47. Mood Killer

-Troy-

I woke up at eleven the next morning, but it took me a while to get my eyes open. I was always groggy after waking up, so there wasn't much brain activity going on. Not until an image of last night popped into my head.

"Maaan..." I groaned and hugged my pillow.

I had a date. With Luke. That happened. Like, for real. I was out having fun with a guy. And I asked him to come over. I would be spending the entire day with him.

"Dude, what the hell am I supposed to do...?" I mumbled and grabbed my phone.

Maybe I was still in denial. I figured that one out when I saw I had zero messages and missed calls. I couldn't deny that I was disappointed. I rolled on my back and stared at the screen, trying to make sense of myself. That didn't work, so I texted Luke: 'I'm up.'

I had learned it was best if I just didn't try to figure anything out. My head refused to work when it came to Luke, so it was best if I just followed my instincts.

I waited for like ten seconds before my phone started to ring. It was Luke. My stomach made a couple of backflips inside me, and for a moment, all I could do was to stare at the phone. Then I snapped out of it and answered.

"Hi, uh... Sorry for calling... I hate texting. My thumbs are too big for this damned thing..." Luke muttered, sounding anxious.

I had a dick joke in my mind, but I decided to act like a normal human being for once. "It's fine. I can't keep my eyes open yet, so this is fine," I said and yawned widely. "So, when are you coming over?"

"I need to wait for Max and Sky – they should be here in an hour. They're going to Wilkes' farm again."

"And they need your ATV," I guessed. "Say what you want, but I think you are a sweet guy."

"Well, I guess I can live with that if it gives me more points," Luke said.

"It sure does," I smiled and wiggled around in my bed, getting comfortable. "So... It will take almost two hours before you get here?"

"I'll try to come as fast as I can," he promised, and I had to admit it made me happy.

"I'll be waiting then," I said. "I should get out of bed now. Call me when you get here."

"Sure, see you soon," he said before hanging up.

I didn't put my phone away. Instead, I opened the messages and searched for my conversation with Max.

'You better get your ass to Luke's asap,' I texted him.

Soon I saw him typing a message. 'Why? What's wrong?'

'I'm waiting for him to come over,' I told him.

'Oh, okay. So, how was it? Did you have fun last night?'

I told him a little about our date. Well, not that little. I told him pretty much everything. When I was finally finished talking about our date, Max was already at Luke's.

'He seems to be in a hurry, so I'll need to put my phone away now. Have fun today!' his message said.

'You too, bye!'

I put my phone down and turned my eyes towards the ceiling. I had a smile on my lips as I stretched my limbs, yawning widely. Then I closed my eyes and grabbed my pillow, hugging it tightly. That peacefulness didn't last long.

"Crap!" I yelped and rushed out of my bed.

If Max was already at Luke's, it meant that Luke would be heading to my place in ten or twenty minutes, and I hadn't even showered yet! I undressed my pajamas while stumbling into my bathroom. The water was cold when it hit my skin, but I didn't have time to wait for it to turn warmer. I grabbed my shampoo and started washing myself, and five minutes later I was done. I grabbed a towel and went to find clean clothes, even though I was still wet.

While I was dressing up, I noticed how messy my room was. There were books and dishes and soda cans and tall piles of games lying around. I had never cleaned my room so fast in my life. Well, I just stuffed them all into my walk-in closet. At the same moment, when I finally banged the door shut, I got a text. It was from Luke, who was apparently on his way.

I felt a jolt going through me, and I checked my room in case I had missed something I didn't want him to see – like dirty underwear – but I couldn't see any. Everything was ready. I left my room and made my way downstairs. It became clear I was alone in our home.

"Dad?" I shouted, checking the living room and the dining room before I entered the kitchen. "Stephanie?"

Yeah... No one was home. I looked around in the big white kitchen. Our luxurious home was spacious, way too big for a family of three. The ceiling was high above my head, the outer walls were practically just windows, and every inch was coated with expensive stuff. My dad had hired some professional designer to furnish the house, so the place looked more like one of those model homes in magazines than an actual home. It had no soul, nor personality.

It was just a house where I lived.

I sighed silently and rubbed my arms, feeling chilly all of a sudden. The empty house was so quiet I could hear my own heartbeat. I wondered where Dad and Stephanie were and when they were going to get back. They hadn't left a note or anything. I saw money attached to our fridge, so I assumed they weren't coming back anytime soon.

"Figures..." I mumbled, and took the fifty-dollar bill.

It was nice to know my dad cared enough to leave me money so I wouldn't starve to death. No... The bill had a faint scent of perfume on it, so it was probably from Stephanie. So, my dad's girlfriend cared more about me than my own father.

I shoved the money in my pocket and opened the fridge, and grabbed a yoghurt to satisfy my hunger, but I didn't have time to eat it before my phone beeped shortly. I didn't even have time to see who sent it when I heard a car pulling up in our driveway. I could see a hint of green metal passing by our window, and my stomach twisted again.

I hurried to the door and opened it just in time to see Luke getting out of the car. His face lit up when he saw me, and he smiled. I forgot all about my dad when this warm, tingling sensation occupied my insides.

"Hi," he said when he stopped in front of me.

"Hi," I murmured nervously.

Luke didn't say anything in a while. I was kind of hoping he would break the silence, because my mind was blank. Then he raised his eyebrows.

"So... Are we going inside...?" he asked slowly, and I realized I had been just staring at him for a good amount of time.

"Yes! Sure... uh... Sorry," I muttered and blushed, turning my back on him to hide it.

He followed me in and stopped to look around.

"Damn..." he whistled in the big entry hall. "This place is big."

"Thanks... I guess..." I mumbled while stepping into the kitchen. "I was going to eat something. Are you hungry?"

"I just ate," he said shortly.

"More for me then," I smirked and grabbed my yoghurt.

I turned to grab a spoon from a drawer, and I could feel his eyes on my back. It wasn't anything new. He was always staring at me when he thought I didn't know, but boy, I knew. How many times had I caught him watching me? I couldn't even remember, but every time I had spotted him in a mirror or a window, he was watching me.

Suddenly, I was hesitant to face him. I knew what he was expecting from me, and that knowledge made me feel... Uncomfortable. But then again, last night he had said that he can wait, and I had the feeling he wasn't lying. He had always been patient with me. And yet... I could feel the tension between us.

Or maybe it was just in my head?

"Let's grab sodas and get this party started, shall we?" I smirked when I turned to look at him. "The Xbox is waiting for us."

"Can't wait," he said, but there wasn't much enthusiasm in his voice.

"We don't need to play if you don't want to," I said quietly.

"Of course I want to. I gave blood, sweat and tears to get you that console," he said.

"Well, I don't know about blood and sweat..." I trailed off with a grin.

"Funny," he said and nudged my shoulder. "Very funny."

I laughed and started leading him upstairs. He seemed impressed with our home. He whistled when he saw a glimpse of our living room, and for some reason, I felt a little upset. Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to invite him to our home, after all. My father cared only about his money, and if Luke was the same...

"This place is big," he said when we reached the second floor.

"Yeah, easy to avoid..." I spoke, but didn't finish the sentence.

I guess Luke knew what I was going to say.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, and I saw from the corner of my eye him lifting his hand, like he was about to touch me, but decided not to. "Is there no one home?"

I shrugged. "I haven't seen anyone around, and the car is gone."

I pushed my bedroom door open and stepped in before he could say anything. Luke stopped by the door and looked around.

"Wow..." he uttered. "You really like games."

He was staring at my bookcase. Well, I had nothing but video games on it. Hundreds and hundreds of them.

"I'm kind of a collector," I smirked. "I haven't played all of them, I swear."

He stopped by the shelf and grabbed one of the games, showing it to me. "You sure?" he had a wide grin when he read the title: "My little ponies..."

"Give me that!" I laughed and grabbed the game from him. "I don't discriminate. Like I said, I collect this stuff," I spoke, putting the game back in its place.

"Quite an expensive hobby you have here," Luke said, checking out my collection.

"That's the only thing my dad is good for," I sighed and turned my back on the games. "All I need is to try to talk to the guy, and he shoves money in my hand to make me disappear."

Luke didn't say anything, but I felt his hand on my shoulder. He turned me around, and before I could even blink, he hugged me. I was so surprised that I couldn't do, say, or even think anything for a moment, but then I relaxed. His hold on me tightened when I wrapped my arms around his back and rested my head on his shoulder. I had no idea what was going on in my head, but it all felt so... normal and natural.

"I thought you don't do hugs," I muttered against his neck.

"I lied," he whispered.

"Who would have thought that the ice-cold Luke Frost is actually a big softie," I mumbled.

"It's a secret, but even if you tell them, they won't believe you," he chuckled lightly.

I laughed too and pulled back just enough to see his face. He had a warm smile on his lips, and his eyes were radiating with kindness. He didn't try to make a move on me, even though the situation practically screamed for it. He just stood there, his hands still on my waist, making me feel like I was something precious. I blushed and looked down. A thought crossed my mind, and it didn't help me with my confusion:

I couldn't do much better than him.

It didn't matter that he was a guy, too. It didn't matter that he was two years older than me. It didn't even matter that I was still pretty sure I was straight. I was able to see us together, it was obvious now, seeing how my body had started reacting whenever he was around, but a part of me was still fighting against it. I wished he wouldn't have said anything in the first place. I didn't want to be in love. Being with Elisa had been easy because she didn't expect me to love her. No attachments were required.

Last night, I told him that easy wasn't always a good thing. A part of me wanted everything easy and simple, but the rest of me wanted to take the risk, and Luke was really good at convincing me he was worth it.

"We should probably get the Xbox ready before this hug gets out of hand," I said, letting go of him. "I want to hold on to my virginity for now."

Now it was his turn to blush. "That wasn't – I didn't – it's not... That was not what I was thinking," he stammered, looking embarrassed.

I laughed cheerily and went to get my new Xbox from my couch where I had left it last night. "What were you thinking, then?" I asked.

He let out a deep breath and grimaced. "Nothing that can save me now."

"Maybe you should keep that to yourself, then. Perv," I chuckled.

"No – it was nothing like that," he muttered. "I just... I was just thinking how cute you are..."

It was still odd to hear a guy saying such things to me, but not as odd as it should have been. No one had called me cute before.

"The Xbox – now," I commanded. "I'm still keeping my virginity."

He laughed and tried to hide his red cheeks while the warm feeling I had was growing inside me.

*****

"You should try these," I said, offering a bag of gummy bears to Luke.

He gave the bag a suspicious look, but eventually he took one. I watched him eating it, right until I realized how creepy that was, and turned my attention back to the video game. Whole two hours had already passed, and I was having fun. I was hoping that he was, too. He seemed to be warming up to games.

"It's just sugar," he said. "I don't understand why you like these so much," he said, and took another one.

"I'll get you hooked in no time," I chuckled, and so did he.

"You already have," he muttered.

"So I've heard," I smiled.

There had been a lot of flirting going on. And an immense amount of dick jokes. We were sitting on my small couch, side by side, our bodies touching and not really paying attention to the game. It was a Formula 1 game, and Luke was able to beat me in it, but that might have had something to do with me giving most of my attention to him.

"I don't know about these gummy bears though," he said, and tossed two more into his mouth.

"Just admit it, you love them," I said and nudged his side.

"These tastes like sugar, and nothing more," he said.

I took a handful of gummies and shoved some of them in his mouth, laughing like a maniac. He grabbed my hand and tried to move it away, while wiggling around so he could use his other hand too to protect himself. We had a short wrestling match on the couch, and he, of course, won with that non-fat body of his. Somehow, he managed to turn me around and locked me in a bearhug against his chest. We were laughing and breathing heavily, and I could feel his hot chest against my back.

"This is so not fair," I laughed, trying to pry him off me, failing miserably.

"You started it," he muttered into my ear.

There was something intoxicating in the way he spoke to me, his warm breath tickling my cheek and his low voice vibrating inside me. I turned my head back to see his face and saw him smiling at me with narrowed eyes. His hold on me was tight, and it didn't seem to bother him that I was sitting on his lap. Well, of course he didn't.

I was having a hard time trying to think of something to say, and he was just staring at me with a lazy smile on his face. Then he rested his chin on my shoulder, taking a deep breath, closing his eyes. He looked happy. And... It kind of made me feel happy, too. I even forgot that I had been trying to get free from his hold just a moment ago.

"Dude?" I muttered, and got some incoherent mutter as a reply. "Dude! Don't fall asleep!" I chuckled.

"Sure..." he mumbled and opened his eyes.

My neck was aching a little, but I couldn't turn my eyes away from him.

"You are..." he spoke quietly, but then he closed his mouth.

"What?" I asked just as quietly.

"Heavy."

I laughed when he said that. "You're a mood-killer!"

He laughed too and hugged me tighter. "Are we having moods now?" he asked.

"I think we've had a couple of moods already," I said, leaning my head back on his shoulder.

He was quiet for a while, but then I could feel him loosening his grip on me. "I know you need more time, and I can wait as long as you want."

It felt good to hear him say that. I climbed off his lap and turned to look at him. He was leaning on the backrest of my couch, his left arm resting on it. He still wasn't taking his eyes off me.

"Thanks, dude," I said quietly.

"No need to thank me. I just don't want to push you into anything. I would be a complete asshole if I did," he said with a shrug. "You are worth the wait."

"I see," I breathed out, and suddenly I felt like I was possessed. No – determined. "But what if I–" I said, moving closer to him, resting my hand on his thigh, "–don't want to?"

"Don't want... What...?" he mumbled when I leaned even closer, placing my other hand on the armrest and sitting back down on his lap.

"To wait," I whispered.

His hands were on my hips, but he wasn't pulling me closer, more like trying to prevent me from doing anything I would regret. "You don't have to do this. I really can wait until you're sure."

I looked at him carefully, trying to memorize it all. That would be happening a lot in a relationship with him, me sitting on his lap, and someday, there wouldn't be any clothes between us. I would be held by a guy, a man, in the most intimate way there was.

And I was okay with that. I was more than okay with that.

"I am sure," I whispered, resting my hands on his shoulders.

He lifted his right hand and placed it carefully on my cheek while wrapping his free arm around my waist. Our lips were just inches apart, and the heat of his body warmed me up. I stopped for a moment to see if I felt bad about any of it, but when I could feel only anticipation, I moved just a little bit closer. But he didn't do anything.

"Do you want to wait?" I asked when that thought occurred to me.

"Yes... and no," he said and chuckled nervously. "I just want to do the right thing."

I brushed my hand through his curly hair and gave him a reassuring smile. "I want it, so this is perfectly fine."

"But what if you'll hate it? I don't know if I'm any good," he muttered.

"We'll find out soon enough," I smirked. "But if you don't want to–"

"I do," he hurried to say. "I really do."

"Then quit stalling," I breathed out and moved so close to him that our lips were almost touching.

"I'm not stalling – you are," he spoke breathlessly.

I closed the gap between us, gently pressing my lips on his. Neither of us moved in the next few seconds, but then he parted his lips a little. I mimicked his movement, closing my eyes while his hold on me grew tighter. I think we both gained some courage after that. The kiss deepened while our bodies relaxed, and we took our time to learn how to be together so intimately.

Everything about that moment was exciting and new, and I enjoyed it. His hands caressed my skin slowly while I buried mine in his hair. I had never felt so hot in my clothes before. My body was acting on its own when I moved on his lap, and a low growl escaped his lips. That sound gave me shivers, and I wanted to do it again to hear his voice.

I couldn't help any of it. Maybe I was possessed, after all. Things were heating up so fast it should have scared me, but all I could think of was yes.

Then, all of a sudden, Luke grabbed my shoulders and pushed me back. He was panting, and he leaned his forehead on my chest, trying to catch his breath.

"Let's stay virgin," he said. "Okay?"

I chuckled while trying to return to my body – I was somewhere far away. "Mood-killer," I joked.

He laughed too and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on top of his. He smelled really nice. He felt really nice.

"For the record," I said when I didn't need to gasp for air, "I didn't hate it."

He looked up at me and smiled. I just had to plant another kiss on his lips.

I didn't hate it at all.