CH 4: You Are Not!

Mew never acknowledged Gulf as his husband. He just treated him like his employer. He would ignore Gulf at home if he isn't talking about work. But thank heavens that a big project came to them and Gulf himself had to take care of it. It meant that this couple had to talk a lot even post office hours. Mew was living in a separate room from Gulf. Mew was always insecure that Gulf might start forcing his feelings onto him.

Little did he know, that the other man was hurting his own mental state just so that Mew could be comfortable. Gulf was now dependent on Mew. He couldn't be himself if Mew stayed away for too long. Keeping Mew in his sight was how Gulf made sure of his safety. And his own sanity too.

They had been married for three weeks now. But they were not even on the same book to be on the same page. Gulf loved Mew as a man. But Mew, on the other hand, saw Gulf as nothing more than his employer. Gulf was hurt but could not show it. He was afraid that if he showed his feelings any more than he was already showing, Mew would leave him. And there had already been this condition Mew made. Mew would go to his own house every weekend and only go back to their place on Monday after work. Gulf could not refuse as Mew did need his own peace of mind, which he only got when away from Gulf.

Gulf was hurting so much but he could not show. His heart was growing weaker day by day and he couldn't complain against it. He had to endure all the killing pain, just to see his precious person. Mew could not care less. Though, he didn't want Gulf to hurt like that.

Yes, he did notice all the efforts Gulf had been making just for his comfort. He could see the hurt in the younger's eyes. But he didn't do anything out of fear. He was afraid that he might give Gulf hope. But giving him hope and then shattering it would hurt Gulf worst. So he tried avoiding Gulf. It was better if Gulf stopped having feelings for him. It would be easier. He totally forgot that they were married. As a married couple, they were expected to be in love. Or to act like that. But both of them were running away from it for just one person's comfort.

***GULF'S CABIN***

Gulf was going through all his emails. He had so much work for the past week. That one week when Mew took a break, it was hell for him and his team. They could not rest properly. Gulf had become a zombie. He didn't have the will to keep living anymore. He had never seen Mew be so angry. Of course, he knew that Mew gets angry. And he used Mew's anger to get out of some situations too. But he never thought that Mew would spit all those words on him. He was hurt but too stupid to not stop loving him.

As Gulf was spaced out, the door to his office opened. He thought that it might be Yibo. He only man who knew everything from the start. But it was...Mew?

When Gulf recognized who it was, Mew was already standing near his desk. Gulf looked at him, confused. Mew had been avoiding entering his cabin as much as he could. Mew would have Wan send all the files and folders to him. Mew would take orders through the telecom instead of going in and hearing it directly. Mew would only accompany Gulf to meetings. But today, right now, Mew was standing in his office without invitation.

"Anything wrong?" Gulf arched his brows. Mew shook his head. He saw an envelope in Mew's hand and just kept staring at it. Mew coughed to gain his attention and passed. Mew placed the envelope on Gulf's desk. Gulf's eyes followed Mew's veiny arms.

'RESIGNATION LETTER' It read. The FUCK? Gulf's eyes were shining with hurt, again. Mew noticed the change from confused and happy to sad and hurt. Gulf looked up in Mew's indifferent dark orbs. Mew saw the pleadings and questions in Gulf's bambi eyes. He just let it go unseen. Gulf lost all his strength.

Finding some of his lost strength, Gulf asked, "What is this?" Mew sighed, "My resignation." Gulf was furious. "Why are you resigning?" Gulf tried keeping calm. Though he was already gritting his teeth while speaking, he kept his composure.

Mew looked him straight in the eyes. "I don't want people to talk bad about me. I'm married to the CEO. I don't know how many rumors will arise from this," Mew said. "Also, it's been hard for us both to work together. It's always uncomfortable. It's better if I work somewhere else," Mew was stern with his words. Gulf had been trying to absorb every word that he just heard.

"I don't allow it," Gulf said. An intimidating aura surrounding him. This was the one thing missing from Gulf for a whole month now. And Mew managed to bring it back just in some minutes. Mew looked at him, pissed. "What do you mean, huh?" Mew asked. Gulf gritted his teeth, "You are not resigning. I won't let you." Mew slammed his hands on the desk. "You can't do that. You have to accept it. Don't make it difficult for both of us," Mew too was gritting his teeth.

"I'm doing everything to make you feel comfortable. I've even lost myself because of you. All I want is to see you around me. Is it that hard for you to do?" Gulf was breaking faster at this moment. Gulf was rising from his seat and moving towards Mew. "I don't want to be seen as a gold digger by others. And so, I'm leaving this company," Mew spat. No one would dare say a word about you as long as you stick with me. Why don't you understand this fact? there goes Gulf's last brain cell.

All Gulf knew about the next moment was that he was standing irresistibly close to Mew. Mew was standing there shocked, eyes wide open. Gulf holding Mew's jaw and kissing him on his lips. Though not a whole lot of a kiss. They were just standing with their lips touching. As soon as Mew recovered the shock and regained his thoughts, he pushed Gulf away. Gulf too looked shocked.

It was like Gulf didn't know what he had just done. What was that? Why did I kiss him? Gulf asked himself. Of course, he had wanted to kiss Mew, but not against his will. And that seems to be exactly what he had done moments ago. Guilt rushed through Gulf's body and he looked at Mew. His eyes showed that he was lost, he didn't know what he just did. Mew was done with all this shit. "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!" Mew shot.

Gulf didn't know how to react. Mew was fuming. Gulf knew that Mew already thought of him as an asshole, so he just kept that mood. Anyways, Mew won't care for him. "You are not! resigning. And that is final," Gulf said. The way he's acting is hurting himself, but he had to act tough for now. You can't lose him, Gulf, he told himself.

"I've had enough of this!" Mew shouts. Gulf just looked at him. Still acting high and mighty. Mew continued, "I don't approve of it anyway!" Gulf was declaring. Mew was only pissed further.

"I really can't take this! I've already married you and now, I can't even make my own decisions," Mew said angrily. "I've already tried hiding my feelings for you! All I want is you around me. Can't you just pity me that much," Gulf begged but in a stern voice.

Mew replied, "It is suffocating me! Your feelings make me uncomfortable. The moment I got my freedom back, I had to marry you!" Now Mew was suppressing his cries. It wasn't easy for him either. The moment his stepmother finally left him alone, he was unmeasurably happy. He felt heavens coming to him. Now he won't have to answer someone every time he's back home, was what he thought. He could miss his dead mother freely. He could cry whenever and wherever in his house and there won't be anyone to pester him. He won't have to go through all that verbal harassment he had endured for years. For the first time in years, he felt he could be happy freely.

But his fantasies came to an end when he agreed to marry Gulf. Now he would have to see the guy who liked him every day. Not that he was against Gulf's feelings, but he wanted to find himself first. He wanted to find the person he himself was again. He had lost himself when he was eighteen. He had scars that he could not show. The one person he loved, left him hanging on a thread.

He could only build a fortress around himself. A fortress of his memories, the happy ones so they could help keep the sad one in the shadows. The person he originally is was imprisoned deep in that fortress. And he didn't let people know about this fortress he built to cage himself. After years, he felt like breaking out of it, but the burden of Gulf's feelings towards him came gushing in. And he was trapped again. All he wanted was a chance to know himself again. But knowing that someone likes him, he went crazy. He was never sure if there would ever be a person who would accept him despite all his scars. And he doesn't think Gulf would be that person, remarking his profile. Mew would only be a burden to anyone and everyone.

Mew was looking everywhere but Gulf. "Now you're being forceful," Mew said. He was trying to be calm but he just couldn't. There were tears in his eyes but he won't let them fall. "Then you shouldn't have agreed to marry," Gulf losing his mind. Mew's eyes flashed, "Right. Then we can just divorce. Not many people know about us anyway." That was it for Gulf. He held Mew close. He was pleading, "Don't say that, please. I can't do that, ever. Please."

For Mew, this was becoming too much. He didn't like being touched and right now Gulf was holding him so tight. He hated hugs. Because they will have to let go eventually. So, Mew pushed Gulf as strongly he could in his state. Gulf lost his balance and was on the floor. "Please don't" on repeat. But his voice was muffled by Mew's ghosts and Mew stormed away.

Win was about to enter the cabin but on seeing this mess, he just closed the curtains and went back to his place. "P'Mew?" he called when Mew was near him. Mew turned to him timidly. "Hmm?" Mew asked. Win replied, "Wanna go for a drink after work?" Mew thought and then agreed. "What are you two talking about?" Wan became her nosy self. "Going for a drink after work. You're coming no matter what," Win demanded. He didn't want to deal with Mew on his own. He knows that Mew will control his anger if a girl will be with them and Wan was the perfect candidate.

*NIGHT*

***BAR***

"Fuck that bastard!" Mew yelled as he chugged down his glass. Win was thankful that he wasn't alone with Mew. Or maybe Mew would have surely beaten him to black and blue considering how drunk he was.

"What happened to him today?" Wan elbowed Win. "A really bad argument. CEO even cried. Don't mention it, I eavesdropped over it. No one told me about it," Win whispered to Wan. Wan nodded. "Phi~ let's go. We'll drop you home" Wan said. She didn't like places like this and Mew was not in the condition to be left alone.

"I'll bring him to my car. You follow us with yours" Win planned. "I'm not going to that bastard's house. I want to go to my house. I want my mom!" Mew was whining like a child. These two were the only ones who knew Mew's family and his secrets. Well not all but quite some.

***MEW'S HOUSE***

"I'll go take him to his bed. You stay here," Win advised. They were at Mew's place and Mew was passed out. Wan just waited in the living room. She herself was a little drunk. Win was the only person who could be called sober.

Win was with Mew in his room. A phone rang through the living room. Wan jolted to find it. It was Mew's. The caller's number was saved as 'He Who Should Not Be Named'. What a creative way to save your husband's number. But Wan didn't know that and just picked the call.

[THE CALL]

Wan: Who's this?

Gulf: who are you and why are you answering Mew's phone?

Realization hit Wan soon.

Wan: Mr. Kanawut, this is Wan.

Gulf: Kwog Wan? My secretary?!

Wan: Yes sir. P'Mew, me and Win just went for a drink and right now at P'Mew's place.

Gulf: where is Win?

Wan: He's putting P'Mew to bed. We'll leave in some time.

Gulf: Okay... I'll be there soo-

Wan: I know it's not my place but, please don't come here. P'Mew seems mad at you. I don't know the reason, but he'll only be more mad if you come here. I just say as P'Mew's friend.

Gulf: O-okay. Then make Win stay there. Just don't leave him alone when drunk, please.

[CALL END]

Wan felt the sincerity of her boss towards her friend but she couldn't do anything. Soon enough, Win came back. "Mr. Kanawut asked you to stay here with P'Mew" Wan said. Win was suspicious. "When did he tell you that?" Win interrogated. Wan replied, "Some minutes ago. He called P'Mew's phone. He wants you to take care of his beloved husband," Win sighed, "Wow, 'beloved'. Just when will these two fall in love? Then we can be at peace," Wan snickered, "P'Mew has his own problems. And you know that. CEO is sincere but we can't be sure for the future."

Mew's secrets were not something just anybody would accept. They would be a big problem. And it just becomes worst becomes Mew can't run from it. He's stuck with it for a lifetime.

*SOME DAYS LATER*

For the past some days, Gulf had been giving Mew his space. Mew had been finding bouquets of gladiolus and orchids on his desk every morning he came to work.

Hazel, another member of their team told Mew the meaning behind those flowers. "Gladiolus represent apology to a loved one. And orchids show sincerity," Hazel said. Mew was sure those were from Gulf so he just ignored them.

__________________________________________________________

End this drama you both!!! Well, who am I to yell?

Mew's secret is on the way.

Anybody who needs hugs???🤗🤗🤗🤗

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-Wan<3