13.

-February-

🤍Y/N🤍

It was the start of February and also the start of The cast of "Man Of Steel" to start interviews and press tours. I was all packed as our first stop was of course LA. Ever since Chris and I got into that argument Christmas night and him telling me he still was talking to Jenny through Instagram I haven't been feeling the same. Especially when he tried to throw her in my face about a simple gift from Henry.

I loved Chris to death but I was hurt about it because if it was on the other foot his feelings would've been shot and I would've been in the wrong. But because I'm a woman and he's a man people think a man is supposed to act like that and I'm supposed to stay faithful to my husband regardless. I don't think he would sleep and mess around with her but I'm also not sure because of me just now finding out they still talk.

I would still laugh, play and joke around with Chris. We even would have sex normally but when I'm too myself I sometimes feel like I'm taken for granted and it doesn't feel the same like when I first started dealing with Chris. I sometimes feel I wanted him and I feel like he's just tolerating me. I sometimes feel like I'm never good enough because he is talking to his Exes and I feel that he should go back but he has a child with me and we're married.

But in the same breath he wants another child with me so I don't know. My mother is telling me to just give him the kid to compromise but Im worried about bringing a kid into our mess, bringing a kid into my space where I'm not emotionally, mentally or physically ready to have one.

Chris is saying he's going to be right by my side, but with us right now. is he?. I don't know if I'm going through something I don't know about or I'm taking this out of context but I don't like the way I'm feeling right now and sometimes I feel like I'm just going to lose it and I have no idea where that is coming from.

"You nervous?" I heard Chris ask as I looked at him "a little bit but I'm sure I'll be okay when it comes. "Here" he started off before handing me a "Bath and Body Works" bag as I smiled. "I thought you could use some more before going out" he started off as I looked in the bag seeing "Champagne Toast" body set along with "A Thousand wishes" body set making me smile big.

"Thank you" I thanked as he came over to hug me. I rubbed the back of his neck with my thumb just holding him in a hug as he rubbed my back. "What am I going to do for a month and a half?" He questioned as I giggled. "I'll be back sooner than you think" I said softly as he pulled away and he looked at me and I faintly smiled.

I packed the things into my suitcase. I was trying to pack light because it didn't make sense to pack heavy when my stylists was providing looks. "I'm going to miss you and Christiana" I admitted "it feels like you just got back" Chris expressed which was true I came back like the week before last and now I'm leaving again.

I left first thing in January to finish filming "Man of Steel" along with Having a photo shoot for Beyoncé's Icy park collection she was dropping this month. "I don't know how you used to do this" I said referring to traveling for work and leaving for long periods of time. "Well before it was just me, so I had no issue and then it was you so I just counted down every day until I could see you" he admitted making me smile.

"And then by the time Christiana was here I settled down" Chris said. "I think I'm going to finish off my contract with being Lois Lane to make History but I'm not doing this again." I admitted as Chris chuckled "at least with you voicing Tiana that's taken place at Disney studios in LA" Chris brought up as I agreed. "Yeah but to travel constantly and leave you guys almost every two weeks is a lot" I admitted.

"And the fact that I actually miss you" I sarcastically said. "HaHaHa" Chris said sarcastically as I giggled zipping my suitcase up. "Chris went out the room then came back in rubbing his hands together. "What?" I questioned. "She's asleep" he said. "Okay?" I said confused taking my suit case off the bed.

He came up to me placing his hand on my lower back as I turned to face him. I then felt him kiss my cheek . I honestly didn't want to have sex I actually wanted to eat and watch something with him before I left. I moved my face from him kissing me as he looked down at me confused. "What's wrong?" He questioned.

"I don't want to have sex" I started off as his face softened "what I do now?" He questioned " I don't know, what did you do?" I asked in a giggle. "Nothing. Lately It just seem like something has been bothering you" he said. "What do you mean?" I asked. You're not giving me the cold shoulder but something is off about you. you're more quiet then usual. You usually want sex and you've been turning it down what's going on with you?" he asked.

"Nothing's wrong" I assured "I'm just ready for the movie premiere so I can finally sit down somewhere" I partially admitted then faintly smiled. I then wrapped my arms around his torso laying my head on his chest. "I love you" I truthfully said as he wrapped his arms around my body. "I love you too" he said as I just placed my face in his chest feeling him rub my back.

I then pulled away as we decided to watch a movie laying in the bed. I had my leg over his as he had an arm around me. "I can't wait to get back so I can just sleep" I admitted hearing Chris chuckle to himself. "I can't wait so we can get this baby process started" he said before placing a kiss on my cheek as I didn't say anything but just looked at the TV. It was like beating a dead horse with a stick when saying I didn't feel comfortable with getting pregnant so I just left it alone.

I just pray that all goes well and I'm just over reacting about the whole pregnancy situation. Maybe this was just a test for me and Chris and a test to show me how to compromise to keep peace. I don't know I just want all to go well and my mind is in one piece after I have this baby.