CH 9: I'm Such A Disappointment

MEW'S SITUATION

*THE NIGHT GULF LEFT*

MEW'S POV...

I was still standing here, at the main gate. I saw Gulf drive away about an hour ago. He really let the personal and professional matters cross paths, didn't he? Sigh. Now I have to clean after the mess he left behind. This idiot didn't even say when will he return. Now how am I supposed to reschedule the meeting when I don't even know how long is my boss gonna be away?

What a shitty life you have got, Mew Suppasit. Why can't just one thing go right for me? What sin did I commit in my past life that I have to endure so much in this life?

I ran my hands down my face to my neck, rubbing it. In frustration and confusion. I believe. I walked back in and flopped down on the couch. When all of a sudden, my eyes traveled on their own to that bouquet.

AUTHOR'S POV...

The bouquet was given to Mew by Gulf. It was to show everything Mew meant to Gulf. That day, through the bouquet, Gulf had declared his love and passion for Mew. There were flowers in it, positioned beautifully, telling how Gulf could never forget Mew and how sweet and lovely of a person Mew was for him. There were flowers asking Mew to be Gulf's forever and ever. His little lover had even put in flowers wishing for good luck in their married life. But Mew was afraid that he could not accept any of those terms. He wanted to be a person of his own, not bound to anything or anyone.

The man lying on the couch finally rose up and walked to his room. I'll just deal with whatever tomorrow, Mew thought.

Mew was lying on his bed, thinking of all that happened today. "Was I too much on him?" Mew asked himself. Yes, he did say hurtful things to Gulf. Yes, he felt bad when he saw the hurt in the younger's eyes. Yes, he did it for the better. But. Yes, he regretted being so harsh on Gulf.

And...

No. He himself was not very happy with what he had done.

*NEXT MORNING*

***FON'S CABIN***

Fon's secretary came in abruptly. "Ma'am, Mr. CEO's secretary is here to meet you. Should I send him in?" Lily asked. Fon furrowed her brows. Did my stupid son do something to him? Fon scrunched her nose. "Let him in," Fon said in a worried tone.

Mew entered and closed the door behind him. He bowed a little to greet Fon. "Don't be so formal, Mew. You know that you are my son now. Tell me what happened," Fon said. Mew was lost for words. He didn't know what to say. Should he tell her everything or just the part where Gulf left, he didn't know. "Tell me whatever is on your mind," Fon was now standing in front of him.

"Ma'a-" Mew tried speaking but Fon cut him off. "It should be 'mom' not 'ma'am', okay?" Fon ordered in a sweet tone. Mew smiled nervously. "Last night, I and Gulf had a slight argument. And then he left for a trip," Mew blurted out. Fon asked, "Did he say something to you?" Mew shook his head, "It was me who started the topic not him. He wasn't at fault."

Mew just didn't know what he was speaking now. He didn't know why he was saying such things. If it really was him, he would blame everything on Gulf without thinking twice. But right now, he was taking the blame to save Gulf without even realizing it. He thought that he was doing it out of pity for the younger. Gulf had been suffering too much because of him. So, taking some blames shouldn't hurt Mew so much.

"Did he return after he left?" Fon asked. She saw the guilt in Mew's eyes clearly. Mew shook his head. "Did he say when he will return?" again Mew just shook his head. Fon sighed. Mew looked at her.

How she had given me the responsibility to take care of her son. And see how I messed everything up? Mew was regretting every single word he said to Gulf last night. He was so disappointed with his own self. He couldn't even do this little favor to the lady who had always given him the care he longed for. Fon was like his own mother to him, and he failed to do the single task she gave him. Mew regretted only talking about work when Gulf was leaving. He should have said something comforting but all he cared about was work. That goddamn contract signing was the only thing in his head when he should have been talking something sensible. He was such an idiot.

Mew was fidgeting with his fingers. His head hung down in guilt and regret. But there was no way he could turn back time. He wished he could, he really did.

Fon saw the tears brimming his eyes and cradled his face gently. Mew looked at her, 'I am so sorry' was what his eyes were shouting. "Listen to me. It's okay, it is not your fault." Fon told him. Finally, the pressure building up in Mew's eyes burst out. Mew was crying. "How is it not my fault? I was the one who said rude things to him. He left because of me!" Mew said between sobs and wails. Fon hugged this son of her's tight. Mew only just cried worse in the embrace.

"You gave me one task but I failed so badly," Mew said. Now Fon understood why Mew was apologetic towards her. She had asked Mew to take care of Gulf when the two were getting married. She knew Mew respects her as his own mother, even she loved and cared for him like her own child. But, she didn't know that those simple words would be taken so into consideration by Mew. She never wished for Mew to cry like this. She wanted to see him smile, not wail. She brought Mew to the couch and comforted him for some time.

"Shhh. Everything will be alright. He'll be back in some days." Fon confirmed the crying child in her arms. Mew could not help his tears. They just flowed as per their wish. "Now, stop crying. Gulf wouldn't like to see you crying like this, right? He'll be sad if you cry like this. Go back and rest if you don't feel like working for today," Fon suggested. After some minutes, Mew did stop crying. He wiped away the tears and thanked Fon before leaving for his floor.

***CEO'S TEAM'S OFFICE***

Everybody saw the sad expression on Mew's face. They saw his freshly swollen eyes. The whole team knew of their marriage and was worried for Mew ever since.

Wan had only set aside the telephone when Mew arrived at their station. They shared the same workstation as they were the CEO's first-in-line secretaries. They dealt with all the matters as supervisors for the rest of the team who only had to deal with some particular sector of tasks.

"P'Mew!" Wan squealed in happiness. "Why are you so happy?" Mew interrogated. Wan only smiled wider. "The CEO is not at work and we have an important signing today. How can you smile like that?" Mew was furious. "It is about the signing!" the girl said happily. "What?" Mew gave his dead face. "I just got a call from Pleum Corp. They said that they have to postpone the signing," Wan said in a sing-a-song manner. "But why?" though Mew was relieved but confused as to why. Wan sighed, "They said that they got some sudden problems within their company and cannot do any signing work for the next two weeks!" I just wish he comes back within two weeks itself, Mew prayed.

Hazel came to them. "How about our department goes for a little get-together tonight?" she suggested. And in no time, all the other seven people of the team were swarming around them. "I think it's a good idea," said Sky. Victor and Lee were already on their phones, searching for a nice place. "It's been so long since we all went out together," Rose was flattered by the idea. "Let's think of it as Suzy and Wan's welcome party. We have been so busy since these two joined our team. We never got a chance to welcome them properly," Max said. Suzy giggled, "As long as we're all splitting the bill, I'm fine with it."

Suzy and Wan had joined the team together a whole year ago. But they never got a welcome party because the team could never get enough time due to the workload.

"Yeah, right!" Win was excited too. "I think I'll pass," Mew became the mood wrecker. Everybody fell silent within seconds. Win and Wan exchanged looks. They made a whole plan just through eye gestures. They had to bring Mew with them so that he can relax a bit. "If P'Mew is not going then I will pass too," Wan started her melodrama. "But it's supposed to be your welcome party!" Win made a dramatic face too. "Yeah, but if the whole team is not there to welcome me then why should I be there?" this drama queen. "Wan has got a point," Victor agreed. And slowly everyone was forcing Mew to come with them.

Mew had to accept defeat. "Okay. But no excess drinking. We can't get drunk. We still have work tomorrow" Mew put his conditions. Everyone agreed.

*A WEEK LATER*

It was Sunday morning, Mew had just woke up and gone downstairs. He heard some noises from the kitchen. "Gulf?! Is that you?" Mew opened his eyes as wide as he could. He rushed to the kitchen... only to be disappointed. It was not Gulf but his parents, standing in the kitchen.

"Oh, you're awake, son?" March beamed a smile. Mew just nodded and greeted them morning. "We came to check on you," Fon told their intentions. "The breakfast is ready. Come and eat with us" she said a minute later. Mew walked to the dining table only to be greeted 'good morning' by a table full of food. "Mom, you made all this?" Mew asked. "Yep!" March replied for his wife, proudly.

Mew settled at the table, eyeing the toasts, bacon, jams, some pastries, and... pancakes and chocolate syrup. On the sight of those two things he was reminded of the breakfast Gulf would prepare for them. Pancakes were his best dish. Gulf couldn't toast bread properly but would prepare full-fledged meals that looked as good as five-star chef's. "Do you like it?" Fon asked. Mew nodded his head vigorously. And the little family sat down to have a meal together.

They were talking general stuff. March was flirting with Fon every now and then. They had been married for so many years but were still so loving. Mew had wished for such a married life but he wasn't lucky enough. For the first time in so many years was Mew experiencing a lovely family meal. The last time he felt something like this was when he was seven or six. And right now, he was a thirty-year-old man who had forgotten what familial warmth felt like.

He had been living in this quiet house for a whole week by himself. He was missing the ruckus Gulf made around the place. He wanted to escape that silence that pierced through his ears. But he didn't want Gulf to meet with an empty house the moment he returned. He wanted to apologize for his words. But Gulf just won't return.

"You can come live with us until Gulf returns," Fon suggested. She knew that Mew must be feeling so empty and lonely here. But Mew refused. March and Fon left Mew there hesitantly.

"Doesn't look like you're returning any soon," Mew said as he was packing some clothes of his. He decided to stay at his parent's house as even the silence there was comforting. But here the silence was making him feel disappointed in himself and sad.

"We should talk once you are back. I hope we can clear things up," with this, Mew drove away.

***MEW'S HOUSE***

The moment Mew entered, he saw the picture of his mom. "You should always choose your words wisely. Sometimes the wrong choices of words can bring us unmeasurable pain and regret. And the feeling of regret is one of the worst in this world" his mom's words rang in his ears. She always taught him to be wise with words. To be caring. Be careful. To be polite. To not to do things he will regret later.

But he was the one who was insensitive with his words. He was the one who hurt Gulf. He was regretting it all. He did everything his mother wished him not to. He was nothing but a disappointment, or that is what he thought of himself now. He was on his knees, crying like a baby.

"Why do such things only happen to me?!"

"Why does everyone leave me alone!? Am I that unlikable?"

Mew was in a trance of self-doubt.

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Calm down na P'Mew~ your Yai Nong is returning soon.

Comment whatever you felt about this chapter.

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- Wan <3