Chapter 35

ABHI

I left her... I left her alone, and I felt so bad about it. I shouldn't have left her, but looking at her for twenty-four hours and not being able to talk to her or touch her was pure torture.

I used to hate going to the office because I would miss her, and every day I came home happy thinking about her and excited to look at her enchanting features.

Her presence kept me sane and happy, but now it was driving me insane. I couldn't stay away from her, but at the same time, I couldn't be in her presence.

There is this undeniable attraction between us, the more we deny it the more it hurts for us. I know she is hurting too, but I hope not so much.

The weeks before I proposed to her were the best days of my life. She was starting to let me in, and I just went and sabotaged everything that we had.

I know why she did what she did, but it still hurts. I thought that I would put some distance between us to help us sort out this situation, but I guess her mind works differently.

She started acting defiant and was rude to me in every possible way. I tried to be understanding and patient. But when I saw the messages on her phone, I snapped.

I innocently took her phone to see who it was, but I found out that it was her ex-boyfriend.

I knew from her journal that he had the same name as me, and it wasn't hard for me to put two and two together. The only emotion I felt was fear.

I was scared that she might leave me. But at the same time, I knew I shouldn't pressure her or act like a typical jealous husband.

After all, he was her first love. Even if he was an ass, I know how painful it is to lose someone you love.

I didn't know what to do because the timing was off. We were on the outs, and I know this situation made it even worse. There was a chance that she might run back to him.

I didn't want that, but at the same time, I would let her go if it made her happy.

Despite all those thoughts, I channelled every emotion into anger because that's what I do.

I tried to be as subtle as possible when I confronted her for being rude, but she knew why I was angry.

This happened before and she forgave me easily, but this time she didn't even flinch. I saw the determination in her eyes when she said, "Let's get a divorce."

I was sitting in my office and even now I could hear her voice saying that. When she said it, a strange emotion took over me. I felt a pain in my chest as if someone was stabbing me.

My chest felt heavy and tears filled my eyes. My hands were shaking. I didn't want to stand there for another minute, but I couldn't move.

I walked away before my eyes started shedding any tears, but even with all my effort, a lone tear escaped from my left eye.

The moment she said that was engraved into my soul and I couldn't take my mind off it. I couldn't do anything properly after that.

I couldn't stop the tears. I deserved this.

I hurt her on our wedding night, and I was the one who asked for a divorce. This is my karma punishing me.

While I was writhing in pain, Harsha entered the room. Immediately, I spun around my chair to hide my face. I wiped my eyes subtly and turned back to him.

He came to inform me about an overseas project. Usually, he and Nija handled overseas projects since I didn't like to leave home for long, but this time was different.

I didn't hesitate and immediately said that I was going with them since it was so important.

He gave me a confused look, but he didn't dare to ask, and he left silently.

After that, I was half expecting Nija to storm into my room with Harsha to ask me what was wrong, but even he didn't challenge me.

They came with me to my house to help me pack. When I entered the house, she was standing there looking at the doorway.

I could see her from the side of my eyes, but I didn't dare to look in her eyes after I disappeared for about two days from her sight.

I couldn't come home after what happened, so I stayed in my office most of the time, and this business trip was the best chance for me to get away from her.

It's a long trip and maybe...maybe this distance will ease my heart a little.

Nija was helping me pack, and I heard her phone blaring. At first, I didn't bother with it. All these problems happened because I took it the last time.

But it didn't stop. I thought I would give it to Nija to deliver it to her, and I took it in my hands. But instinctively, my eyes darted toward the screen and I saw those messages...again.

She was going to meet him... I couldn't hold the phone properly anymore, and it slipped out of my hand and onto the floor.

Before I could respond, Nija took the phone and handed it over. I told him to give it to Aadhi and pretended to pack my clothes.

If I was not careful, Nija would suspect something. Thankfully he didn't notice anything and left silently.

I slumped on my bed; I couldn't stand properly anymore. The thought that she was going to meet him was killing me.

My heart imagined all kinds of things even though my mind knew they were nonsense.

The fear inside me rooted deep and grew into a large tree with many branches. Deep inside I knew that she was going to leave me for him, and it wouldn't be long now.

Before I could drift deep into my hell of thoughts, Nija came back, and we started packing again. When I was going to leave, I said goodbye to my sister who was standing beside Aadhi.

I didn't acknowledge her presence. Because if I looked at her face, I would break down.

I can't break every time someone leaves me. I should be strong and mature enough to handle these things now.

With each step I took away from her, I wanted to turn back. I wanted to hear her call out to me but I knew she wouldn't.

She was standing there as if sending me off was just another obligation. My friends would be suspicious if she wasn't there when I left.

I was so determined not to look at her, but I couldn't help stealing a glance at her face before I left.

That was it... Everything I built inside to stay strong fell like hundreds of books from a ten-foot-high bookshelf, from order into chaos.

I noticed a small smile at the corner of her lips when our eyes met for a second. Her smile felt like rain, and a sapling of hope budded in my dying heart.

That sweet smile sent an electric spark to my yearning heart, and it felt good for a moment. But the next moment, I plucked out that sapling of hope away and buried it deep inside.

I didn't want to let it grow. And with a heavy heart, I left.

***

It's been a few days since we arrived. We were staying in a five-star hotel, and my room had a balcony with a seaside view.

Even though I was here for business, I didn't attend any meetings. No one knew I was even here. Harsha and Nija handled everything like always.

They knew something was wrong, but they didn't ask. But I was not concerned about them.

I was thinking about someone else... Someone who I was not able to get out of my mind.

For the first few days, I was angry and the fear of losing her was eating me inside. After that, the feeling subsided, and I started preparing myself for the worst.

I was practising what to do after she left me. Then I started missing her, and I could only think about the beautiful times we spent together.

I missed teasing her. I missed seeing her blush after I said something naughty. She used to stay quiet like a cat caught her tongue.

A subtle laugh escaped me at the thought. I missed the way she responded to my touch. I missed our small talk.

Sometimes she used to play with me like that day in my office. I also knew that even if she was quiet, her mind was always sparking.

I badly wanted to be with her now and enjoy this view together. Maybe one day I would bring her here if she decided to be with me.

It would be heavenly to taste her lips standing on this balcony in the rain. She loved the seaside view, but a bad memory ruined it for her. I would change that if she would give me a chance.

I would erase every trace of a memory of him and fill her head with mine.

I would make her think about me all the time. She would yearn for me every second of the day, just like I yearned for her. I would be with her every minute of my life until it ends.

My body was here, but my mind was with her. I was worried about her. I didn't how she was coping with being there alone.

She was easily bored. I didn't even buy her more books to read after we went to that bookstore together.

I heard the door to my room opening. I looked back to see who it was. It was Nija. He looked troubled.

He came to the balcony and stood by my side. "I want to ask you something," he said in a monotone.

I didn't say anything. I just looked at him to continue, because I knew what he was going to ask me. It was about time.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked me with a worried look.

I just shrugged, smiled, and looked away. I couldn't lie, but I couldn't share this with him either.

"Say something, Abhi. I know something is troubling you, and I don't like seeing you like this. I didn't ask for so long because I thought you were still just adjusting to married life.

But I don't want you to dwell on your pain alone. Share it with me, Abhi. You know I will do anything for you, so please tell me what's wrong."

I didn't say anything.

"You didn't eat or sleep properly for days. Do you think we didn't notice?" he asked. I didn't notice that Harsha had been standing behind me until now. When did he come in?

Still, I didn't talk. I remained silent, looking out at the waves. But all he needed was one word to break my silence.

"Your pain is ours. Ours is yours. Your happiness is ours and ours is yours. That is how it's always been, so if you consider us friends, then tell us what's wrong.

Let us share your pain so that you won't suffer alone."

I looked at him a little shocked. I didn't think that he would play the friendship card.

I also didn't think I was this weak emotionally, because I couldn't control my tears as he spoke those words.

I felt like my pain was overflowing and I couldn't contain it. Tears came out of my eyes as the dam broke.

I quickly went to the room near my bed. This was wrong. I was not weak. I tried to control my emotions but they started to manifest differently.

I couldn't breathe, and I felt a crushing pain in my chest. I kneeled on the floor, unable to stand, clutching my chest. I couldn't control my tears.

I used to think that a man crying was the most embarrassing thing in the world, but now I wanted to shout out loud and let it all out.

Nija and Harsha came running toward me and kneeled beside me.

Harsha was panicking and asking me what was wrong, but Nija was looking at me calmly with tear-filled eyes. I could feel how it pained him to see me like this.

"Cry it out, Abhi. Let it all out," he said, placing his hand on my shoulder.

That was the push I needed. I let my tears flow down. I let the pain take over me.

It consumed me, and I started hitting the floor with my knuckles while shouting in a high pitch. I hit the floor so many times that I started bleeding. Neither of them stopped me.

I stood up and started pacing restlessly around the room. I didn't know what to do, but I felt like something was blocked in me and I needed to let it out.

I shouted again and hit the wall. Even that couldn't release the pain I felt inside. I roamed the room like a madman.

Suddenly I stopped and looked at them. "I don't want her to leave me," I croaked.

They looked at each other with a confused look and then looked back at me.

I started telling them everything from the moment of our wedding night until the moment we left on this trip.

"I don't want to let go of her. I love her, Nija, and I want her all to myself. I can't bear the pain if I lose her to him.

I never felt like this before and I fucking hate myself for feeling this selfish because I know she will only be happy with him," I said, looking at the floor.

"Tell her what you said to us. It's not wrong to want something for ourselves once in a while. You are not wrong to think selfishly," Harsha said to me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"Let her go," Nija said with a determined look.

Harsha and I turned our heads toward him, shock clear on our faces. He would never say that. I must have heard wrong.