Chapter 17

Tacos, Transmissions, Tires And A Tentative Truce

Shea

"How much homework do you guys have tonight?  What about the paper you're working on Rock?"  I ask as I lean against the doorway into the garage.  The boys, along with Dog and Cam are working on the transmission of Tells car, while a deep discussion on the cost of 'fucking good tires' versus the price of tires good enough to 'just get her on the road'.  Apparently the dreams of radical off roading in monster sized tires are just dreams, especially with the cost of the transmission repairs.

"Dude, I thought you said you finished that paper?  The one on physics in the financial world?"  War asks as he slides out from under the car, huh, I didn't even know he was here.

"Yeah, I told you that Dev helped me with it, it was kind of cool, interesting at least the way Dev talked about it.  Boring as fuck when we were learning about it in class."   Rock responds with animation and a little pride in his voice.

"That teacher is such a skinny little prick, he was a total ass when I was in school, he hated your dad, but man, he totally had it in for your uncle!  He couldn't stand that Jax and Rocky weren't his version of 'dumb little biker shits', he'd fuck with them and any of the club kids he could.  He wasn't as bad on the girls, in fact he even liked a few, not in a pervy way, but he never fucked with their grades like he did the guys."  War is laughing, then proceeds to share a few stories that I've never heard, so I'm just enjoying the walk down memory lane when they all turn and look at me.

"What?  You think I'm not aware that Mr. Allen is a total jerk?  I remember dealing with him, he really, really didn't want me to succeed in his class, but I was just too smart!"  I laugh at the memories of the uptight teacher finally giving in to the fact that not only was I smart enough to pass, and ace his class, but I also truly enjoyed the subject as well.  After a few months, we reached an unspoken agreement where he stopped trying to make me stumble, and instead started teaching me.  Lessons were learned on both sides, he learned not all bikers are stupid mouth breathing drugged up sluts, and I learned that even though stereotypes are unfair, sometimes you have to put in extra effort and time to be seen as who you really are.

"You had Mr. Allen?  He didn't tell me that!  He just asked if I was related to the 'biker Lincoln brothers', I said yeah, and not to rest cuz he's getting my brother and cousins in his class soon.  He said he'd retire before he had to deal with more Lincolns."  Rock walks over to the tool bench, and starts scrounging around for something.  He stalls a bit, then heads back to the parts laid out on a corner of the garage.  I know he's working up to something, so I act like I'm not aware, and start talking with Dog about his car, which is now sitting in the driveway, on blocks.  Apparently we're now 'that house', the one with many cars on blocks, and very few of them with the possibility of running soon.

"Were dad and Uncle Jax really smart?  They always seemed that way to me, but I was just a kid.  Tell is a fucking genius, I'm smart enough, and who knows about the girls, they're still in elementary school.  But you're super smart Aunt Shea, so I guess my dad and Uncle Jax were too?"  The vulnerable way that Rock is asking, breaks my heart.  I wish he could remember all the wonderful parts of his parents, uncle and aunt, but I guess that's one of my jobs now, to reinforce those memories and share things they never knew.

Tell and the boys are all quiet, waiting to hear what I share.  Cam and Dog quietly supporting their best friends, Rock and Tell eagerly looking forward to new aspects of their dad being brought to life, yep, the pressure is on me to deliver.

"Your Dad and Jax were almost genius level guys, they were also too smart for their own good sometimes.  But honestly, they breezed through school, took college classes when they graduated, but that wasn't where they wanted to be.  They had both been working for club businesses long before they finished school, so they knew what they wanted to do, and they worked hard for it."  I smile at them, knowing they want to hear the dirty that my brothers got into, but I also want to share how hard they worked for the lives they gave us.

"You guys already know that our parents were the worst, I don't really remember them very well, thank god, because Rocky and Jax took care of me from the moment I was born.  My mom wasn't even feeding me regularly, Rocky figured it out, and he took Jax and me over to the club one day, told Jessop, the old prez that our parents were useless, and he needed a job to help feed his younger brother and sister."  I notice that the guys are all quiet, I'm sure they never realized how bad it was for Rocky and Jax in the early years.

"Jessop told Rocky and Jax that they could help clean up the yards and the several of the buildings, and in return they'd get paid, and we could all eat at the club whenever we were hungry.  Then some of the old ladies and club girls started helping take care of me while the boys were in school and working.  The boys would finish their jobs, and we'd stay and eat dinner at the club, we did that for years, in the summers we'd have lunch and sometimes breakfast there as well.  We spent most nights in a room at the club that had been outfitted with 2 beds and a crib.  We only went home when our parents were in jail or gone somewhere, and when they returned, we'd be back at the club.  When our parents died, we moved into the little house behind the clubhouse, it had a kitchen, two bedrooms and a living room, it was small, but it was a home.  The old ladies and club girls still watched me during the days, and after school."  I smile, recalling how sweet they were all with me, I was just a live version of a doll, they dressed me up and played with me, I have very fond memories of that time.

"As we got older, we didn't need as much help, but the club has always been there for us, I've always known that I could count on everyone Oblivion, from the club girls on up to the President, we're a family.  And because of Rocky and Jax, I don't really have the scary awful childhood memories that they did, because they saved me from that, they raised me with love and people who loved me.  They protected me from our parents."  I smile with tears in my eyes, because my brothers will always be my heros and I want everyone to know it.

"Is that why you're always nice to the club girls Shea?  Some of the old ladies hate them, but you're never mean, even the real sleazy ones."  Dog asks in a serious voice, and I know it's because his mother was a club girl, who didn't stick around after he was born.  He's only known life with his dad, and the club girls who helped out Pike.

"Yeah Dog, the club girls helped raise me, just like they helped raise you.  Those girls, and god I don't know how many there have been who helped, but it's because of them that you and I have had good childhoods.  They've been good to me, so I'm good to them.  If they treated me badly, then it would be different.  War is staring at me, heartbreak and apology in his gaze, but I ignore it, that girl is gone, and I don't give her any power in my memories, my life, or my world.

"My mom was a club girl who left as soon as I was born, you had parents, I don't think it's the same."  Dog mutters under his breath.

I cross the garage, over to where Dog is leaning against the bench, his head is down, a hard look on his handsome face.  Throwing an arm around his shoulders, I hold him tight.

"My parents were drug addicts, they were always awful people, high and abusive, the worst kind of people.  Your mom left you with your dad, who she knew would always be there for you, she knew she couldn't do it, so she left you in great hands.  We were both lucky we had the club girls and the old ladies, we're so fortunate Dog, don't get down on the fact she was a club girl, look at all the club girls who helped raise you.  We all love you Dog, don't drown in the negative, rise above it.  Your mom wasn't strong, your dad is, you take after your dad, be proud honey."  I squeeze his arm again, and go up on my toes to kiss his cheek, when did these boys get so tall?

"Yeah, he may be like his dad, but he's pretty like his mom!"  Tell laughs and blows kisses to Dog, who smiles and throws a shop rag at Tell.

"Whatever asswipe, at least I know what to do with the club girls!"  Dog leers over at Tell, raising his eyebrows and winking.

"Gross, I'm leaving, I don't want to hear what you guys get up to.  All of you wash your hands, let your dads know you're staying for dinner, I'm putting the tacos on the table in 5 minutes, hurry up men!"  I head out the door towards the kitchen, when I look back to see War waving good bye to the boys and walking towards his bike.

"Wash your hands War, you're the adult in there, set a good example."  I look at Wars surprised face, he mouths, 'me too?  Dinner?',  I nod and head into the kitchen.

All I hear behind me is Wars deep booming voice, 'Fuck yeah!  It's taco time!'.

. The kids have asked a few times in the past few weeks if War could eat with us, but I always had a ready excuse as to why it wasn't going to work. For whatever reason, today I decided that I wanted him to eat dinner with us. I'm freaking out and nervous about this, and yes, I'm angry with myself for wanting it, but it's time I start letting the past go. This absolutely does not mean that he is getting back into our family, or my life, but I've learned the past few months, that he is a really welcome addition to the boys lives, and I will not deny the boys this chance to learn more about their dad.

As I'm finishing up the tacos, the unhealthy deep fried best kind, I hear the guys coming through the house.

"In the bathroom, wash your face and hands, make sure you're not tracking grease and oil into the house please! Come straight to the table, dinner's hot and ready!" I call out to the boys, I think that I'm more nervous for this dinner than I was before my first date with War, which is crazy because this dinner means nothing more than letting him spend time with the boys.

There is a riot of noise and laughter, chairs scraping on the floor, bodies throwing themselves into the dining room. I love this, hearing the kids laughing and kidding around, it proves to me that they will be ok, that we'll all be ok. Closing my eyes, I fight back the happy tears, and send up a silent I love you to our four angels. I feel a presence behind me, and I know who it is. I could always tell when he entered a room, the whole energy changed, my skin prickled, my breathing felt rushed, and electricity filled the space.

War comes up behind me, except for his hands on my shoulders, he's not touching me. He lowers his lips to my head and softly asks me,

"You ok babe? Can I help you get the food out?"

I know the words are about getting dinner on the table, but the question is really about why I'm crying before dinner. He knows me, and if asks me directly I'll either shut down or totally break down. Neither is a great option right now.

"Yep, dinner's all ready, everything's out on the table, except for the tacos, you grab one platter, I'll take the other. This is a favorite of the kids, so prepare to be amazed at how much and how fast they'll eat!" I'm laughing, because it's true, and I'm laughing because I'm glad that he's here, and I'm laughing because I don't want to cry.

Walking into the dining room, I slide the platter into the center of the table, and notice that Rocky is sitting in one of the side seats, not opposite me at the other end. The place at the other end of the table is occupied by War, my soon to be ex husband? Estranged husband? Or because he never signed the papers, my just plain husband? Rocky and Teller both look at me and smile, looks like having War at the head was their decision. War looks over at me, the question burning in his eyes, waiting to see if I'm going to make him move. I look at him and smile.

"Ok, Cam, can you please help Tess with her tacos?"  I smile at Cam and his serious approach to helping our little girl.

"Dog, will you help me with my tacos please?"  Clair bats her eyes at Dog, who is way too old and thank heavens too clueless to see that the little girl has a monster crush on him.

"Nope, I've got it Claire, you don't need Dog."  War swipes Claires plate and looks at me to insure that I saw Claires little attempt at flirtation.  I smile and subtly shake my head, trying to communicate that there's nothing to worry about.

"How old are you Dog?"  Claire innocently asks.

"Too old for you Claire bear, can you pass me the green salsa?"  Rock asks with a cocky smile at both War and me.

"Thank you for Taco Fuckin Tuesday Shea!"  Cam shouts, then cringes at my pseudo evil eye.

"You have no fuckin idea how thankful I am!"  War quietly says as he smiles at his plate.