My Ex’s Roommates: Chapter 22

“We play USC in less than a month. Will y’all get to watch the game?”

With the conversation directed back towards football and away from any supposed relationship I had with Silas, we settled into something strangely similar to normal. For the two hours we spoke, I was able to forget the guards around us and where we were completely. I desperately wanted to hug them but even that got easier with Silas holding my hands. It was when it was time for our visit to end that reality came crashing back, clogging my throat with emotion.

Danny smiled at me. “If you cry, you can’t come back.”

“That’s not fair.” I sniffed and then groaned. “I’m not going to cry.”

“Not yet.” Matt nodded at the guard who called for them. He looked back at Silas. “She’s going to cry buckets when she gets out of here. Little Harpoon is a crier, no matter how much she tries to act like she’s not.”

Jay stood up with his brothers and winked at me. “Love you.”

“I love y’all more.” My voice shook but I held it together. “Be safe.”

I looked up and saw that Barry had joined us. He looked at us for a moment and then sighed. “One hug. Make it fast.”

I scrambled to my feet and then everything was okay for a few seconds when I got to hug them. Their hugs were the safest place I’d ever felt and being enveloped in them for the first time in two years felt like balm on my ragged soul. It was over too fast, though, and they were led back to their cage, leaving me shaking and doing my best to prove them wrong about my being a crier.

Silas silently led me out of the prison and to his truck. He helped me in and helped me buckle myself in before getting in himself and driving us a few miles away. I was doing my best to hold everything in when he pulled over on the side of the highway and turned the truck off. I watched in confusion as he got out, walked around to my side, and opened my door.

“Come here.” He unbuckled me and tugged me into his arms, holding me tight. “Stop being stubborn and just cry, Harper.”

I buried my face in his chest and clutched as his t-shirt. “No.”

“You’re shaking like a leaf, princess. Just let go.” He stroked my back and rested his chin on top of my head. He felt as big as my brothers when he held me like that.

A sob broke free and I broke down there on the side of the highway with Silas holding me and cars flying past. I’d tried to hide them. That was the thought banging around angrily in my head. Jake had acted like they were a shameful secret and I’d let him. I’d pretended they weren’t in prison, even though they were there for trying to protect me. I was disgusted with myself and I wanted to suffer for what I’d done. I didn’t deserve comfort.

It was that thought that had me pushing Silas away and climbing back into the truck. I wrapped my arms around myself and stared straight ahead, my stomach twisted in knots as Silas walked back around the truck and got in. Silence stretched on between us but he didn’t start the truck.

After what felt like forever, I glanced over at him and saw he was staring back at me with a hard expression on his face. “I wish I knew what you were thinking.”

I let out a bitter laugh. “I’ll tell you and then you can go back to hating me. I let Jake act like my brothers being in prison was this white trash family secret to be ashamed of and I started acting like that, too. He would threaten to tell all of his friends and family about it to get me to stay in line. I let it happen. I knew his fancy friends and family wouldn’t find my life palatable and I let Jake twist it into something prettier. I’m an asshole and I don’t deserve your comfort. You were right to hate me.”

He swore as he looked at the clock. “I have to get back to campus but we’re going to talk about this, Harper. You’re beating yourself up for nothing and I think maybe your brothers were right to keep you away.”

I glared at him. “No, they weren’t.”

“You can’t handle it, Harper. You’re beating the shit out of yourself right now.” He pulled back onto the highway with a string of additional swears. “I see the way you love your brothers. They do, too. I can pretty much guarantee that you never said or did a thing to insult your brothers.”

“Well, no, of course not, but-”

“But nothing. Jake did that, Harper. Not you.” He glanced over at me. “I’m going to drop you off at home but we’ll talk more after practice. Okay?”

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked out the window. It wasn’t okay. Everything felt raw. I was too exposed and letting Silas see too much of me felt like a mistake. Things were confusing and scary with everything that was changing in so little time. Letting him comfort me and hold me while I cried about my brothers was something I’d never let Jake do in the two years we were together. It’d never felt right. Yet, with Silas, it was too easy to let him take care of me.

He wasn’t looking at me like I was someone he disliked anymore and I wasn’t sure I could handle it, not when I felt like I deserved the dislike. He’d come from a rough background, too, but I bet he’d never pretended to be someone he wasn’t to impress anyone.

More than anything, I was ashamed of myself. For pretending to be someone else. For not talking about my brothers when they deserved to be spoken about. For ever telling them about our dad in the first place.

“Get your shit together or I’ll call the prison myself to tell your brothers you can’t come back.” Silas’ harsh words stung, his tone hard. He was staring back at me with a smug look on his face when I glared at him. “There she is. Be pissed. It’s at least a useful emotion.”

I deflated in my seat, slowly letting all my too big feelings out with a long exhale. “How are you both the worst and the best?”

He smiled after pulling up into the driveway. “I’m an enigma, princess. Now get out of my truck and go the fuck inside. Drink some tea or something, whatever it is you do to relax.”

I watched him for a few seconds, unable to find any trace of the guy I’d hated as Jake’s roommate. The Silas I’d come to know was so much more than I’d ever expected. “I’m going to go take a burning hot shower and then spend the next five to six hours trying to make myself feel pretty in hopes of it improving my attitude. Ever tried it?”

His slow grin was dangerous. “If I’m going to spend five or six hours doing something to be improve my attitude, princess, it’s not going to be anything I do to myself.”

I blushed as I caught his meaning. “Idiot.”

He waved me out of his truck and then sped off to practice, leaving me standing there wondering who the hell Silas really was and why he’d decided to unleash his good on me.