CH 7: I'm Tired

Gulf was dead serious about courting Mew.

Once they were back from Chiang Mai, Gulf's plans were in full swing. He started making their breakfast every morning before Mew even wakes up. Mew never expected Gulf to cook so well on his own. Gulf took care of all of Mew's likes, dislikes and allergies. Gulf would treat Mew special just when they're in their office. Their team knew of their marriage but the rest of the office didn't. So Gulf had to treat Mew indifferently when they get out of their floor. Gulf would present Mew with bouquets of orchids to show his sincerity, every day. Gulf would flirt with Mew any chance he got but would shut up the moment Mew glared at him. He didn't want to anger Mew.

On Mew's periods, he would give him lesser work. Gulf would stock multiple flavours of ice creams and all sorts of chocolates. Mew would tell Gulf whatever he craved for and Gulf would take it as a mission to get Mew what he wants. Gulf would cuddle with Mew and still use his hands as heating pads when they already got a new heating pad. Gulf would shower Mew's face with kisses when he sulks. Of course, he avoided those alluring lips of Mew.

Mew just let him do whatever he felt like. All this was going on for two months now. And now, he was reaching his limits.

Limits of guilt.

It was known to Mew that Gulf was already hurting. He knew that he was pushing Gulf away. And it hurt Gulf. But pushing Gulf away was the most decent way out for him. He was afraid of what will happen to Gulf if he yelled at him. The last time he did, it is said that Gulf turned to a zombie. So yelling is not an option this time. Maybe he could try talking to Gulf.

Mew didn't want anybody to be hurt because of him. And that was exactly what was happening to Gulf at the moment. Gulf was hurting because Mew won't accept his love. Both of them knew it but Gulf could still not stop. He had been hurting on the insides like hell but won't let anybody see those scars.

Mew knew it because he saw how brutally Gulf was torturing himself to keep close to Mew. He saw it deep in Gulf's eyes. He could see how Gulf was screaming silently in pain, not making any noise. Mew had seen how happy Gulf would get whenever they would be talking. He knew Gulf's favourite time of the moth was his periods because he got to take care of Mew for the whole week.

Mew didn't like the condition Gulf was putting himself just for his sake. He wanted all of this to stop. He couldn't let this situation continue any longer. He had to talk to Gulf one day, so why not make it today?

They were heading home at the moment. Still in the car. He didn't give me flowers this morning, I think he understood, Mew sighed in relief. "Stop the car here," Gulf ordered the driver. "Just a minute," Gulf smiled at Mew before getting off the car. "What's going on in that head of yours?..." Mew said under his breath. A few minutes, maybe five, later Gulf opened the car's door again. A handsome smile decorating that bright face of his. He got in and handed Mew a bouquet full of different kinds of flowers. It had all the flowers in shades of red, pink, or white.

There were lilies, carnations, salvia, and myrtle. The lilies were red, showcasing Gulf's passion and declaration of his love for Mew. The carnations were in two colors. White ones calling Mew sweet and lovely. And the pink ones telling Mew that Gulf will never forget him. The red salvias in the bouquet were to mark Mew as Gulf's forever. And the myrtles were probably there to wish a good and lovely married life ahead. Mew was surfing through the internet, finding the messages these flowers were meant to convey.

Once he decoded them all, Mew let out a heavy sigh. He's really not ready to give up, are you? Mew mentally facepalmed. Just what did he need to do so that Gulf stops courting him?

"Take it to where I told you before," Gulf again ordered the driver who just nodded. "Now where are we going? Gulf, let's just go home, I'm really tired," Mew intervened. Gulf saw the exhausted expression of Mew and told the driver to turn towards their home. Mew closed his eyes, planning how he could talk to Gulf without hurting his feelings.

"We're home," Gulf nudged Mew. Mew nodded and got off the car. He walked inside without waiting for Gulf. I will clear it all today no matter what, Mew had sworn.

Mew was already settled on the couch, his face digging his palms. The bouquet was put on the coffee table in front. Gulf walked in, he sensed the tension Mew was feelings. "Everything okay?" Gulf asked, nervousness evident in his eyes and tone. Mew sighed before pulling his head and palms away from each other. Mew looked up, "We need to talk. Sit down" Gulf was turning more and more nervous with every passing second. He did as Mew asked.

"What is it?" asked the nervous man. "You should stop. More like you need to stop," Mew said in a stern voice. He didn't want to hurt Gulf but he had no other options to choose from. Gulf was acting like he didn't understand but he knew what Mew's words meant. "What do I need to stop?" Gulf was wishing that Mew wasn't going to say what he was thinking. Mew sighed again, "Courting me." There it went, Gulf's heart, adding more to the cracks that were already there.

It might only be Gulf who could tell how he was still functioning so well with a heart so damaged. The older scars of Mew's rejection had barely healed. And now there were more to deal with already. The string that kept all his scars sewn together was breaking. He had thought that maybe he needs to court Mew properly. But even after that, Mew was asking him to stop. Can he not even like me the tiniest bit, Gulf wished.

"But why?" Gulf somehow squeaked. Mew looked at him, this time with softer eyes. "You're only gonna hurt yourself. So it's better to stop," Mew suggested. Gulf shut his eyes, trying to not cry. "But, you're opening up to me. You tell me about yourself more often. We don't have to argue like earlier. We're much more comfortable now," Gulf listed down. "So why are you asking me to stop now?" Gulf asked.

"I am just pitying your condition. Nothing else."

Mew's answer made an urge to grow suddenly within Gulf. He wanted to kiss Mew to shut his mouth. But that would only lead to a worse argument. But he had to let his heart take a little rest too.

"Is pity the only reason?" Gulf asked. Pity could turn into love gradually too. Only if Mew was willing to give him a chance. But Mew was adamant to make Gulf stop courting him. Do I need to change my way? Gulf thought. But that would not work either.

Because Mew had closed the doors to his heart years ago. And he never had the urge or need to open it up again. He couldn't let Gulf in just out of pity for the younger. Gulf would then surely ask for more. But Mew was not ready to even let anyone in, let alone anything more than that.

"Yes. there is another reason too," Mew announced. Gulf looked at him. If only he could cancel that reason out, it will be easier. "My heart's already taken," Mew concluded. Gulf looked at him in disbelief. "I have a person that I love too. Don't ask more about it further" Mew warned the other. "You don't know them and never will. Also, I'm not cheating on you are anything like that because that person doesn't even know of my feelings," Mew marked, sadly.

Gulf's heart was ripped into pieces by Mew's words. Not that the pain he was already enduring wasn't bad, but this made it even worse. Gulf wanted to cry loudly. But that won't make the man in front of him love him back. He wanted to stop this discussion for now, at least. But Mew seemed so determined with this topic.

If Mew loves someone secretly, can't he feel what I feel? Gulf asked the heavens. But no one had an answer for this. Gulf was already so damaged on the insides. He never even imagined that it could get any worse. But it did. Before this, he only had scars that would heal in some time. But now, he couldn't even feel his heart in there, inside his chest. Not just his heart, but everything around him. He was so numb to everything. He no more thought of the slow wind that made his bangs tickle his forehead lightly. Not even the uncomfortable formal clothes he had been wearing the whole day long. His vision was starting to get blurry. Tears were invading his vision. So, he shut his eyes close as tight as he could.

"Can we talk about this some other time?" Gulf was suppressing his tears. Gulf was scared that if he opened his eyes, he would cry like a baby. The crying wasn't really a reason to keep his eyes shut though. He was more afraid of Mew. What if he opens his eyes and just kisses Mew? Mew would punch him hard in the face. After all, Mew was a no-nonsense-natured person.

"No. We have to do it today," Mew was determined to end this topic today itself.

Suddenly, Gulf got up from his spot and walked towards Mew. Mew was fixated at his place. Gulf squatted down before him and put his head on the crook of Mew's neck. Mew flinched at the sudden contact. "What are you doing?" Mew asked. Gulf smiled sadly. But Mew couldn't see it.

"I'm tired," Gulf stated. Mew frowned, "If you're tired then go to your room and rest." Gulf pulled away, "I'm just too tired." Mew sighed, yet again. "If you're tired, you better rest. And yes, before I forget. You have a contract signing tomorrow so be ready on time," Mew said. All you care about is work, Gulf wanted to yell. But he didn't have the energy left to yell. Gulf looked elsewhere, trying to make a plan quickly. And suddenly something clicked on his brains.

He needed time to organize his thoughts as much as he could. He couldn't work with a mind all messed. "I know you can take care of it," Gulf said to Mew and walked to the main door. "Take care of what? And where are you going at this hour?!" Mew was loud with his words. But Gulf was too numb to notice that there is a sound around him. Gulf had already taken his car's keys and was walking away.

"I'll be taking a little vacation," Gulf forced a smile. Mew blocked him, "Not now! Gulf, we have a very important signing tomorrow. Go wherever you want to after that." But Gulf wasn't listening. Gulf walked past Mew, to his car and started the engine. Mew walked furiously to where Gulf was.

"Gulf, get down. NOW! You can not miss this meeting!" Mew almost yelled. "I'm really sorry. But I need this break right now," Gulf was avoiding Mew's glare. "I know you're capable enough to deal with it even without me," Gulf said and was waiting for Mew to say something. But Mew was not saying anything. Mew was trying to calm himself before he said anything.

Not waiting anymore, Gulf drove away. He wanted to be away from Mew as much as he could. He had to think everything through properly before taking another wrong step. He had to mend his destructed heart. Was loving Mew really the right choice? Gulf asked himself. But then he just has something that can't stop me from loving him, the answer too was with him.

Gulf once again was driving aimlessly when he took a halt on a highway. It seemed deserted. Good thing. Gulf finally let his emotions take over him completely. Gulf cried like crazy, messing with his own hair. If he was in a room, he would have surely destroyed it. After what felt like an hour, Gulf calmed down a little. He slumped in his seat and started crying again. Slowly, his hand reached to his heart and he clutched his shirt there tightly. "It freaking hurts!!!" Gulf was talking to the air around.

His head was a mess. His thoughts were let loose in the open, running around wildly. He was thinking of the peaceful and happy moments he had shared with Mew. He thought of the time when Mew told him of being a hermaphrodite. Of the time when they bumped into his stepsister. The smile Mew wore every time they were talking about their mothers. Of what a hilarious face Mew made when he saw spicy food. Of the times Mew looked like his babysitter.

Gulf giggled to himself. "I'm not going back soon," Gulf said. He looked around the car for the keys to their beach house.

The breeze coming from the sea was the best thing that could help him calm for now. So, he drove there.

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What do you think of this? Like it or wanna kill the author?

Oh and, I really researched the meanings of those flowers.

The next chapters are gonna be about Gulfie's break. And how Mew handles things on his own.

Please vote and comment.

- Wan <3