Chapter Twenty-Nine [Liam]

It's been well over a month since Eli and I last talked.

There's less than three weeks to go until the final day of senior year. The lake has thawed, the snow has melted and the beginning of May brings a whisper of warmth into the spring air.

Mack texted me. She wanted to go out and enjoy the sunny Saturday afternoon by the lake, which is less crowded now that you can't skate on it. Chloe has a date with James, so we canceled our practices today, freeing my day to make other plans. But I declined Mack's invitation.

Whatever her thing with Dean Miller was, I think it's over now. Her eternal backup hook-up, Trey Coleman, also seems to have a new fling, so Mack is currently completely single and unattatched. Happily, she says. She probably means it. A small part of me can't help wondering what went on on Dean's side of that relationship, though.

I was so focused on Eli and my own personal drama all year long that everything happening in my friends' lives sort of fell to the background.

I just heard Nat made a choice between the five schools that accepted her. I don't think I even remember hearing about her receiving these acceptance letters. And Gus. Just heard he had to change skating coaches. Apparently it happened a couple of months back.

It's somewhat of an ego check. While I've been busy being the main character of my own life, the world kept moving and other people were living.

Even without practice, I still wanted to get some hours in the rink. Spending so much of my time avoiding Eli this year means I didn't spend nowhere near as much hours on the ice as I used to. I want to make it up.

Eli kept his distance from me since our conversation, and this time I was okay with giving him space. Despite whatever misconceptions we both had going into our little fling, that last night in my room over The Lodge, when Eli broke down in front of me, was enough to make me realize that boy has a lot to figure out. And I can't help him with it. I would probably just get in the way.

We are in very different places. Mentally, emotionally and in every other possible way. Whatever we've been doing so far would most likely not do either of us any good. Especially with graduation - and the inevitable separation that follows - looming ever closer and closer.

It's a pleasant surprise to see him at the Ice Arenas and find I don't feel an urge to bolt. He sees me too, I think, but doesn't show any indication of preparing to run either. He doesn't approach either. We just stay on our respective rinks, focusing on our respective sports. As we once might have done, in what feels like a whole other life.

The hours tick by, sweat dampens my hair and people start to flush out gradually. Not us, though.

When the final figure skater finally steps out of the ice, I'm surprised to see Eli leave the hockey rink and walk on skates toward my rink.

I used to be the one to go into his rink, inviting myself into his space. Having him come to me... It's a change. Too small to read much into it, though. And that's what I need to tell myself and force my own brain to believe it

He skims languidly in my direction. "Hey."

"Hey," I reply, skating a circle around him before taking off ahead. He follows at a comfortable, lazy pace.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

Six months ago, I'd never have asked that. It's too personal, too intrusive, too risky. He would close up and pull back, and my priorities were on making sure we got to the good part first. But we're not doing that today.

"Okay," he speaks slowly. "Better," he adds more surely.

"That's good."

"I started therapy."

I take a moment, slowing to a stop. Eli continues just a little bit onward before turning around.

"That's good," I repeat as he stops in front of me.

"Had my first session. This morning."

"Are you going to the Lake City clinic?" That's where my mother has her therapy sessions.

He shakes his head. "No. That's a little out of my budget," he says. "Public hospital an hour out."

I nod. "How was it?"

I watch him press his lips together. "I don't know."

I am confident, by now, that 'I don't know' from Eli means he does actually know, but either doesn't want to say or hasn't really found a way to phrase it yet.

"Do you think it'll help?" I ask instead.

He takes a couple of seconds to think and nods. "Probably."

I smile. "That's good."

He returns the smile in a way that tells me he doesn't quite feel like smiling just yet. But he'll get there. Eventually.

"You know," Eli starts, skating a circle around me. When he takes off toward the other side of the rink, I follow. "The only reason we could find a therapist right away was because my brother actually got a promotion."

I raise my eyebrows. "Really?"

"Mhm. Bigger pay, better health insurance. Mental health covered as well."

We dodge the edge of the rink, moving in a wide circle. I can see Eli eyeing me with shrewd suspicion.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

I slow to a stop again. It takes him a while to turn around and move to stand in front of me.

"No," I answer his question. "Why would I?"

Eli cocks his head. "Apparently the promotion came from higher above. Same job title, better privileges."

All I can do is try to look properly clueless.

The truth is I didn't actually say anything about promotions. But I might have had a not-so-casual impromptu conversation with my father where I commented on the importance of safeguarding his employees' and their families' mental health, as well as physical. My mom was fully supportive, and I think my dad was just happy I showed a sliver of maturity and interest in the business.

I may have ridden on the wave of momentum and gone on to mention how curtial it is to recompensate valuable members of the workforce for their commitment, and how it was imperative for an employer to show his appreciation for such employees. Especially the ones with less contact with the heigher administrative ranks.

And I may have used Elliott Blake as a top-of-my-head, totally-unplanned example.

What can I say? Even though I usually zone it out to background noise, I still heard Natalie whenever she talked about... serious stuff. And I did learn the best bulshitting techniques from the Queen of Bullshit herself, Mackenzie Pruitt. Might have thrown some of Gus's melodramatics in the mix too, but I refuse to write down his merit on official record.

Eli drops the matter, starting around the rink again. We skate in silence for a while and I'm pleased to find I don't feel a need to fill it up with empty ramblings or shallow banter.

I do break the comfortable silence after a while, though. I am not made of steel.

"When's the drafting?"

"End of June," he says.

"Confident?"

He shurgs.

I smirk. "You're allowed to be cocky, Blake. I'll be the last person to judge you for it."

He snorts. "I'm confident. Moderately."

"What are your plans till then?"

"Dean and I are helping his dad when school's over," he says.

"Assistant Coach Miller?" I ask, frowning.

"Only during practice," he tells me. "The rest of the time he's a contractor. Self-employed." He looks at me. "He opened the business with my dad after they finished high school."

I nod. Right now, after everything that's happened between us, it feels a little insane that I didn't even know his dad was a contractor.

Eli stops by the exit and steps out of the rink. I follow him to the benches where the audience can sit during practices and competitions. Today, though, the two of us sit here alone. His knee brushes mine and I can feel his warmth through our clothes, but I make myself not read too much into it.

I look up to find his eyes already on me. Awfully close. Murky gray - more hazel than silver. There's a heat in my stomach that feels terribly like longing and desire blended together. I shouldn't look at his lips.

But then again they're right there.

I don't miss the way he takes a look around before leaning in. Except this kiss is so brief and innocent, just lips on lips, that I kind of want to pinch myself. I don't, though.

He licks his lips, worrying the bottom one between his teeth as he waits. For me? For a reaction?

It's like that first day right here at the Ice Arenas, when I couldn't believe he had tried to kiss me. Except it's nothing like that day, because that day is light-years away, in a whole other version of our lives.

I told myself I wasn't going to do this with him. It got too complex between us. Too messy. But that kiss didn't feel like I had expected it to. I expected the bitterness of unresolved affairs and the sour taste of past pain. Instead, it was chaste and sweet and light, like a request for permission or a plea for a truce.

And how could I deny him?

I lean forward, inviting him to meet me in the middle. He does, and this time the kiss is deeper, more intent. I recognize the fire in my stomach and the flutter in my chest that I had assumed belonged only in something I catalogued as a too-real lucid dream, meant only for me to keep locked away in a separate little part of my life that was never to be repeated or reproduced.

Eli's hand wraps gently aroun d my wrist and he pulls us both to the male locker room, but not into one of the shower cubicles like we used to. Instead, we fumble to remove our skates on the benches and then he locks our lips together once again.

His hand cups my face, thumb brushing softly and irresistably against my cheek. I let my own hand move of it's own accord to settle on his arm, while we share a slow, languid kiss.

It's the kind of kiss from movies, when the newly in-love couple wakes up on the same bed, with a full face of make-up, perfectly made hair and brilliant lightening highlighting the sweetness of the moment. The kind of kiss shared by two people who know they have a lifetime ahead, full of opportunities for innocent moments just like this.

Neither of those things is us, and we both know it. But it doesn't keep us from enjoying it now. Because every now we have might be the last.

***

Getting closer and closer to the end now!

The final two chapters are some of my favorites. Expect the return of a lot of side characters and one final Liam and Eli centered chapter ;)

For this one, I just wanted some calm before the end. What do you think it's going to happen next? The characters you've been following are all high school seniors — what kind of plans do you think they'll make?

Thanks for reading, as always - hope you liked it! if you did, please consider leaving a vote or a comment :)