophia seems entertained. That’s something I’ve come to really love about Sophia—she’s never involved in drama but loves to gossip.

And as her favorite roomie, I get to hear it all, even though I don’t know a single person she’s talking about.

“We need to talk about Mason,” Brittany states.

“I’ve been trying to talk to him, but he’s not interested.” I sigh.

“How about he just gets his shit together?” Sophia snaps. Ever since my meltdown at Thanksgiving, she has really disliked Mason.

There were a couple of nights when I had nightmares, and she went to Brittany’s dorm and got her, but now, when I have nightmares, she’s been climbing into my bed with me.

In the mornings, I always feel embarrassed, but she just makes a joke about how we can never tell her future husband we slept together. I never thought we’d be this close, especially after the first few weeks of living together.

“I went over last night, and he fucking fell asleep mid-conversation. He fell off the bar stool and didn’t even wake up,” Brittany states.

My heart sinks to my stomach.

“Liam’s taken all his pain meds away. But we think he found more. It’s like he’s high all the time. We don’t know what else to do.”

Her voice breaks before she is full-on sobbing. Sophia and I both jump to our feet and hug her.

“He wasn’t even like this after Callum,” she sniffles.

“I’ll come around and talk to him,” I say.

I need to talk to him. I need my Mason back. We all need him back.

***

Walking into the apartment feels different. The air feels different. It feels heavy. Liam is sitting on the sofa, staring at the blank TV, looking depressed.

“Hi,” I say quietly, gaining his attention.

“Hey, Lily.” He half-smiles.

“He’s mad,” he says, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“Was he really taking drugs?” I ask, sitting down next to Liam, not really wanting him to answer because if he does, then everything will become real.

“I think it was only for a couple of weeks, but yeah. He was. I don’t even know where he got some of them. He hasn’t even left the house. I’ve gotten rid of all the medication in the house, even the Tylenol,” he states before leaning back on the sofa.

“His family is full of addicts, Lily. His mom, his aunts, uncles, and Callum.” His voice cracks as he mentions Callum.

“This is how he started. He became an addict so fast we didn’t even know he was on heroin before it was too late,” Liam cries into his hands. “I don’t know what to do. He won’t listen to me.”

My heart breaks for Liam, for Mason, for Brittany, for myself.

“I’ll try to talk to him,” I decide, adding silently, ~for the last time~.

If I can’t get through to him today, I’ll have to accept that he doesn’t love me as much as he claimed. I’ll have to leave, even if it shatters my heart into a million pieces.

I need to look after myself as well. At the moment, I can’t emotionally handle looking after both of us, especially when he can’t even have a conversation with me without snapping or falling asleep.

I slowly make my way to Mason’s door, my stomach flipping with every step I take. I stop outside and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down before I knock.

“What?” Mason calls out, already sounding pissed off.

“It’s me,” I reply, trying to sound confident, but my voice wavers. “Can I come in?” I ask.

He doesn’t answer straight away. I rest my head against the door, hoping with every fiber of my body he tells me to come in. But he doesn’t.

The door slowly opens, and Mason is standing in the doorway, wearing only sweatpants. He’s so pale, his eyes are sunken in with dark bags underneath, and I swear he is nowhere near as bulky as he was.

“Princess,” he breathes out. His face softens for a moment before his expression turns completely neutral. “Why are you here?” he asks, not moving out of the doorway.

“I came to talk. To make sure you’re okay,” I say, looking up at him, feeling a small amount of hope.

“Why?” His face screws up.

“Because I love you, Mason, and I miss you,” I tell him, making him roll his eyes.

“Why are you being like this?” I ask, wanting to shove him into his room, but I know his shoulder is still sore—probably worse now that Liam has taken away all the pain medication.

“I’m just being the real me,” he replies with a smirk.

“Stop it,” I snap.

He’s not being the real him. He’s being a dick.

“Why, Lily? It’s who I am now,” he replies, retreating into his bedroom.

I follow and close the door behind me. I have a feeling I’m going to yell at him. “This isn’t who you are,” I state, pushing my shoulders back, trying to give myself some confidence.

“Face it, Lily. I can’t play football anymore. I’m going to get kicked out of college and end up just like my mom or my brother,” he fires back at me, shattering my heart.

“What are you trying to say? You’re going to go kill yourself?” I ask quietly, really not wanting to hear the answer.

“No. I’m not stupid.” He snorts and rolls his eyes at me like it’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever said.

“You don’t have to leave college. Football isn’t everything,” I say, trying to change the subject.

“And what else am I going to do? Football is the only thing I’m good at.” He snorts, rolling his eyes again, which has triggered something inside of me.

“Stop being such a dick!” I snap, my voice raising. “You’re the smartest person I know. You could literally do anything you want to. You could be a fucking doctor if you wanted!”

I’m full-on yelling now. I just want it to get through his head that he’s more than just football, and he doesn’t have to end up like his mom or brother.

“Don’t lie,” he snarls back.

“I’m not lying!”

Why is he acting like this? It’s like he has no fucking common sense left!

“Football isn’t everything! You can do other things!” I exclaim, throwing my hand in the air.

“It is to me,” he snaps, plopping down on the edge of his bed.

“What about me?” I ask quietly.

“What about you? Go fuck some other quarterback. I mean, that’s why you got with me, isn’t it? Because I was a quarterback, and you wanted to make Kingsley jealous after he cheated on you? Go, do it again—ditch me and fuck some other quarterback. Go fuck Oliver for all I care!”

I thought my heart shattered before, but his words just now have completely broken me. Did I mean nothing to him this whole time? Is that what he really thinks of me? A girl who goes around and fucks quarterbacks? I love him with my whole heart, and he thinks I’m a whore?

“I love you, Mason Cooper,” I whisper as silent tears start falling down my cheeks.

Then, I walk straight out of his bedroom and directly to the front door.

“I need to get away from here.”