Dirty Grovel: Chapter 13

I’ve got about as many problems as this walk-in closet has bikinis.

And about as many solutions as I have actual clothes.

I send off a quick text to Mara and put my phone aside. I’ve told her I’m safe and well. But that’s about the extent of my explanations.

I haven’t mentioned a thing about Oleg. Mostly because I have no idea what to say about it.

Yes, I’m with Oleg. But don’t ask me what “with” Oleg means…

I really need to go shopping. Get some real clothes—ones that cover my ass, preferably. These cheeks have never gotten as much exposure as they have in Nassau.

I’m contemplating asking Oleg for some spending money when the door to my bedroom crashes open.

I look up to see him striding towards me like a raging bull.

Talk about a delayed reaction… but no, this can’t be because of what we’d discussed poolside, can it?

“What’s wrong?” I ask, wondering if maybe this has something to do with Drew. Or my sister.

As he descends on me, his brutal sneer pushes me out of the doorway and back into the walk-in. He follows me inside but stops about a foot away.

It’s still close enough that I can feel the heat coming off him.

“You wanna tell me what you were doing at the women’s clinic this morning?” he snarls, his tone dripping with assumption.

It takes me a second to connect what he’s asking with what he’s accusing me of.

And the moment I realize it, my body explodes in resentful goosebumps. Again, he’s proved that he doesn’t know me at all. He’s proved that he thinks the worst of me.

That he doesn’t trust me in the slightest.

“Let me guess: The spies you put on my tail sent you pictures?”

His jaw twitches. “Surveillance team,” he bites back. “And they were put on your tail to keep you safe. I’ll ask again—why the fuck were you at the women’s clinic today?”

It feels like I’ve got a hundred and fifty reasons to be a bitch right now. I’m tired. I’m sore. I’m sleep-deprived. I’m getting hungry.

And—oh, right—I don’t like having my life picked apart at his pleasure.

So I fold my arms across my chest and meet his gaze with arctic calm. “I had a medical appointment there. My body, my choice.”

He laughs bitterly, the sound like whiplash, hot and cruel. “Your body stopped being your business when you agreed to carry my child. Now, tell me what you did.”

I follow his gaze down to my flat stomach. When I look back at him, I realize what I’m seeing.

Yes, he’s angry.

But it’s more than that.

He’s scared, too.

Scared that I might have rid myself of this pregnancy and robbed him of the chance to be a father.

This is not about getting himself an heir.

This is about a second chance to do what’s right.

Immediately, regret washes over me. I feel like a bitch for making him believe that I was capable of something like that.

Swallowing my anger, I walk over to the nightstand and pull the clinic receipt out from my bag, as well as the file with all the baby’s stats.

Then I return to him and shove it into his hand.

“Since you can’t trust a word I say, here’s proof of what I did at the clinic today.”

He checks the receipt first. “Paternity test…” he mutters under his breath before he moves on to the baby’s file.

His eyes pop when he looks at the sonogram pictures. He’s looking at a tiny little indecipherable blob, but it seems to hit him right between that scowl of his.

“It’s a clinic, Oleg. They deal with more than just abortions. They also deal with prenatal maternal care. Which is why I was there. I’m not sure about the privacy laws in Nassau, but if you need more proof, I can call the clinic and have you speak to the⁠—”

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” he sighs. “I… shouldn’t have assumed.” His hands drop. “I’ll go tomorrow… get the swab…” He raises his gaze to mine. “I am sorry.”

Emotion clogs up my throat. For a moment, I can’t speak.

But I do have a lot to say.

He needs to hear this. I need to say it.

“Is this how it’s always going to be with us, Oleg?” I ask. “Am I always going to need receipts with you? Proof of my innocence? Evidence to back up every single thing I say to you?”

Even as I speak, the realization settles over me like lead in my stomach. I will never be enough for him.

Not that I should be surprised.

I wasn’t enough to get my father to stay.

I wasn’t enough to get my mother to be present.

I wasn’t enough for anyone in my life to put me first.

Why should Oleg Pavlov be any different? It’s just more proof that I’ve submitted to the Palmer Women Curse.

Can’t resist the wrong man.

Can’t run fast enough from the good ones.

Not that I’ve ever gotten within a stone’s throw of a good man. They’re like winged unicorns these days. More myth than reality.

Just another fairy tale I’ve put my misguided faith in.

“I’m sorry, too, you know,” I murmur. “Sorry that my word will never be enough for you. Sorry that I will never be enough for you.” He flinches. I ignore that and continue. “But the thing is, as inconvenient as it might be for both of us now, we do have this child in common. And I’m not sure I can deal with a lifetime of mistrust and unfounded accusations. That will only damage this baby and I can’t be responsible for that. If this shit continues, I will fight for full custody. And I will do anything to make sure my child is safe and happy. I grew up without a father and I felt that absence every day of my life—but in hindsight, I realize that maybe that was better than growing up with a bad one. Considering my mother’s penchant for choosing assholes, I would have been hurt a lot more by his presence than the lack of him.”

I take a step up into his face, bolstered by the conviction racing through my veins. “You might have the power, the influence, and the wealth, but don’t underestimate me, Oleg. I’m stronger than I look and more capable than I seem.”

Silence seeps in on the heels of my little speech.

I wait for him to break it. I’m certainly not going to be the one to do it.

Finally, he nods. “I’m going to Florida soon for work. We can both use the time to cool down. I will speak to you when I get back.”

He doesn’t mention the timing, but the unspoken truth settles between us all the same.

The paternity test results will be back by then.