Chapter 4: Indifferent

He doesn't show up to English. Or calculus. Despite this being very normal for him, and the fact that I should absolutely not care about which classes he decides to attend, I get increasingly more anxious the longer he's absent. When he finally makes an appearance, an hour into physics, he's got another guy with him. The two desks that are empty are nowhere near each other, so the guy takes one of them and he sits on top of the desk. Ms. Jenson's nostrils flare, and she glares daggers at him- well, both of them, I suppose.

"Ryan. How nice of you to grace us with your presence. And who's your friend?"

"I'm Don, actually, and this is Jerry."

The guy sitting at the desk- Jerry?- looks like he's trying not to laugh. Don (I guess?) just smirks a little, swinging his legs back and forth a little as Ms. Jenson tries to kill them both with her gaze.

Once she finally gives up on visually murdering them, she goes back to teaching (in a very sharp tone of voice that clearly states that all of her patience has been drained and she is just hovering above a tolerance level of zero). I glance over at Don and Jerry- they're both smirking at something, clearly not paying attention to the lesson. The interesting thing is that Jerry doesn't even seem to be in this class, much less have notes on it. So... Don isn't just interested in cheating off this guy?

He's watching him intently, any time Jerry pulls out his phone or really does anything that involves looking away from Don. Don's looking at him the way he looked at me, only he let me see him do it. Does he care? Was that intentional? Is he bringing this guy into this class to show me that he didn't want my notes? Does he even remember that I exist?

After class, they leave together. They're acting like best friends, but I've never seen Don interact super closely with him before. Though, I've never really paid this much attention to anything Don did until... about two days ago. I mean, I noticed him- it's difficult not to, he's constantly being obnoxious for no reason, but I definitely didn't focus on everything he did this intently. And holy heck, my life was so much easier.

I need to find a way back to that.

I focus as intensely as I can on studying and schoolwork, actively not looking at him whenever he makes a dramatic entrance to class at his ridiculously late times. Friday seems to drag along at an excruciatingly slow pace, and even though I haven't looked at him for at least 24 hours, I can't stop wondering if he's going to come to class, where he'll sit, if he'll ignore the teacher, taunt them, or cheat- it's impossible.

How did my life go from so simple and easy to so difficult so quickly?

The weekend finally arrives, and it is truly a blessing.

I spend nearly all of Saturday working on my biology project. It's nice, really, because he doesn't take that class (at least in the same period as me), so I don't have anything tied to any form of memory of him. It's honestly such a relief just to be able to focus on schoolwork again. To actually focus on anything. It feels nice, and normal.

On Sunday, I test out a bit of calculus, and find that it's possible to get some work done there, too. It's also a massive relief- I'm able to work again. I barrel through hours of homework with no breaks, before finally having nothing left but my biology presentation, which I gaily work on until my parents get home from work.

"You seem less anxious today," my mom comments. "Did you get lots of studying done?"

"Plenty. I finished all my homework and got hours of work done on my biology presentation."

"Good. Do you feel confident in everything? Did you have any trouble?" my dad asks.

"Nope."

"That's all the studying. Keep up the good work, son," my dad says, and my mother gives me a smile.

"You're such a good student, sweetie. We love you so much."

I smile back, and it's the most genuine smile I think I've worn since last week. "Thanks, Mom, Dad. I love you too."

I'm not at all worried on my way to school when Monday comes around. I feel like the weekend was a nice reset. I feel confident in my ability to focus, and my life feels like it's back on track. Everything feels normal. I am indifferent to him.

vRRRRRRR-VRRRR-VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-

I speed up and shove through the doors of the school. That's normal, though- I used to start walking faster whenever he'd start revving the engine of his obnoxious cars.

I force myself not to avoid looking at him when he ambles into English halfway through class, because if I'm avoiding looking at him, then I'm not indifferent. He's with a girl this time, and they're wearing matching racing sunglasses. I roll my eyes and look back to the front of the classroom. Mr. Hawkes watches him until he sits down, perching on a desk while the girl sits on the back of the chair. Then, without really acknowledging him, Mr. Hawkes continues talking about Hamlet.

Next period, he shows up to calculus only a few minutes late, still with the girl. It's shocking. Dr. Love looks about as stunned as the rest of the class as he takes a seat in the front row, which turns out to be problematic when he sits on top of the desk, as usual, letting the girl sit in the chair. They're at the front of the class, blocking at least a third of the rest of the students' view of the teacher and the board. Including mine. I exhale through my nose and focus on writing down what Dr. Love is saying.

It's hard not to look at him, though. He's directly in my line of sight. I keep looking up to see Dr. Love, but instead there's just him. I can't lean over to see around him either, either- he keeps moving. It's ridiculous.

Against my conscious will, I wonder if he's dating her. He doesn't seem to be acting any differently with her than he was with Jerry (though I doubt that was the guy's real name), though. She might be flirting with him- she keeps smiling and running her fingers through her hair and touching his arm and shoulder. But he doesn't seem to be returning it. It's not like he's ignoring her- he's just acting exactly the same way that I saw him with Jerry last week. Paying attention to her, pretty much exclusively, and then looking like he's examining her any time she averts her eyes. It's so weird- what is he looking for?

No. No questions, I tell myself. I'm indifferent to him. Therefore, I'm not curious.

He leaves with her halfway through class- not like he was paying attention to Dr. Love's lecture anyways. His absence reveals a board filled with graphs and calculations. Great.

After rapidly scribbling (even more than usual) for the remainder of class, my hand is numb. I can barely open my locker. And, as if I wasn't already irritated at him enough, I can hear his ridiculously loud engine outside the school. Against my will (again), I glance out the nearest window and immediately spot his latest flashy car, this one bright yellow with an orange gradient. Talk about elaborate. The girl is in the passenger seat, shrieking with laughter. I shake my head and force myself to walk away from the window.

He doesn't show up to physics.

By the end of the day, I'm kind of proud of myself. I was much more indifferent today. I don't feel anxious or tense, and I didn't focus on him the whole day. By the end of this week, I'll probably be completely apathetic towards him.

My prediction seems to be well founded as the week goes on. On Tuesday, I only notice that he's not accompanied by the girl anymore- he's alone in physics (the only class he shows up to). On Wednesday, I ignore both his late entrance to calculus and completely forget about him until he comes into physics ten minutes before dismissal. On Friday, I'm reminded of his existence by his car, and realize that he skipped every class yesterday. I mentally pat myself on the back, and find myself breathing a lot easier again. Back to normal.

That is, until I spot him eyeing me during English.

And calculus.

And physics.

I tell myself to ignore him and he'll leave me alone. That's what everyone says to do with bullies- if you don't give them the satisfaction of hurting you, they leave. So if I don't give him the satisfaction of occupying my attention, he'll move on. Right?

Wrong.

What did you think about Jerry and the girl? How about Todd's plan to be indifferent to the millionaire? And the millionaire staring at Todd all day on Friday? Any predictions for what might happen next? Let me know in the comments!

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