: Chapter 5

The Past

Ten years ago

Avery is all smiles as her dad drives us home from Melanie Mendez’s party, the nearly midnight traffic of the city making me feel twice my age. There’s something dangerous and exciting and forbidden about it I can’t explain.

We’re teenagers now, officially thirteen, and after spending tonight at an actual boy-girl party, I just know our whole worlds are about to change. We’re not little girls anymore, and what lies ahead is a mystery I can’t wait to explore.

“What?” I mouth toward her.

She shakes her head, but her mouth crests up into the biggest grin. She doesn’t want to talk in front of her dad, and I don’t blame her. I heard a rumor when I was using the bathroom before we left that Vic Lorren touched her boob, and I’m dying to know if it’s true.

I eye her intently, a silent, “You better freaking tell me what happened as soon as your dad’s not around!” passing meaningfully between us.

Avery is my best friend. Basically, my sister. We don’t keep secrets from each other. Ever.

Her eyes avert to Mr. Banks again as he messes with the radio, and when it seems like he’s sufficiently distracted by finding the perfect song, she leans over in the back seat to whisper directly in my ear. “He kissed me.”

My eyes widen in excitement, and I turn to whisper back. “Who? Vic?”

She shakes her head, scooting back into her seat and biting her lip with her teeth. She scrolls through her phone for a minute before holding it out for me to see. On the screen is a picture of Brandon Worley.

Instantly, my heart drops to the Chanel flats my father gave me as some kind of let-me-buy-your-love-with-gifts thing he’s been doing ever since he and my mom split, and I turn to look out the window to cover up the immediate sting of tears as they hit my eyes.

My heart pounds and my ears ring as I try to make sense of what I’m feeling. Avery didn’t know, but I decided last week that Brandon was the boy I was going to go for. Now that I’m turning into a woman and all, I need to give boys my own age a shot instead of spending all my time mooning over her brother Beau.

Brandon Worley was at the very center of that plan.

Avery’s hazel eyes are wide with excitement when I turn back to look at her, but when I don’t give any reaction, she leans over to whisper into my ear again. “Brandon kissed me.”

My best friend just had her first kiss…with my crush.

“Like, on the actual lips. With tongue,” she adds quietly, and her giddy giggle vibrates my ear.

My best friend French-kissed my crush, and I feel like I’m going to vomit all over Mr. B’s black leather seats.

Avery’s gaze is locked on mine again as her dad pulls through the gated entrance of their massive beachfront home, her excitement untethered. I’m a mess of emotion as I try to sort out being happy with her and mourning my whole scheme to get over the one and only Beau Banks at once, but I try to smile.

She’s just happy enough not to notice that it’s brittle.

Mr. Banks pulls into the garage, and Avery all but drags me out of the car and into the house. By the time we get upstairs to her room and she slams the door, she tackles me to her bed with a giant hug.

“Brandon Worley kissed me, Juniper!” she whisper-yells. “He freaking tongue-kissed me!”

“I can’t believe you guys frenched.” I feign a smile and laughter and all of the things I should be feeling for my best friend. I do everything I can to hide my truth because Avery deserves all the best things in the world even more than I do.

When my dad screwed his secretary Tiffany and told my mom he wanted a divorce, Avery saved me. She gave me an escape. She gave me a family. She gave me support.

The least I can do is give her Brandon Worley.

“I know, right?” she squeals. “It came out of nowhere, June. Like, one minute we were just standing there talking, and the next, he was grabbing my hand, pulling me toward Melanie’s dock, and kissing me.”

“Is he…is he a good kisser?” I ask, my voice hesitant as I push myself through discomfort. When Brandon transferred to our school last month, something about his brown hair and brown eyes made me feel like he’d be a good stand-in for Beau. I always wondered, though, if Brandon’s kisses would be anywhere near the ones I’d fantasized having with Avery’s older brother, and now that Avery has the information, I can’t help but analyze it.

“Oh my God. He’s, like—” she starts to say, but she instantly pauses when her phone starts ringing from her purse. Her eyes go wide with a thrill, and when she snags her phone into her hands, a giant smile consumes her face, along with two shades’ worth of blush. “It’s him.” Her eyes flit from the screen of her phone to me. “Brandon is calling me, June!”

She doesn’t even wait for me to respond before she’s tapping on the screen to answer. “Hey,” she says, her voice sounding nothing like it did mere seconds ago when she was about to wax poetic about his magical tongue.

I don’t know what Brandon says on the end, but Avery laughs like whatever he says is the funniest freaking thing she’s ever heard in her life and sits down in her favorite loungey chair by the window, one index finger twirling a strand of her long dark-brown hair.

“Oh my God, Brandon. You’re so crazy,” she says, and more flirty giggles fall from her lips.

Suddenly, I feel like I’m intruding. Leaving isn’t an option, though, because my mother is busy moving in to her new penthouse condo in South Beach and my dad is busy with Tiffany, so I settle on a middle ground and tell Avery I’m going to go grab a snack from downstairs.

She barely even hears me, her mind one hundred percent fixated on whatever Brandon Worley is saying to her.

I don’t want to be jealous of my best friend, but I am. I want someone to want me like that. I want to feel pretty. So much so, I could cry.

I roll my eyes at myself as I head down the steps and into the kitchen. Avery’s parents are already in bed, but I’ve been spending so much time at my best friend’s house over the past year, I have no qualms about making myself at home.

Ever since my mom found out about my dad’s affair with bimbo Tiffany, my home life exploded. The fights and arguments between my parents grew nasty and vile, and spending the night at Avery’s was way better than having to hear the ugly details of my parents’ failing marriage through the walls. The Bankses have been welcoming, and I’ve gotten good at going with it. Heck, last year, for Take Your Daughter to Work Day, both Avery and I went with Mr. Banks to his marketing firm and sat through a conference call where a Chinese translator was needed for the client. It was probably the coolest thing I’ve ever been a part of.

When nothing sounds good, I grab a bottle of water and head into the living room and through the sliding glass doors that lead to the outside.

The soft sounds of the ocean are soothing as I traipse across the large patio area, past the infinity-edge pool, and out toward the deck steps that lead to the sand. It’s not long before I make it all the way to the beach and plop my ass down just mere feet from the water.

I wiggle my toes into the sand and run my fingers through it too, trying to make sense of how jealous I’m feeling while watching the light from the moon bounce off the gentle lap of the water.

My best friend had her first kiss tonight, and I haven’t kissed anyone. Probably never even will.

Melanie Mendez kissed Anthony Lazarus when she was eleven. And since then, she’s also kissed Greg Bolger, Evan Meyers, Lucas Wilson, and Marty King. That’s five freaking people she’s kissed, and I’m still at a big fat zero.

Tara Reynolds has already kissed three boys from our grade, and Jenny Steward has kissed four.

And now, Avery has joined their group, and I’m the lone wolf. Just sitting out here on my lonely rock of I-haven’t-kissed-anyone-yet.

Or maybe, it’s the fact that no one wants to kiss me.

A stupid tear escapes my eye and runs down my cheek as pity for myself starts to rage.

I’m the only girl in my class with copper-red hair, freckles, and blue eyes. Everyone else is either blond or brunette, and their boobs did some serious growing over the summer.

I’m the flat-chested, skinny redhead with—

“You okay?”

My gaze jerks up on a startle, and my chest locks instantly. Holy shitoly, Beau Banks looks good from this close up. I shift my eyes to his feet in the sand to get myself together as I nod.

“Fine.” It’s a lie, and he, I, and the ocean all freaking know it. Not five seconds ago, I was sniffling like a crybaby.

He sits down beside me, leaning back into his tanned hands and making his white T-shirt ride up on his perfect abs. He’s eighteen—five years older than Ave and me—and he’s, hands down, the most gorgeous human being I’ve ever seen in my whole freaking life.

When I don’t say anything else, he nudges me with his knee to get my attention, and my stomach flips over on itself. “How about you tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help?”

I shake my head. “It’s nothing.”

“Oh, c’mon, Juniper June, I promise I won’t tell a soul.”

Juniper June. Beau Banks is the only one who can make my name sound good to my own ears. His calling me “Juniper June” or “Juni” are my two favorite sounds in the world. Well…maybe second and third after his laugh.

“You’re going to think it’s lame,” I say, fighting my embarrassment by fiddling with a few grains of sand at my side. Beau is practically grown. He’s a man. He’s going off to college in the fall. Me worrying about my first kiss eclipsing sometime before the end of the world is so not going to be important to him.

“I swear, I won’t.”

I eye him knowingly. “You will.”

Beau holds both hands up in the air, his face as serious as I’ve ever seen it. “You have my word, Juni.”

Here’s the thing with Beau, when he gives you his word, he freaking gives you his word. He’s always been that way. Even being significantly older than Avery and me, he’s never not kept a promise. Not once.

He’s…the best.

I turn to him quickly, crossing my legs like applesauce and holding out a pinkie. “You can’t tell anyone.”

He nods, linking his finger with mine and promising purely. I take a deep breath and then, shakily, let it all hang out. “Avery had her first kiss tonight. Which is awesome for her. I’m happy for her, really. But… I don’t know… It just feels like it’s never going to happen for me. It feels like every other girl in my class has had their first kiss besides me.” I sigh. “I know it probably sounds dumb to you…”

“No,” Beau refutes immediately. “It’s not dumb.”

I tilt my head to the side and let myself meet his gaze for the briefest of moments. His chocolate-brown eyes are soft and warm. Basically, the opposite of judgy. “You don’t think it’s stupid?”

“Of course not,” Beau comments and nudges my knee with his. “But can I give you a little piece of advice that I wish someone would’ve given me when I was your age, worried about the exact same thing?”

Beau Banks worried about getting his first kiss? Puhlease. Every girl in school—and a lot who didn’t even go to the same school—has been in love with him at one time or another. His girlfriend is the Bethany Williams, known by everyone as the B Triple Threat—blond hair, blue eyes, and big boobs.

Beau and Bethany have probably been tongue-kissing each other for years now, and they probably even have sex.

My stomach pitches at the thought. I don’t know much about anything, but looking at Beau right now, I’m pretty sure sex with him must be the ultimate freaking experience. Bethany is so lucky it’s not even funny.

“You want the advice?” he repeats, his voice teasing, and I realize how long I’ve just been sitting here. I try not to blush, but I fail. I’m beet red; I can feel it.

I nod instead of replying, and he smirks at me.

“Don’t rush your first kiss,” he says. “Don’t worry how long it takes to come. Don’t worry about being the only girl in your class who hasn’t had it. Don’t worry about any of it. Focus on making sure you find the right boy to give that first kiss to. Because, Juniper, it’s an honor. Any boy who gets your first kiss should consider himself lucky, not the other way around.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He winks. “You’re not waiting to get it. You’re waiting to give it. Don’t settle for anyone who doesn’t deserve the gift.”

Goodness, how does he always make everything sound so good?

“Thanks, Beau.”

“Anytime, Juniper.” His smile is brighter than the moon. “You going to be okay?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “I will.”

He leans toward me and wipes the remnants of my tears away from my face, and the feeling of his touch sends me into overdrive. He leans in to kiss me on the cheek, and I turn my head at the last minute, just barely catching his mouth with the corner of mine.

It’s subtle, so much so, I’m not even sure he notices. But to me, it’s everything.

“Night, Juni,” he says before climbing to his feet and heading back for the house.

My chest pounds and my ears ring, but now, it’s for an entirely different reason. I can still feel the sensation of his lips, right on the corner of my mouth.

It’s not the traditional first kiss any of the other girls in my grade got, nor anything like the one Avery got tonight from Brandon, but I think it might be better.

Beau Banks dried my tears and gave me my first kiss all in one night.

I’m a goner. Hook, line, and sinker. And I’m going to marry that man someday.