53. More Little Details

-Luke-

Damn that asshole that called himself Troy's father. I knew Troy's dad was pretty absent, but leaving him all by himself over the weekend? In a house like theirs? That damned place practically had a fucking billboard saying 'come rob us' hovering above it! I didn't even want to guess what a gang of thugs could do to a teenage boy.

"You seem mad," Troy spoke quietly while I was driving him to safety.

"Of course I'm fucking mad," I grunted angrily. "It's goddamn lucky that we got home earlier."

"I was going to be just fine," he said, and I snorted. "I can take care of myself."

"Whatever. I'm going to take better care of you," I told him without actually thinking about what I was saying. "You're not staying alone in that place."

"So now what? You're going to dictate how I can live my life?" Troy asked. "That's not going to suit me."

"Right now, I don't fucking care," I told him harshly. "I don't even care if you don't want to date me after all, but you're not staying alone in that place."

"So now you've kidnapped me?"

"Yeah. Feel free to call the cops, so I can explain your moronic father abandoned you. Maybe spending some time behind bars would do him good," I growled, feeling angrier by the second.

I saw him turning on his seat so he could face me. I tried to ignore his stare, but eventually I looked at him shortly. "What?"

"I'm actually OK with making out in the car," he said.

"What?" I asked again, forgetting about pretty much everything else than the words he just spoke.

"Pull over and I'll demonstrate," he said with a playful smirk.

I kind of lost my ability to speak. And think. And drive. Thankfully, the road was empty, so when I accidentally forgot to steer the car, I didn't hit oncoming traffic when I ended up in their lane. I quickly returned back to my senses and focused on driving.

"I'm being serious..." I muttered, keeping my eyes strictly away from him.

"Oddly enough, so am I," he said. "It's quite hot that you are worried about me," he added in a smaller voice.

"You are..." I started talking, but then I snapped my mouth shut. I didn't want to scare him away by saying that he was my world and everything I cared about.

"I know," he said, placing his hand on mine on the gear-stick.

I felt a blush creeping up on my cheeks, but shortly after, he removed his hand, and my skin felt cold.

"But I must warn you, if you try to tell me how I should live my life, we're going to have a problem," he said. "I'm OK with being kidnapped by you since I don't like to be alone, but if you try telling me what to do–"

"I promise, I just want you to be safe, that's all. I'm not going to tell you what to do," I said.

"Okay, that I can live with," he said.

Soon after that, I parked my car in front of our front home. Troy got out and grabbed his bag from the backseat and waited for me to lock the doors. He seemed a bit nervous when we walked up to the front door.

"I hate to be a bother. You guys must be tired after the flight..." Troy muttered before I could open the door.

"Don't worry about it. My mom wants you to stay with us," I told him.

"I just..." he mumbled, scratching his neck anxiously, but I didn't let him continue.

I placed my hand on his back and waited for him to look up at me. "Do you think anyone in my family could sleep well knowing you're all alone?"

He smiled shyly and rested his head on my shoulder. "I wouldn't," he admitted.

I hugged him tightly with one arm and opened the door with the other. I let him go when we stepped in, and my parents came to greet us.

"Poor boy! What are your parents thinking! Leaving you alone! I can't believe it!" my mom said, sounding almost hysterical, while Gwen shook her head in a disappointed manner. I could tell they both were angry at Troy's father.

"It's all right," Troy muttered, looking somehow lost and maybe even scared? I had been watching him so much I knew he felt anxious at that moment.

"We're hungry," I told them before they could make a scene. "Troy's tired too, so we'll be in my room, okay?"

My mom took the hint and nodded. "I'll come get you when the food arrives. We ordered a lot, so I hope you guys have a good appetite."

"I'm starving," I told her, while Troy stayed silent.

I took Troy's bag from him and led him upstairs. Once we were in my room, I turned to look at him. His good mood was obviously gone, and he was troubled.

"Everything is going to be all right. You are more than welcome to stay with us," I told him, trying to reassure him it really was fine.

"Thanks..." he mumbled, looking around. "I didn't want to make such a big deal out of this. I was just fine on my own."

"No, you weren't," I told him, but he didn't let me continue.

"He's all I have left," he said quietly. "There's my aunt, but... Could you just please tell your parents not to make a big deal out of this? I'm fine."

I didn't understand at first what he was talking about, but then it hit me. He didn't want social workers getting involved. The worst-case scenario would be him losing his home.

"Yes, you will be just fine. You don't have to worry about anything, okay?" I told him, stepping in front of him and placing my hands on his shoulders. "Like I would let anything happen to you."

He looked up at me, but I didn't see trust in his eyes. Of course, he wouldn't trust me, not after one date. I wanted him to know I was telling the truth, but only time could prove him that. It made me sad he didn't know how much I loved him.

Then, he slowly put his arms around my waist, and rested his head on my shoulder without saying a word. I felt him relaxing little by little when I hugged him tightly. I wished it meant he did trust me, after all. That, or he felt like he didn't have any other option but to trust me, and I hated that thought

I heard him sniffing quietly, and my heart dropped even more. "I didn't want to make you sad," I muttered, feeling absolutely horrible. The thing I loved about him the most was how happy he always was, and now I had made him sad. I really was cursed. I always ruined everything beautiful.

"No, it wasn't you," Troy said. "I just kind of had to admit to myself that my father really is an asshole." His voice was weak and trembling when he spoke. "His girlfriend cares more about me than he does. Your parents care more about me than he does..."

"That is sick, and wrong, and this might not give you any comfort, but at least you're now with people who do care about you," I told him quietly.

"Yeah..." he breathed out.

He didn't continue speaking, and I wasn't in a hurry to let go of him. I remembered the first time he let me hug him like that. I almost smiled at the thought of not having any timers around this time. I would have if he wasn't so sad. I wanted to make him happy, but I had no idea how. Maybe it was enough for now if I just let him recollect himself in peace? I loved holding him anyway, so if that was what he needed, I was more than happy to stand there with him.

Too soon, he took a deep breath. "Okay, I think this is enough self-pity for one day," he said, and chuckled, but it sounded humorless.

"I think it's all right to be sad in a situation like this," I told him. "I don't see anything wrong with it, even though your dad doesn't deserve it."

He pulled back and gave me a crooked smile before he brushed his hand through my hair, letting it stay there at the back of my head. "Dude is hot, he laughs at my jokes, and is supportive," he spoke quietly, like he was talking to himself.

I didn't know how to reply, but I guess I didn't need to, because he kissed me lightly before stepping away from me. "Is Bella still at Sky's?"

"Yeah – Sky wanted to have her one more day," I told him, trying to rip my eyes off his slim back. "I'm not sure if he's ever going to give her back."

"He's been so excited to have her," Troy nodded and turned to look at me. "He's been talking about her a lot."

"So, I'm definitely not getting my dog back," I chuckled, and he smirked.

The food arrived while we were getting the bed ready for Troy. My mom had hesitated for a moment before she let us make the bed in my room. I kind of wished she didn't know I was gay and madly in love with Troy. Obviously, we weren't going to do anything beyond making out, but she seemed to think that we would. She had agreed after I promised to leave the door open.

My parents let us eat in my room, so we took our boxes upstairs and started watching a movie. I wasn't surprised when Troy picked one that was based on a video game. I learned he loved fantasy games the most, so the movie was similar, and I did like it, even though I was completely lost with the lore. Troy spent a lot of time explaining who was who, why someone did what he did, and by the time the movie ended, I had no idea what it was about – I'd just focused on watching his excited expressions as he explained.

When the credits started rolling, he turned around on the couch to look at me, crossing his long legs and leaning sideways on the backrest. He looked me straight in the eyes for a moment. I waited in silence, since he clearly wanted to say something.

And, soon enough...

"Can I ask you a couple of questions?"

"Sure," I said slowly.

"They are pretty personal," he said hesitantly.

"...Sure," I muttered, bracing myself for the worst.

"It's just... I've been here in your room a couple of times, and I've noticed some things..." he trailed off.

"Yeah?" I asked carefully.

"Well, first, there's like ten different bottles of pills on your desk," he said, pointing at them. "Are you... Is everything all right?"

I sighed, cursing myself for not hiding the pills. I usually had them in my bathroom, but when we were preparing to leave for Australia, I forgot to put them back. "There's just six of them..." I mumbled, avoiding his eyes. I hated to admit to him how many flaws I had.

"Luke... I won't tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm not... I just... You weren't supposed to know about them," I murmured.

"Why not?" he asked with a frown.

"Because you might not... want to... be with me," I spoke, forcing the words out of my mouth.

"You honestly think that pills would affect my decision?" he asked. "Come on, dude! You have a dick, and I got past that! I can handle you having medication," he said with a smile, and stood up. "What are these anyway?"

He stopped by the desk and grabbed one of the bottles. "Painkillers... More painkillers..."

I didn't look at him while he read the labels. I didn't even say anything. I guess a part of me did want him to know everything there was to know about me. I had been hiding all that for so long, and I was exhausted from pretending I was something I wasn't.

"These two are for migraines, am I right?" I didn't look at him when I nodded. "Sleeping pills?"

I could tell he was starting to form a different kind of picture of me, and I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. I turned to look at him when he picked up the last bottle. He stared at it for a long time.

"These are..." he trailed off, looking sad again. "These are antidepressants." I looked away, and he walked to me with the bottle. He sat down next to me, reading the label. "When you said you were in a dark place... I knew what you meant by that. I just didn't know it's this bad."

"I'm..." I began speaking, but once again, I didn't know what to say. I never talked about anything that was going on in my head, and it wasn't easy to start.

"How bad is it?" he asked so quietly he was almost whispering.

"I'm better now," I said, looking at him. "One day I just... saw light. I saw the sunshine."

He looked at me for a moment before he smiled and looked down. "Sunshine, huh?"

"Yeah," I smiled. "These actually help with a lot of things, so I'm not taking them just because of my..."

Troy's smile faded when he looked at me. "...depression."

"Yeah..." I mumbled, finally admitting it to someone.

He gave me a smile and leaned his head on my shoulder. "If you ever want to talk, you can come to me, all right? You're my dude now – I want to know about these things. Maybe I can help?"

"Trust me, you have helped me a lot already," I told him truthfully. "I've tried to look at the world as you see it."

He nodded, wrapping his arm around my stomach. It felt really good to actually talk about it. It was even better when he understood. I had been worried he would laugh at my face or something.

"I wish you could see yourself as I see you," he said. "You're a good guy. I've always known that. You take care of your friends and help everyone who needs it. You really are pure gold."

"I wouldn't say that..." I muttered, before I could stop myself.

"I would, and I did. And I mean it," he said.

I shook my head and looked down. "Was there something else you wanted to ask?"

"Yeah, I did, but I don't want to seem insensitive if I changed the subject now," he said.

"Trust me, I really do want to change the subject," I muttered.

"Luke," he spoke my name with warmth in his voice, and I looked back at him. "I'm glad you chose to show me this part of you. I won't tell anyone about it, if you don't want to, and I want you to know I am here for you, just like you're here for me."

I nodded because I didn't know what to say.

He nodded too and kissed my cheek. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I can wait until you're ready."

"Thanks," I said, feeling relieved.

"Okay, so, I saw this pair of glasses–"

"Oh, God..." I sighed. "I really didn't want you to know about them..."

"Why not?" he chuckled. "If it makes you feel any better, every single person in my family uses glasses, so I'm probably going to need them too at some point."

"Really?"

"Yup," he said and stood up again. He walked to my drawer and grabbed the glasses from it. "Are these, like, reading glasses?"

"No," I sighed and got up to take them from him. "I should be using them all the time, but..." I turned to glare at the ugly, black glasses.

"Why don't you?"

"Because they make me look like a nerd," I sighed.

"What? That's not possible," he said, looking at my body. I shook my head and put the glasses away, but he was persistent. "Could I see how you look with them?"

"No," I grunted, but he gave me the puppy eyes. "Fine." I put the glasses on and turned to face him. I could see a lot better with them. "See? I look like a nerd!"

"A very hot nerd," he cooed, and stepped right in front of me, placing his arms around my shoulders. "You're like the Australian version of Clark Kent," he continued with a smile.

I squinted my eyes at him, but forgot to resist when he suddenly kissed my lips. I placed my hands on his sides, pulling him closer to kiss him deeper.

"My dude is a hot nerd," he murmured softly with a smile on his lips, without breaking the kiss completely.

Suddenly, it didn't sound such a bad thing to look like a nerd, after all.