CH 14: I Know Now...

Continued...

Gulf moved towards Mew and tried gripping his shoulders. Mew didn't know what this would lead to. He didn't know if he wanted to talk further. He was afraid that Gulf being this close to him would lead to just more pain in his heart. He was afraid that they will only quarrel worse. He didn't want to quarrel. Not with Gulf. It was like Mew's arms had a mind of their own and they pushed Gulf away from him.

Gulf's back hit the kitchen cupboards and he groaned lowly in pain. Mew's brain snapped to focus on Gulf. He moved to him. Gulf was confused by Mew's actions. He didn't understand just what did Mew want from him. "I'm sorry," Mew cried as he neared Gulf. Gulf was just looking at him, lost. "I did-dn't mea-an to hu-urt yo-ou," Mew said as he clutched his hands to Gulf's t-shirt sleeve. Mew cried worse. Why do I always end up hurting him!? Mew thought.

Mew's tears started flowing faster in guilt. He never wanted to hurt Gulf. But he always ended up doing so anyway. Gulf saw Mew's tears and had this sudden urge to comfort him. He himself was so broken but watching Mew like this was something he could not see. He didn't know why but he couldn't see Mew like this. The tears in Mew's eyes were the last thing he would like to see in the world. Last thing... because after that he won't know how to keep on living. He loved Mew too deeply for this world to comprehend. This man was too pure at heart for this world to deserve.

This purity was one of the things that stopped Mew from loving him back then. Mew knew that whomever Gulf would love will be the luckiest person alive. But Mew was too broken and too far in the dark for Gulf to reach. Gulf would only hurt himself if he wanted Mew. Mew's scars were deep, but he couldn't talk about them. He had to keep away from the world to stay away from being hurt anymore. Closing his heart was the best Mew thought he could do to protect himself. And opening the doors to that dark place would only bring hurt. And it did. The moment Mew wanted to open his heart's doors again, to let Gulf in, he was hurt again.

Gulf couldn't stand Mew's tears and apologies any longer. He forgot about his hurting back and leaned forward to embrace Mew. Mew leaned his head on Gulf's heart. It was beating like drums. Mew lowered his face because he didn't know how to face Gulf after what he just did. He knew that he pushed Gulf quite hard. He knew that Gulf's back was paining because he crashed against the cupboard. He knew he was the one crying worse among the two.

But he didn't understand why Gulf was still hugging him. Gulf should have pushed him away. Yell at him. But this man hugged him close instead. Just what had Mew done that Gulf was treating him so good all the time.

All his life, Mew thought that he's not very likable. He thought that he can't depend on anyone. Because he couldn't depend on his own family, let alone anyone else in the world. Then there came Gulf, his guardian angel. Gulf was the first one after his birth parents who was so fine with him being a weird one. He was a poppy in a field of daisies but Gulf still sat by him. Admired him. He never understood why anyone would accept him.

Mew didn't know if marrying Gulf was his best or worst decision. By marrying Gulf he got people he could call mom and dad again. He got a man who accepted him even after knowing his medical condition. Gulf treated him like being a hermaphrodite was as common as cough and cold. But marrying Gulf also brought him a big burden. A huge burden of guilt. Mew knew that Gulf loves him before the marriage. He still married him when he knew he couldn't love him any soon, or maybe never. Every time they had a quarrel, Gulf was hurt. And Mew would drown deeper in his pool of guilt and regret.

But still, Gulf was there in front of him. Holding him. Rubbing his back to comfort him. When Mew should be the one checking if Gulf was hurt, it was Gulf caressing him. He thought of himself as such a loser. "I never wanted to hurt you," Mew sobbed. Gulf smiled sadly. "It's okay. I'm fine," Gulf assured the crying baby. Mew lifted his head off Gulf's chest. "How can you be fine?! I always end up hurting you!" Mew cried again. Gulf was a stranger to this side of Mew, but he liked this one too.

"I... get it now..." Mew's cries started to subside now. He took some deep breaths. Mew spoke again, "I now understand what you meant when you said when you said you were tired" Gulf looked at him clueless. Mew explained further, "I get it... you started to love someone else. I get it now." And his eyes were starting to be filled with tears again. Gulf moved his hand to Mew's cheek. Mew flinched at the touch. "No... you got it all wro-" Gulf started but Mew shut him with his words.

"I'm sorry... I know I'm late. And I'm so sorry for that," Mew spoke again and again. It was like chants now. Gulf could not understand why was Mew so sorry. Mew just kept on chanting 'I am sorry' and 'I am late'. "Why are you sorry?" Gulf was having his eyes filling up too. He didn't know what it was but he somehow knew that Mew doesn't want to listen to him. But he had to end this matter today. He had to tell Mew what really happened.

Every day waking up and not finding Mew in this huge house was tearing Gulf apart. He was missing Mew the moment he had left that night. He even went to Mew's house to talk to him but Mew chased him away. Even Win and Wan told him that Mew would be crying in his room whenever they went to check on him. He wanted to go to Mew the moment he heard that. He wanted to know why was Mew crying so much. He wanted to hold Mew close to comfort him. But he also knew that Mew would not even open the main door for him. And barging in would only make Mew lose his temper more.

Gulf had been trying so hard to talk with Mew the past week. Every time he called for him, Mew would ask if it was work-related. And if it wasn't about work, Mew would walk away from Gulf without another word. Mew was moving back to his shell. He was moving back to the depth from where Gulf had a hard time bringing him out. But this time it was even harder. Before this mess, Mew would still be in the same house as him. But this time Mew moved away. At work, Mew didn't even look him in the eyes. Mew was running away faster than he ever had. The deeper in the shell Gulf entered his hands to get a hold of Mew, the more Mew curled up making it difficult for Gulf to reach him.

Gulf planned all this today because he just couldn't live without Mew's voice around him. The silence made him uneasy. It pierced through not only his ears but also his heart and existence.

Gulf tried clearing the mess again, "But she and I-" Mew interrupted him again, "Don't deny it! I know you're tired of this all!" Mew was again losing his voice. Gulf cupped Mew's face with one hand and the other was on his back. "When I said I'm tired, it meant that my schedules and all the workload were tiring. And I needed a break," Gulf tried reasoning. But Mew's mind was too messed up to be working only on reason. His emotions had already taken over him and now he didn't remember how to reason properly.

"Don't lie! There's no need to!" Mew's ripped heart spoke. Gulf looked at him, he didn't know what to feel. Mew continued, "I know you were tired of me! You were tired of loving me!" And Mew started to cry again. He was hurt, not by the fact that it was all piercing through his heart, but because Gulf was covering things he already knew of. That was the last straw for Gulf. Now he thought was the time to say all those things he had buried deep down.

Gulf softly spoke, "I was..." And Mew's cries got louder, only if it could be louder than it already was. Tears streamed down Gulf's face silently. He continued, "I was tired. Tired of always chasing after you. Tired of you pushing me away. Of how you rejected me no matter what I did."

***IN FRONT OF GULF'S BUNGALOW***

"Why are you in such a hurry?" March asked his wife. Fon was thinking about her two sons. "I am just worried about those two," Fon answered. Since the morning, she was pacing back and forth. Fon was pretty sure that Mew and Gulf had some problems going on but weren't talking about it with her. "I'm having intuitions that they both are in a bad fight. A really bad one!" Fon said. Her intuitions started when she saw Mew walk away from Gulf the other day at work.

When she saw Mew walk away, she saw both their expressions. Mew's eyes were shut close and his face was turning red. It was like he was trying to bottle up his cries. And Gulf had a worried expression. His eyes spoke discomfort, and his aura was not as strong as always. But one thing she found common about both was that they both seemed tired. Both their eyes were swelled and had bags under them. Like they had been crying a lot and had barely been sleeping. She found out that Mew had been trying to stay away from Gulf.

She wanted to interfere long before but she let it be. She wanted to see them both clear it on their own. "They're adults! They know how to fix their problems. Fon, dear, stop worrying. If things get out of their control, they'll come to us," March reassured her and kissed her forehead before they enter the house. Fon smiled nervously and got on her toes to kiss her husband's cheeks.

They stood in the living room, no sign of the two married men. The door was not locked, Mew must have forgotten to lock it after he entered. "Gu-" March tried calling but Fon but her hand on his mouth. She whispered, "Don't call them." March looked at her confused but then they heard some cries coming from the kitchen. "Let's leave. They can solve it on their own," Fon said and dragged March along.

"What is going on with those two?" March's brows were furrowed. Fon sighed, "I don't know but let's just not interfere." And they walked back to their car.

***KITCHEN***

By every word, Mew felt how much he has been hurting Gulf. "I'm sorry," this was all Mew could manage to let out of his lips. He didn't know what else he could say. Gulf continued, "I was so tired of seeing you walk away. Of how you would start ignoring me..." Gulf paused to catch his breath.

"But I was never tired of loving you. I can never be"

"Sorry for loving you only now..."

Both the lines came out at the same time. Gulf was caught off guard. He couldn't believe his ears. He couldn't believe that Mew just said that he loves him. Gulf looked at Mew with his eyes and ears wide open. There were tears of happiness brimming his doe eyes but he didn't mind. "Sorry to realize that I love you only now," Mew didn't hear what Gulf had said.

Gulf tightened his hands around Mew. He wanted to keep Mew as close to him as possible. This was probably the happiest thing to have happened to Gulf to date. His one and only love started to love him back.

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Wan *smiles evilly*: Hold up! There's more to happen to this situation.

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- Wan <3