0.38

William (✋😔)

Machines beeped around me, a constant ringing in my ear. I stiffen on the hard matress, shifting. Since I moved, there was a burning pain in my arm and stomach, causing me to wince loudly.

A gasp from across the room was heard over the beeping and ringing.

I'm alive? How? Why?!

My eyes squinted after they opened, scowling at the bright light above me. I grunt in discomfort, trying to move, but something was holding me back.

"Honey, don't move."

I widened my eyes at the straps around me and the tube connected to my belly button, "what the fuck!"

"Will-"

"Get them off!"

"You can't!"

I thrashed it the bed, struggling greatly to move and get the tube away from me. Anger bubbles in me as I try to get the straps off.

Why didn't I fucking die?!

Everything came rushing back to me and my eyes fell to my wrapped, aching arm. I huff in annoyance, giving up on trying.

"Why is there straps and a damn tube?"

My mom stood from a chair, frowning, "we assumed you'd lose it when you woke up, the tube is feeding you."

"I don't want to be fed! Why the fuck am I alive!?"

"William, hun-"

"No! I wanted to fucking d-die!" My voice cracked as my throat tightened with emotions and already being overwhelmed. I scanned the room, seeing only Lucille and my mom were in the room.

My sister frowns at me, moving beside my mom, rubbing my shoulder to calm me. "You can't give up, William. You're my only brother and you are so important to me. You have an entire lifetime ahead of you. I want to watch you graduate like I just did, I want to see you get married, I want to see you go to college or get your first real job."

Lucille pauses for a minute, wiping a tear, "what were you thinking?! You have friends and family that care about you! Nick came and found.you like that! How do you think he felt? How the twins felt? Did you even realize what you were doing?!"

I frowned, guilt resting on my chest, "I don't want to live, Luce. I know people care but... Wait, Nick came?"

"He's the one who saved you!"

I furrowed my brows at my upset sister, "what do you mean?"

Lucille grimaced as she looked away for a moment, "he came to the house and went to your room. He told me that you texted him and 5 minutes later, he was there. If he didn't come, no one would have known for God knows how long. You lost so much blood and he gave you enough to save you."

He did...? After all the pain and problems and selfishness... He saved me?

I felt awful. Nicholas wasn't supposed to come, he wasn't supposed to donate blood, he wasn't supposed to save me after all the shit I've done to him.

"Where is he? What time is it?"

My mom clears her throat, "it's 5pm, hun. Dad took everyone home an hour ago. Nicholas is still in the waiting room, most likely."

I gasped, "I need to see him!"

"William, I don't-"

"Please!" I begged, tears stinging my eyes. "I need to, please Momma."

The two shared a look. I figured Nick told them about the stupid fight that pushed me over the edge to go through with trying to kill myself. Maybe I shouldn't have texted him.

"Of course, we'll send him up. We're going to get dinner downstairs." My mom kissed my head, a sigh leaving her lips. "I love you, William."

"I love you too, Mom."

Lucille just pecked my cheek and squeezed my shoulder before she left with my mom. My heart pounded against my chest at the thought of Nick.

My eyes were on the tube inserted to my stomach, a weird liquid pumping into my stomach. I cringed at the feeling. The straps were tight and uncomfortable.

Why would they assume I would be upset?

Well you were, dumbass. You screamed how you wanted to be dead.

The sound of the door opening interrupted my train of thought, my dead snapping up. My stomach bubbled with relief.

His eyes met mine and I instantly frowned at the sadness and guilt swimming in the greenish- hazel color.

Nicholas pulled up a chair beside my bed, his eyes on the strapped around my chest. Hi s face was flushed and hardened. I gulp, wiggling one of my arms in the straps.

His hands grazed against my arm as he unclipped the straps freeing me. I inhale a long breath, my airflow smoother.

"I almost lost you." Nicholas started, his head bowed down. "I'm so sorry, baby boy. I've never felt so much pain and regret in my entire life. I didn't mean to hurt you and make you nearly kill yourself. I don't want to break up but I thought I was a problem. I love you so goddamn much, William."

I frown, reaching my arm out to touch him, but I whimper in pain. "You weren't the reason I tried to, Nick. I just felt awful on how I treated you and everything was piling up. I love you too." My right arm reaches over to stroke his cheek, "I'm sorry for hurting you. For ignoring you. You needed me and was hurting and I was so selfish..."

Tears fell from his eyes, meeting my cold hands. "I don't want to live without you."

"I'm sorry you nearly had to."

My words caused Nicholas's face to twist with sadness and a sob left his lips. His head laid into my lap, wetness growing on the sheet.

"I was so scared, William! I thought I lost you forever!" My fingers raked through his hair, puffing out my lip at the hurt noise. "Please don't try to leave me. I love you more than anything."

The stinging tears fell as my grip tightened on his hair. I silently nodded. "I never want to hurt you ever again."

After a moment, he lifted his head, wiping the tears on his red face. "Are we still together? Do you need a break? I understand if you do."

I shook my head, swiping my thumb underneath his eyes, "I don't want to take a break, I don't want to fight again, I don't want to hurt you again, I don't want to be in the hospital again..."

He kissed my cheek with a forced smile, "I will try to help as much as I can. You can't cut, throw up, anything, okay?" I nodded, wrapping my good arm around his neck, fumbling with his hair. "Let's make a plan, alright?"

I tilt my head, "what kinda plan? Like an eating plan?"

Nick kissed my lips softly before he responds. "That with a few more, then. I want you to call me whenever you feel like cutting, and if you do cut, call me immediately. When you get back home, throw away every sharp object, like your mom did last time."

I bit my lip, only nodding as I processed the idea that I was hoping I could follow.

"Now with eating, just do what we normally do. Text or call me after meals. Don't push yourself." Nicholas's fingers trailed down my arm, stopping right above the bandages, continuing the movement. "I want you to get better like last time. This isn't going to be a cycle, love. You recover, relapse, then end up in the hospital. None of that."

The firmness in his voice cause shivers to run up my spine and I felt slightly turned on for some reason.

"Can... Nevermind..." He frowns, gesturing encouragingly for me to speak. "Can you remind me to eat? Right now I obviously can't eat by myself. But since school got out I've been forgetting to and lose track of time..."

"Of course. You should also set alarms incase I forget. That good?" Licking my cracked, cold lips, I nodded. "You're going to get better, William. You're not coming back to the hospital and you're going to be healthy. I'm staying here every step of the way."

I frown as a thought popped into my head,"what if something happens to us? I'm too much to handle sometimes and..."

He squeezes hand with a genuine but gentle smile. "I don't want to lose you, ever. I got a glimpse of it and I don't want the re-experience it." That was relieving. "I'm just so happy you're alive and stable..."

I lick my lips, "thank you..." He knitted his brows in confusion. "For coming so quickly, I don't think anyone would've checked on me anytime after. And for the blood. You didn't have to do any of that and you did... So thank you so much."

"You don't have to thank me, I would do anything for you."

I smile, "I know, but you I didn't think you'd do all that because of the argument. You saved my life and I could never repay you."

Nick just kissed my forehead, "no matter how mad I am at you, I will always make sure you're okay." He slides the chair closer, "okay, enough with the cheesy stuff. You're an asshole, you know that right? You left me on read, ignored me, for three to four days, then try to kill yourself!"

Even though it was funny, I still laughed ate hs frustration, kissing his hand gently. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you needed me until I looked at them all before... I'm so sorry I ignored you, it was selfish and stupid of me."

"It really was."

I playfully glared at him, wishing I could just tackle him with a hug. "I know. But you were a meanie so..."

"My apologies." I giggle at the dullness in his voice. "I really am sorry though, let's not fight again?" I nodded I agreement. "Okay, so what's up with you and your eating, love?"

My face dropped into a frown and I found our hands more interesting, "I dunno."

"You don't know? Baby boy, I'm pretty sure somethings wrong if we got into an argument about it and you have a feeding tube..."

I bit my lip, thinking of what exactly to say. I cleared my throat, fumbling with our hands. "I just fell into my old habits, I guess. I didn't care about getting better and just started to do what I did before the hospital."

"Oh, Will." His voice was full of sadness and pain. "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you..." He groans in aggrivation and I shrunk back into the bed. "You can't do that to yourself, baby."

I nodded, "I know..."

Nicholas just sighed in annoyance, "do you even realize how skinny you are, William? You were doing so well and now... Now you have to start over."

"I don't feel skinny."

Nicholas tore our hands apart, wrapping two fingers around my wrist, "do you see this gap! This isn't good! You're just skin and bones, William! You are so malnurished that you need a tube! You were doing so well and I feel like it's partly my fault you fell back... I don't like seeing you like this."

I pursed my lips, staring at the space between his fingers and my wrist. I didn't know what exactly to say. "It's not your fault at all, Nick. You've helped me so much..."

"I feel like it is... But I don't like seeing you so sick and in a damn hospital room. I don't like seeing you struggle so much." Nicholas pauses, squeezing my wrist gently. "I love you too much to watch you slowly kill yourself. And nearly do it."

"You're blunt."

"William!" He scowls, dropping my hand. "That's not the point I'm trying to make! You're so skinny that it scares me, wait no, everyone! You're killing yourself starving and throwing up. And you actually did try to kill yourself! I'm just being honest because no one else will."

My eyes scanned his face, seeing every ounce of frustration and sadness. I also saw something else. "You have a pimple on your forehead."

His hand flew to his forehead, feeling around until his eyes widen, "I'm too pretty for this!" I hum in agreement. "Wait, don't change the subject!"

"I understand what you're saying Nick..."

"Then why are you doing it."

"It's hard to explain and you know that." I mumbled at my boyfriend.

"I love you so much, William. You know that, right? I would do anything for you and I don't mean to be harsh, but I just can't get it through your thick skull."

I stare down at his knuckles. "I know what you're saying."

"Good."

"Oh, and I love you too." His face softened into a smile and his eyes lit up. "You still have a zit."

"William!"

Just so ready to be done with this book but my dumbass keeps dragging shit out cause I love my characters.

I've seriously only been working on this book for a month but because of quaritine and I planned it all out, it didn't take me long.

Hope you're enjoying my character slowly fall apart ✌️ Don't forget to comment, follow, vote, or fucking whatever.

~Whoops