Chapter 22

Ryder

"Do you think animals speak animal or do they actually speak English and we just perceive it as gibberish animal sounds?" asks Mae randomly one day in the library. Nathan and I look up from our books.

"Maybe," he replies. "I've watched some animal movies so . . . I suppose they speak English too? But then again it's unrealistic, but we'll never know."

Then, Mae nods thoughtfully and returns to her book, mumbling something about a wolf named Lego or something.

"Anyway, guys, do you wanna study together at my place?" I ask them. Our exams are just around the corner and we're either half-assed studying or procrastinating. But I just ask them this because I need help.

Mae looks up. "Wait, today? After school?"

I nod.

"Oh, I can't go today," she says. "I'm so sorry!"

"That's fine, no worries," I assure her and she relaxes, turning back to her book and twirling her black-and-green hair. I turn to Nathan. "What about you? Are you free?"

He glances at me and nods his head. "Yeah. I'm free today," he mumbles, avoiding my eyes.

There's something weird about him. I touch his arm. "Hey, hey. You good?"

He nods his head and gives me a small smile in response but I can see through it. I don't push it, though.

"Okay," I say, turning back to my book, but I look up in time to see Mae wink at me.

*

The bell finally rings and we are released from our prison. Ugh, I fucking hate school so much. But Nathan makes it a little more bearable every day.

We arrive at my house, talking about random topics as usual (he's not so tense now). After I hastily clean my desk - it's just hard to consistently keep it clean - we sit side-by-side with our notes out on it.

"Okay, so, uh. . ." I start. "I really need help."

Nathan raises an eyebrow. "You - the top student in almost all our classes - need help?"

"I'm not- I just need help in math. I barely passed it." I cross my arms defensively. "Numbers confuse me." And yet, ironically, one of my coping mechanisms involves numbers.

"Well, I'm not really good at teaching. . ."

"Please?" I pout. "Pretty please with aged organic milk tossed over seasoned tomato purée spread on baked whole wheat?"

"That sounds delicious - "

"I'll buy you any book you want."

This catches his attention. ". . . Are you bribing me?" He squints at me.

I shrug, leaning back on my chair. "Yeah, maybe. I guess."

He holds my gaze for a beat longer than I wanted and sighs in defeat, smiling. "Okay, I'll help you."

I grin at him.

"I still want the book, by the way."

*

Okay, he definitely teaches better than our math teacher (who can't teach for shit). Nathan makes the muddy waters of trigonometry clear for me. But hey, trig is hard, okay?

Andbutso after a few practice questions that I still got wrong - I don't know how I got negative eighty-fucking-three as my answer - we take a break.

"I'm really sorry," I say. "I just suck."

"But the formula! Nothing can go wrong with the formula!"

"Yeah, I get it now but I probably just miscalculated," I retort. Nathan laughs and I roll my eyes. "Anyway, I don't think I want to do math anymore."

"Me too. No offence, though."

"None taken."

"So, um . . . the book?"

I smile. "Come with me to the bookstore tomorrow, then."

He flashes me a gleeful smile which makes my heart cartwheel in delight. He's so cute. It should be illegal to be this cute.

I begin flipping through my other notes, hoping they will somehow diffuse into my brain. Maybe I should inhale them. It seems faster that way. The rest of the subjects are easy enough (not much numbers), I just need to skim through them.

Ugh, studying, more like stu-dying (ha-fucking-ha, like, I totally haven't heard that joke before). I'm so done, honestly.

Anyway, time to 'study'.

Nathan

I sneak a glance at Ryder. He has one hand in his hair, the other lazily flipping through his notes. A few stray strands of hair fall over his eyes, and I feel like reaching out and pushing them away for him, but I don't do it. His eyes scan his notes quickly as he hums a song. Ryder then catches me looking at him and he stops humming. I feel my cheeks burning and I look away. Then, an idea pops into my mind.

"Ryder," I say. "Can I try something?"

He pushes the sleeves of his fitted black sweater up to his elbows and crosses in arms on his desk. "Shoot."

"I told you that I can't feel my eyes changing colours, right?" I ask and he nods. "I've tried looking at them in the mirror but it was a little biased, uh . . . because of the observer effect and - "

Ryder runs both hands in his hair in mock-frustration. "Oh god, don't talk about quantum physics or something."

I laugh. "So anyway, I want to do a little experiment."

"Okay . . ." he says slowly.

"I'm going to, uh, close my eyes and think of something, and when I open them, I need you to tell me the colour and the emotion you think it represents. Is that alright?"

Ryder smiles. "Oh, yeah. That sounds good."

I smile back and close my eyes. What should I think of? I'm going to start with the most basic emotion: happy. I think of my 10th birthday when I first got Kirk as a little puppy.

I open my eyes and look at Ryder. "Ooh, I've seen that," he says. "Yellow-orange, like honey. Happy?"

I nod my head. "Okay, next." I close my eyes again and think of the time I went to a haunted house as a kid and a clown chased me all the way to the exit.

"Light blue, uh. . . scared? Surprised? Panicked?" Ryder guesses. "I've seen that colour when you get panicked."

"I think it's all three." I laugh and close my eyes again.

The time Cole blamed me for breaking Mom's glasses (he was the one who sat on them by accident). "Woah, that's strong. Red, of course, it's got to be angry," says Ryder.

The time I had to talk in front of everyone in elementary school. The effects of that were really harrowing. "Brown, anxious?"

I nod and close my eyes again. I think of the time I slipped and fell on my bum in public. In front of a lot of people. I can feel my cheeks warming and I open my eyes.

"Ha! Seen that a lot." Ryder grins. "Magenta, embarrassed or shy. Your eyes are, like, magenta 95% of the time."

I shoot him a look but I can't help but smile. "Don't need to rub that in."

Then, I suddenly think of my lonely years. "Grey. Sad," Ryder says quietly.

I quickly close my eyes to rid those thoughts. It's different now, and I want it to stay that way. I can't think of any other emotions . . . wait. There's one last thing. I want to see how they look.

I open my eyes slowly and try to maintain eye contact with Ryder. But the more he looks at me the more the feeling intensifies. He leans closer to me.

"That's new," he breathes. "And they're glowing."

"What colour are they?" I ask, forcing my eyes to stay on his turquoise ones.

"Purple . . ." he says at last. "Usually your eyes glow when your feelings are intensified, but I have no idea what's this emotion."

I look away, heart racing. What was that? I honestly don't know what to make of that. So, whatever this feeling I'm getting around Ryder is, they're making my eyes turn purple. Oh boy, okay . . . okay.

Ryder backs away, confused. "What was that?"

"Oh, uh. . .I don't know," I mumble, "it's sort of jumbled up and I- uh. . .yeah."

He maintains eye contact with me for a second longer. "Oh . . . okay, then," he says and goes back to studying.

I'm glad he didn't push it because I really don't know what to say to him. "Hi Ryder, I think I really like you and it's making my eyes turn purple"? I shake my head and scrap that thought.

I risk a glance at him again, and I find his turquoise eyes on me.

_______________

Yall wanted screenshots of the Cole/Mateo book,,, I'm gonna be vague asf and no context needed :D (warning: F-bombs)

Yes, sorry I also swear in my brainstorming drafts

Cropping is ass, my apologies

(plot twist these two details are from the same person)

"No." 💀 💀

HHAHA OK THAT'S ALL FOR NOW 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️⚰️⚰️

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