chapter 16

16 In the room I chucked my ruck into a corner, powered up my laptop and transferred the pictures from the morning. The shots of Nat in the park were simply beautiful. I had overexposed some frames allowing her to be bathed in light and I wondered if she would notice too that they went beyond a candid everyday shot and exposed my growing weakness for her. I jumped into the shower deciding I would take a long, luxurious bath. For the first time in a very long time, I wanted to smell good, and wear something nice, for it was an evening out with her.As I pulled on my khakis, I wondered why I had never fantasized about Nat. She had a great body, was a gorgeous woman and a wonderful person, in every way. She didn’t have a single malicious bone in her body and was truly capable of giving love. I didn’t know if this came out of the professional respect I had for her and her work, or because she was a married woman, but the things I could think of doing with Cara, or indeed was doing with Cara, I just couldn’t associatewith Nat. And yet I adored her and, increasingly, wanted to spend time with her more than with anyone else I knew. I pulled on a black shirt and headed for the bar, texting her on the way down. She replied with a simple smiley.At the bar, I stood for a brief moment, wondering where to seat myself so I would be able to see her walk in towards me. It felt like a pre-date stake out. I picked the couch right at the end. I sat down and wondered if I should order a drink, or wait for her. ‘What would you like to have?’ I wanted to ask her. When I tried it out in my head it seemed a bit silly. We were, after all, two colleagues on a work trip, catching a drink before we headed out into the city. The waitress who was looking after the table came back and said, ‘I am sure she won’t mind if you order one drink,’ and smiled knowingly.I grinned back at her and ordered a dirty martini. The olive in the drink was delicious and the drink itself was a perfect way to begin the evening. I took a quick second sip, leaned back and closed my eyes, feeling the alcohol trace its way down my throat, and thought about how astonishing beauty could force open a door and let in a ray of sunshine, golden and ethereal. It would become the first line I wrote when I began this book.I had almost finished my drink when Nat walked into the bar. As she stood there looking for me, I noticed every single human head in the bar turn to stare at her. She was wearing a laburnum-yellow dress, which made her look incredibly sexy, and I think what she had done with her hairhad something to do with why she was twenty minutes late. I had never imagined she could look so beautiful.When she spotted me, she waved and started walking towards me. I felt proud to be the man she was coming to, and I must admit, I was preening. I noticed her curves too and, contrary to my thoughts earlier in the evening, was suddenly overcome by the need to make long, sweet love to her.I stood up to say hello. She leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek. ‘Hi,’ she began, ‘and before you say anything about how I look, I want to say I haven’t been on a date in a very long time, so don’t embarrass me.’Did she just say date? Yay!‘You smell divine,’ I replied.‘I knew you’d say the right thing.’ ‘What will you have to drink?’She sat on the couch opposite and asked, ‘What are you having?’ Her dress rode up revealing a lot of leg and I heard my lust bell ring once, loudly.‘Stop staring!’I looked at her and grinned. ‘You can’t look like this and expect me not to ogle.’She laughed in that girl-who-is-enjoying-the-attention way. ‘You’re completely mad!’I smiled. ‘This is a Dirty Martini. Want one?’‘Martini, yes, but I’d like an Appletini, if they make one.’ ‘I am sure they do,’ I said and waved to the waitress. ‘Wow, that looks great,’ I told the waitress when shehanded Nat her drink a few minutes later. She winked back. Nat and I clinked glasses and I surprised myself whenI said, ‘To you.’ Her response, ‘Not without you’, was even more surprising and I almost choked on my first sip.She started laughing. ‘Gotcha,’ she said.I leaned back, as did she, and I noticed her body again; her breasts straining against her dress, her long legs and the languid pose all of which seemed to finally reveal the sexy Nat that she had kept hidden away from all of us, all this while. My little bell rang again and I wasn’t ashamed at all when our eyes met. She knew what I had been thinking and the glint in her eye seemed to suggest that she was enjoying the attention.‘This is a beautiful bar,’ she said. ‘Yes, it’s lovely.’‘And I love this city too. I can imagine why somebody would say you come to the Big Apple looking for love and find it.’‘Americans do have a way of putting things.’‘They say that of Paris too, but New York is different. When I think of Paris, I think of secret trysts in street cafés and a lot of PDA and sex in an alley. It’s a high-class escort version of a city. New York is different. It’s got a certain character that says, you can be powerful, and smart and driven, but also live in a loft and then find a man, share a bottle of wine over a great meal and make unabashed love to him on the first date.’I stared at her in surprise and blurted out, ‘You shouldwrite,’ while wondering if tonight was the first date she had referred to.‘Don’t joke!’‘No, I am serious, that’s an unusual way to talk about a city.’‘Well, it’s what I feel. After everything one has read about this city, I come here and after a day like today, I can so imagine that to be true. To me New York is capable of being the most romantic city ever.’‘All in one day?’‘But I had you to show me around, spend time with,’ and she raised her glass again, to mine.I noticed her drink was running out and asked, ‘Another?’ ‘I’ll have what you’re having,’ she replied. ‘This one’s abit sweet.’When our drinks were delivered she took a quick sip and then got up. I looked at her.‘Will you help me find the loo?’ she asked.‘Of course,’ I replied, and we walked together, past the reception and behind the huge art deco pillars, where I pointed out the women’s to her.‘Won’t be long,’ she said and walked away.As I stood there wondering why she had asked me to come along I noticed a large glass bowl on a stand by the elevators filled with unnaturally bright red apples. I walked over curiously and picked one just to make sure they were real. Nat crept up behind me just then and poked me in the hip, asking, ‘Tempted to commit a sin?’I was so surprised by her obvious flirting that I had to ask, ‘Who are you and what have you done to the real Nat?’ She burst out laughing, and it was such infectious laughter that I joined in too. ‘Wait here,’ I said. ‘I will be down in asecond, need to grab my jacket.’‘Can I come up with you?’ she asked.‘Sure,’ I replied. I didn’t know what she had in mind but my heart began to race a little.‘This is such a nice room,’ she said as we walked into the room.‘I am sure it’s exactly like yours.’She walked over to the large mirror on the dresser and leaned over to look at her face closely. Bent at her waist she looked so desirable, that I wanted to grab her but checked myself. I walked over to the closet and removed my jacket from the hanger.‘So you unpack entirely?’ she asked, turning around, leaning back, both her palms on the table, her legs crossed. I saw her standing there, looking incredibly sexy and delectable, and wondered if that was an invitation, beforesaying, ‘Yes.’‘I love it when a man keeps a room neat,’ she continued. ‘This looks like no one is staying here, even the bed is made up perfectly.’‘Comes from years of living alone,’ I replied.‘We’ll have to do something about that,’ she teased.I pulled the jacket on. ‘Should we go?’ I asked, wondering what she meant.‘Yes,’ she replied and held her hand out to me; my fingers twined with hers.As we walked towards the door, our bodies brushed in the narrow passage and she turned towards me. For a heartbeat I thought she was going to kiss me, but –‘Your collar,’ she said, and stood there, her breasts pressed against my arm, and straightened my collar.‘Thank you,’ I said, forcing my hands to stay quiet by my side.‘You’re welcome,’ she replied, smiling.We stepped out of the room and I let out a huge sigh of relief, hoping she wouldn’t hear it.‘Let’s get out,’ I said at the lobby, deciding to forego another round of drinks. She nodded and left me briefly to borrow an umbrella and as soon as we stepped out we jumped into the first available cab.‘Chinatown?’ I asked her.‘I am not feeling like food yet, let’s go to the bridge,’ she replied.‘Drop us off at the Brooklyn Bridge, we’d like to walk across,’ I told the cabbie.‘Great,’ he replied, as he stepped on the gas and zipped through town.Though it threatened to rain, it was a perfect evening on the bridge. There were a few joggers and cyclists and just a little wind, but no chill. The sun was hanging low, turning the sky a violent pink, and the view of Ms Liberty across the water was picture-postcard perfect; I wonderedif I should have brought my camera along.‘Do you miss your camera?’ Nat asked, as if reading my mind.‘No, I don’t. I couldn’t possibly get the whole picture,’ I replied.‘What do you mean?’‘I could take a picture of the bridge, or the sunset, or you, gorgeous as you look, but as much as pictures are moments, the camera couldn’t possibly capture this moment—’ I said – ‘this beautiful evening, you and me together, walking across this bridge.’She grabbed my arm, saying, ‘True!’ and began pulling me forward. I matched my stride to hers and we began to walk again, silently, avoiding joggers as they ran past.When we got to the middle, we stopped to watch the sun use the sky as its canvas. The road alongside was busy with cars zipping by and the noise from the occasional train cutting through the quiet. The wind picked up gradually and when I noticed her wrap her arms around herself to ward off the chill, I immediately took off my jacket and gave it to her. ‘Thanks,’ she said with a grateful smile. ‘I can see whyyou brought one.’I helped her into the jacket and used the moment to move closer to her, our bodies almost touching, and leaned on the railing. We stood there, watching the Staten Island ferry make its way back to the station. There were a couple of sleek sailboats on the water as well, negotiating their way across, using the wind, twisting and turning the sails to gainspeed or momentarily stop. Our attention focused on them, we didn’t realize that it had begun to get colder.‘Should we go?’ Nat finally asked.As we straightened to leave, we accidentally bumped our heads; she stumbled and I reached out to steady her.‘Ouch! Sorry!’ she said, and rubbed her palm against my head.I held her by her hip and apologized too, and we looked into each other’s eyes. What happened next seemed like the most natural thing to do. In my arms, on a day when I was the happiest I had ever been, was the gorgeous woman who was the reason I felt like this. I pulled her towards me and kissed her. And she kissed me back. And it felt wonderful. We might have continued kissing if the foghorn from the ferry hadn’t broken the moment. We sprang apart. I looked into her eyes and blurted out, ‘Shit! I’m so sorry, that wascompletely out of place.’‘No, I am sorry, Sid, I shouldn’t have—’ ‘No, Nat, I am sor—’We tumbled over each other’s apologies until Nat grabbed my hand and said, ‘Sid! Please, let’s not make this awkward. Please.’We stood there for a brief moment, staring at each other, and then she looked away at the water again. I didn’t know what to say.‘Sid,’ she began after a few seconds, ‘I kissed you too. I think I wanted you to kiss me.’ She turned towards me and looked into my eyes. ‘I don’t know what this means, butcan we just say that we both did what we wanted to? I don’t want you to feel guilty or anything,’ she pleaded and shook her head, seeking acceptance.I stood there speechless.She hugged me. I hesitated a bit and then hugged her back and, despite what she had said, in my head it felt like I was violating her.‘See, this is fine,’ she assured me. ‘Can we please not bring this up again and go find a nice meal? You wanted Japanese for lunch, right? Let’s go find Japanese.’I was a little surprised by how calm she was; she didn’t seem to quite feel the discomfort I did.We found a cab and rode in silence, the turmoil inside me a stark contrast. If she had wanted to kiss me too, then maybe I shouldn’t have apologized at all. If I had not said anything, then maybe we would have just had a nice meal and gotten together later in the evening. Was that what I wanted? I felt terrible and was thoroughly confused with everything that was happening. And to boot I wasn’t confronting the fact that I had made up my mind to cheat on Cara. But then were Cara and I in a relationship?Finally Nat reached for my hand and said, ‘Sid, stop beating yourself up!’I turned to her and smiled, ‘It’s okay, I’m fine.’We asked the cabbie if he knew a good Japanese restaurant near where we stayed and he suggested one called Omen, off the middle of Bleecker Street, going north. It was a small restaurant, with spartan interiors but was quitepacked. The hostess found us a table by a window but the window itself overlooked a brick wall. Nat ordered a sushi and seafood sampler and I ordered their blackened miso cod and the hostess suggested we try the rock shrimp tempura. We also asked for a glass each of their Pinot Grigio. There was a sense of awkwardness as we placed the order, glancing at each other and smiling, not saying a word other than to check if we wanted sake or wine, or what we wanted to eat. When the server brought our wine, I raised my glass to her, about to say ‘Cheers,’ but she leaned forward with anaughty glint in her eye and whispered, ‘To your kiss.’‘To sweet unabashed love-making in the loft,’ I replied, spontaneously, quoting her.‘Touché,’ she said and we both laughed. That broke the ice. It turned out to be a fantastic meal of great food and shared jokes and laughter. We ended up ordering and finishing a second bottle of wine as well and were considerably drunk when we stepped on to the pavement.‘Should we walk?’ I asked.‘Sure,’ she replied and, bending down, removed her stilettoes and took them in her hand.‘Sorry, I . . . should we take a cab?’ I wasn’t sure if I had done the right thing, suggesting we walk.‘Stop saying sorry and hold me and walk, or I will sit down right here,’ she replied with a bit of a slur.I wrapped an arm around her and we walked back to the Grand.At the hotel the doorman held the door open for us,smiling as he did, and then reproached her, ‘You’ve forgotten our umbrella, miss.’‘Shit,’ she cursed. ‘Sorry.’‘No problem. No problem at all,’ he replied.‘Why the fuck did he bring it up if it was “no problem”?’ she asked as we climbed the stairs to the lobby.‘Don’t worry,’ I replied.We rode the lift quietly and when we got out on our floor, for the second time that evening, she stood there and looked at me.‘Thank you, Sid, I had a great time.’ ‘Me too,’ I replied.Then, taking me completely by surprise, she held my hand and asked softly, ‘If I go with you, will you promise to be gentle?’By the time I realized what she meant, and almost said yes because I was desperate for her, she started laughing loudly, saying, ‘Got you again!’ Leaning over, she gave me a peck on my cheek and said, ‘I love you, Sid,’ before turning and walking to her door. ‘Nitey night,’ she yelled from five doors away and walked into her room as I walked into mine. I sat on my bed trying to come to terms with everything that had happened that day but I couldn’t think beyond how incredible that kiss on the bridge had felt. Was I cheating on Cara? And what did Nat mean when she said she had wanted to kiss me too? Had I potentially ruined what could have been an affair with Nat by apologizing? Did I want tohave an affair with Nat? Did she?It was becoming a bit too much for me to try and figure out after a drunken evening and I decided to get out of my clothes and hit the bed. I had a flight back home the next day; Nat was staying on to meet cousins and relatives in New Jersey before flying back. I wasn’t sure if I was going to meet her in the morning, because I had just enough time to have breakfast, check out and leave for the airport.The following morning, hung-over and having skipped breakfast, I stood at the check-out counter waiting to settle my bill. The girl behind the counter handed me an envelope. Inside was a handwritten note. Yesterday was the most beautiful day of my life, thank you. I wish every day could be as beautiful as yesterday . . . that’s two beautifuls and two yesterdays. So thank you. You are a wonderful person.See you back home. Love you. XX. N.btw I have never been kissed like that before. ☺