Chapter 8

AADHI

"He loves you," Harsha said.

I didn't say anything. I really didn't know what to say.

Harsha didn't push it further.

We all decided to leave. Everyone said their goodbyes and left.

The ride back home was quiet. I was lost in my thoughts. All I can think about right now is the name Abhi. It's been ringing in my ears all this time.

When we reached home, I didn't care about anything, I just went straight to the bathroom and sat under the shower, not caring about my clothes.

I felt like my head was going to explode. All the emotions I had been carefully trying not to feel all this time came flooding back.

Tears were running down my eyes, but at this point, I could not tell if it was my tears or the water.

I don't know how long I spent there before I changed into dry clothes, mentally prepared my poker face, and got out.

He didn't even look at me. Thank God, if he had asked something, I might have given up the facade. I just laid down on my side of the bed and closed my eyes hoping I would sleep.

Even now I can't stop the tears running down my eyes, but I try to be as subtle about it as possible.

I felt him getting out of bed and walking to my side. I pretended to be sleeping, wiping my tears on the pillow.

Maybe he is going to use the shower because I was in there God knows how long.

But I felt a hand on my forehead, checking for a fever.

I didn't open my eyes; I just lay there, pretending to sleep.

After a few minutes, I felt a wet cloth on my forehead. It felt nice, considering I had a headache because of crying. It helped with the headache and after that, I don't know when I fell asleep.

When I woke up the next day, nothing seemed abnormal. He was sleeping beside me as always and there was no cloth or anything on my forehead. Maybe I dreamed it. Whatever.

I decided to ignore that and not to ask him because if it was a dream then I would be embarrassed.

I went to the kitchen to help Mom and when I brought him coffee, I heard the shower sound turning off, so I placed the coffee on the table and went back again to the kitchen.

I was making breakfast for everyone while Mom went to give coffee to Dad. Suddenly, I heard him from the hall.

"Mom, can I have a coffee, please?

Didn't he see the coffee on the table?

"Didn't Aadhi bring you coffee to your room?" Mom asked.

"Oh... Um... I was careless, and it fell off the table. Can you please give me another?"

"Okay, wait, I will go make some." Mom entered the kitchen.

"I will go and clean that one," I informed Mom and left the kitchen.

When I entered the room, I saw the coffee on the table, untouched. I was surprised. Why did he lie?

While I was wondering he entered the room with another coffee as if nothing happened. I looked at him for an explanation, but he didn't even look at me. He just passed me like I wasn't there.

Maybe there was a misunderstanding. I decided to ask him when we were alone, so I just let it go for now.

When he and Bharathi were at the dining table, I served them breakfast, but he just replaced the plate with a new one and served it himself.

Bharathi looked at me questioningly. I just shrugged. But I knew something was wrong. First, the coffee, and now breakfast?

***

It had been a week since he talked to me. He was not even looking me in the eyes.

He wouldn't be in the same room as me. He wouldn't touch the things that I touched. He treated me like someone untouchable.

It was nothing new to me. I had been in this situation before, so it didn't bother me.

Every time my friend was angry with me she used to do this, act like I was untouchable. Most of the time I didn't even know what I did. Just like now.

It was kind of awkward when he was around and I was afraid of what would happen if Ma found out. I tried my best to act normal when she was around.

Bharathi already knew something was wrong with us, but she didn't interfere. She knew it was not her place.

She just hugged me one day and said, "Everything will be fine, okay? If you want to talk to someone I will be here. So please don't hesitate."

At that time, it meant a lot to me. But I knew that if I told her anything it would look like I was complaining about her brother.

I knew she would support me, but this was my problem to deal with, so I didn't tell her anything.

Other than that, everything was normal. Crying when no one was watching. Acting happy when everyone is around.

Doing daily chores with a fake smile. Yep... Everything was normal.

Regarding my husband's change of behaviour, I didn't know what to do and honestly, I didn't care. The way he behaved around me was his choice.

I couldn't expect anything from him. We were not even good friends. I thought if I let him be how he is, maybe he would come around by himself.

Those days, it felt like I was missing something. I felt...incomplete. The only emotions I could feel were sadness and emptiness.

I tried hard to keep up the facade I was putting in front of others, but it was getting harder. Everyone wanted me to be happy.

But I didn't remember how to be happy anymore. I couldn't even remember the last time when I was happy.

Sometimes I want to shout at them to get lost and leave me alone. I had no idea how to get rid of the pain that was crushing me inside.

With all these painful thoughts swirling in my head, I didn't care how my husband treated me. I lost count of the days since he last spoke to me.

Everyone had finished their dinner and gone to bed. I was watching TV and waiting for him.

Bharathi came out of her room. "Hey, I can't sleep, can I join you?"

"Yeah, sure... Come on." I motioned her to sit beside me.

They were showingBad Boyson HBO. I love this movie. I was genuinely laughing and enjoying it. I was in my own world, forgetting about everything just for a second.

Then came the devil to burst my bubble. He entered the room, freshened up, and came back where we were watching TV. I didn't bother to serve him. I knew what would happen if I did.

He served himself and sat beside Bharathi. He was unusually quiet and concentrating on his food and the movie. But I knew better. His mind was somewhere else.

I just continued watching the movie. There was a hilarious scene, and I started laughing. Bharathi joined me, and we were laughing like crazy girls.

"Will you please shut up?" A loud voice made us stop laughing.

He was looking at us angrily. I didn't know why he was angry.

"Who cooked this?" he asked Bharathi, pointing at dinner.

"Aadhi did," she replied...more like whispered. I knew she was afraid of him. Even I was shaking a little inside. I had never seen him this angry.

He suddenly threw the plate away and it fell in front of me. The food was everywhere on the floor. I was shocked, but I didn't even flinch.

I looked up at his face from the floor. He was glaring at me with so much hatred. I didn't know if it was toward me or someone else. A lone tear escaped my eye.

I didn't know which caused me more pain, throwing the food or the hatred in his eyes.

After that, he just went to our room. Bharathi offered to help clean.

"It's okay, Bharathi, I can manage. You go and sleep. It's getting late, and you need to get up early for college."

"I am sorry. I don't know why he is behaving like this. I never saw him this angry, but I know it's not toward us.

I think something is wrong with work. I will call Harsha and ask him tomorrow. Please don't think about this and worry yourself okay, Aadhi?"

Since when is she talking to Harsha?

I just nodded. I was controlling my tears, and I couldn't speak.

She turned around to leave. "Um, Bharathi," I called her.

"Hmm?"

"Will you please do me a favour?"

"What is it?" she asked in a concerned tone.

"Will you ask your brother if he wants something else to eat? You know... Maybe...if he is hungry?"

She just smiled and went to our room. She came back afterwards and said, "he is fine. You just take care of that and go to sleep."

I nodded, smiling.

After she had disappeared, I started cleaning the spilt food. Everything I bottled up inside until now came out and I started sobbing.

It was as if someone had poured water into an already-filled bottle. My emotions were overflowing. I couldn't control it anymore. Thank God no one was there.

Why? Why is everything happening to me? It's like everyone around me is just made to hurt me.

I don't want to go back to that room. I don't want to see his face.

Now I was angry... Not just angry, I was furious.

How the hell could he treat me like that and throw the food?

Did he know how many people out there suffering without food? What was he even thinking?

All the while I was yelling at him...in my head, of course. My eyes started drooping and my head hurt. I don't know when I fell asleep, but when I woke up, everyone was still sleeping.

Thank God Ma didn't see me sleeping here. Usually, she woke up earlier than me.

I checked the time. 5:30 a.m. Still early...but I didn't want to sleep again. I went to our room to finish my morning duties. I was sure that he would be sleeping, and it was a relief to not have to face him.

By the time I bathed and got ready, it was 6 a.m. so I went straight to the kitchen knowing Mom would be there.

I did all the work, and I didn't leave the kitchen until he went to work. I didn't want to see his face. I couldn't keep this up, but I wanted to prolong it as long as I could.

Suddenly I had an idea, so I approached Mom and Dad, who were sitting in the hall conversing.

"Umm... Mom, can I ask you something?"

"What is it, dear?" she asked. Dad looked at me questioningly.

"Will it be okay if I go to meet my mother this weekend? I will come back on Monday morning." I asked her, hesitating a little.

They both looked at me as if there was something weird on my face.

"Only if it's okay with you...otherwise, I won't"

They both started laughing. I didn't know why. I was looking at them for some explanation.

"Do you even hear yourself?" Dad said, laughing again.

"Aadhi... Dear... You are asking permission to go meet your mother?"

"Yeah... I am pretty sure that's what I did." I looked at them confused

"You don't have to, Aadhi. All you have to do is just inform us. You can go and meet anyone and come back whenever you want, okay?"

I smiled at her. She was generous and kind and I was happy about that. I have heard from my friends how uptight their mothers-in-law can be.

That was it. I found my escape ticket. I didn't delay even a minute. I packed my things, and I was on my way to my temporary freedom.