[11] Daydreaming

The next few weeks flew by in the way they usually did when everyone finally got settled into school again. Translation: when they discovered that, yes, this year was going to be exactly the same as last year. Athough I have to say that, for me, this wasn't strictly true because I had my GCSEs at the end of the year! Fun times I know – though to be honest all I cared about was passing English so there wasn't too much pressure. For other people, however, it wasn't so simple.

The only really big thing that happened was that Mackenzie and Katie 'officially' fell out. It turned out that Mackenzie really was that angry with the whole Dan thing and, according to the gossip held by Sydney and Carrie in Chemistry, they had a proper fight in the girl's bathroom last week (chances are the definition of a 'proper fight' in terms of people like them was the tiniest ever but you know). I didn't really care about them specifically but it did intrigue me slightly – after all, I had nothing better to be thinking about in school. That was what I was telling myself anyway; the truth had more to do with the fact that I didn't know if Noah and Mackenzie were still dating or not and knowing why she was so angry with Katie might help me know. It was a selfish reason and I knew that, but I couldn't help it and tried to ignore my curiosity whenever it reared its head.

In further news, Elliot hadn't been talking to me as much as usual and it was beginning to bug me. I couldn't tell if it was just that I was a lot more caught up in myself than I'd ever been or that he was busy studying, but it wasn't like when we did talk, he was off, so I wasn't properly concerned. It was probably all in my head anyway; I knew I could easily get paranoid about stuff (and by extension, at times I was actually paranoid about being paranoid – seriously I am that cool).

Guess who's back. Back again. Oh yeah, and Noah had decided to spend his breaks with me in Learning support 4. Don't ask me – he said it was because he wanted to practice his signing, and to be fair, bearing in mind we'd only had four sessions not including the first week, he'd gotten considerably better.

You're not funny you know! I smiled, nonetheless. I couldn't lie – it was nice to have someone to spend break with, even if he was hiding our friendship everywhere else. I should have been hurt by that, I know, but I was relieved more than anything because it at least meant that Harrison had no reason to notice me.

"And yet you stay here with me every break time – coincidence? I think not!" I couldn't help bursting into laughter. "See and you're laughing!"

And what if I am? I replied raising my eyebrows Who knows what I'm laughing at?

"Ok, have it your way, but we both know you like hanging out with me whatever you say" He was very persuasive. Throughout the past weeks, I had also grown to involuntarily think about how aesthetically pleasing Noah was. Some days I couldn't take my eyes off of his sculpted body or how his sandy brown hair coiffed perfectly, even after he'd been outside in the wind. I found myself thinking about his hazel eyes in the most random moments and having to ignore my desire to look at his perfectly formed lips when talking to him. It was impossible – he'd never feel the same way – and yet I would daydream about us together all the time. "Anyway, how's your life going?"

Great I replied slightly sarcastically. I still felt guilty that he didn't know the true extent of my life quite yet, despite my promise to finally tell him what was going on with me. It was like the more we hung out, the more I didn't want to ruin the friendship that we had, and the truth would definitely do just that, I was sure of it. Noah hadn't said anything, but I could see in his eyes that he was desperate to know and that just made me want to hide it even more; the possibility that he was just sticking around for the truth swum in my head too often. It was a big mess, but at least it was our big mess, not just mine anymore. And you know what's going to make it even better?

"If you say that we've got English next, I will get upset!" I slowly smiled and he widened his eyes playfully "Right! That's it!"

He came over to me and started to tickle me, while I protested wordlessly. I didn't know how I felt about the physical contact, but I knew that this much without Noah pegging anything definitely meant that he didn't like me like that at all. For all I knew he was still going out with Mackenzie.

The bell went soon after that and we made our way down the stairs for English, noting that Noah hung back from me so that nobody could say anything about us hanging out. I had no idea what he was telling his friends when he spent time with me but they hadn't seemed to put anything together yet, so I guessed that was a good sign. Harrison wasn't coming for me yet.

The notebook that we'd used for the project was now getting quite tattered as we'd used it so much. The project itself was going pretty well; the story was getting written, though Noah had yet to figure out the meaning behind the plot. He let me guide it enough to keep the said plot though, so I guess it wasn't that bad. It was just how things were going to be.

XXX

Unfortunately, I'd been very wrong about one certain detail that day. To be fair, with the Noah distraction I had gotten pretty sloppy when it came to noticing everyone else, especially the person I tried to avoid at any cost.

"Oh hello Via, sorry I didn't quite hear you there!" He said in a patronising voice. My hands clamped into fists, but I knew that there was nothing I could do about it. Nobody came here at lunch after all. "Oh, look at that – no greeting or anything. Honestly, I find that very rude" My legs wobbled underneath me, despite my brain telling them to be strong.

You just have to get through this via. You just have to hang through. It'll all be over soon

My brain repeated the words over and over in circles, but I knew that I wasn't entirely convinced; this wouldn't be over soon because it kept happening. I had a year of this at least.

"And she still doesn't reply – very rude indeed" He came closer to me and my nerves multiplied. "I might have to punish you for that one"

I held my breath and braced for impact.

You just have to get through this. You just have to get through this. You just have to get through thi-

And then he spoke. But it wasn't him, no that was... Noah? What in the world was going on? I lost track of where I was because all I could hear was the constant thrumming of my heart, the adrenaline still strong in my bloodstream. I felt dizzy and confused and all I wanted to do was go home and lie on my bed, listening to Nirvana without a care in the world for these people. Why wasn't that my life? Why did I have to deal with Harrison of all people? And why was Noah here?

"Noah?" Harrison's voice was shocked, and he immediately dropped me on the floor, my legs completely giving up on me. I wasn't surprised. "W-what are you doing here?"

It had definitely put him on edge, that much was clear.

"I was looking for you man – what are you doing?" Good. He hadn't given our friendship away at least.

"I-I-I was just..." He didn't have an answer and again I wasn't surprised, anything that involved that much physical contact only really had a few viable explanations. I didn't want to explore the others for obvious reasons. "I was just helping Via with something here" He sneered, wanting Noah to get it. It hurt that someone expected him to. Did I really know Noah that well?

"Well I'm not the only one looking for you – Coach is too – something about the captain trials?" I was still on the floor not wanting to get up. I didn't want to think about anything right now "He said to meet you in his office"

"OH, thanks ok I'm gonna go then" He exited the room swiftly, the door hinting at a faint slam and I looked up at the ceiling. Why did I still feel so dizzy? Noah rushed over to me in seconds and I felt guilty. Did I want to get Noah involved in this? Did I want to be selfish and cause a massive rift in his friendship group?

"Via? He called and I slowly exhaled. So that was why I was feeling light-headed – I hadn't noticed I'd been holding my breath for so long. His face was above mine in a worried expression that just made my guilt expand. People like Noah shouldn't care about me, that's not how it worked.

I took his hand and gradually sat up, despising my back for aching. I'm ok I signed slowly, but we both knew that it wasn't the truth. I didn't know how to explain it to him – after all even Harrison had had a hard time. He sat beside me, his hand pushing my hair out of my face. I turned to him and tried not to cry as best I could. This was a mess.

"How long has it been going on for?" I guessed this was the best time to tell him about my first day of this school.

Author's note

Hi! I really hope you're enjoying this story - I'm definitley enjoying writing it. I just wanted to say that I appreciate any feedback on my writing (I fully understand I'm not the best) so feel free to tell me anything!

Ok bye, don't forget to like and comment :)