Chapter 20

(Chapter song ‘My Immortal’ by Evanescence)

(TW: Abuse attack, aftermath of abuse)

SOPHIE “Soph? You coming down?”

I hugged my pillow as I tried to keep it together.

“Uh…”

I haven’t left my room in days and I know Jax is not going to leave me alone for much longer.

I need to get over this. I know Marcus means well, I just can't be who he wants.

I sit up in bed and rake my fingers through my hair. I pad over to the door and open it.

“Hey, kid.” He smiles as he looks me over.

“Hi.” I mumble as I walk back to my bed and flop on it.

He steps in and shuts the door. “Soph. What’s going on with you?”

I flop down on my stomach and wrap my arms around my pillow. “I don’t know, Jax. I want to find the biggest hole I can find and throw myself in it.” I bury my face and fight the lump in my throat.

I feel him sit on the edge of the bed. “Why?”

“I can’t tell you.” My muffled voice cracks.

“You can tell me anything, kid.” I feel his hand land on my back.

I shake my head. “Not this.”

“Sophie. You can’t keep secrets from me.”

He moves my hair and my eye finds my brothers. I want to fall into his arms and cry, but I can’t without blowing Marcus all to hell.

I swallow my grief and sit up. “It’s just…it’s not fair.”

He sighs. “Marcus.”

I nod.

“You gotta know. Marcus isn’t the only person on the planet. I realize you like him, but you can’t make someone like you.” He says softly.

“I know.” I choke.

He turns to me and pulls me to face him. “You need to stop thinking about him, alright. What you should be doing is working on you. Forget Marc. You need to get up, clean up and do your counselling. Get your head straight.” He leans to me and tucks my hair behind my ear.

“Why do I feel like this, Jax? I can’t have him, but I feel like I should. I don’t get it.” I say as I play with his fingers.

“If I had the answers, I’d tell you in a heartbeat.” He raises my eyes to him. “Sophie, you may be my sister, but I can tell you, you’re beautiful. Any guy that is worth his salt would be so damn lucky to have you, provided you fix you.” He taps my nose and leans to me. “That’s the important part. You do that and you’ll never look back at what's his name.” He smirks and I giggle.

I hold his hand as I fight tears.

“You have so much life ahead of you, Sophie. Don’t throw it away on the first guy that gave you attention. Marc may be my friend, but that doesn’t mean he even comes close to deserving you. Maybe this is a sign that there’s someone better for you out there.” He smiles.

“You think so?” I whisper.

“Yeah. I do. Listen. Rejection happens. Yeah, it hurts, but for every no you get, that means you'll be closer to a yes and at that time, you'll be rocking your badass and he won’t know what hit him.” He shakes my shoulder and I laugh through my pain.

“Thanks, Jaxton.” I smile.

“What are big brothers for?” He grins back. “Come on.” He stands and pulls me to my feet. “I have a therapy session and an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting set up for you. Your new life starts today and I’m helping.”

I sigh. “Ok.”

“Get dressed and meet me downstairs in 10 minutes.” He eyes me.

I nod and head to my closet as he leaves.

I stare at myself in the mirror as I brush my hair. I heard what Jax said, but how can I just move on like that? He said he was with me forever no matter what and now he’s just gone? He just left me like none of what we had mattered. He didn’t care what I felt like. I may have made some dumb mistakes, but he didn’t have to end it like that.

Is it really possible that he could do it so easily because of Claudia? Maybe that’s why it’s hitting so hard. Maybe I feel like his fake relationship isn’t so fake anymore. Maybe he was already looking for an out and I handed him one on a silver platter. I’m so fucking stupid.

I splash water on my face to douse the heat and sting of my tears and give myself the once over. I look like a solid human, but I feel hollow inside. The black hole in my chest just keeps sucking everything out of me and I can’t stop it.

Jax is right. Marcus is right. I’m spinning myself right down the drain. I smash my bike, causing a major accident, for what? For Marcus kissing her. I almost took myself out for him. Yeah. I’m a dumbass.

I walk out of my bedroom and join my family downstairs. Jax kisses my hair and leads me out of the apartment.

Today is a new start. A new beginning. The old Sophie is ending today.

I’ll give it a shot, at least.

I watch Rey hold Jax's hand as we drive to the Security Complex councillor. Jax says he will be more understanding of the whole Mace thing so, I can be open with him.

My nerves are shot as I walk into the office. I’ve never been to therapy before. Obviously, living the life of a secret vigilante doesn’t have room for self care. I just hope it works.

I kind of hope after all this, I can get Marc back and I can knock his socks off instead of some other guy.

As we sit in the waiting room, I scroll through my phone. I catch the latest news and I turn up my ear bud.

“Shit…Jaxton?” I rip out my earbud, turn up the volume and show him.

“What?” He leans to my phone.

‘We're just outside the perimeter of the Pharaohs Crown Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. Authorities have told us an explosion happened on the top 2nd floor penthouse apartments around 3 am this morning.

The hotel is owned by Cecil Vinelli. Long time lycan leader in the Vinelli Crime Family.

As you can see, the top of the building is on fire and the damage has yet to be determined. Emergency medical crews have stated that at least three people are dead and several were injured in the blast.

We were also told that Alpha Marcus Cooper was at the hotel when the explosion occurred. He was rescued during a fall from the 40th floor. We now have video of the daring rescue. Roll the tape…’

The station plays the video and my heart shatters as I see Marcus’ wolf falling then is caught by a black Lycan and they slow to the ground by the lycan clawing the wall of the building. Screams of shock from onlookers match my fear as I watch them fall. They land on the sidewalk and shift. My heart stops as I see them huddled together. My Marcus with Claudia in his arms.

I cross my legs and cover my mouth with my hand as I lean on my thigh. I watch intently and my stomach spins in circles.

I watch them naked and hugging then eventually kissing.

My face heats as the news stops the video and goes back to the reporter.

‘We have yet to confirm the woman's identity, but it looks like Alpha Cooper's savior could be none other than Claudia Vinelli. Alpha Coopers previously announced intended mate. Whether or not the couple were staying together at the hotel, has yet to be determined, but it’s this reporter’s opinion, if it is her, Alpha Cooper is one lucky Alpha.

Back to you, Chet.’

“I need a drink.” I get up and stride to the door.

“Sophie! No!” Jax jumps up and grabs my arm.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” I cry, rip my arm out of his hand and run out the office.

I run through the Complex, trying to outrun the sight of them. The pain crushes my chest and I can’t push it back.

I burst through the door and run out of the lot to the street.

I hit the sidewalks and tears flow as his arms hold her.

I turn down an alley and slow to a jog then stop. Leaning on my thigh, I cover my eyes as I cry.

I suck my breath back as I stand straight.

I turn my head to a dumpster, walk up to it and punch it hard. My cheeks are red and soaked, my eyes can barely see as I throw punch after punch. I scream out each hit until my throat was sore. I kick it and pound on it until it dented and my hands bled. I throw all my anger and pain at it as jumps and rolls in its spot.

I pour all my frustrations out as violently as I can. Truthfully, it’s better then drinking it away.

I stop, drop my bloody knuckles to my sides and throw my back to a wall. I drop to my but and cover my eyes with my hands with my knees pulled up.

My cries fill the alley as I think about how fucked up I am. Why can’t I just do what Marcus wants?

It’s because of that he’s now with Claudia for real.

I did it to myself.

****

CLAUDIA “Where's Marcus? What happened?” Aster greets me at the pack house as I drop my bags at the door.

“He's in New York. He…said he needed to talk to his dad.” I give a half smile and close the door.

I didn’t want him to go, but who am I to stop him.

“Damn. Ok. Thanks.” Aster says and leaves for his office.

I stand in the hallway, alone. My nerves are still rattled from the explosion and I need to calm down. I need someone to calm me down.

I pull out my phone and open my contacts.

YOU: Sky?

I stared at the screen for what felt like forever.

SKY: Hey, Dia.

YOU: Hi. How are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while. You still in Axelridge?

Another pause.

SKY: Yeah. I am.

I feel my eyes heat.

YOU: Did you hear about what happened in Vegas?

YOU: Skylar?

SKY: Yeah. I saw it.

A tear falls as my fear increases. I felt like a little girl who needed to feel safe.

YOU: Can I come over?

SKY: Ok. Give me a couple of hours.

I smile.

YOU: OK. I miss you.

This pause seemed longer. Worry adds to my pain.

YOU: Sky?

SKY: Yeah. Ok.

I cinch my brows and close my phone.

Two hours later, I’m standing at his door. I knock and wait for him to answer.

He opens the door and a big smile crosses my lips. “Hey, baby.” I jump at him and throw my arms around his neck.

“Hi, Dia.” He mumbles as he hugs me back. It feels different.

He pushes me off, runs his fingers through his long, black hair and walks in.

I walk in behind him and look around his apartment. It’s a lot bigger and brighter than his old one in New York and he has a view of the city on the 4th floor.

“This is nice, huh? New furniture?” I stick my hands in the back pockets of my Jean shorts and spin on my toes.

“Yep. Lots of new stuff.” He mumbles and flops on the couch.

I slowly sit beside him. I feel something off with him.

He sat in silence and I played with my fingers wondering why he isn’t more excited to see me.

“So…I’m glad ya could see me. I really could use you right now.” I say quietly.

“Right. I bet.” He snorts.

I turn to him with a knee on the couch. “What’s a matter? Why are ya acting funny?”

He turns his eyes to me and narrows them. “Why? You really asked me that.”

“Yeah? What’s wrong?” I look him over curiously.

He licks his bottom lip, nods and rips out his phone. “Hmm…let me see.” He holds the phone up to me and shows me a video of Marcus and me kissing.

My entire body freezes and flick my eyes from Skylar to the phone and back.

“I can explain.” I whisper as I push his phone down into his lap.

He tilts his head to me. “Explain? What’s to fucking explain, Claudia? I said no fucking touching!” He snarls.

“It wasn’t like that, Sky! I did it for the scam!” I say as I grab his arm.

He rips it out of my hand and stands. “The scam?” He leans to me and glares. “WAS THE FUCKING KISS IN VEGAS PART OF THE SCAM TOO, CLAUDIA?!!”

My mouth goes small. “They showed that?”

“Fucking right they did. It’s all over the Entertainment News. So, tell me…What part of the scam involves my fucking girlfriend bareass naked kissing the fucking mark?!!” He throws his finger in my face then to the room.

Tears start to flow as I stand. “I don’t know.” I sob. “I was just so scared. Sky, I’m sorry!” I reach for him and he rips his arm away.

I stand in front him feeling so vulnerable and wishing that he’d just hold me. “Please. I swear. Sky…It didn’t mean anything. Baby, please. I love you.” My breath hitches as I beg forgiveness.

He gets up close to me and snarls his lip. “Oh, it meant something, Dia. It meant damn lot to me. You crossed the line.”

My tear filled eyes widen. I know what that means. “Sky, no.” I hold a finger up at him and back off.

“You hurt me.” His eyes glow gold.

“Please. I won’t do it again. I promise, Sky! I promise!!” I back away with my hands up in surrender. I cry harder as a different kind of fear fills me.

He roars and his lycan shreds his clothes.

“SKYLAR, NOO!!”

I turn and shred my own clothes. My lycan grows and runs through his living room.

I jump his furniture and he throws it across his room. I make a desperate leap for his window, tuck my head, smash through it and fall to the street, landing on all fours.

I look over my shoulder and he’s falling toward me. I scream in my head and run for my life as he growls and chases me through the streets.

People jump out of the way in a panic as Skylar snarls, bites and claws at me. My lycans cries for help fell on deaf ears.

‘GOD, NO! HELP ME!’

I jump from building wall to building wall, willing my legs to please be faster.

He jumps on my back and we fall to the pavement. I scramble to get away and turn a corner. I cry out in my mind as the chase ends with him tackling me in an alley and punishing me the only way a lycan knows how.

The pain was immeasurable. He ripped, tore and shredded me. My lycans yelps and screams and his dark, demented growls filled the alley as he mauled me in the corner of it. It only stopped when he tired and left me there to crawl out bloody and broken. His seething lycan walked away and turned out the entrance.

Small rivers of my blood trickle across the pavement. My claws grip the asphalt and I try to pull myself up, but everything hurts. I’m afraid to shift because it will just hurt more. My fur is soaked with the wetness of the ground and my blood pouring from the gaping claw marks in my skin. My leg is broken and my ear is ripped.

The only thing that crosses my mind is I deserved all of it.

I roll onto my back and my lycan whines as her hands laid on her chest. She closes her eyes and I sob in the corner of my mind not only because of the beating, but because of the fact that Skylar hated me this much. My body will heal, but my heart will have a harder time relieving itself of the guilt.

I can’t blame him. I cheated on him. I probably would’ve done worse. In fact, I know I would. I got off easy.

I flip over onto my stomach and feel my skin start to knit back together as I crawl to a wall and force myself to stand. My bones set and mend and I can feel my ear start to repair. By the time I get home, I’ll need a shower, but no one will know what Skylar did. Which will be good for me. I don’t want to answer these kinds of questions.

I limp out of alley and try to get my bearings.

People yelp and move out of the way as I hang onto buildings to support myself. I hold my ribs as I stare the people down. I need more strength to get out of here before someone calls the Enforcers. A shifted lycan in Axelridge isn’t a good place to be.

After a few blocks, enough of the pain dissipated that I could run. It was a good thing too. Sirens came from up the street as I took off for the South East Bridge.

By the time I got to the pack house, I was exhausted and filthy. I climb the house, carefully, to my room and entered through the window.

I cried for an hour in the shower. I don’t want to lose Skylar, I love him so much, but if I do, that'll just be even more punishment.

The next day, I called him from the house and left a message on his phone saying I dropped my phone on his floor and that I’ll be over to pick it up. I also apologized again for cheating on him.

When I got to his apartment, there was a bag on the floor in front of his door. I picked it up and opened it. Inside was my shredded clothes and my phone with a cracked screen and a note.

I pull out the note and unfold it. ‘Fuck you.’

My chins quivers as I leave. I throw my clothes in the garbage and get in a cab. As we drive through the city, I open my phone to the smiling picture of Sky and I. The crack cuts right through his face like fate cutting him out of my life forever. I gently touch it as my throat closes.

The love of my life is gone in a single impulse.

I drop my phone and watch the city pass by. A small tear falls and I wipe it away.

I did it to myself.