Chapter 45: Storm

"You wanna come over today?"

It's been a few weeks since my parents gave me the ultimatum. It hasn't been implemented, but I'm definitely studying more again. I can tell they're pleased. I'm not happy, but I'm willing to do anything to keep him in my life. So studying it is.

Neither of us have been thrilled with the new arrangement. It's easy to tell he hasn't been as happy lately as he was before, when I'd come over to his house regularly. It's not like he's exactly upset, though, not the way I would have expected- honestly, I would have expected him to drop me by now. It just seems like his emotions have been dulled.

His spontaneous, reckless actions, though, have seemed to be even more frequent. There was a news story a few days ago, of a car driven off a bridge and then carried through the fastest part of the river until it finally crashed into a bank. It was his car, and I was terrified out of my mind that he'd been in it until I saw him at school the next day. When I asked him why, he shrugged and told me it was an experiment. A few days later, his physics mark went up two marks, so he was telling the truth, at least.

I haven't gone to his house for more than three hours in at least two or maybe three weeks. I miss him, obviously, and I'm more certain than ever that he's going to drop me sooner than later, since I'm studying so much now. Today, though, it's a Friday, and we don't have any tests until Wednesday (we're approaching diplomas now, so the teachers are testing us a lot more frequently to get us to study). So when he asks if I want to come over, I nod. He smiles, and his eyes brighten a little. My heart aches when I realize how long it's been since I've seen that expression on his face.

I drive, so we leave his car at the school and take mine out to his house. As usual, his parents give me smiles and say hi to me, before he and I go down to the basement.

"Mario Kart?" I suggest, and he gives me a hint of a smirk before turning the TV on and taking his usual beanbag. I do the same.

He just barely beats me the first round. He seems distracted in the second round, and I win first. He barely even blinks. I put down my remote and turn to face him fully.

"What's wrong? You never lose by that much."

He sighs and leans back in the beanbag, not looking at me. "When are you leaving?"

A sharp, bitter pang shoots through my chest. He wants me to leave? "I... I guess... whenever you want me to..."

He blinks and turns to look at me, frowning. "Don't you have to study?"

There's a lump in my throat, and I feel like I could start crying any second. "Why? Do you want me to go?"

He sighs again and rubs his face. "No, I just want to know what to expect. Are you going to go in two hours? An hour and a half? Forty five minutes? Fifteen?"

I should be relieved that he doesn't want me to go, but instead hearing that makes me feel worse. "I wouldn't stay for just fifteen minutes."

"How am I supposed to know that? There was a point where I thought you wouldn't just stay for an hour, yet that's been the maximum amount of time you've been here for in the past week!"

"I'm sorry," I choke out in a whisper. "I'm just trying to keep my grades up. I don't want to be forced to study for six hours every day."

"I don't want that for you either, but I don't see a scenario where that happens. Your grades haven't dropped below 100% this whole year. You've aced everything- most people can't even fathom that level of excellence."

"I'm not a genius. I could make one little mistake, and it'd all be over."

"Okay, but even if, somehow, you got a 99.5% on something- heaven forbid- how would your parents force you to study when they aren't even home? Demand to see your studying notes or practice when they got home, and if it didn't look like enough, then, what? Not let you have dinner? Lock you in your room? Take away your phone? Kick you out of the house?"

I close my eyes, taking a deep breath and trying to stay level-headed. "I don't know. But they wouldn't have to worry about that, because they know I don't break rules."

"But what if you did? You're an adult, now- they can't demand custody of you so they can punish you. You could do whatever you wanted."

"They could kick me out, though. I don't have a job, I haven't had any source of income ever, so I'm essentially broke, I'd have nowhere to live, nothing to eat, and I'd be drinking out of the water fountains at school to stay hydrated."

"You would not. You think I'd let you live on the streets?"

"I wouldn't be able to accept-"

"You don't even know what I was going to say. I have a million solutions ready and waiting. Do you think my money grows on mustard plants? I have a source of income and it would be incredibly easy for me to get you a very well-paying job. And, you have a car that you could sell for like, 100 grand, easily. Heck, why don't we just get married so that if your parents invoke the studying rule, you can claim half my fortune and move out? You're so worried about disobeying your parents that you don't even think about what could happen if you did. Them kicking you out is the very worst case scenario, and it's not the end of the world. The most likely thing that would happen is that they'd lecture you about the importance of getting good grades, and you could show them your transcript, and those practice tests that you take religiously, all of which are in the triple whole digits, and they'd get off your back."

"I don't want it to get to that point, though," I say quietly.

"And it won't. You're brilliant. You don't need to study for six hours every night- and that's basically what you're doing anyways! And I'm trying so hard to be patient and understanding since your parents are being ridiculous, but I just want to feel like I'm still part of your life!"

"You think I don't want that? For you to be part of my life? You ask when I'm leaving, because you want to know what to expect?! You think I'm not constantly worried that you'll finally get whatever the heck it is you want from me, and just disappear completely?!"

He stares at me. "What are you even talking about?"

"Up until me, you would just- find someone, hang out with them all day, then drop them within 24 hours, and call it making friends. I'm constantly wondering when my expiry date is! You say that you like watching people interact, find them fascinating or whatever, but it clearly takes you no time at all to figure them out and get bored- you've already had me for however long it's been, a month at least- so how much longer am I going to be interesting to you? When are you going to just drop me and pretend you've never talked to me before?"

He presses the heels of his hands into his forehead. "I can't believe you're even saying this right now. I've given you everything- you've seen everything about me. You know my birth name, which I keep hidden from everyone else because I know people would start calling me by it all the time when I want something else. You could tell anyone, and you'd have proof- it's my dad's name too. You've been to my house more times than I can count, making you my first friend to step foot in here more than once. You not only know about my moods, but you've been around me during them at least a couple times, you know that I like to observe people and that I find them fascinating, you know all my favourite things- no one else knows that I like to cook, or that I take drama- and you've heard my parent's baby stories about me- what else do I have to do to show you how much you mean to me?!" He's yelling now, and pacing. I stand up, too.

"You could start by maybe mentioning it at some point instead of making me feel like I'm just another one of your observation slides that you're looking at a little longer than the others!" I yell back. "You never say or do anything that tells me anything about what you're thinking! Everything you say is vague and you have like, four facial expressions that also tell me nothing! And the last time I asked why you did something, you told me it was because you're rich and therefore can do whatever you want! So what am I supposed to think- of course I'm going to think you want something from me!"

"Why is that your automatic response? That it clearly has nothing to do with you? Do you think I'm so shallow that I couldn't treat you the way I do because I like you as a person? Is it because I'm rich? Is it because you've never had friends before because you push everyone away in favour of studying because the only validation you think you can count on is from your parents and teachers? Why wouldn't you just talk to me?! I'm not some heartless rich monster that looks at everyone else like gerbils, I'm a human being who likes studying human interactions but will never get to go into psychology because nobody trusts me with biology!"

I don't hear anything past the part about how I've never had friends. It feels like he punched me in the face. I stare at him, feeling the tears spilling over my cheeks. He stares back, crying silently as if he was my reflection. My chest aches horribly- like I can't breathe. I don't know if I'm still breathing. I can't focus- I can't- how could he-? That's...

I can't breathe, my chest feels like it's being crushed, and my legs feel stiff, like I can't move. I need to get out of here, I need to get out of here so badly. But I can't seem to move, I can't seem to do anything but stare at him. I can't believe he would...

My eyes are burning, like I haven't blinked in a while. It feels like it's been hours that we've been standing like this. It's so quiet, suffocatingly quiet. I'm not breathing, I'm not moving, I'm not blinking, and I need to get out of here.

I stumble back. Like he punched me.

And I get out.

So... I'm sorry? What do you think of all that? Thoughts on Todd studying more? The millionaire's increasing recklessness? And their argument (who do you agree with)? Let me know!

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