Misgivings

Hannah

I almost didn’t wake up to my actual alarm clock. I was so used to my phone alarms waking me up.

Mondays are usually pretty hectic. I tend to get new assignments first thing Monday morning. The marketing department likes to dump feedback that’s been collected on the social media drops on me all at once.

I have to sift through it all to figure out how to tailor future posts to what our market segment is looking for.

Analyzing trend data helps us stay relevant with what we choose to push out on the different media platforms. Not everything that gains traction on Twitter will be followed on Instagram and vice versa.

My parents just think that I make pretty images to post on Instagram all day, but there really is a science behind it.

I sighed as I sat down at my desk. I had just gotten to work when I got a new text from Tatum.

Tatum

You want to meet for lunch to talk about why you left early on Saturday?

Hannah

Not today. I’m taking Ty’s lunch hour class.

Tatum

Let me know next time you do. I can try to go with you.

Hannah

thanks. I’ll let you know. I’ve got Parker today.

There was also a lone text from Jordan. I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I didn’t.

Jordan

I miss you, beautiful. You looked gorgeous tonight. The schedule is packed tomorrow, but I’ll see you Monday

He sent it Saturday night. He obviously had no idea that I was going through this inner turmoil.

When eleven thirty rolled around, I grabbed my gym bag and headed for the elevators. So far, today had been uneventful.

Uneventful was good. It meant that I still had time to think about how I was going to approach this.

When I got to the studio, Parker was waiting for me in the parking lot, already in his gym clothes. “You hear anything?”

I showed him the text on my phone.

“Doesn’t seem like a guilty guy to me,” he said.

“Or just one who doesn’t know he’s been caught,” I sighed, hating that I was still thinking the worst of Jordan.

“I’m still team J.” Parker shrugged, giving me a defiant grin.

“I’m not sure whose team I’m on,” I confessed quietly.

“Are you going to respond to him? He’s going to know something is up when we don’t show up for class tonight,” Parker pointed out.

“Not right now.” I shook my head. “I just want to go workout. Let’s go.”

My pulse was jumping as I followed Parker through the door and down the hallway to the locker rooms.

There was a young blonde girl at the desk who waved when we came in. Having only done the evening classes, I didn’t know the day staff.

I eyed the closed office door, hoping it didn’t open as I passed, but I’d checked the schedule twice this morning. Jordan’s last class was at 10 a.m.

He should be long gone for the day. Since he pretty much taught classes or trained every day, he didn’t always work full days.

“I’ll grab the marker for your treadmill, go get changed,” Parker nodded toward the locker room.

I was second-guessing myself as I neatly folded up my work clothes and pulled on my gym gear.

Avoidance in itself was childish, but how was I supposed to deal with this? I wasn’t a confrontational person by nature. I could imagine myself yelling at Mal, and maybe Jordan, in my head.

But I’d never do it in real life.

“You okay?” Parker asked as he met me outside the door.

“Yeah.” I smoothed my hand down my ponytail, checking the people waiting in the hallway for familiar faces. So far, I didn’t even recognize the people in the class.

Maybe this was a good alternative to salvage my future at the gym if things with Jordan really were a sham.

“Just clear your head today. We can decide what you’re gonna do about all the drama later,” Parker instructed me, putting his hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner.

“Sounds good to me.” I took a deep breath.

Ty caught sight of us as he came out to open up the class and shot us a confused but pleasantly surprised look.

“You two jumping ship from the evening classes?” he asked as we crossed the threshold of the door to the studio.

“Something like that. Just trying something new today,” I shrugged.

“You just missed Coach J. He left about a half hour ago.”

“Oh, he didn’t know that we were trying this class today,” I confessed nervously.

“He was bummed you had to leave early on Saturday. I think he was hoping to use you to keep the single lady brigade away,” Ty laughed.

“Using me seems to be a theme with him,” I grumbled under my breath.

Ty looked a little surprised at the bite in my tone. So apparently, he’d talked to Ty about me, but all I got was one text the entire weekend.

“Is there something…?” Ty questioned cautiously.

“Hannah is just in a mood today. Case of the Mondays,” Parker told Ty as he mimed an angry claw to Ty and then pointed to his crotch.

He didn’t think I saw him do it behind my back, but I could see him in the mirror across the room. “You know how the ladies get sometimes.”

“Gotcha. Well, I hope the workout helps, Hannah.” He put on his headset and went to get the music started.

I climbed onto my treadmill and started walking, ready to just forget all the crap for the next forty-five minutes.

“Thanks for implying I was having lady troubles, Parker,” I said dryly, watching my heart rate climb up into the green zone.

“It got him to leave you alone, didn’t it? Women use that shit as an excuse all the time.” He laughed.

“Whatever. I hope you’re ready to run.” Ty announced that we were starting off the class with a four-minute run for distance.

“After this class, I’m gonna be ready for a nap,” Parker said with an exaggerated yawn.

***

The class was good but uneventful. Afterward, Ty was busy answering questions, so he didn’t talk to us again.

I rushed to the locker room and took a quick shower, touching up my makeup before getting back into my work clothes. The lingering burn in my muscles was actually a good distraction for the rest of the day.

When five o’clock rolled around, I was ready to go home, but I still needed to go through the proofs of the product images we were using for this week’s ad cycle.

I guess it worked out better that I went to the gym over my lunch because it was cutting it close when I finally logged out of my work computer.

I would’ve barely had enough time to rush to my apartment to get changed for Mal’s class tonight.

Hannah

we making dinner together?

Parker

oh, sure…now you want my cooking skills.

Hannah

I can make something.

Parker

can’t. Hot date with Linc

It looked like I was on my own tonight. I hadn’t had a Monday night free for a few months.

I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. I had gotten used to the routine. I appreciated the time to think, but I was going to have a big adjustment if this was my new schedule.

“Guess it’s just you and me, Chobani.”

Now I was talking to my yogurt. Was I going to buy a cat next?

There were a few new shows I wanted to binge on Netflix. So I changed into my sweats, pulled up my hair, and settled into my bed to watch.

My dinner was reheated chicken breast on a bed of spinach with a healthy serving of cheese and low-carb ranch dressing.

A few months ago, I would have ordered pizza and eaten until I was in a carb coma. Oh, how times had changed.

My phone was silent as I immersed myself in the fictional world of ~The Witcher~, watching Henry Cavill kick ass in a gray wig, covered with scars.

He was another hairy-chested guy in his mid-thirties who I found quite attractive, cheesy makeup and all.

By the time I got to the beginning of the second episode, I noticed it was time for class to let out.

While I had gotten in a good workout this afternoon, and Parker was with me for his usual snarky competitive banter, I missed feeling Jordan’s eyes on me while I ran.

Knowing he was back there on the rower, watching me run, was an extra layer of motivation to keep me going. Was I overreacting to this? He didn’t even know that I was pushing him away. Would he care?

I felt like I had just started to get to know him on a personal level. We clicked. I enjoyed his company, and I thought he enjoyed mine.

But I could have just been a distraction until his next charity case came along.

Was this how those last two girls had felt once they served their purpose and fell out of his favor?

I found myself running every interaction we had over the last two weeks through my head. It could have easily gone in another direction.

If a few more people had shown up for the cooking class, he might not have walked me to my car. That kiss would have never happened.

The hot make-out session in the office wouldn’t have happened either. That was when I felt like we really had this intense physical chemistry.

Did he feel the same way, or was I just convenient because I was interested? Was this really all one-sided?

This was when the cravings for the comfort of chocolate really hit me. I had a few frozen peanut butter cups in the back of my freezer.

It would be so easy to pull one out and fall back into my old habits of using it to fill all my voids instead of dealing with my feelings.

“Fuck it.”

I was ashamed as I pulled open the freezer, my hand on autopilot pulling my fix from behind the bag of frozen green beans that had replaced my ice cream.

My mind warred with the emotional memory of my taste buds as I leaned against the kitchen counter, staring at the little orange wrapper in my palm.

Was I willing to risk falling off the wagon into old habits because something potentially hard had happened?

A loud knock on my door scared the crap out of me. I clenched the cold peanut butter cup in my hand and walked to the door, wondering who was here.

Was Parker stopping by after his date? I would have thought he’d be spending the night with Lincoln.

The knock sounded again as I unlocked the deadbolt.

“So you are at home.”

Jordan was leaning against my door frame, a large hand on the top casing, and a pensive look on his face.

“Yup. I’m here.” I shifted awkwardly, and the wrapper in my hand crinkled.

His arm dropped, and he squinted at me, two fingers covering his mouth as he studied my disheveled appearance.

“Is that a peanut butter cup in your hand?” He frowned.

“Uh…” I shoved the wrapper inside the front pocket of my hoodie and cursed as it crinkled some more.

“Hannah, I feel like I’m missing something here. I think we need to talk.”

I stepped back, and he followed me into my apartment, running a hand up the back of his sweaty head as I closed the front door.