Chapter 21

I am currently sitting on the floor of my room. Everything he said and everything that happened is playing on my mind repeatedly. It's like I am reliving the past along with the present.

I am comparing them. I know it was stupid, and I know bygones are bygones. But I couldn't help but wonder if it was all happening again.

We were lying down on the deck of the boat beside each other and looking into the sky. It felt so serene. I wasn't thinking about anything else but him and me...just the present.

It felt so liberating not to think about the past and future but only live in the moment. I knew it wasn't going to last. I know who I am, and I know I am not going to stop living in the past.

But this moment... It was like finding a drop of water amid the desert. I turned to look at him to see if he felt the same, but he looked like he was thinking deeply about something.

"Why don't you call me by my name?" he asked me out of the blue.

I was surprised not by the question but by the moment he chose to ask. I knew what I was going to answer because I had been rehearsing it for so long.

"You are my husband. How can I call you by your name?" I said without stuttering. I am not good at telling lies, but I was proud of how I said it with confidence.

"Yeah, right. I know you don't give a shit about that. Just tell me the truth, Aadhi," he said, turning to look at me.

That surprised me and made me nervous. I was like a child caught stealing candy. But how did he find out?

He was staring straight into my eyes as if searching for the truth in my soul, which made me even more nervous. I started fidgeting with my fingers.

"I once knew someone by that name. Calling you by your name reminded me of that person. That is why," I blurted out. I have no idea why I decided to tell the truth.

It was as if my mind and my mouth were working against each other.

Oh my God...what if he asks more? I am not ready yet, but if I don't tell him then he will take it the wrong way.

To my relief, he didn't press more. He turned his head again to look at the sky.

"I don't like the way you are with Harsha," he said firmly. If the previous talk didn't surprise me, then this one definitely did. It kind of made me angry.

"Do you doubt us? Like...like I am cheating on you or something?" I asked him, containing my anger.

I really wanted to lash out. I would have, but I waited for his reply. I just wanted to hear the word 'yes.'

He let out a bitter laugh. It kind of made me feel guilty for getting angry. Maybe I should listen to him.

"I don't know how you pictured me in your mind, but I could never do that," he said, again, turning to look me in the eyes. I could feel that he was telling the truth.

"It's just the way you behave around him. You are so free and jolly. Your laughs are natural and not strained. But with me, everything feels unnatural.

I feel like I am squeezing a smile out of you when you smile in the presence of me. You are always nervous around me. I barely know your likes and dislikes.

When I think about something to do to make you happy, it always goes wrong—at least most of the time.

I was going to buy roses for you one day, but Harsha said you didn't like roses. See...he knows what you like, and I don't.

When you drowned in the water when we went on that trip, you have no idea how guilty I was. I was ashamed of myself.

I don't know how many times I have repeated that I should have been there to catch you. Even after that, I couldn't move when you drowned.

Only Harsha came to his senses and saved you. I felt like I wanted to kill myself rather than let him touch me. Think whatever you like about me, but I am that possessive over you."

I felt like my heart was going to burst into a million pieces of joy. But I was also nervous. I knew where he was going with this.

Part of me wanted to hear it but the other part wanted me to stop him right there. I don't know what we had for the past few weeks, but it was divine.

I had come to terms with the fact that I admired him and was attracted to him, but I didn't want to go further.

I didn't want to explore a land knowing that I was going to get hurt. You had to be brave to take a risk for someone, knowing that you will get hurt eventually.

But it's not the only thing. You also break the only person who can love your broken pieces.

I always admire the person who falls in love for the second time. They overcome their fears, doubts, hurt, and pain just to feel it again with someone else.

They take that risk knowing that the person is worth feeling all over again, even if they shatter each other's hearts into millions of pieces on the way.

They hope that they will pick the pieces one by one...together.

To put that trust in someone, you need to be so brave, and you can only hope that this is the last one.

I know I am not brave. I am the stupidest girl in the world. But can I be brave for this one moment?

Placing his palm on my cheeks, he looked into my eyes and said, "But in the last few weeks, something changed. I can feel the change.

You have no idea how happy I was for the past few weeks. I want more, Aadhi. I want this to last.

Whatever it is between us...I want it more and more and more until there is nothing left to take from you. I have always been a giver.

But for the first time in my life, I want to take something, and I want it so bad that I feel so empty without it now that I have had a taste of it.

I want to be everything to you, Aadhi. I want to make you laugh like a best friend. I want to protect you like a father. I want to make you happy as a lover. I want to be your other half as a husband.

I love you, Aadhi. I have always loved you, and I will for my entire life to come until I die."

That was it. The bubble burst and reality came knocking. Everything I had for the past few weeks, everything I was feeling was gone the moment he said the last part.

I love you... I have always... I will for my entire life.

It all feels like a déjà vu. But it's not the same person. I am looking at the person in front of me, but he is not him.

Who is this? Where is my Abhi? Am I dreaming? Please be a dream...please be a dream.

I closed my eyes and opened them, but still the same face.

My breathing was rapid. I couldn't feel the air in my lungs. I thought I was having a panic attack. The person in front of me must have realized that, and he started to move toward me.

I was moving away from him. He asked something, moving toward me, but I couldn't hear. I didn't care what he was saying, but I wanted to get away from him.

I wanted to search for my Abhi. He was the only one that could make me feel better.

But with every step I took, my vision was fading.

No... no...I need to find him. I need to get away from the stranger. I dropped to my knees, not able to move farther.

Everything around me was getting darker.

I told myself, you are just falling into sleep. It's just a dream. When you wake up, you are going to be in his hands and you can tell all about this dream.

When I woke up, I could feel that I was in someone's arms. I smiled to myself and opened my eyes in anticipation of seeing Abhi, but to my disappointment, I was in that stranger's hands.

But he was not a stranger anymore. I knew him. Everything came back to me. I sat up immediately, trying to put some distance between us.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I just nodded, stood up, and started walking. I didn't know where to go, but I didn't want to be near him. I had no idea why I was feeling this way.

The rational side of my mind knew that wasn't his fault, but the pain, anger, everything crashed inside me like a giant wave and I was drowning.

I didn't want to take him with me. But he was persistent.

"Where are you going?" he asked, following me.

I still didn't answer and continued to walk. He grabbed my arm and tried to stop me. That's when I lost it.

I shoved him to the ground with all my strength and yelled at the top of my lungs, "I don't want you anywhere near me! Just Leave. Me. Alone!"

After that, we didn't move. I felt bad for yelling at him, but the emotions were taking over me. After how long I didn't know, we decided to go home. I fell asleep in the car on the way.

After we reached, he just dropped me off and went away. God knows where he went. I hoped that he didn't lose it like me.

I had been sitting like this from the moment he dropped me off...crying my eyes out. It's been a long day. I had a bad headache from the crying.

I wanted to sleep, but I knew I couldn't. Either way, I decided to lie down and went to bed.

I heard a message tone on my phone. I took it from the table beside my bed, thinking that it might be my husband. To my surprise, it was from a new number, and it said...

"Hey, Honey Bun. How are you?"

There is only one person in the world who called me that.

What a wonderful timing!