Chapter 42-Amara

I want to stand up, but I know my knees will wobble. So I stay sitting, focusing on my mate’s and my soul sister’s touch to keep me grounded. Roman must mindlink everyone except Seth and Sophie to leave, because everyone gets up and quickly evacuates the living room. Honestly, I barely notice. I’m still staring at the man who I’m supposed to call dad, and trying not to fall into the abyss of my emotions while I do so.

“I…” I start to say but trail off, not really knowing where I was going with it, but I feel like I need to speak. I didn’t really expect it to be this emotional, ignorantly I guess. In the abstract, it was much easier to think about him. But with him, my father, standing here in front of me, reminding me that I have a parent who’s alive, is bringing up so many feelings.

Stupid, stupid feelings. I don’t know a damn thing about him. He could be a sadist, he could be a homophobe, he could hate women. I mean, he’s the demon overlord from the underworld, he probably has some seriously sadistic side of him that loves to torture people. Maybe he’s enjoying seeing me sitting here, feeling tortured.

‘You know how wrong that last part is, Amara. As for the rest, I don’t know. Give him a chance, he’s the reason you’re alive and free. Not dead, or imprisoned by the vampires.’ Tamisra says

‘Thank you, oh wise wolf.’ I say sarcastically, but I feel some tension ease off and I know she does too because she gives me a cocky snort. Arrogant wolf, too bad I can’t hide my emotions from her.

“You don’t have to say anything, and I don’t know how much Evelyn and Marcus told you, but given the power that radiates off you, I’m going to assume you know the basics-” My father starts, but I cut him off

“I know you’re my actual father, that I’m the tribrid, and that my biological mother…isn’t…” I start but trail off again. Pure agony flickers in his eyes at that last part, and I cringe, but keep speaking “Anyways, my wolf is holding back my angel powers. I’ve done some experimenting with the demon side, but nothing huge. I haven’t known for very long and I’m freshly mated…the bond snapped into place when the seal you put on it broke. So I’ve been a little… preoccupied since then.” I finish, and his eyes flash, but he immediately contains the anger.

I want to scoff, but I don’t. I mean seriously, I’m almost 22. Did he expect me not to be mated? Most females find their mates before they turn 20. A lot actually find their mates at 18. I waited for my mate, my true mate, and went through more than enough before I found him. I find myself scooting closer to Roman and putting a possessive arm around his, but squeezes my leg

‘My love, he just found his daughter, and he immediately has to give her up to another male he doesn’t know. Give him a break, he cares for you.’ Roman says through the mindlink and I again fight off the scoff. Seriously, give me up? Like I’m a possession? I start to think up a snarky comeback, but I’m pulled back by my father’s response, directed at me.

“We can talk about the tribrid stuff later. If it’s okay with you, I would like to get to know my daughter first. I’ve spent years dreaming of the only child I was able to have with my mate, I wasn’t allowed the privilege of raising you, or of even checking in on you to make sure you were okay, maybe learning something about you along the way. I didn’t even know what you looked like-who you looked like. So yes, I have spent all the time since I learned what you were planning how I would help you learn and get past these coming trials, but first, I would just simply like to know you.” he says, sincerely. But then he adds, a little reluctantly if I was reading his emotions correctly “and I would of course like to get to know the hybrid you’re mated with” he grumbles

I laugh at that, and Roman huffs, but I can sense that he isn’t at all offended, if anything awestruck. I suppose this would be his king, he must feel some sort of loyalty towards him, beyond that desire to please him solely because he’s mated to his king’s daughter.

“Of course. I would also like to know my father…I will admit, this isn’t easy for me. I just learned of you…what…” I say as I glance at Roman “two weeks ago? Not even? I was raised by another man, one who’s blood I thought ran through my veins. I’ve been mourning him since the day he and my mother died. All of this on top of learning I’m supposed to save not only this world, but two others. But, yes, I want to know you, I want to call you dad and have it not feel strange.” I tried to say that as Amara the beta female, Amara the strong, but I let that last part slip out, showing my vulnerability. I picked those words carefully so as not to hurt his feelings, but that last part came out without my consent.

I must have Sophie’s hand in a death grip because I look down, and find her hand red and purple. I loosen my grip with an apologetic look at her and she only smiles at me, squeezing back, seeming like she would be content if I crushed her hand in my grip.

“I understand how hard this must be for you, I spent…a long while trying to accept the fact that you would call another person dad. I will not push you, if you decide you want me for nothing else other than mastering your abilities, that’s okay. It was a sacrifice I made when I asked the demi goddess Deumos to keep you safe on Earth. I do request though, that you at least experience my world, as well as your mother’s, even if just for a day” he says softly.

At his confession, his willingness to accept whatever I decide I want, I can’t fight the instinct to get up and hug him. I get to him so quickly and throw my arms around him, that I don’t even think he realizes what’s happening at first. He takes a second before he hugs me back. He smells of a campfire, and I almost let out a whimper. That’s how my dad…er the dad who raised me, smelled. Well, he smelled of the campfire and then plus the ocean. I always found it an odd combination, but that scent along with my mother’s rose and fresh laundry scent always lulled me back to sleep after the nightmares I had as a child.

Goddess, these emotions, I spent so long in denial about how much I missed my parents, so long pushing away the pain of that loss. My mom and Sophie were always my best friends, always the people I could count on. Obviously, my dad and I never talked about my deep dark secrets, but I knew he would move mountains just for mine and Seth’s happiness. I knew that if I ever came to him about something as stupid as boy problems he would listen, he always told me he would be there for me no matter what.

I never let the pain show, I never even let myself know how alone I felt without them. There was some part of me that screamed ‘I need no one, I don’t need to be coddled’ And I listened to that voice, clung to it in my despair. But here, here was the part of me that wailed for what I lost, for that comfort only my parents could give me.

I don’t know this man, no. But I do know he sacrificed his mate for me, goddess, could I sacrifice Roman for anything? Even my own child? No, I don’t think I could. Maybe I would feel differently if I was a mother, but no…I don’t think I could sacrifice Roman for anything. I think that even if the world was ending, I would drag him down to the underworld with me and beg him to stay there while I figured things out. I could sacrifice myself, yes, if there was a way for me to save everyone yielding only myself, I would. But not Roman. Not my mate. Not the man who held my heart, who shared half my soul. Yet, my father in front of me, who was clearly less selfish than I, he did. He allowed his mate to die for me. For me, the person who not even 12 hours ago decided I wasn’t worthy of this power bestowed upon me, the person who gave up on myself the minute my parents died. The person who accepted a life below her.

‘You did not accept that life, Amara. You rejected it the minute you realized the path you were on, wasn’t the path meant for you. You left the Red Moon pack without looking back. You didn’t even accept that life when you were living it, you always knew you were meant for something greater. Move past those self-destructive thoughts and focus on what you’ve done right.’ Tamisra butts in, interrupting my train of thought

‘Yes. Yes, you’re right, Tami.’ I said back to her, and I meant it. ‘Thank you’ I whispered to her

‘You have nothing to thank me for, I’m only telling you what you already knew.’ she says back. I pull away from my father and look around the room. Here, this was my inner circle, these were the people who saw me when I couldn’t even see myself.

My mate, my beautiful mate who showed me light in the darkness, who showed me what real love felt like, then there was my best friend who saved me from myself more times than I could count, and finally my brother who always understood and accepted me for who I was. Then there was my wolf, who saw the ugliest parts of me and still felt privileged to have me as her human, as privileged as I felt to have her as my wolf. All of them loved me, even when I was unlovable. Even when I was so self absorbed, trapped in my own anguish.

I have no idea how much time has passed since my father said those words to me, but I finally respond

“These are the people, minus those who raised me, who kept me grounded. It would mean more to me than you know if you got to know them along with me.”

“That’s a very small request, and one I would have wanted to do anyways.” my father says, and there’s tears-tears-in his eyes as he does so.

“Well first, this is my mate, Roman” I say, probably a little too proud but I don’t try to hide it. I would never shy from expressing my love for him. Although, whenever Roman stands up and actually bows to my father, I have to stop my jaw from dropping.

“Majesty, it’s a pleasure to meet you in person.” Roman says

“Well, while I would accept this sentiment coming from anyone else, you do not need to speak to me as your king. Call me Armaros” my father says, but then he again grumbles the last part “don’t call me dad though, we’re not at that level.”

Again, I laugh. I think I know where I got my dark humor from. Roman scowls at me, but when I look into his beautiful eyes, I don’t see any distaste there, only love and a flicker of amusement.

“Very well. Please, make yourself comfortable here. I will happily show you around my pack, show you what your daughter chooses to live in” Roman says, and I can feel the pride radiate through the bond. I smile, yes, yes I do choose to live here. I don’t think I want to be anywhere else. Roman eyes me, his eyes sparkling, and I know he felt my love for his pack-our pack.

“I would like that. Although, I must admit I’m intrigued. I’ve heard of the bloodline blessed by Haures, but I never got the privilege of meeting your ancestors. They all chose to reside here on Earth, as you have, maybe I’ll understand why in the coming days.” my father says coolly. Although, yet again he gives that calculating look upon my mate.

“The soul that was sacrificed, was sacrificed for the lives under my care that reside here on earth. Though, I won’t complain that I will finally get to experience what my ancestors never did when I travel to the underworld with my mate.” Roman says back with equal coolness.

I roll my eyes at both of these men, trying to appear unbothered or even bored with their masks toward each other. Sophie feels the same, because she gives me a look like she’s trying to hold back an eye roll as well. But, neither of us say anything. Typical male egos.

“Well, aside from my lovely mate, this is my soul sister Sophie, and my brother Seth.” I cut in, distracting my father’s assessment of my mate.

Sophie smiles politely, but Seth, he looks utterly uncomfortable. I guess this would be as weird for him as it was for me, to see this man that is undoubtedly my father, even though we never thought anything of the differences between our appearances. Those differences never occurred to me until now.

“An honor to meet you, your highness.” Seth says, extending a hand

“As I said, Seth is my brother. He was raised alongside me, and of course, always got his ass kicked by me” I said, trying to lighten Seth’s mood. “And Sophie, she has been my best friend since we were in diapers. Our mother’s were good friends”

“It’s an honor to meet you both. Thank you for keeping my daughter happy” My father says, with a slight bow in their direction. As much of a bow as a king would allow to anyone else, I guess.

“How about you sit down, I’ll invite the rest of those who were here back in. They’ve all become quite close with Amara, especially my sisters. Or I could show you to your room if you wish to retire for the night.” Roman says to my father

“Yes, invite them all in. It looked like I was interrupting some fun.” my father responds, a little lighter now

So Roman did, and although everyone was very much aware of the pure demon in front of them, we still carried on our fun and mocking as usual. Some part of me felt a little bit closer to being whole. Maybe that part would never really be whole, but this was certainly close. Whatever the future brings, I think I’ll be capable of taking it on. Tamisra’s smile tells me she agrees.