chapter 21

21 She was still asleep when I woke up. I slid out of bed and into the bathroom, took a very quick shower, pulled on some clothes, and came back into the room. She was awake by then.‘Hi.’‘You smell good.’‘Do you want some coffee?’ I asked, glancing in her direction, trying not to look at her body.‘Sid? Come here.’I walked over to her side, knowing full well that if it came to the inevitable, I would give in meekly. Willingly. She stood up and, holding my face in her hands, leaned towards me. We kissed. I had one arm around her and with my free hand I moved her hair away from her face. The kiss was slow and gentle, gradually stoking my desire.‘Will you make love to me?’ she whispered.Wordlessly I pushed her back down on to the bed and kissed her hungrily. I moved down her body, kissing her neck, laving her collarbone and finally stopped at hernipple, rolling my wet tongue around, licking, sucking slowly.She moaned loudly and raked her nails down my back. ‘Take your clothes off,’ she growled, yanking at my t-shirt. I stood up and stripped while she took off her panties.She slid back up against the pillows and as I lay down on top of her she spread her legs to make room for me. Holding my weight off her on one hand, I touched her face with the other, hesitating a bit as I looked into her eyes, almost seeking permission. She kissed me again, as if to say, ‘Let’s do this.’‘Are you sure, Nat?’ ‘Yes.’She reached down and curled her fingers around my throbbing cock and guided me into her, thrusting her hips upwards as I entered her swiftly.It felt like the first few moments after you dive head first into a warm swimming pool, the water enveloping you comfortingly, your body moving rhythmically, pushing further, feeling triumph in every thrust. Using your breath carefully, arms held against the body, paddling with your feet and moving like an aquatic creature until your lungs clamour for more air and you look up at the light cutting through the ripples and head towards it, pushing yourself up, through the surface and into the air, to take in another gulp of air, only to dive back in again and move within the water. It felt beautiful. Neither of us wanted to take control and yet both of us knew the next move. When I turned to lie down on myback, she moved with me, making sure we didn’t lose each other, and began to ride me, her belly rubbing against mine, her breasts tantalizingly close to my mouth. I kneaded her ass as she rode me, pulling her down so I could suck on her nipples. When she realized I was going to come she held on to my neck and lay down flat on top of me as I grabbed her hips and thrust into her faster.‘Oh! Yes, Sid, yes! Ah! ’Holding her tight I flipped her on to her back and began pounding into her. Her lips curved into the barest hint of a smile as she closed her eyes and turned her face to one side. I lay down on her, my cheek against hers and suddenly, almost without warning, came inside her.‘I love you, Nat,’ I whispered, surprising myself.‘I love you too,’ she said and wrapped her arms around my neck.She held me tight until my body stopped trembling. When it did, we looked into each others’ eyes and, without saying a word, we kissed again.‘I love you,’ she whispered. ‘Stay in me.’We lay like that until our breathing stilled. I pushed myself off her and she got up and went into the bathroom. I stood up, pulled on my clothes, picked hers off the floor, put her jeans on the bed along with a fresh shirt of mine and left the room. Shutting the door behind me, I went to the kitchen and made myself some coffee. She came out a couple of minutes later, her hair wet from the bath, dressed in my shirt and her jeans. As soon as she caughtmy eye I returned her smile and looked for any signs of how she was feeling.‘Coffee?’‘Yes.’ She walked over to where I had parked myself on a bar stool by the kitchen counter and gave me a warm hug. ‘Can I make one myself?’‘Of course.’She brought her coffee back to the counter and, pulling another stool alongside mine, said, ‘I’d like to stay here a couple of days, if that’s okay.’‘Of course, Nat,’ I replied, trying to hide my puzzlement about where this was going. But my expression must have given it away because she reached over and, covering my hand with hers, said, ‘I don’t want to be anywhere else, definitely not my place.’I was both happy and nervous. She still didn’t know that Cara and I were . . . involved, and I felt terrible about not telling her but this definitely wasn’t the time to. It would shatter her. The thought that she might find out filled me with dread. I took a long swig of coffee and tried not to think about what all this meant.‘Nat, stay for as long as you want,’ I reassured her. And I meant it.She smiled. ‘Can you go to my flat and bring me something to wear?’‘Sure.’After a breakfast of eggs and toast that she put together, I drove to her place. It felt strange walking into her houseagain, this time without her in it. I stood still for a few minutes after I entered, taking in the house, noticing things I hadn’t yesterday. The tasteful décor, the colour- coordinated furnishings, the warm and comforting feeling that enveloped a person. I walked into her – their – bedroom and, opening the wardrobe, noticed she didn’t share it with her husband. I realized how well I knew her when I found myself recognizing her favourite outfits from the ones she wore to work. Packing her lingerie was one of my most erotic experiences ever (other than watching Cara in the rain). Nat’s choice of underwear was a bit conservative for me. The brands weren’t ones I recognized and, well, seemed one size too large. The panties, I mean. I packed her bras and, on the way back home, stopped to buy two packs of six panties each from an M&S store at the mall.Later that evening, when we sat down to eat, she mentioned them.‘Thank you!’‘You don’t have to say that, Nat! I thought we decided we weren’t going to talk about things.’‘No, this is for buying me something.’I felt quite sheepish and even a little embarrassed. ‘I’m sorry, I was uncomfortable packing them and thought I’d rather buy them,’ I lied.‘You don’t have to apologize. It was very sweet of you,’ she said, and added with a twinkle, ‘just that I would’ve bought them a size larger.’ She knew.‘Oh!’‘It’s okay, Sid, not your fault. You couldn’t possibly know that what looks sexy and what’s comfortable are entirely different things. ‘But . . . erm . . . I don’t mind sexy.’ She smiled.We spent the weekend like that, consciously allowing the unspoken to take prominence, not taking the chance of vocabulary ruining a series of moments, some of them startling and intensely physical. Sometimes it was something as simple as walking over to the balcony, seeing her standing there alone, and holding her. We made love too, often; sex that transcended physical need, where the body was merely a medium for expressing a joy deeper than happiness, and pleasure merely a window to greater fulfilment. The sex was gentle and respectful, yet liberating and guilt-free. Often a single touch or smile would lead to love-making.She’d be watching television and at some point one of us would reach out and touch a finger, or stroke an arm. She knew I hated it but she’d still ruffle my hair. Once she was lying down with her head on my lap, reading a book. I was engrossed in a complicated level of Angry Birds on the iPad. Suddenly she grabbed the device from my hand, saying, ‘You are being a bore.’ I bent down and kissed her, until just kisses weren’t enough.It was Friday night when I had brought her home and when I woke up to the sun in the room on Monday morning, with her next to me in the bed, I realized these had been the happiest two days of my life. It felt like we had been together an eternity. As I drank my coffee, I wondered how I wouldlive with the fact that she would eventually walk out of my apartment and return to her life. Would our lives go back to the way they were? The thought brought Cara to mind and I wondered why I hadn’t heard from her since I left Goa. Not that I had made any attempts to call her either. Considering she was with Rhea, she probably didn’t need me. I definitely didn’t need her.When Nat walked out of the bedroom, dressed and ready for work, she found me at the dining table, mug in hand, smiling to myself.‘Someone seems pleased,’ she remarked.I looked at her and noticed that she had also packed her bag. She came up to me and gave me a hug. I closed my eyes and soaked in the moment.‘I don’t want to but I have to go.’ ‘I know. I hate it!’‘I hate it too. See you in office.’And as I sat there she picked up her bag and walked out of the door, turning briefly to smile before the door shut behind her.I let my head hit the wooden table with a thud.