Avoidance is my Middle Name

Hannah

I turned off my phone as soon as I got back to my apartment. I knew I’d have to face Jordan eventually, but right now I just needed to be alone.

Mallory was such a bitter person; her perception of events could be skewed. Jordan didn’t seem like the type of guy to string people along, but the way she painted his previous winners did not look favorable.

Was he really capable of using people to satisfy his need to win? Was I just an easy target for him?

I felt like everything I’d come to know about him in the past week was now tainted. He said he’d never felt a spark with someone that lasted—was that because he only enjoyed the chase?

In the past, when I’d had trouble shutting off my brain, I’d binge on ice cream and then go into a sugar-induced coma.

Relying on that crash wasn’t going to work anymore. I wasn’t sabotaging everything I’d worked hard to achieve because of a man.

He was handsome, funny, compassionate, and, I’d thought, a kind man, but I still wasn’t sacrificing my self-esteem because of him.

I opened up my laptop and went to Instagram. I had been getting comments on my most recent posts about the challenge, and I couldn't believe how many people said that I inspired them to start working out.

This was what I needed to focus on, not some drama I didn't want to think about.

I clicked on my alerts and set the laptop down on my bed.

The sparkly dress needed to go, as well as the high heels. I didn't have anyone to impress since I had gone home.

My old sweats were much baggier now, but they made me feel better as I climbed under the covers and got to work responding to some of the comments and DMs.

“All right, bitch, who do I need to cut?” I looked up at Parker standing in my bedroom doorway. He looked totally nonplussed, and I smiled at his little scowl.

“It's fine.” I dismissed with an unenthusiastic wave of my hand.

“You are not fine. It's nine p.m. on a Saturday, and you have your phone turned off. You're wearing your sweats, and you put on your glasses.”

“I just wanted to be comfortable,” I said with a sad shrug.

“Why did Tatum text me that you were avoiding Jordan?” he accused, holding up his phone. Of course she ratted me out.

I shrugged again, and he sat down next to me on the bed.

“Did he do something?” he asked quietly as he ran his hand along the back of my head.

“No... yes... I don’t know,” I said, feeling a little depressed. I had no idea what was going on.

“I can castrate him for you,” Parker offered with a little evil glint in his eye.

“Leave the poor guy’s balls alone.”

“If he deserves it, he won’t have balls left when I’m done with him.”

“I don’t know if he does or not,” I confessed quietly.

“Tell me, and I can decide,” he insisted.

I sighed and put the laptop down on my nightstand. Pulling my legs up, I slipped them inside my sweatshirt and hugged them.

“Hannah. Don’t hide from me.”

“I’m not hiding,” I lied, and he raised an eyebrow at me. “I overheard a conversation I shouldn’t have.”

“Who was this conversation with?”

“The Dragon.”

“That bitch,” he growled.

“Well, yeah. But she seemed to be sort of trying to defend me. I don’t know.” My voice was simultaneously confused and resigned. I knew what I had heard, but I didn’t know how truthful it all was.

“Defend me from what?”

“Jordan,” I said quietly.

“What would she need to defend you from?” He made a face.

“Apparently, she’s under the assumption that he targeted me to help with the challenge because he likes to win.”

If it were true, I would be devastated. If it weren’t, I was still worried about Mal’s hostility toward our maybe relationship.

“Well, it didn’t work this time,” Parker joked.

“But it did for the last two winners.” I sulked.

“What does that even mean?” he asked, clearly not following the conversation. I didn’t even know if I could follow it all.

“He picked out two overweight girls on his last two challenge teams and gave them special attention so they’d win.”

“Oh shit.” Parker covered his mouth with his hand.

“Yeah,” I said lamely. “And then when the challenge was over, he ignored them.”

“So you think that…” His face darkened with disbelief and a little bit of anger.

“Mallory thinks he’s doing the same thing with me.” I nodded.

“But honey, he asked you to come over to his house twice after the contest was over to spend time with you,” he reasoned as he rubbed his palm on the back of my arm.

“That’s why I don’t know what to think,” I confessed sadly. “He told me he hadn’t ever felt like he’d met someone he wanted to build a lasting relationship with. That everything fizzled out before it got serious.”

“Did he date these women?”

“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Mallory just said that he used them until the next shiny bimbo came along.”

“I think you need to talk to him.”

I knew I shouldn’t have run away, but I panicked.

“I know. But I’m scared. Apparently, his mom wanted him to invite me to a family dinner or something.”

“And he didn’t?”

“No, but Mollie mentioned it, and Mallory said he better not invite me because she didn’t want to be involved in his games.”

I felt my eyes well up as I replayed that whole scene over again in my head. “Am I stupid to think that he would actually want to have a real relationship with me?”

“Oh honey, no.” Parker scooted closer and pulled me into his chest. “He’d be a fucking moron to let you go.”

“But did I ever really have him to begin with?” My lip quivered as I tried not to cry. “He barely even acknowledged me tonight.”

I melted into Parker’s arms as he ran his hand down the back of my hair.

“You’re fucking amazing, Han. He’d be an idiot to overlook you.”

“Maybe I need to find a new gym,” I mumbled into his shoulder.

“What? No!” He pushed me back, holding onto my shoulders, shaking me a little as he looked into my face.

“He’s there all the time, and even if I go when I know he’s not there, Mallory is still gonna dislike me.”

“Then go work with Ty. He’s there for the midday classes. Let’s start going on your lunch. Then you avoid both of them,” he reasoned.

“I just feel so stupid.” I sighed as a tear slipped from the corner of my eye.

“Hannah, you can’t avoid him forever. Maybe you should just talk to him.”

“I will. I just can’t right now.” I let myself finally break down and cry.

***

It felt oddly freeing to keep my phone off all day on Sunday. I cooked brunch with Parker, and we gossiped about how his relationship with Lincoln was progressing. He wanted me to meet him soon.

That never happened. Parker had always been the love 'em and leave 'em type before. I’d never seen the appeal of being so detached, but maybe I should have been.

Hiding wasn’t a long-term solution to any of my problems, but I just wanted one day to process things.

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Parker speculated with a pointed look.

“Yes, dammit. Ugh. This is so stupid.” I knew I was hiding, but I didn’t want to face the reality that Jordan might not want to be with me.

“Are we going to the lunchtime class tomorrow?”

“Am I being childish if I avoid him so I don’t have to talk about this?”

“Yes.”

“Geez. Don’t humor me or anything,” I laughed as I looked at my friend’s unimpressed look.

“You are being a little childish, but I can understand wanting to preserve the illusion a little longer.”

“I just hate conflict,” I whined. I knew that I was causing a lot of unnecessary stress, but Mallory had triggered every one of my insecurities.

She was right. Why would he choose me?

“I know you do, hun. But sometimes it’s inevitable,” he said. “What are you going to do if she was right?”

“Do you think she was?”

“No,” he shook his head. “But it could be a possibility.”

“Find a new personal trainer,” I responded to his earlier question.

“You went to Mollie most of the time anyway.”

“Yeah, how awkward would that be?” I cringed. “Oh, yeah. ‘Hi. I’m that loser your brother played and your sister doesn’t like. But will you continue to work with me? I don’t hate you.’”

“Can I still junk-punch him?” Parker narrowed his eyes.

“If what she said is true, then you’ll have to get in line,” I said in a grumpy voice.

“That’s a girl!” He held his hand out to fist bump. “What should I tell Tatum? She’s worried about you.”

“I’ll text her tomorrow.” I sighed. She was too close to him. I didn’t want to lose a new friend, but I didn’t think she’d choose me.

“Okay. But after today, this wallowing bullshit stops.”

“Yes, dad.” I rolled my eyes.

“I prefer daddy.” He laughed.

“Weirdo.” I rolled my eyes at him, appreciating his shoulder to lean on.