10: Love Story

Cordelia's question was polite instruction, but no one seemed to mind.

Jemima rose to her feet, coaxing her younger daughter into her own arms and offering her comforting pats on the back. She smiled kindly at Rosemary, and as she passed Cordelia they took each other by the hand briefly.

In the same moment, Greer linked her arm through Rose's. "Well, thankfully I am staying here for the house party, so I don't need to make some poor excuse for why I'll be lingering." She squeezed her gently. "When you would like to talk, I'll be here."

And with that she departed as well, patting Victoria on the shoulder on the cusp of the room. It may have been a comforting gesture, or perhaps an attempt to encourage the distraught girl through the doorway, either way the door swung closed behind them after a moment, leaving Cordelia and Rosemary alone in the sitting room.

And Rosemary was nervous.

It had been a long time since she had been scolded by Mrs Cordelia Kilroy – she thought the last time may have involved muddy boots on an expensive rug, Alex's fault of course – but when a woman you admired so much gave you a talking to, you took it to heart no matter how old you were. And when rumours were circulating that you and that woman's son had been caught in an 'intimate position', you were fairly deserving of the scolding.

"I am so sorry, Aunt Delia," she said quickly when she saw the woman's mouth twitch. "Alex and I are friends, and nothing untoward happened, I assure you, but we are adults and we should know better than to be alone without a chaperone."

Cordelia smiled at her, her long lashes brushing her cheeks are she blinked. "Would you have welcomed it? If something untoward had happened?"

Rose choked on air. "What?"

She had to have misheard. But if she hadn't, Cordelia might expect an answer to the question, which was mortifying. Unbidden, her thoughts returned to the library, to his dark eyes looking down at her in the darkness and the way she'd felt his breath hitch when she'd licked her lips. That had been a mistake. The whole thing had been a mistake! She and Alexander had been friends their whole lives – practically related through their connection with the Humphreys – and there had never been anything more between them.

She thought of his hands on her waist by the stables, and their easy conversation, and the way he asked her serious questions and expected serious questions.

Had there?

No, that was friendship!

She thought of his hand cupping her cheek and the warmth that spread between them.

Was that friendship?

She might have groaned aloud, but thankfully Cordelia had already started talking.

"When I first met James, my first thoughts were far from marriage. I thought him kind, and hard-working, and I valued his input on my late husband's estate. He was a steward, doing his job, and I was a widow raising two sons."

Rose blinked. She was lost and unsure why she was being told this story, but also curious. Uncle James had been a fixture in her family for years before she was born, and she had never been told the story of how they had met.

"And then over time respect turned to friendship, friendship to affection, and affection to love." She shrugged lightly, her gaze locked loosely over Rose's shoulder and glossy as she waded through her memories. "And then I asked him to leave."

"What?" Rose slapped a hand over her mouth, startling herself with question.

Aunt Delia grinned at her, her brow waggling slightly. "I did! I knew that if he stayed he would ask me to marry him, and that if he asked I would say yes, but beyond that..." Another shrug. "What would it do to my boys? James was a gentleman, but he was untitled and a steward. What would society say if they were raised by him? And what would happen to the memory of my first husband?" Her hand snaked out to his gently on top of Rose's. "I did not have the privilege of a love match with Gregory, but he was a decent man. I did not want Lucas or Peter growing up without any knowledge of him. So I told James to leave."

She hadn't realised her mouth was ajar until she went to speak. "And-" She swallowed and went her lips. "Did he leave?"

The older woman cast her a look that suggested that was a silly question. "Of course he did. I was his employer and his superior in rank. But more importantly, he is a very good man. He would not stay when I had asked him to go."

Cordelia without James Kilroy was so impossible to imagine, that Rose couldn't think of anything to stay. Besides, she knew how the story ended and interrupted would only delay the happy ending.

"He stayed away for two months," Cordelia continued, her gaze turning misty once more, "and they were the hardest two months of my life. It was worse when I looked at my sons and saw how much they missed him as well. And everyone noticed. My sister Leticia, who was very heavily pregnant with Simon, mind you, showed up on my doorstep one day, sat me down, and demanded I tell her what was going on. Your Uncle Daniel was there too, of course; they never went anywhere without each other."

She swallowed, a different kind of emotion present when remembering the early death of her sister and brother-in-law. But she shook herself and continued the story for Rosemary.

"So I told them. I told them about the man I had come to love, and the way he had helped me and been gentle with my sons. And I told them how I had made the difficult but correct decision to make him leave so that my boys would never suffer the condemnation of the Ton." Cordelia took a deep breath and smiled at Rose. "Letty called me an idiot."

Rosemary pressed her lips together to hide her smile, but any pure humour had died down at the mention of the Ton. She knew now why she was being told this story, and it dampened some of the joy.

"She and Daniel said that my boys' future was secure, and that it was their and my happiness that was at stake. And if I gave that up because of what others might say..." She shrugged, unable or unwilling to put the last of their advice into words. "So when James returned a week later to make sure I was alright, I asked him to stay forever. And so far, he's kept his word."

It was romantic, like the plot of a novel that girls in finishing schools passed around in secret. And their romance had lasted over three decades, which put those books to shame. But Rose had also seen and heard the whispers and the criticisms. Particularly those aimed at neither Cordelia or James.

"Did Alexander tell you what Lady Elliot said to him?" She asked quickly, flipping her hand over so that she could grip Delia's fingers in her own. She wasn't quite sure who she was hoping to comfort.

The woman nodded. "Not to me, but he told his father." There was a spark in her eyes now, but her ire was not aimed at her son. "I'm sure she is not alone in her judgement of James and I, but for anyone to cast that onto Alex is..." Her upper lip twitched. "Unforgiveable."

Rose was not sure that what she was about to say next was welcome, so she tucked a strand of her hair behind her head and forged ahead blindly. "She is not the first to say such things to him,and she will not be the last. We were only in the library together because MissArcher was being rude to him, and there have been countless other times when hehas been told he is reaching above his station. So many times where he has beeninsulted, told he does not belong. That is the reason he does not visit youall, because when he does he is reminded that he does not fit."

Cordelia had tears in her ears, but she shook her head. "But her and James are-"

"Forgive me, Aunt Delia," Rose really hoped she would, "but they are not the same. Uncle James was an adult who made the choice to marry you, knowing the societal consequences. Alex was a boy who was born into a lonely middle-tier of society and told he does not belong anywhere.

"So now," she swallowed, squeezing Cordelia's hand in hers. It was reassuring that the woman had not withdrawn from her. "Knowing all that... would you still make the choice you did? When you know the repercussions are not yours alone?"

The older woman blinked, her lashes spreading the unshed tears across the skin beneath her eyes. She was such a beautiful woman, even in the throws of despair. She raised a hand to her cheek and wiped at the moisture, her eyes fixed on her lap as she considered all the Rose had said.

Rose wondered if she knew how important her answer was.

Aunt Delia let out a long, unladylike sigh. "You and Alex are so similar," she said, so quietly that Rose wondered if she was supposed to hear at all. "It's a wonder I never noticed." She raised her chin, and met Rosemary's gaze evenly. The pain was gone, and though her eyes were still wet with unshed tears, she did not look sad. She looked resolved. "If I were to go back to that moment five and thirty years ago with James standing across from me, I would still ask him to stay. I am deeply sorry for the words that have been said to Alexander over the years and the pain he has felt, but without that decision, I would not have him at all. Lucas and Peter would not have been raised by a father who loves them as his own, and I myself would never have known that kind of love. It is not a decision I can regret, even if it has brought some hurt into the world."

She adjusted herself on the settee once more, this time taking both of Rosemary's hands in hers, and holding her attention as if her life depended on it. "I have come to realise that you and Alexander share a belief that no one else in either of our families holds. Despite how much you both dislike society and the Ton, neither of you can ever bring yourselves to completely go against them because of the repercussions to your family. I think neither of you have ever realised that your loved ones do not care about the repercussions."

The warmth leaked from Rose's body until she felt sick. The only thing that grounded her was her aunt's tight grip on her hands.

"Alex – my dear, stupid Alex – believes that he tarnishes our reputations by coming near us, and he thinks we would rather him stay away and so he does. And you, you silly, silly girl..."

Rosemary's mouth opened to protest, not that she had any words, but a look from Cordelia had her mouth clacking shut.

"You are so afraid of what the gossips will say about Harrison and your marriage that you would rather stay frozen in the past and risk nothing. But alas, my dear girl; one cannot hurt a dead man's feelings. Only your pride is on the line." Again, Rose's mouth opened, and again she received a look. "Don't argue. I know I'm right."

It was said with such self-assurance that Rose had no choice but to look within herself to see whether it could possibly be true. She agreed with the part about Alex, he lived in fear of doing more damage to his family than the simple act of his birth had done, but she... she was not...

Cordelia couldn't be right. It was Harry's memory she was worried about. She was afraid to hear whispers that Harry had never been good enough, and that she was proving that by marrying someone 'better'. Because that would hurt... her.

Good Lord, was Aunt Delia right?

The woman pulled her hands free, tucking the hair behind Rose's ears and gently gripping the sides of her face. Between her palms, Rose's wide, startled eyes stared back at her.

"If this goes in the direction I think it will, I think you and Alex will cause me a lot of grief in the coming years, my dear girl."

Rosemary wasn't quite sure what that meant. "I'm sorry if I upset you, Aunt Delia," she managed to say, barely hearing herself over the thumping in her chest.

"I am not upset with you Rosemary, and whether you decide to never marry again, or marry Alexander, or marry someone else entirely, I will not be upset with you." She leant forward, pressing a tender kiss to the centre of Rose's forehead. As she pulled back, she paused, and set her very serious gaze on Rose's. "But if you make your decision because of what the Ton will say about yourself, or your family, or Alex, or Harry..." She shrugged. "Then I will be very upset for you."

~~~

Hello Lovely Readers!

This chapter kind of breaks my heart a little honestly, and in a bit of an unhinged way, I hope it breaks yours too. I think this is the point where we really understand why Rose and Alex are so angry with the Ton and it's expectations - or at least, I hope it is! I would LOVE and APPRECIATE your feedback on whether these conversations make sense, and whether what Aunt Delia says about Alex and Rose avoiding society but accidentally playing right into their hands rings true for you. It was really tricky to get the words out on paper the right way, so I would really like to know what it was like to read them <3

And now, onto the good news; I think there are only 2 chapters left in this Novella!  Maybe three if I get a bit wordy (who? me? never!). If you have more thoughts you've like to share, I would also love to know how the pacing of this novella has felt (it's shorter than what I usually write, so that's been an interesting challenge). I think for me, it needs a bit more tension earlier on, so an edit soon will need to add a bit more to their relationship. Let me know if you agree or disagree!

xx Flo