34. 𝑰 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇

Ayesha's Pov

I sigh deeply as I finish dressing in front of my mirror, my almond-shaped eyes reflecting fatigue. These past weeks have been both mentally and physically draining, but alhamdulilah, it was all worth it. My best friend is awake, and the baby is healthy, which is all we had hoped for.

I genuinely felt like I was gonna lose my other half that day. I cannot remember how long I would stay in sujood begging Allah to save her. And he soothed all our worries by bringing her back to us.

It's been two weeks since she woke and five days since she was discharged from the hospital and I have been going to see her, my visits timed around my work shifts. Not a single day goes by without Hassan by her side. In my opinion, there couldn't be a more perfect match. They are so perfect for each other, such a harmonious fit. I am genuinely happy for her. So why then do I feel so envious ?

Why does my heart break a little every time I see Hassan and Halimah expressing their love, whether through words or actions? Why do I bawl my eyes out whenever I get home after spending a day with them?

I could never hate or even dislike Halimah for the love she has found. It was her Qadr, just as Allah has written mine. But why do I feel like I will never find my soulmate in this dunya? Why do I feel like he is already taken? Why does my heart keep longing for something I've never felt?

Ya Rabb, please remove this feeling from my heart. I am tired. My heart is tired of beating a bit too quickly for someone who I have never met. Who I probably will never meet.

I was pulled from my thoughts as my phone began buzzing on the dressing table beside me.

I picked up my phone and saw Halimah's caller ID. My heart raced a bit as I quickly answered. Lately, I admit I've been more anxious than usual when either Halimah or Hassan calls.

"Assalamu alaikum, bestie," I greeted her, trying to sound cheerful.

"Wa alaikum salam! Ayesha, where are you? Hassan won't leave my side and I need you over for some girl time so he can go do some work. He keeps telling me everything is under control, but I know he's been neglecting his responsibilities to be at home with me," she responded in a hushed tone, likely so Hassan wouldn't overhear.

"I'm already dressed and just waiting for my Uber," I replied, amusement evident in my voice as I walked out of my room.

"Okay, great! See you then, babe"

"Bye, love," I said, ending the call.

I arrived in the living room and let out another sigh at the silence in the house. With my parents at work and me being an only child, it gets incredibly lonely. I find any excuse to leave home, often seeking the comfort of Halimah's company or our outings together when I'm not at work. Her house has always been my home.

But now that she's married and living her best life, I can't help but feel alone. The house feels emptier, and my heart heavier with each passing day. I am so happy for her, truly. Yet, it has been very hard to adjust to my best friend having a new life that doesn't always include me. The change is big, and feeling left behind is tough to handle.

I grabbed my bag and headed out the door, locking it behind me. I walked down the front steps and saw my Uber pulling up to the curb. Sliding into the backseat, I gave the driver a small smile with a polite greeting and settled in for the ride.

As we drove through the familiar streets, my mind wandered back to the days when Halimah and I would spend hours talking about everything and nothing. Those moments felt distant now, replaced by her new life with Hassan. I glanced out the window, watching the city pass by, a mix of old memories and new realities swirling in my head.

The car finally pulled up in front of Halimah's house. I thanked the driver and got out, taking a deep breath before heading to the front door. I rang the doorbell and waited.

A moment later, the door swung open, and there she was, her face lighting up when she saw me.

"Ayesha! Come in," Halimah said, pulling me into a warm hug, as much as we could really with her nine month old belly in the way. For a brief moment, everything felt just like it used to. We made our way to the living room, where the familiarity of her home enveloped me.

We settled on the couch, and Halimah turned to face me immediately. She struggled a bit to find a comfortable position, finally settling in with a sigh.

"Ayesha, girl, do I have a lot to tell you" she exclaimed dramatically. "Apparently, I might poop when the time for pushing comes?"

I heard Hassan chuckling in the distance, and I couldn't help but do the same at her statement.

"YAllah, I would just melt off the bed if that were to happen! Hassan would never let it go, I just know it," she ranted with her own laugh.

"I'm sure you'll be fine, bestie. Besides, pooping is natural," I tried to console her, though my attempt failed as she gave me a playful shove.

"And apparently drinking coconut water after the seventh month of pregnancy makes the baby's head as large as the coconut? Subhana'Allah the amount of coconuts I have been drinking in my pregnancy cannot be counted and Hassan always seems to find the biggest ones," she moaned dramatically.

This time, I couldn't help bursting into laughter at her expression and genuine concern over this obvious myth.

"At least the baby will be hard to forget, hey?" I teased.

Halimah rolled her eyes but couldn't hide her smile. "You're terrible," she said, shaking her head. "But seriously, I can't wait for the baby to come already. I miss seeing my toes"

I nodded, still chuckling. "You'll be an amazing mom, and I'll be an amazing aunty. I can't wait to spoil my little munchkin."

"Thanks, Ayesha," she said, her voice softening.

At that moment, Hassan walked in dressed in a suit and greeted me warmly with a smile. He sat on the arm of the chair beside Halimah and wrapped his arm around her.

"I'm about to go now. You sure you don't need anything?" he asked.

Halimah placed her hand on his arm and turned to face him. "I'm good, and if I do, Ayesha is here with me," she reassured him.

He nodded, gave her a kiss on the forehead, and whispered, "I love you," to her. I quickly looked away to give them some privacy, feeling a twinge of pain in my heart but ignored it.

They exchanged goodbyes, and despite Hassan's insistence, Halimah got up and waddled with him to the door.

I tried to remove any traces of my real emotions before she came back. I thought I had succeeded, but when Halimah sat down and looked at me, she asked worriedly, "What's wrong?"

At that, I just broke down, leaving a confused Halimah staring at me in bewilderment.

I could never hide anything from my best friend, and as soon as she asked, the words started spilling out about my fears.

"I don't know, Halimah," I began, my voice trembling. "It's just...everything feels so overwhelming. I see you and Hassan, so happy and in love, about to start a family, and it just reminds me of what I don't have."

Halimah's eyes softened with concern as she reached out to hold my hand. "Ayesha, I'm so sorry. I had no idea you were feeling this way."

"It's not your fault," I continued, wiping away a tear. "I should be happy for you, and I am, but I can't help feeling this emptiness inside. It makes me feel like a terrible person."

Halimah shook her head, squeezing my hand gently. "You're not a terrible person, Ayesha. You're human. It's natural to feel this way when you have so much to offer, so much love to give. Your time will come InshaaAllah. A year back I wouldn't have ever thought I would be in this position but Allah's timing is the best wallah"

I took a deep breath, trying to steady my emotions. "I know, but it's hard. Watching you and Hassan together, seeing how much he loves you...it just makes me wonder if I'll ever find that kind of love. I probably won't."

Halimah's eyes filled with empathy. "You will, Ayesha. You're an incredible person, and anyone would be lucky to have you in their life."

I nodded, feeling a bit more reassured by her words. "Thank you ukhti. I just needed to get that off my chest. I didn't want to burden you with my problems when you have so much going on."

Halimah smiled softly. "You're never a burden to me. We're in this together, no matter what. And if you ever need to talk, I'm always here for you."

I smiled back, feeling a warm sense of relief wash over me. "Thanks, bestie. I really appreciate it."

We sat in silence for a few moments, the weight of my confession hanging in the air. But there was also a sense of comfort, knowing that I had someone who truly understood me and was there to support me.

The silence was broken by a gasp from Halimah as she looked at me in surprise.

"I think I just peed myself," she moaned in embarrassment, starting to get up.

I giggled again as I stood to help her, but the moment she fully stood, the floor was suddenly filled with clear liquid splashing from her.

We looked at each other in shock and disbelief, our eyes shifting from the floor to each other.

"I don't think this is pee, Ayesha," she whispered.

"I don't think so either," I replied, equally stunned.

"My water just broke! Ayesha," she started to wail, hyperventilating in front of me. "What do I do?!"

"I don't know! I've never given birth before, Halimah!" I responded, my own panic rising to match hers.

"Are you or are you not a nurse, Ayesha Abdul?!"She shrieked at me in disbelief. Oh.

"Sorry, sorry!" I shouted back, fumbling for my phone. I quickly dialed Hassan's number.

He picked up after the first ring and quickly asked, "What's wrong?"

"Her water broke!" I exclaimed.

"I was already on my way back; you'll see me in a few minutes," he assured me.

I didn't even question why he was coming back when he was supposed to be at work. I quickly walked over to Halimah and helped her sit somewhere dry. Then, I mopped up the floor and hurried into the baby room to pack all her essentials. Just as I walked out, I heard the front door open from downstairs. I met Hassan in the living room, helping her get up as I approached them, Halimah moaning softly.

"All set?" Hassan asked as he noticed my arms filled with the essentials.

"Yes. All she needs now is to get to the hospital," I replied, glancing over at Halimah. "On a scale of one to ten, how much pain are you in?"

"Seven," Halimah answered, her voice strained and face contorted in discomfort.

"Alright, let's get go," Hassan said, his voice calm but urgent. He quickly took some of the items from my arms to lighten my load.

As we made our way to the car, I could see the worry etched on Hassan's face. Despite his calm demeanor, I knew he was just as anxious as I was. Halimah winced with each step, her breaths coming in shallow gasps.

"Just a few more steps, Halimah," I encouraged her, opening the car door and holding it in place as Hassan eased her into the back seat. "You're doing great."

Hassan quickly loaded the essentials into the trunk and then got into the driver's seat. I climbed in next to Halimah, holding her hand tightly.

"Drive carefully but quickly," I told Hassan, my voice steadying as I tried to keep Halimah calm. "We need to get there as soon as possible."

The car sped off, the tension in the air palpable. I kept my focus on Halimah, offering words of comfort and support as we made our way to the hospital.

"We're almost there, Halimah," I reassured her, seeing the familiar streets that signaled we were close. "Just hold on a little longer."

Hassan pulled up to the emergency entrance, and I quickly jumped out to alert the hospital staff. Within moments, a team of nurses arrived with a wheelchair, and we helped Halimah into it.

"She's in labor, her water broke," I explained to the nurses as they wheeled her inside. "She's in a lot of pain and has probably already started dilating"

The nurses nodded, moving swiftly to get Halimah to a delivery room. Hassan and I followed closely behind, our hearts pounding with anticipation and concern.

"You got this bestie," I whispered as we reached the room. "We're right here with you."

Hassan walked up to her and knelt beside her giving her a soft kiss on the nose as he massaged her neck gently.

"You're gonna be okay baby" He whispered with conviction as Halimah was wheeled into the room.

A nurse turned to Hassan. "Sir, you'll need to change into scrubs if you're going to be in the labor room," she instructed, pointing to a nearby dressing area.

Hassan nodded, his face a mix of determination and fear. "I'll be right there, Halimah," he said, squeezing her hand before quickly heading to the dressing area.

I stayed with Halimah, holding her hand and whispering words of encouragement as the nurses prepared her for delivery. "You're doing great, Halimah. Just keep breathing."

Within a few minutes, Hassan reappeared in scrubs, looking slightly out of place. He moved to Halimah's side, taking her hand from mine. "I'm here, noor ayn"

Halimah's grip on his hand tightened as another contraction hit. "It hurts so much," she whispered, tears streaming down her face. I felt my heart also break a little at the clear sight of the pain she was in. I struggled to keep the tears at bay.

"I know, sweetheart. You're so strong," Hassan murmured, his voice full of love and ache.

The medical team continued their preparations, their movements efficient and reassuring. The doctor arrived and introduced herself, quickly assessing the situation.

"Alright, Halimah, you're doing wonderfully," the doctor said, her voice calm and steady. "We're going to take great care of you and your baby."

I stepped back, letting the heavy hospital door close gently behind me. The sterile air felt different, tinged with antiseptic and an undercurrent of tension. I glanced down the bustling corridor, where nurses moved briskly between rooms.

As I leaned against the wall, I could hear the muffled hum of voices filtering through the door.

The sterile lights above flickered slightly, their harsh glow amplifying the sense of urgency in the air.

The sound of an intercom crackled nearby, a reminder of the life that pulsed around us, even in these anxious moments.

I took a deep breath, allowing the steady beat of my heart to ground me.

My best friend and her baby will be fine, In shaa Allah.

Allah's protection felt close, a shield against the chaos swirling around me.

I whispered Duas for Allah to ease her pain and protect her as I stood across the door in anticipation and worry.

I took in a deep breath, feeling the steady rise and fall of my chest as I tried to center myself amidst the whirlwind of emotions. With a slight tremor in my hands, I brought out my phone. One by one, I began informing every one of the news, my fingers tapping out phone numbers of my family that I memorized by head, the only ones really.

I shared the hospital's address, making sure they find their way. The calls ended swiftly, a chorus of concern, support, and promises to come as soon as possible.

As I finished the last call, I let out a long, slow exhale, feeling a small measure of relief that the task was done. Now, all that was left was to wait. I glanced around the corridor, taking in the scenes of other families in various states of waiting, their faces reflecting the same mix of fear and hope that I felt.

I found a quiet corner and settled into one of the hard plastic chairs, my phone resting in my lap. The minutes ticked by, marked by the rhythmic ticking of the wall clock and the occasional distant sound of medical equipment.

As I sat there, I imagined Halimah cradling her little one, gifted to her by Allah.

Then We made the sperm-drop into a clinging clot, and We made the clot into a lump [of flesh], and We made [from] the lump, bones, and We covered the bones with flesh; then We developed him into another creation. So blessed is Allāh, the best of creators.

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Hey guys💗

Hope you like the chapter because it was one of my favorites (I say this every chapter). Thank you for the votes and adding them to your reading lists, Im so happy people are enjoying my work!

Till next time!