0.27

I've been planning this chapter for a while now. Every night for the past week, I would just lay down and think about different ways it could go down. I hope you enjoy it and I'm sorry if you get triggered in anyway.

William

It was a sad, rainy day. Even though spring break just started hours ago, I was already feeling quite down.

My sisters were all down stairs, playing a board game since the power and internet kept going off randomly. I denied their offering, just wanting to be alone in my room.

I already ate dinner, but I quickly threw it up once I left the table. I have barely eaten this week and the effects were starting to show.

My head ached and I always felt dizzy. If I sat up quicker than normal, I would feel nauseous and lightheaded. Dark bags were under my eyes and I was tired of using the, 'I just didn't sleep well' excuse.

Everything was just falling apart again this week.

And to add a huge fucking cherry on top of my depressing sundae, I kept thinking about Anthony.

Not about how much I missed him or anything, he could go to Hell for all I care. It's just I'm scared that Nicholas will do the same as Anthony did.

He'd shower me with love and affection for a few weeks before turning bitter. He'd use me and then find someone better. It's been on my mind all week and it made me stop talking to him much because of it.

It was close to midnight, and I was itching to cut, just to have some sort of relief after the crazy week.

Don't hurt yourself.

The voice in my head didn't sound like my own. It sounded like Nicholas's voice telling me to fight the urge. To just call him to feel better. To do something but harm myself.

Just do it.

The voice was my own this time.

Yanking up my sleeve, I scan my scarred left wrist, swallowing roughly at the sight.

I'm going to have these scars for the rest of my life and there is nothing I could do about it. You could cut your arm off. Or just end it now.

I shake the stupid idea away, grabbing the razor blade from underneath my alarm clock. Determination filled me as I pressed the blade against an old scar, already feeling the pain.

Exhaling sharply, I pressed the blade down into me, running it across my wrist. I hissed as the air made contact with the new cut, blood beginning to fill the wound.

I couldn't stop there, I just couldn't.

All the anger and sadness filled my bloody wrist, my mind spirally out of control.

Just another cut would turn into two more, which turned into three more. I was growing numb to the sting,  wanting to see more and more of my blood escape. I wanted to feel more and more pain.

I grew angry, I didn't want to feel numb. I'm always numb. I wanted deep pain that I would feel for days.

I was too focused on trying to feel more ache that I didn't hear the footsteps rushing to my room.

The door swings open, my younger sisters voice filling the air. "Do you want to play Monopoly or-"

Rose let out a scream at the sight of my wrist, her lip beginning to quiver with fear. My eyes widened as I quickly set the blade down, rushing over to my sister.

"Sh, it's okay. It's nothing." I tried to assure her while hoping she wouldn't go and tell.

My heart was racing and I felt weak from the blood leaving my arm. Different sized cuts ran up my arm, but all the blood was trickling together.

"I'm telling Mom!"

I quickly shush her, "no! Rose, please! Don't tell her! I will do anything." Her eyes shifted from my wrist to my watery eyes.

The only thing I could see in her eyes were shock and disappointment. I didn't even want to imagine how she felt, walking in on her older brother cutting angrily into his wrist, completely out of control.

She pursed her lips, before she yelled, "Mom!" I hushed her again, but she kept yelling, rushing down the hall. I quickly run after her, my heart slamming against my chest.

This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This is all just a nightmare and you're about to wake up.

The pain in my arm told me different.

"What?" My mom asked, walking up the stairs quickly. I hid my arm behind my back, trying not to show that something was clearly wrong. Rose was between the two of us, glancing at me then my mom. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" I snapped, glaring at Rose, who had a fearful look on her face.

My mom scowls at me, "Rose, honey, what's wrong?" I couldn't breath properly, I felt like someone was choking me. My sister looked at me, seeing the pleading look in my eyes. "Rose?"

"Please don't." I whisper, tears stinging my eyes. It felt like my body was shaking and my heart was about to explode. "Please."

Rose just sighs, sending me an apologic look. The words that came out of her mouth made me want to vomit.

"William was just cutting himself."

I open my mouth to speak, but only stutters and unfinished words left my mouth.

The pulse in my neck quickened, thumping loudly. My palms began to sweat and air blew again my exposed, bloody arm.

Everyone's eyes were on me, I didn't even have to look. The laughter in the living room was gone and I felt gazes burning into me.

"William, is this true?" My mom spoke, a disappointed and scared expression spreading across her face. I gulped loudly, unable to speak or even think of words to say. "Give me your arm."

"Why? There's nothing there." I insisted quickly, taking a step back on the stairs. Rose quickly ran down the stairs, joining the rest of my siblings who were sharing a look. "It's a misunderstanding."

"If there's nothing there, then show me your arm." She snaps, reaching for the arm behind my back, but I quickly moved away. "William Alexander Newton, give me your arm right now or else you're grounded until the end of summer!"

My jaw drops and I began to feel like I was floating. "You can't-"

She grabs onto my arm, forcing me to show my bloody wrist. A small cry left her lips as she stared at it, examining the bloody sight.

I felt guilty. First, my younger sister had to witness me cutting, now my mom and entire family has to see it.

"You're going to the hospital, right now!" My dad suddenly spoke from behind my mom. My stomach dropped at his words.

"No!"

"Yes, right now!" Mom urges, pulling me down the steps.

"I'm not going to the fucking hos-"

My vision blurred and all I could see was little black dots swirl around. My legs felt like jelly and I felt as if I was spinning around in circles for hours.

Darkness and dizziness seemed to take over before all I could see was my eyelids as my body gave out.

Lucille (yes, we're doing it)

I watched in horror as my parents carried my unconscious brother out of the house, yelling commands at each other as my mom tried shaking William awake.

Once the door slammed, a loud sob left Rose's lips as she crumbled to the floor. I frown as I crouched down next to my sister, glancing up at her twin and my older sister.

"Th-there was s-so much bl-blood." Rose stuttered out as she cried. "What's g-going to h-hap-ppen?"

I didn't know what was going to happen. William looked dangerously thin and sick before he collapsed onto the stairs. His scarred wrist was facing up, exposing the fresh cuts and blood.

What if he had to go to a mental facility? Did he pass out from blood loss?

I didn't know what was going on and what was happening.

"I don't know, Rose." I whisper gently, stroking his hair, hoping it would soothe her. "We'll just have to wait and see. He's going to be..."

My eyes stung with tears at the thought of losing him. I couldn't even finish my sentance before I let out a sob.

My brother isn't okay and I feel like it's my fault for not noticing sooner.

"Did I do the wrong thing?" Rose whispers into my shoulder that was wet with her tears. "Should I have not told Mom?"

Gabrielle and Daisy went to the floor, tears streaming down their soft faces. Daisy sniffled before replying, "you did the right thing. We don't know how long he's been doing this, if you didn't tell Mom, it could've gotten much worse. He could've..."

She didn't finish her sentance, but we all knew what she was going to say. It was a painful reality and I felt my heart rip apart.

William could've killed himself and no one could have known why.

I may have shed a tear or two writing this out. Sorry it's such a short chapter, the next ones will be much longer and explain a lot more.

Hope you're enjoying!

~Whoops