CH 92

“I didn’t believe it even when I heard the rumor that His Highness Yeonbin had changed after falling into the water. He’s a child I gave birth to and raised by myself. I know that child better than anyone else. If he was a child who could change that much, he wouldn’t have kept his temper while being treated coldly by His Majesty.”

“My wife…”

“But he got hurt while protecting Lady Sukbi? My Lord, our son wouldn’t sacrifice himself for others.”

“…”

“Do you believe it?”

Juwon read anxiety in Sukjin’s eyes. Even when she heard he had drowned and survived, Sukjin was not so anxious, even though she grieved. Juwon, whose heart sank with the anxiety of his wife that he saw for the first time, tried to ignore it and opened his mouth.

“… Wasn’t it said that he lost his memory? That’s why he may seem unfamiliar to us.”

“Does losing your memory change your nature?”

“My wife.”

“I’m asking you because I really don’t know. I’m asking out of curiosity, My Lord. If I lose my memory, then will I have something that I never had before? If that’s possible, that’s a relief. But is it… really like that?”

Asking Juwon repeatedly, Sukjin’s face looked desperate. Sukjin was really hoping that Juwon would say yes with confidence. Then, she could get rid of this mysterious anxiety she was feeling right now. If that was the will of heaven, she might be so relieved, thinking her son was given a second chance.

Juwon, who had been hesitant for a while without answering, soon said.

“… It will be solved in time. His Majesty is taking good care of him, so what justification is there for me to come and go to the concubine’s place to see that child?”

You are so cold and heartless. How can you be so cold to your son who was born with your blood and flesh when you are so earnest to His Majesty, who doesn’t share a single drop with you?

Sukjin cried in her heart. However, Sukjin, who had already experienced several times that nothing would change only by desperately throwing up her heart, just bit her lip once and said, looking straight at Juwon.

“You should hope, as you say, that His Highness Yeonbin will be fine.”

“…”

“Or else, my resentment will not fade over time.”

Sukjin was sometimes afraid of the resentment of the powerless people whom his son had tormented. She was worried that the accumulated resentments would become a huge karma and end her son’s breath. She knew it well that she couldn’t blame anyone. When she thought of those who died at the hands of her son, she thought that her concern for him could be another karma.

Regardless, what a parent is? What is the mother’s heart?

She knew it was all her son’s fault. She knew she wouldn’t be able to pay for all the sins her son had accumulated even though she prayed to heaven 10 million times because the servants, although they were treated like objects, had blood, flesh, life, and pain. Nevertheless, she couldn’t be at ease about the pain her son felt and his tears.

Leaving Juwon with a stiff expression in front of her, Sukjin turned around. Juwon’s face, which uncharacteristically drew a broad smile with a small child in his arms, and his past self, couldn’t let go of his son, who was born smaller and weaker than others, because he was worried his child would get wrong just by the blowing wind, were blown by the wind one by one.

Those were days when only fear accumulated because they couldn’t know what was wrong and when it started.

***

The hunting hawk incident that attacked the banquet hall had become bigger than expected. In the process of finding out why the hawk, which had been trained and raised in the palace, suddenly escaped outside, it was revealed that the hawks, which the emperor himself brought to hunt, were abused.

There were many excuses, but in the end, to summarize, the hawk, which was in poor condition due to continuous abuse, opened the door that was not properly locked and escaped while the management of the farm was neglected that day. And it was excited by the music of the banquet hall, the lanterns, the smell of food, and the people gathered, so it attacked the banquet hall.

It was never a small crime to abuse and neglect the animals the emperor would personally bring along, so the emperor ordered all the people involved to be severely punished. It wasn’t excessive at all. Such a thing could make the majesty emperor have been in danger due to the disturbance. There was nothing to say about this, as it was the same as a high treason.

However, Yihan knew where the anger originated in his heart, which led him to impose the strongest punishment possible over this matter. Yihan did not care about the dangerous situation he faced. In fact, as soon as it happened, the emperor was protected by the guards, so it was not a situation where a hawk would be too dangerous.

The reason why Yihan was furious; what he really couldn’t stand was Hwawoon’s blood that flowed down in front of his eyes. Yeon Hwawoon’s blood, which flowed out of his thin body in his arms and soaked his hands, and Yeon Hwawoon’s groans, which were full of pain in Yihan’s ears. Hwawoon suffered such an accident because of those who failed to fulfill their duties, so even after thinking about it several times, the anger did not sink.

But who would guess? In fact, the emperor was most fiercely angry with no one else, but himself. He was most angry with himself, who did nothing, being complacent until the accident happened, and just watched Yeon Hwawoon get hurt, making all kinds of excuses. It was a mind that Yihan himself did not fully realize.

“Come to think of it, all the magnolia has already fallen.”

Yihan muttered as he looked at the magnolia tree, which had lost all the beautiful flowers when he apparently saw them in full bloom not long ago. The emperor sat for a long time doing political affairs, and at the recommendation of Eunuch Oh, he came out to take a breath for a while and was walking in the garden of Anjeong Palace.

“It’s natural that flowers wither quickly.”

“I didn’t even know it was a magnolia before…”

Looking at the empty branch, Yihan muttered to himself, not for anyone to hear. It was true. Until he saw Yeon Hwawoon standing under the blooming magnolia tree, Yihan didn’t even look at the trees that occupied one side of the garden of Anjeong Palace.

Yihan enjoyed taking a walk in the garden, but he only liked it to soothe his tired mind and body and organize his thoughts in a quiet and secluded place with beautiful and refreshing scenery, not to look at the flowers blooming there one by one.

The purple magnolia, which Yihan had seen countless times since that day, constantly caught his eyes, and when he thought of it as he walked the garden, he looked at it. It was also one of the emperor’s changed appearances.

“… That’s a shame.”

Without realizing it, such sentiment flowed out of him. It is natural that flowers come and go with the season, like how summer comes after spring, and the moon rises when the sun sets. However, he did not know why the fall of some flowers made him feel so empty.

“The ones in Jeongan Palace must have fallen as well…”

He naturally thought that person would be disappointed. When he thought about his appearance that day, he thought that person quite liked the magnolia flower. He wondered if he would also feel empty like him because of the flower that quickly withered.

The sand was crushed under the emperor’s feet. This was because the emperor moved without realizing it. It was a sound made by taking a few steps without realizing it, full of lingering feelings like a person who had a place he wanted to go.

It was not like he couldn’t see him. Even for a short time, he saw his face last night. In a few hours, he could walk to Jeongan Palace as he promised, so it was a curious thing why he got so uneasy and impatient like this. If he could, he wanted to see his face first, leaving all his work behind.

But he couldn’t do that. For the emperor, there should be no one who takes precedence over the national affairs. It also doesn’t make sense if that person is only a concubine.

Yihan implanted such words several times in his mind and turned his steps back.

He was already feeling enough that his heart for Yeon Hwawoon was not the same as before. No matter how brazen he was, there has been too much to undo. Yihan saw the current Yeon Hwawoon again, believed him, and cared about him. When he looked at his feelings of the past few days, he really cherished him, so this was an undeniably clear emotion.

Therefore, Yihan convinced himself. After many days and countless things, Yeon Hwawoon and himself had finally become the ordinary emperor and his concubine. He was just giving Yeon Hwawoon the attention the emperor should have given to his own concubines, as he did to other concubines. As the emperor, he shouldn’t have more feelings for others than that, so Yeon Hwawoon only meant that much.