Chapter 17

LILY

My heart aches for Mason. His eyes glaze over as the doctor presents the X-ray of his shoulder, clearly revealing a break right at the joint and explaining the severity of his injury.

“This is your AC joint. You’ve got a clean break, but it can take anywhere from six to twelve weeks to heal with extensive physiotherapy,” the doctor explains, perched on the side of Mason’s bed.

“If we’re not seeing improvement by then, we will repeat the MRI and consider surgical options.”

Mason’s eyes squeeze shut as the doctor continues discussing the next steps.

“So I’m out for the rest of the season,” he states, his eyes snapping open. He appears on the verge of tears.

“What about next season?” he asks, a faint glimmer of hope in his voice.

“This injury is likely to reoccur every time you get tackled,” the doctor says sympathetically. I feel my own eyes well up with tears. Football is everything to him, and now it’s been taken away.

“Fill your prescription in the morning, and I’ll put the referral in for the physio. Good luck for the future,” he says, handing papers over to Mason before quietly exiting the small cubicle.

“Are you okay?” I ask as Mason begins to rise from the bed.

“Fine,” he snaps at me, shoving the paper into his pocket and crumpling it. I’m taken aback. He’s never snapped at me before.

“I’ll order an Uber,” I whisper, slipping out of the cubicle even though I don’t need to call them. I just don’t want to cry, and I feel like if I stay in the cubicle with him, I probably will.

I walk down the hall a bit before leaning against a wall and looking down at my phone to order the Uber. Once it’s done, I check my texts from Brittany, mainly her just checking in and offering us a ride.

This night has been incredibly difficult. Being back in a hospital at Thanksgiving is causing my anxiety to skyrocket. My brain keeps telling me I’m going to fall asleep, then wake up in a hospital bed, and they’re going to tell me I’m dying or dead.

It got really bad when that old woman behind the counter snapped at me. I thought I was going to have a panic attack, but I focused all my thoughts on how Mason must be feeling—and biting the shit out of my nails. I bit some of them down so much I’m surprised they didn’t start bleeding.

When Mason walks up to me, I wordlessly push myself off the wall and start walking toward the exit, him trailing behind me. We stand on the sidewalk in silence, me bouncing from foot to foot, trying to keep warm. I can see my breath when I exhale. It feels like it might snow soon.

Normally, I would be sharing my thoughts with Mason, but right now, I don’t know what to say to him. I understand that he’s upset, angry, or whatever, but I can’t handle him snapping and getting grumpy with me at the moment. I’m tired, I’m emotional, and I officially hate Thanksgiving.

I only speak when our Uber pulls up. I mumble to him that it’s ours. We both slip into the backseat.

“I’m sorry I got grumpy. I’m tired, sore, and pissed off,” Mason whispers, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers.

“I get it,” I answer with a half smile, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “We can talk about it later.” I turn to the window and rest my head on the cool glass. I want to go to sleep and wake up at the start of summer. Everything seems better in the summer.

***

All day Friday and Saturday, Mason has been grumpy. He’s been snapping at Liam, Brittany, and even me. I couldn’t take it anymore and left on Sunday morning after mumbling something about needing to work on some assignments. Not that I think he actually listened.

I love him with all my heart, but I can’t take the grumpiness anymore. Not at the moment. Because when I’m trying to help Mason, I’m thinking about my stupid mom and having flashbacks.

It started off with one bad dream, then I started hearing Mom yelling at me, and I could see the rain and the lights. Then I remembered the actual crash. It’s just too much for me to handle right now.

Every single time I fall asleep, I’m dreaming of the crash. I wake up sweating, heart pounding, and on the verge of tears. I haven’t slept more than two hours at a time for the last three days. I’m exhausted. I just want to sleep.

When I walk into my dorm room, I breathe a sigh of relief. Sophia isn’t back yet. She mentioned that she was going home for Thanksgiving, but I can’t remember when she said she would be back.

I need to ugly cry.

I climb under my blanket, pull it up over my head, and let the sobs come out. I cry and cry until the tears stop. My eyes become heavy, and I find myself drifting off to sleep.

Suddenly, I’m driving, then spinning in a circle. I slam my foot on the brake multiple times, but it does nothing. I just keep spinning and spinning until my head hits the window, and my whole body is in pain.

I sit up in my bed, panting, sweating, and crying. I clutch my chest and try to take some deep breaths, but it doesn’t help. I need Mason. I reach for my phone and call him, needing to hear his voice. He always makes me feel better.

It rings twice before I get sent to his voicemail. Did he just decline my call? I try calling again, but the same thing happens. My tears come out faster, realizing he won’t answer me when I need him.

Without thinking, I call Brittany. She answers on the first ring.

“Hello, my sexy best friend in the whole wide world,” her voice chirps happily.

“B-Britt,” I stutter out through my sobs.

“Where are you?” Her voice turns serious.

“Oh, shut up, Liam,” I hear her snap.

“Are you at your dorm?” she asks softly.

“Yes,” I sniffle.

“I’ll be there in five,” she says. “Hold on two seconds, okay?”

“Liam! I need to go back to the dorm right now!” she yells.

“Just breathe, sweetheart. I’m not very far away,” Brittany soothes me through the phone. “Take a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. You do that right now. I need to hear it,” she orders me.

I try my hardest to calm my breathing, doing what she says.

“In through your nose and out through your mouth,” she keeps repeating until I start to calm down.

“Everything is going to be okay,” she keeps soothing me until she suddenly appears in my room and has wrapped me in her arms, squeezing me tightly.

I cling to her as she strokes my hair with one hand and gently sways us side to side.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks gently.

I pull away and wipe my nose on the back of my hand.

“It’s so ridiculous,” I half-laugh.

“No, it’s not,” she replies, holding her finger up, stopping me from trying to make light of the situation.

“You can tell me. Liam can go away too,” she says, jabbing her thumb at Liam sitting awkwardly at my desk.

“I can. I won’t be offended.” He nods, holding out my box of tissues, which I gratefully take.

“In fact, I think I’d ra—”

“Shut up,” Brittany hisses, cutting him off.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks again, slipping underneath my blanket with me and laying her head next to mine.

“I’ve been dreaming and having flashbacks of the accident,” I whisper, and she sits straight back up.

She shares a look with Liam before she lies back down.

“Do you want to talk about it some more, or do you want Liam to go get us a shitload of junk food, and we can watch movies?” she asks, looking me in the eyes.

“The second one,” I reply, feeling tears well up in my eyes again.

Brittany Sanders is the best friend I’ve ever had. She doesn’t care that I’m a blubbering mess. She will let me tell her anything—and I mean anything—and she will be there.

She is the literal embodiment of ride or die.

I decide right now that as soon as I’m a little bit more emotionally stable, I need to do something special for her—to show her how much she means to me.

“Thank you,” I whisper, wishing I could put into words how much I appreciate her.

“Pass me the laptop,” she orders Liam, who happily gives her my laptop.

“I’ll see you soon.” He nods before leaving.

The rest of the day, Brittany and I are snuggled up in my small bed.

Liam sits on my desk chair next to the bed, eating copious amounts of junk food and watching shitty movies on my laptop.

Not long after the sun goes down, Sophia comes back.

She takes one look at us and sighs.

“What did he do?” she asks, sending Liam a glare.

“I didn’t do anything,” he defends himself.

“Yeah, but he’s your best friend, so you’re guilty by association,” she snaps.

“It’s not him,” I answer, trying to explain.

“Well, he’s a little part of it, but it’s not all Mason.”

“Right,” she answers, clearly not believing me.

“I was in a car accident a year ago, and I’m sad about it,” I tell her.

Her face instantly softens. “Have you had a proper dinner?” she questions, peering at the trash all over my bed.

“Chips are a proper dinner,” Britt says, stuffing her mouth full of chips.

“I’ll go get us some pizza,” Sophia says kindly before disappearing.

“I like her now,” Brittany announces, making me laugh.

“Me too,” I agree.

When I first met Sophia, I never thought we’d become somewhat friends.

But I’m glad we have.

When she walks in carrying two large, delicious-smelling pizzas, my mouth waters, and my stomach grumbles like I haven’t eaten all day.

I’m definitely going to have to run double the next few days to work all this crap food off.