Chapter 16

Rocky And Jax Lincoln Are Very Very Missed

Shea

Some days I feel like I really have a grip on my world, and other days, well, other days I feel like a balloon in a hurricane, floating around completely out of control.  Today, is one of those days, since I woke up I have been 3 steps behind, trying to play catch up and not even getting close.

I got my second call from Rock and Tells school today, and to make it worse, it came from the assistant principal Trevor, who I had a horrible date with a few months ago.  I thought I'd never have to see or talk to him again, but thanks to Rock, Tell and their pack of teenage rebels, I not only had to talk to Trevor, but now I have to see him when I pick up Rock, Tell, Cam and Dog from school.  And the fact that Trevor won't tell me exactly what happened, and why I have to go to the school, is the cherry on my f-ed up sundae.

Pulling up to the high school, I send a text to my friend Jilly letting her know I'm picking up the boys, and thanking her for taking care of the girls while I find out what's going on with Rock and the boys.  Turning my phone on silent, I throw it in my purse and stomp up to the office.

"Thank you for coming in so quickly Shea, I'm glad we can work this out between the two of us, without it affecting the boys.  Sadly, the boys made some rather wrong and unfortunate choices today."  Trevors sickly sweet voice comes from the office ahead of me as I round the corner.

Trevor steps out of his office, ushers me in, while leaning in to kiss me on the cheek, moving quickly to the side, I avoid his lips, but feel his hand land on the small of my back resting far too close to my ass.  Stepping away from his touch, I look around until I see the young offenders sitting on a couch, with looks of fury and concern on their faces.

"Well men, want to explain to me why I'm here in an office I do not want to be in, when I should be with the girls at home?  I don't want to hear any bs, or excuses, I'd like to know a good reason why you gentlemen decided to have a discussion with your fists on the football field during 5th period?"  My voice is hard, my eyes are laser focused on the offenders, and my patience is gone.

"Aunt Shea, those fucking assholes had Sarah and Jasmine backed up against the bleachers and wouldn't let them ..."  Rock begins, he's trying to be calm, but I can see that he is fuming.

"I'm sorry to say Shea but the boys ..."  Trevor interrupts Rock and begins to explain, but I do not want to hear his version of the afternoon.

"Please do not interrupt Trevor, I want the boys version, then you can let me know what the schools version is, thank you."  I have zero patience for this jerk.

"They pushed the girls against the fence, and wouldn't let them go, saying that they were 'just biker sluts in training who want it from anyone who wants to give it to them.' Jasmine was trying to push them off, and Sarah was crying, the guys and I were heading to class when we saw it happening, what the fuck were we supposed to do, just leave them to hopefully get the guys to back off?"  Rock is frothing in his anger, and now I feel bad that I had assumed that the boys had done something wrong.

"Was any staff around, someone you could have called to for help?  I'm glad you helped the girls, that was the right thing, but honey, you can't always use your fists!"  I try to give a calm reaction when I am absolutely fuming in anger.

"Fucking staff Shea?  Yeah, the guy who monitors campus was sitting in the bleachers watching and having a smoke break, no fuc....."  Dog is starting to lose it so I interrupt.

"Language Dog, I know you're mad, but cussing in this environment is counter productive."  I stare at him, then raise my eyebrows and look over to up tight Trevor, so Dog knows to slow the f bombs.

"Right, sorry.  Anyway, the guy wasn't gonna do sh I mean anything, so we stepped in to help the girls.  They are nice girls, and some of guys here just treat them like crap because their dads are in the club, it's 'sadly wrong and unfortunate.'"  He spouts off, mimicking Trevors choice of words while giving him the evil eye.

"Ok, I think I've got your impressions boys, Trevor, can you please explain the schools point of view, and why my boys are the only ones in your office?  Where are the other boys, who were a part of the assault, and where are the girls?  Aren't the girls witnesses to the altercation, along with the staff member on a smoke break?"  I am using my very calm, quiet, and perturbed teacher voice, letting Trevor know that I am not going to let my boys take the sole punishment for a fight that started because  boys thought that assault on girls was ok because their dads are club members.

On a side note, good luck to those boys and the school staff when Spike and Tomb find out that their daughters were attacked during school hours.

"Shea, sweetheart, calm down, I ..."  Trevors stupid voice grates on my ears, and his sexist and smarmy attitude is about to set me off.

"Let's be professional here Trevor, I'm not your sweetheart, never have been, never will be.  We are in your office in a professional capacity, and what I'm hearing from the boys, is very troubling, and the questions I'm asking you are very basic and clear.  Do not muddy the waters by assuming we are having anything other than a professional conversation here.  Cam, Dog, have your dads been called?  And are Spike and Tomb aware of what's happened to the girls today?"  I  want to make sure that Trevor realizes he's not dealing with just me, this is a club issue.

"Now Shea, there's no reason to call in the club, this is something that can be handled between the two of us.  Let's bring it down a notch, and work this out calmly."  Trevors slightly panicked and placating voice and his idea that this is a small issue are all ridiculous.

Glancing over at the couch, I see the boys texting, I assume their dads and Spike and Tomb, good, if my girls were held against their will on school property, I'd definitely want to know.  Trevor is a bigger idiot than I realized, the way he's handled this is completely against policy and just plain stupid.  Tired of dealing with his incompetence, I step out of the office and head towards the secretary.

"Hi, can you please alert the principal that we are in the vice principals office, apparently there was a student-on-student assault during fifth period today, and the parents of the girls have not been notified yet, and I've yet to see paper work regarding the incident.  I believe that vice principal Foster is out of his depth in handling this incident.  We'll be waiting in Mr. Fosters office, thank you."  Her face goes from nice polite greeting, to shock and surprise, to resignation and then to anger.  Apparently Mr. Trevor Fosters incompetence is not a surprise to the secretary.

It takes about 20 minutes before I hear a large commotion down the hallway, heading towards the principals office, where we are waiting.  Rock, Tell, Dog and Cam look at each other, nodding their heads, knowing who is about to burst through the door.  Trevor looks sheepish and nervous.  Principal Johnson looks at Trevor with an open frustration and annoyance, while continuing to talk to the boys in a calm and conversational tone.

As Ford, Pike, Spike and Tomb walk in, anger and fury in their steps, but calm and control displayed on their faces, I'm surprised when War walks in last and closes the door.  I did not ask him to come here, he is not needed, this is another instance where he just insinuates himself in my world.

"Where are our girls?"  Spike demands, staring at the principal.

"The girls are next door in the vice principals office with our school secretary and nurse, I thought it best to keep all the parties separate from one another, please step out and you'll see them across the hall."  The principal opens the office door and gestures across the lobby where we see Sarah and Jasmine, opening the door.  Spike and Tomb turn and head towards their girls, speaking in soft and gentle tones, so quietly that we can't hear what they are saying.

"It seems like it's been a busy afternoon here, care to tell me why our boys seem to think they're in trouble for helping their friends out of a scary situation?"  Pike speaks in a slow and harsh voice, the undercurrent of rage is clear.

"Unfortunately, a horrible incident happened, and our office initially handled it completely wrong.  I have since taken it over, and vice principal Foster is no longer involved.  Your boys were not in the wrong, they took care of the girls and will not be in any trouble whatsoever.  They have also alerted me to the fact that our on campus supervisors, who are under the control of the vice principal have not been doing an adequate job.  What I need from the boys is a written report of all that went on so I can begin the appropriate disciplinary actions with the offenders.  Sorry that this meeting has been so horrendously handled."  Principal Foster glares at Trevor, Trevor looks at the floor, I smile at the boys, and Pike and Ford pat their son's shoulders.  I watch as my boys look at Pike and Ford with Dog and Cam, when I see War rest his hands on my boys, they look at each other and smile.

It's in this moment that I realize, that though I haven't let War back into my heart, he is in our lives, he's in the kids lives, and he's definitely in the kids hearts.

My boys have developed a relationship with War that is deeper and stronger than what I realized, and I don't know what I feel about this revelation.

Later that evening.

"Rock, Tell, thank you for helping with the dishes, I have to step out for a bit, can you watch the girls?  They are both asleep in bed, I should be home by 10:00. "  I'm standing in the hall outside their bedrooms, after a few seconds, they both open their doors and step into the hallway.

"Yeh, we got them Aunt Shea, I'm finishing up some homework, I should be done in an hour, if I do a half assed job."  Rock gives me the grin his dad used to have, and it melts me just like his dad's smile did.

"Ok, ok, I know you're just saying that, but thank you.  And guys?  About today, I know I said it earlier, but I'm so proud of you, your dad would be too.  You protected two people smaller than you against 5 big bullies, those were straight up Rocky Lincoln moves, your mom and dad are smiling down on you guys right now."  I pull them both in for a hug, holding them tight.  Kissing the tops of their heads, I whisper softly.

"I love you boys, you are the best men I know."

"Thanks Aunt Shea, I knew you'd have our backs, even when that dipshit told us we were gonna get expelled.  How could you have gone on a date with that asshole?"  Tell asks me with shock in his voice.

"I didn't want to, a friend of mine begged me to, it was the double date from hell.  Don't worry, I'll never do something with him again, that was the longest night ever!"  I pull away, and head down the hallway.

"Say hi to War for me."  Rock tosses out before I round the corner, I hear them laugh and close their doors.

Psychic little men.

I texted War earlier, letting him know that I wanted to meet and talk, he suggested we meet in his room, I said I'd see him in the main room.  It's not that I don't trust either of us, I'm not in a place where I want anything physical with him, but I do want to talk about the boys, and I don't want to do it at home where the boys can over hear our conversation.  I also don't want to have a talk with War in a bedroom, it just seems awkward and wrong.  Whatever, I don't want to think anymore about the 'where' of the meeting, I just want to talk.

As I walk in the main room, I see War sitting at a table in the corner, he's talking to Pike, I'm not sure if its club business, or if it's about today, but they both have serious looks on their faces.  They both smile as I walk over, Pike standing and giving me a kiss, while War just stares at me, with a kind look and small smile.

"I'm proud of our boys, they did a great job today.  Apparently those assholes have been harassing the girls for a few months, today was the first time they got physical, it's also the last time.  Tell Rock I'll see him at the football game on Friday, I wanna see him throw a few touchdowns!"  Pike drops a chin to War and he leaves.

"War, I'm not sure what or how I want to say this, and I don't want you to get the wrong idea, but I saw today how the boys look at you.  They love you, and they look to you for approval and guidance.  I thought I gave them enough love approval and guidance, but I realized today, that they need it from you too.  You were there when they and I didn't know they needed you, so thank you."  My eyes fill with tears because I am grateful, but I'm also sad that this even has to be a conversation.  Sometimes the loss of my brothers just hits me hard, and right now is one of those times.  Rocky would probably have done exactly what War did today, but the fact is, that he isn't here to do it, but his friend stepped in, and covered for him.  War gave the boys the love and backup that their father would have, exactly how Rocky would have done it.  I'm so happy  and appreciative, but also so damn sad.

"Shea baby, I see the kids as yours, as mine, as the clubs, they are just an extension of of your brothers.  Rocky and Jax aren't here, but they left us their little guys, and we're all here, the whole club for them and you.  I fucked up so hard and for so long, and I'll always be sorry for how I let everyone down.  But especially you Shea, you, I fucking blew up your world, then took the cowards way out.  I'm fucking sorry, and I'll be making it up to you guys for the rest of my life."  He leans forward to take me in his arms, but I slide back, shaking my head.

"No War, I'm not saying I'm letting you back into my heart, I'm saying that I realize that you're a part of the kids hearts, and I'm not going to ignore that anymore.  I am so grateful that they have you, and they've moved on from all of the past, it honestly didn't have anything to do with them anyway.  They were kids when you left, but since you've come back, you've been a steady and constant presence in their lives, and you've shown me that I can trust you with them.  So thank you for that, thank you for loving them and caring for them, showing them that they have you in their corners."  I take a long sip of the ice tea that War had waiting for me, it's cold in my mouth, and it helps me calm and settle myself in this awkward and emotional conversation.

War just quietly watches me, then he takes my right hand in both of his, I try to pull it back, kind of try to pull my hand out of his, half assed tried, it just feels comforting and I need that right now.  He squeezes my hand gently running one hand back and forth over the back of my hand.  This helps calm my breathing and I finally look up, meeting his gaze.

"I'm never leaving you or the kids again, never, fucking never skipping out on those I love and care about.  I learned the wrong way, and you all suffered for it.  But I learned the lesson baby.  You're the world, you're the sun, you and the kids are where I'm supposed to be.  I'm sorry that my fucked up self esteem issues had me fucked in the head.  But I sorted my shit, and I'm still sorting it, if you want to talk to Doc Farmer about how you can trust me, do it, please.  I told her if you ever call her, she can share everything with you.  I'm serious baby, I fucked up for a long time, but I got my shit straight, and I get it that you can't trust me.  But you'll see, just like you see that you can trust me with the kids, you'll see you can trust me with your heart.  I'm never leaving again, I'm here for good.  If it takes you another month, another year, or a decade, I'll still be here for you, waiting for us, and loving you and the kids."  His eyes are sad, but full of love, and I know he's telling the truth, or the truth as he knows it right now.  I just can't, I don't know what I can't do, but I know right now, I can't do it.

"Thank you, but I'm overwhelmed right now, I can't think and process everything, today for me, was bigger than the kids going to the principals office.  It was about raising them, not having my brothers to count on, seeing the club have my back, having you show up in just the way that we needed you.  And right now, I don't know how to think about or feel about all of this.  But thank you, and I do trust you with the kids, but for now, that's all I want from you."  I close my eyes take a few deep breaths, take my hand and wrap it around Wars hands, I look at our clasped and entwined hands, I smile, and also feel a strong sadness.  Squeezing his hands, I release them, and pull mine from his.  Standing, I smile at him, and I walk away.

War

She said 'for now', so even if she doesn't realize it, she's thinking of letting me in.  I've gotta admit, those words, 'for now' are the two best words I've heard for a long fucking time.

God damn, 'for now', my sweet fucking girl.   Smiling to myself, I stand and walk back to my room, and I know I'm gonna dream of my girl tonight.

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