29. The vulnerable in-between

Alec and I lay on my bed, his back against my headboard, and mine flush against his chest. He ran his fingers through my hair, peering over my shoulder as I scrolled through my phone.

"Haha, those two. What's that?" Alec grabbed my phone for a closer look at Sian's Instagram stories. "That's not pizza. Why's it so green and flat? James's face. Have you ever seen someone so terrified of a pizza? Quick, let's order him a takeaway."

"I'd eat it." I prised the device out of his hands and popped it on my bedside table.

"Be honest, you wouldn't." He laughed before kissing the spot right below my ear.

The last couple of weeks with Alec were relaxing. I worked when I could at The Tea Spot with Layla and Margie. My flexible hours allowed me to spend a considerable amount of time with my friends and my boyfriend. Sian, James, Alec, and I even enjoyed a few double dates.

I moved back the same night I reconciled with my mother. It wasn't easy at first. The lack of communication made for an awkward couple of days. But Rosie returned home the same week, and the three of us were learning to open up more. My dad, on the other hand, still lived at Uncle Mike's, but he made more of an effort with my mother.

Tonight, Alec and I had the house to ourselves. My father had asked my mother out on a date as a first step in making amends, and Rosie was out with Daniel.

"Let's go on a date, just the two of us. Somewhere different. How about the open-air cinema on the beach? Chloe mentioned they were showing Dirty Dancing. Fancy it?" Alec resumed combing my hair with his fingers and occasionally kissed my neck.

"I'd love that. Just the two of us." My eyes closed as I relaxed into him.

"How long before your mum gets home?" Alec asked, rolling me onto my stomach so my face was near to his. He pressed his lips against mine and drew me closer.

"Mmm, an hour, maybe two. Depends how dinner goes. Why?" I mumbled against his mouth.

"We should make the most of it. Fancy bumping uglies?" Alec wiggled his eyebrows and laughed. "Too forward? A quick naked cuddle?"

I swatted his chest lightly and straddled his lap. "Why Alec Hart, what would my parents say if they knew you wanted to take advantage of their daughter?"

"I want to do more than take advantage of you."

I yanked my top off before Alec flipped me over so he was hovering over me. "Still too many clothes on." He nestled his face into my neck and whispered an 'I love you' against my skin.

Like each time, I closed my eyes and turned my head to the side. The words sparked every emotion in my body, my butterflies intensified and I felt the words float around my brain and in my heart. Two weeks on and I still hadn't spoken them out loud. Alec's kisses increased, and I gave them back as fiercely. If I couldn't utter those words, perhaps I could show him how I felt.

The moment Alec left mine, I received a text. [Forgot to tell you how beautiful you looked today. I wish you hadn't gone back home so you would be in my bed tonight xx] - ALEC

[Wish I was there now. Miss you already xxxx] I held my phone against my chest for a few seconds after I sent my reply and bounced down the stairs.

My mother sat at the kitchen table, a steaming cup of tea in-between her hands. I poured myself a cup and perched on the seat opposite hers.

"So, how did it go? Did he say much?"

She lowered her eyes to her lap and shook her head. "It was painful. We didn't know how to start and ended up skimming over the subject. He wouldn't acknowledge the argument. Apparently, Uncle Mike wants him gone soon, so we need to sort this out fast."

"Don't rush it, though. Dad needs to change before you take him back so quickly. Hope the food made up for it?"

"Yes, that was delightful. Maybe we should take Rosie there for her birthday? I think she'd like the menu. Daniel and Alec would be invited, and we can ask a couple of her friends?"

"That sounds lovely, Mum. She'd like that." I placed my hand over hers and gave her a small smile.

***

I straightened out the picnic blanket on the grass field, overlooking the beach while Alec fetched two beanbags and popcorn from the ticket stand. Setting all the food down, I looked over to the large inflatable screen. The sun was close to setting, live tweets and photos from the event played on a loop.

"Shuffle forward a bit. We can use these to lie on." Alec dropped the popcorn packets with the rest of our picnic and positioned the beanbags on the edge of the blanket. "There's a mobile bar over there. Fancy a glass of wine?"

"Can I have a glass of Prosecco? Won't you mind because you can't drink?"

"Don't be silly. Back in a sec." He bent down and left a quick peck on my lips before strolling away, his hand shoving his hair away from his forehead.

I stared after him, noticing how he stood out amongst the people already queueing at the refurbished horse trailer. A group of women huddled to the side, elbowed each other and giggled as Alec walked past.

I lay down against the floor cushions and smiled to myself, a sense of pride making my heart swell. He was so oblivious to the effect he had on others.

"One prosecco for m'lady." Alec bowed and handed the glass over.

"Why thank you, kind sir," I laughed and took a small sip from my drink.

He plopped himself down next to me and wrapped his arm over my shoulders. The cool sea breeze sent a shiver down my neck, goosebumps appeared on my bare arms and legs. I tugged on the hem of my summer dress. Alec noticed, grabbed one of the throws we took with us and covered my legs, then he removed his hoodie.

"Here put this on. You look freezing." He pulled it over my head and smoothed my hair down with his hands afterwards. "There you go. Told you, you should've brought a jumper with you. Oh, guess who I saw on my way back from the bar?"

"Who?"

"Max and Joana. A few spaces back."

"Oh. You know, I don't care." I leant over and lightly brushed my lips against his. "Especially when I'm here with you."

The sun dipped below the horizon, the night finally falling. The screen went black, The Ronettes' sang the opening song as the film started.

Alec swept my hair away from my face. "I know you don't. I didn't want you to bump into them and get caught off guard. They looked very cosy," he murmured into my ear and nuzzled into my neck.

"Always thinking of me. I lo-, I really appreciate it." I rested my head against his chest and lifted the throw over both of us.

"I know," he said as he squeezed my shoulder and planted a brief kiss on my temple.

I waited for a lull in the film so I could slip away and use one of the Portaloos, the outdoor cinema had provided for the night. A few other people had the same idea. I busied myself with my phone, waiting in line when a hand tapped my shoulder. I turned around to come face to face with Max.

"Hey, it's been a while." Max tucked his hands in his pockets and rocked on the balls of his feet.

"Not long enough. What do you want?" I crossed my arms under my chest and peered over his shoulder to where Joana sat.

"A slash like everyone else here," he sneered while pointing to the short queue. "So you and Alec? I knew something was going on there. Is that why you didn't want to see me again?"

"It had nothing to do with it. Alec was my friend when I was seeing you, nothing more. Not that it matters anyway. You should concentrate on Joana. Stop looking for the next thing and appreciate what you have for once."

"Hey, I only asked. I don't really care. Jo and I are good together. She's easygoing and not boring."

"What's that supposed to mean?" The queue moved forward. I took a few steps to fill the gap we left while talking and turned back to Max.

He glanced down and a muscle in his jaw twitched. "Take it how you want. Have you lightened up a bit since being with Alec or still running hot and cold? I bet he doesn't know if you're coming or going."

"Me running hot or cold? That's rich coming from you? How many girls were you seeing at the same time? Does Jo know about Jade?"

"She doesn't need to. Jo does it for me and actually tells me what she wants. I don't need to be a mind reader with her."

Max sent blow after blow, being petty. I didn't understand what he was playing at but I didn't want to stand around and listen to this pointless conversation.

I bit down on the inside of my cheek as I digested his words. "Well, I hope for Jo's sake she's fun enough for you to keep it in your pants. Now fuck off." One of the cubicle doors opened and with me being next in line, I darted inside. Just before I locked the door, I shouted out, "You were shit in bed, anyway. Good luck to you both."

The interior of the Portaloo was filthy. I did what I had to do, making sure I didn't touch any of the surfaces. My fingers shook as I straightened my dress down. I generously poured the hand sanitiser onto my palms and scrubbed.

I took a quick peek through the gap of the door as I opened it. The line had died down. Max was gone. I rolled the sleeves of Alec's hoodie down and traipsed back to the picnic blanket.

***

"What's up, Nattie?" Alec asked as he drove to my house.

When I slumped down on the beanbag, after my trip to the toilet, Alec tried snuggling into my side, but I kept my arms folded over my waist. Max's words played over and over in my head and I couldn't get into it. They should have jolted me to prove I wasn't cold. They had the reverse effect.

"Mmm, what's that?" I stared out the window, my eyes glazing over as they grew heavier.

"Something's up. You're not yourself."

I shuffled onto my side so I could face him. His gaze was fixed on the road and his biceps were bulging as his grip tensed on the steering wheel.

"I'm okay." I leant over and put my hand on his thigh.

Alec glanced down and threaded his fingers through mine as they rested on his lap. "That's not true. What happened when you walked off? You left happy and came back pale and closed off."

"Do you find me boring and cold?"

Alec's eyebrows shot up. "Where the hell's this coming from?" His usually low and soothing voice boomed through the car.

"Answer me. Am I boring?"

"No, you're definitely not boring. If you were I wouldn't want to spend every second of the day with you." He lifted our joined hands to his mouth and placed a soft kiss to my knuckles.

I returned my focus on each oncoming headlight. "But I'm cold," I mumbled as I traced the seal at the bottom of the window with my finger. "That's why I haven't been able to tell you how I feel when you've already said it, repeatedly even."

"Hey, now stop that. Look at me, Nattie." My street came into view and as we neared my house, Alec parked the car up against the curb. He undid my seatbelt, pushed his seat as far back as it would go, and pulled me onto his lap. He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and tugged on the drawstrings of the hoodie I was still wearing until my forehead rested on his. "I'm not going anywhere. We have time. You don't need to say it. I know how you feel."

"How can you be so sure if I can't tell you?" I whispered as I lowered my eyes.

"Because it's you." He settled his hand over my heart. "I wouldn't feel this strongly about you if it was one-sided. Please tell me what happened."

I sighed and lay my head on his chest. Alec held me tighter and stroked my lower back. "Max came up to me when I went for a pee. He got into my head about how Joana wasn't boring and asked if I ran hot and cold with you, making out I played mind games."

"Don't listen to him. I don't think any of that. And what would he know, anyway?" He tilted my chin up so he could kiss me. "Why don't you grab some spare clothes and stay at mine tonight? Show me how hot you are?" He nudged me away and winked.

"You're terrible," I giggled. "I'm tired. Raincheck?" I pecked his lips and returned to my seat.

"Don't pull away, Nattie. Please don't let him mess with you. I'm going to speak as your friend now and not your boyfriend. He doesn't know what he's talking about. He's never had a real relationship and expects everyone to do everything on his terms. He's the kind of guy that wants his exes pining over him so he can dip back in when he feels like it. You never deserved to be treated like that."

"You know I'm not pining after him, don't you?"

"Of course. I never thought that for a second."

"Can you come in for a bit and hold me while I fall asleep?"

"Do you even have to ask? Come on, let's get you to bed, sleepyhead."

***