39.

🤍Chris🤍

I was out with Christiana and the rest of my family as we was at a restaurant and everyone was talking meanwhile I was on my phone finally getting up the courage to google the two medications Y/N took to have an abortion. I was still in disbelief that she did it and the fact she didn't have to go to a clinic and get it done the original way made me think did Jenny ever had a miscarriage.

The same symptoms behind the abortion pills and the same feeling is as if the woman is miscarrying. I started reading how the pills worked.

"First, you take a pill called mifepristone. Pregnancy needs a hormone called progesterone to grow normally. Mifepristone blocks your body's own progesterone, stopping the pregnancy from growing.

Then you take the second medicine, misoprostol, either right away or up to 48 hours later. This medicine causes cramping and bleeding to empty your uterus. It's kind of like having a really heavy, crampy period, and the process is very similar to an early miscarriage. If you don't have any bleeding within 24 hours after taking the second medicine, call your nurse or doctor."

I read "She really did this shit" I said to myself. Continuing to read more about the process

"People can have a range of emotions after having an abortion. Most people feel relief, but sometimes people feel sad or regretful. This is totally normal. If your mood keeps you from doing the things you usually do each day, call your doctor or nurse for help. You can also call Exhale or All-Options for free, confidential, and non-judgmental emotional support after an abortion — no matter how you're feeling."

I continued to read as I scrolled down.

"How soon can I have sex after a medication abortion?-

You can have sex as soon as you feel ready." I read as I felt Scott nudge my arm.

"You alright?" Carly asked me as I placed on a fake smile then nodded. "Yeah I'm just full" I lied. "Alright we're about to head out kiddies" Carly said standing from the table. "Bye daddy"Christiana said as I chuckled and kissed her cheek. "Have fun with your aunt" I said as she smiled and I walked Christiana with Carly to the car. "Tell Y/N I said hey and I hope she feels better" Carly said as I faintly smiled. "I will" I assured.

I then got into my car driving over to Y/N's house just wanting to finally talk about this whole abortion thing. I pulled up pulling into her driveway as she just turned her headlights off before getting out of the car. I did the same as she just looked at me. "Hey?" She said confused "hey I just wanted to talk" I said as she just turned around and walked to her front door as I followed.

I closed and locked the door behind me as she took off her sandals and walked into the kitchen. "Where's Chrissy I thought you were watching her?!" She asked placing something in the refrigerator. "She's with Carly and Stella." I said as Y/N just nodded her head. "Since you're out of pain let's talk" I simply said as she placed her purse on the island.

"Where's the papers at so I can sign them?" She asked "what papers?" I asked confused "the divorce papers" She said as I just chuckled. "You really want to go there?" I asked "yeah we were going to go there anyway" she simply said rolling her eyes. "Too be honest if you don't have the papers why are you here?" She asked as I just gave her a look. "You know exactly why I'm here, you were wrong" I simply argued.

"you said that if I gotten the abortion then you would be done with me and I did just that, why are you here? You're done right?" She asked. "Don't be a smart ass" I shot "and don't be a dumb ass" she shot back. "I'm only saying what you said" she added going to sit on the couch. "What are we doing?" I questioned sitting next to me. "You supposed to have the papers remember?" She asked looking over at me.

"What's going on with you and this whole situation with Lizzo?" She asked "she was drunk and DM'd me, she's a fan, I'm a fan and I offered a drink because it was her birthday" I truthfully answered. "What's going on with you and Micheal B. Jordan?" I asked not because I think she was doing anything but just to see where her head was at as far as other men trying to get at her.

"I had lunch with him today and then we had sex" She said and looked at me as I scrunched my brows. "Are you fucking serious?!" I asked as she just looked away. "I told you I was done" She simply said. "So the whole talk about us trying to get back right with each other just went out the window?" I questioned. "Yup and honestly it was worth it" She said with a smile. "HaHa you got jokes" I sarcastically said as she giggled. "You know I'm not leaving you" I started off looking over at

Y/N.

"If I could do things differently like Jenny, lizzo and Lily I would've done things differently I would've made sure my conversations were appropriate as far as regarding you because if the shoe was on the other foot and a man asked to buy you a drink I would've been upset, or a man wanting you to fly out to meet him." I said as she just looked at me.

"Are you going to apologize and mean it or are you going to apologize and keep doing it? I understand you being nice and your brand but sometimes you need to draw the line Chris even if you just got to laugh it off" she started. "Because just like you I get DMs from people. Hell Micheal B Jordan was in my DM's do you know the things I would do to that man?!" She started off but I interrupted her. "Don't push it" I warned.

"I'm just saying" she said "I get it" I said as she giggled "I didn't want to respond because of the respect I have for you" she expressed. "If you have so much respect for me why'd you get the abortion?" He questioned. "Chris let's be honest. Do we need to bring babies into this mess we-you created?" She asked as I just looked at her "us because I was distant in the beginning and that was only because you kept pushing and pushing for a baby and I kept trying to tell you that I'm not okay and I wasn't ready for one at the time" she explained.

"I just want to get back on the same page about things because our daughter needs us no matter what goes on" she said. "You know" I started off "I didn't mean to get like that about the abortion, I just wanted more kids" I apologized. "And I understand that but when my mental health is at risk and I'm not ready then I can't do it because I'm looking at the aftermath." She said.

"Don't you know there's women out here killing their babies and kids due to postpartum depression. Relationships between mothers and their kids cannot develop properly due to postpartum depression, the bonding with the baby is off and I had it with Christiana but it wasn't an extreme case of it" She informed.

"Mother's are taking their lives off of that so imagine me going into pregnancy not with just one baby but two already not in the mindset to have another kid. Then on top of that, feeling as if you're not heard, feeling unwanted, feeling like you're just here just to be here and then low self esteem comes in on top of other emotions" she explained then looked over at I watched her continuing to listen.

"If I had those twins Chris, I would've did something to myself" she admitted as tears started falling from her eyes as my face softened and I brought her in for a hug rubbing her back as I started feeling like shit. "Im so sorry baby" I apologized continuously as she continued to cry. "And it doesn't help when you do what you do because it makes me feel like something is wrong with me like I'm a mistake like I'm not good enough" she expressed as I continued to hug her feeling a tear fall from my eyes.

"You're not a mistake, and you're more than good enough, I was being an ass" I expressed as I sat her up from off my chest. "Don't ever feel like that Y/N. I was the Ass" I admitted as she nodded. "You are beautiful, smart and strong everything I want my wife to be. I love you. You are so sexy" I expressed as she wiped her tears away. "I'm sitting here snotting and crying while you calling me sexy" She said through her cry as she let out a little giggle as I faintly smiled.

"Because you are, I got mad at you the other day because of what you wore in your own home" I honestly said as she giggled wiping her tears away. "I'm sorry about snapping on you the day, you, Sebastian and Anthony was here I was just stressed" she apologized as I kissed her head. "I know that this whole thing with me and texting people got you everywhere and I'm sorry" I said as she nodded and I kissed her head again.

"I want to really get away" she said "well we start counseling soon so when we get passed some of this we should go somewhere just me and you" I said. "What about Chrissy?" She asked "just me and you. The next trip we can do a family but it's important we do us" I said "okay?" I asked as she nodded.

"You want to go to bed?" I asked as she nodded and we went upstairs and she laid down. "You need anything before I go?" I asked. "Can you stay the night?" She asked sitting up. "Yeah but I thought we wasn't-" I started off. "We're not I just want to lay with you" she said as I turned out the light and laid on my back being in her into my chest before kissing her head. About an hour later she was asleep. I stared up at the ceiling

just thinking about Y/N and if something was to ever happen to her I honestly would lose it. Now that she explained why and I understand why she did the abortion I'm happy for her that she made that decision based on if I was staying or not that was a big decision and she was going to stand on her decision whether I was here or not and that just made me view her even more stronger.