23. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆, 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕?

Hassan's pov

Beep beep beep.

I woke up to the soft hum of a machine filling the air. My eyelids felt heavy as I struggled to lift them, and my limbs felt like lead, weighed down by an overwhelming sense of fatigue. Each breath felt like a laborious task, as if my chest were constricted by invisible chains. The sterile scent of disinfectant assaulted my senses, making me acutely aware of my surroundings. My throat felt parched, my mouth dry as I tried to muster the strength to speak. Weakness flowed through every fiber of my body, leaving me feeling utterly powerless and vulnerable in the sterile confines of where I lay.

I mustered up the strength to open my eyes but it felt there was something pushing back. After a lot of tries, I finally opened my eyes but quickly shut them close due to the light piercing into my eyes. It sent a searing pain into me.

I took in a deep breath and tried again and this time, it didn't hurt as much. I squinted as I stared up at the white ceiling and it's like the beeping of another machine became louder now that I could see.

The severity of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. I was in a hospital. How am I in the hospital? Did my episode get so bad that I was brought here? No. I searched my mind to remember what could have possibly happened for me to end up here. But my mind came up blank. It even hurt to think at this point.

All I remember was halimah leaving for the store. Halimah. Where is she?

I struggled to sit up, my body feeling like it was made of lead, each movement a grueling task. My head throbbed with dull pain, and my vision swam with dizziness. "Halimah," I managed to croak, my voice barely audible even to my own ears. Panic gripped me as I scanned the room, searching desperately for any sign of her. But the effort was futile, as my strength failed me and I collapsed back onto the pillows, defeated. The fear for Halimah's safety gnawed at my insides, overshadowing the haze of confusion and weakness that engulfed me.

The pace of the beeping increasing as different scenarios flitted through my mind.

The door opened up as I had just lifted myself slightly and was able to sit lightly on the bed when the person I was desperately searching for walked in. Almost immediately my heart rate returned to normal.

Halimah walked in, carrying a transparent bag of snacks. She hadn't yet noticed that I was up and was searching through the bag for something.

"Assalamu alaikum Zawji" She mumbled as she closed the door shut.

"Wa alaikum salam baby" I responded, my voice hoarse from not having water in them for what felt like days.

Halimah gasped and dropped the bag in shock as her eyes snapped to my direction. Halimah visibly shook as her eyes widened and filled up with tears as she looked at me in disbelief.

Halimah looked different. Not that she didn't look beautiful, but she looked tired and her eyes, the only thing I could see, had black bags. Her veil that was always immaculately worn looked like she rushed to throw it on.

"H-hassan" She cried out as she rushed to my side and gave me a tight hug.

We melted into one another as we held unto each-other desperately. It feels like we were apart for years with the way we were embracing each-other. I feel like I haven't been in her presence for so long.

Halimah started sobbing into my shoulder as she kept whispering Alhamdulilah. I felt myself breaking down as I could hear the pain in her voice. She wouldn't stop shaking.

Though I was still feeling weak, i tightened my hold on her as she cried. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world.

"Baby," I whispered, attempting to meet Halimah's gaze, but she clung to me tightly, as if afraid to let go. Slowly, she released her hold and sat up, her movements cautious.

With a rough cough, I struggled to clear my throat, prompting Halimah to spring into action. She retrieved the forgotten bag from the ground and brought out a water bottle, opening it and handing it to me.

"Thank you," I said gratefully, with a small smile, as I whispered bismillah and drank the water. I felt better already, just from drinking it.

Her hand in mine felt warm and reassuring, anchoring me to the present moment.

Her gaze met mine, her eyes reflecting a mixture of relief and apprehension. It was then that I noticed the sudden shift in her demeanor, a dawning realization that something was amiss.

"What's wrong?" I asked, worried.

"Hassan," she began, her voice soft but urgent. "I should have alerted a nurse when you woke up. You need proper care and attention, and I should have done that right away ."

It was like I was transported back from the bubble that I was in with her. I had genuinely forgotten i was at the hospital from the moment we hugged. I squeezed her hand gently in reassurance.

"It's okay, Halimah," I said, my voice filled with gratitude. "Your presence alone was what I needed in that moment"

Her eyes softened with love, and she nodded, as she reached for the call button beside the bed and pressed down on it.

As we sat and waited , halimah took my hand in hers, her eyes welling with tears again. I was about to ask her why when she spoke in a sad broken voice, "Why did you do it?"

I looked at her in confusion and shame but I don't know why. I was about to voice my confusion when the door creaked open revealing the silhouette of a doctor accompanied by a nurse, clipboard in hand.

The doctor, with a reassuring smile, strode into the room followed closely by the nurse. Their footsteps echoed softly against the tiled floor, punctuating the silence that had settled between us. Behind them, our family members entered, their faces a blend of concern and hope.

As our parents entered the room, I couldn't help but notice the worry etched into every line on their faces. Halimah's parents wore expressions of concern, their brows furrowed with anxiety as they took in the sight of their daughter sitting by my side.

On the other side, my own parents stood, their faces a mirror of anguish and exhaustion. My father looked like he had spent sleepless nights worrying about me , while my mother's usually stoic face was replaced with tear-filled eyes.

"Good afternoon," the doctor greeted us warmly, his voice a soothing balm amidst the tension. "I'm Dr. Patel, and this is nurse Leiya.

"I need to perform an examination," the doctor he continued after we returned the greeting , his tone serious but kind. "I'd like everyone to step out for a moment"

Our parents exchanged worried glances before reluctantly nodding and making their way towards the door. Halimah hesitated, her hand tightening around mine, but the doctor offered her a reassuring smile.

"It's okay," he said gently. "I just need a moment alone with Hassan."

Reluctantly, Halimah nodded, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead before stepping out of the room too. As the door closed behind them, I turned to the doctor, a sense of apprehension gnawing at me.

But as he began his examination, his calm and professional demeanor put me at ease. After ten minutes we were done and he asked the nurse to call my family back in.

"How are we feeling today?"

"I feel... exhausted and I have a headache" I answered truthfully.

He gave a nod as he answered me.

"That is normal, you have been out for four days. You're lucky." He said kindly as he took the clipboard from the nurse's outstretched hand and started jotting things down.

Days? I looked at him incredulously.

"Four days?" I repeated in shock.

"Yes sir. If your wife hadn't come in time before your body could fully absorb all those sleeping pills you took, only God knows how long you would've been in coma, or even worse." What?

I looked to halimah in disbelief and her face was all I needed for confirmation.

My father too had a downtrodden expression on his face as he consoled my mom that was silently crying on his shoulder.

The doctor seemed to understand my confusion as he assured on, "Memory loss is normal, and since your case isn't as severe as the rest, those memories will start coming in pretty soon. I'll let you guys have some privacy and will be back with more to talk on" He added.

He then left the room promising to be back soon, nurse in tow.

I looked down at the sheets and thought hard. I felt a pounding headache coming in but just as it got intense, I started having flashbacks.

I hastily grabbed two and tossed them into my mouth, hoping for a quick relief. After a few minutes, the voices intensified, compelling me to reach for the bottle once more. I swallowed more pills, cannot for the life of me remember the exact count. All I craved was the respite of sleep, a brief escape from the torment that surrounded me.

I overdosed myself in my frantic state. All I wanted to do was get away from the voices in my head. I just wanted a break.

I looked down in shame as what could have happened settled in. I could have lost everything.

Halimah walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"I-I didn't mean to, wallah," I said, my voice trembling with emotion. "I just wanted to sleep. Please believe me. Please."

Halimah's eyes brimmed with tears, "Hassan," She said softly. "We're here to help you, not to judge you. You're not alone in this."

"That's right son. You will never be alone in this. We're a family and we'll always stick together." My father said emotionally as he gave me a tight hug. And I wholeheartedly believe him. My dad has been through it all with me and I'm so lucky to have such an amazing father.

"May Allah be with you son, I love you and stay strong okay?" He said quietly as he let go and lightly patted my right shoulder.

My mother was the next one to reach me. She showered me with kisses, her tears mingling with her words of relief and caution. Her embrace was filled with a mixture of love and worry, her hands cradling my face as if to shield me from further harm.

"Alhamdulillah, you're alright," she sobbed, her voice choked with emotion. "Please, be safer next time. I can't take any more stress."

"I'm sorry, Mom," I replied, guilt weighing heavily on my conscience.

"No, don't apologize," she insisted, her voice trembling with emotion. "Just get better for us, okay?"

As she turned to embrace Halimah, gratitude shone in her eyes, a silent acknowledgment of the support and care she had no doubt shown me in my time of need.

"Thank you so much" She said as she hugged her close.

My in-laws approached me next. Uncle wheeled his way to my side and took hold of my hand saying passionately, "You have always been like a son to me but when you married my daughter you became part of me. May Allah protect you, my son. We're so glad you're okay, alhamdulilah"

Aunt Shumaya continued, "You've made my daughter a very happy girl and that in turn makes us happy and grateful. But you deserve all the happiness too. Please take care of yourself too okay? And don't ever hesitate to reach out to us if you need anything, hmm?"

"Yes mom" I responded as I smiled gratefully. They really are my second parents. Alhamdulilah for them.

My Dad spoke into the room next, "We're gonna go freshen up at home but will soon be back, hmm? I'll also bring along your sister. She's been super worried."

"Abu has also been asking of you. I'll bring him too" Uncle chipped in.

"I'll bring you some food. The food here is unique. All I think of when I see it is audhubillah mina shaitan rajeem!" My mother in-law couldn't help adding in dramatically make us all laugh.

The parents left and it was only my wife and I left. Left alone with Halimah, I felt a pang of unease, a barrier seemingly erected between us despite her physical presence. With a gentle touch, I turned to face her, seeking reassurance in her eyes.

"You believe me, right?" I whispered, the weight of her response hanging heavy in the air.

Halimah's silence spoke volumes, her reluctance to answer fueling my anxiety. Desperate for affirmation, I pulled her closer, searching her eyes for any sign of understanding.

"Halimah" I whimpered desperately.

"Do you promise me? Do you swear that this was completely unintentional and you didn't do it because it got too much? Do you promise you didn't want to leave me in this dunya? Do you?" She asked sadly as she looked up at me. Her usually bright eyes, a shadow of their usual expression. She looked drained and exhausted.

I took a deep breath as I gently lifted up her niqab.

Halimah still looked so beautiful to me even though you could see the obvious exhaustion on her. My beautiful baby.

"Wallah. It was never my intention to do this, especially when I just got you" I answered truthfully as I looked into her eyes intensely. I gave her a peck on her lips and continued, "I admit the episode got bad and I know that I have depression. Allah knows no matter how hard it gets that I can still get through this. I believe in Fa inna ma'al usri yusran. With every hardship comes ease. And I will weather it out through all the struggles and challenges just to witness the ease with you my love."

Tears welled in Halimah's eyes, her lips curving into a small smile as she leaned forward to kiss me tenderly.

"Good, because you're stuck with me for life," she sniffled, her tears mingling with laughter as I wiped them away, her beauty captivating me. She still looked so beautiful with her face all blotched from crying.

"No my love. Fi dunya wal akhira."

In this world and in the next, I will love this woman.

Fi dunya wal akhirah.

~

Ah love. Must be nice.

How did you like this chap? Lmk! I was in class typing this and hoping the lecturer wouldn't notice.

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