CH 44

The emperor’s voice was as fragile as a boy crouching alone for a long time in search of answers. The emperor continued while Hwawoon was looking emotionally at the emperor’s face because he did not know what to say.

“You can never change. So all this is just a lie and deceit that you’ve always done. I think like that…”

“…”

“But when I look at you… You… you…”

The emperor, who hesitated many times, was choosing his word. He was trying to figure out how to explain this unfamiliar feeling he felt while looking at Hwawoon. Soon the emperor said again.

“Yeah, when I look at you… suddenly I feel like looking at another person who is completely different from you I knew of before.”

The emperor, who was so nervous choosing his words, couldn’t see Hwawoon’s shoulders tensed at once.

“I wonder if it’s because you lost your memory… You’re clearly Yeon Hwawoon. You are Yeon Hwawoon who has not changed from head to toe.”

“…”

“But when I look at you, I’m feeling dizzy because I feel like looking at a completely different person from Yeon Hwawoon.”

It was different from changing after reflecting. It was subtly different from the normal trying to change after reflecting on the past. It was as if one day he suddenly became a completely different person. Thus, the current Hwawoon seemed to have become such a kind person from the moment of his birth.

The emperor still could not see whether such a thing was really possible, so the presence before his eyes was making him dizzy.

“Your Majesty…”

At that time, Hwawoon, who had been listening without saying anything, suddenly opened his mouth. It was unexpected to Hwawoon himself. As soon as he heard the emperor’s words, he couldn’t stop his voice from flowing. Feeling the emperor’s gaze completely on him, Hwawoon said.

“If… in case that is really true…”

“…”

“If my near-death experience has made me a completely different person…”

He knew that was silly. Hwawoon also knew that all these situations were no less than a joke unless he made it clear that he was actually Hawoon. However, there was a small comfort that Hwawoon desperately wanted despite that.

“It’s not that I’ve changed, just that I’ve become a different person.”

One person who wouldn’t mind his existence even if all the facts were revealed. Hwawoon wanted it so badly.

“Then, how will you… treat me, Your Majesty…?”

I don’t care even if you’re Hawoon. I won’t blame you as this didn’t happen because you want it. Hwawoon was actually hoping that anyone would say that to him.

The emperor, who was looking at Hwawoon’s face, which seemed to shed tears at any moment, immediately opened his mouth.

“Take a rest now. I shouldn’t have said that in front of a sick person.”

However, the emperor’s words weren’t the answer or comfort that Hwawoon wanted.

Hwawoon felt it was rather him who said a very useless thing. He only bowed once with a heavy heart, saying, “yes, Your Majesty,” and pulled the blanket he grasped over his chest.

In the meantime, the emperor reached out and withdrew his hand several times to Hwawoon, not knowing what he wanted to do, and eventually got up without doing anything. He turned his body with a hesitating movement slower than when he approached Hwawoon. After barely moving a few heavy steps, as if forcing himself to take a path he didn’t want to go,

The emperor, who stopped with a shadow in front of him, said as he looked back at Hwawoon.

“… Don’t go back.”

At that moment, Hwawoon’s sorrow, which had deepened like a well, stopped. Hwawoon, who looked at the emperor with trembling eyes, saw the emperor’s face, which was still confused, difficult, and afraid, but continued to talk.

“If you’ve become a different person. If that’s what happened.”

“…”

“Then stay here as the current you.”

I find the current you to be difficult, in fact, I’m afraid of you, and I’m still at a loss how to deal with you, but you stay here as you are now.

That word of his unknowingly saved Hwawoon’s heart once again. Throughout the night, Hwawoon was able to fight off nightmares with that word in mind.

Yihan, who left Jeongan Palace as if he were running away after saying that, didn’t know it.

***

“Your Highness, are you fine now?”

Seoseo, who naturally became in charge of the vase in the bedroom of Jeongan Palace, put the newly decorated vase on the table. She saw Hwawoon sitting on the bed, then sneaked up to him and sat on the floor.

The young court lady, who stood in front of Hwawoon with a lot of fear because she was pushed by the others that day, was now envied by other court ladies because she was favored by Hwawoon after Ahjin.

Looking at Seoseo making a face that seemed to drop tears at any moment, Hwawoon replied with a gentle smile.

“I’m really fine now. I’ve surprised you guys, haven’t I?”

“You wouldn’t know how worried we were because you didn’t wake up…”

Usually, those who worked at the Imperial Palace should not easily show their feelings in front of their masters. However, the courtiers at Jeongan Palace were younger than those who worked elsewhere, so they easily showed their feelings on their faces. Although Hwawoon didn’t have any siblings, when he faced courtiers like Seoseo, he smiled automatically as if they were his younger sister.

“I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful next time.”

Then, as Hwawoon reached out his hand without realizing it and stroked Seoseo’s round head as if soothing her, Seoseo, who had been whining like a child until then, blushed and gasped. Ahjin, who was watching the scene, shook her head as if it was out of her control.

“Your Highness, if you keep treating the girls like that, they’ll get spoiled.”

“Unnie. How can I act spoiled to His Highness?”

When Seoseo, whose both cheeks were red, refuted with a sulking look, Ahjin replied by pretending to hit Seoseo’s forehead so that it wouldn’t hurt.

“Look at you now. If sitting by His Highness’s bed and whining like a child isn’t a spoiled act, then what is it?”

“Tha-that… That is…”

Seoseo couldn’t refute Ahjin anymore because what she said was true. As she only looked alternately between Ahjin and Hwawoon with a sad look, Hwawoon, who had been smiling while looking at their conversation, faintly laughed once and mediated them playfully.

“Stop it now. All of you in Jeongan Palace are my people, and I gave you guys my permission to act comfortably with me, so who can say anything about it?”

However, contrary to Hwawoon’s intention, when his words were over, Ahjin and Seoseo stopped moving with a rather firm expression and looked at Hwawoon. As for Hwawoon, he read the room with a clueless look on his face in the sudden silence. Ahjin and Seoseo nodded their heads once as they exchanged glances with each other as if there was something only they knew.

What kind of higher people in the world would personally call a mere young court lady my people? Who else could call a court lady, who was not a great henchman or anything, but only knew how to put flowers in a vase for her master, without hesitatingly as my people?

It was unbelievable that the one who said that was the one who treated them as if they were just bugs not long ago. Even though they thought they had adapted to it now, when they suddenly realized the change of their master like this, it all felt like a dream. It was just as good as a summer night’s dream that they never wanted to wake up from.

“Your Highness… We’ll grow up quickly now…”

Said Seoseo, who at some point had already sat on her knees under the bed. Hwawoon looked confused—did not know why the atmosphere suddenly became like this when they were just laughing at each other. Yet, Seoseo’s expression in front of him was so serious that he couldn’t stop her. Seoseo then continued.

“Now, we are merely… children that are too young, lacking, and good for nothing, but…”

Not all the courtiers at Jeongan Palace completely believed in Hwawoon as Ahjin or Seoseo right now. They had already been harassed hard by Hwawoon, so it was certainly not easy for them to believe in Hwawoon’s changed appearance overnight.

“But you treat us differently… care for us… and you’ve made efforts for us who are humble existences…”

Seoseo knew that even the girls, who had yet to completely believe in Hwawoon, were no longer walking around in fear and muting the sound of their footsteps as before. She also knew that they would not spend a night wetting their pillowcase with tears, fearing that they would be beaten for something ridiculous tomorrow ever again. It was happening to everyone in Jeongan Palace, just as what happened to herself.