Lesson #18: Always Kiss Him Goodnight

After the movie, my heart started pounding again as the credits rolled on the big screen. I hadn't been able to focus much anyways, but now I was freaking out on the inside. I really kissed him, didn't I? I actually did that. . . I was seriously freaking out.

"Stiles, it's over," Derek said, leaning in close enough to make me jump away from him. He smiled, probably noticing how nervous I was. "Come on, let's go," he whispered, taking my hand to drag me out of my seat against my will. I wasn't ready to talk about what had just happened. It was something I hadn't planned on doing, but I couldn't stop myself.

Once we were outside, away from the people, Derek let go of my hand, stopping outside the jeep without getting in. I sighed, staring at the ground as I stood in front of him. "I shouldn't have kissed you like that," I mumbled, angry with myself for letting my feelings get the best of me. "I know you said not to be sorry, but it was wrong of me."

"Stiles," Derek said, his voice faltering. "I broke things off with Brett because I can't get over you," he admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets as he shifted uncomfortably on his toes. "But the thing is. . . I've like you a lot. I don't want to be an experiment for you. Just last week, you were in love with Lydia, and now suddenly you're kissing me? I've wanted this. . . for a long time- but not if you're unsure."

I didn't know how to respond to that. He looked so heartbroken because he didn't think I felt the same about him, but I had never been more sure of anything. "Get in the car," I answered, instead of telling him everything I wanted to tell him. "I still have a surprise for you."

"But-"

"Derek, please," I begged, cutting him off before he could argue with me. He sighed, but got into the car without another protest. I got into the driver's seat and started towards the beach as the silence became extremely awkward. When we got there, Derek didn't look as happy as I wanted him to. "Just trust me," I said, giving him a pleading look.

He nodded, getting out of the car to meet me around at my side. We walked down to the beach where I laid out a blanket to put our things on and then we took our shoes off to keep sand from getting in them. "Stiles, you don't have to do this," he mumbled, still clearly upset.

"Walk with me?" I requested, waiting for him to follow me as I moved towards the water. He sighed, eventually following me until we were side by side, slowly making our way down the shore. "Derek, can I tell you about the moment when I first knew for sure that I liked you?" I asked, mustering up all of the nerve I had to get my feelings out. I wanted him to know that this wasn't some experiment, and that I really did like him.

He glanced at me, hands in his pockets as we walked. "So you've been thinking about this for awhile?" he retorted, a small smile on his lips.

I blushed, looking away from him as I nodded. "Yeah, the first time I knew for sure was the night on my lawn when you were trying to teach me how to dance," I laughed, thinking back to how incredibly hard I fell that night. I never thought I could get Derek to like me back when all of those feelings were rushing into my head. I thought I had to settle for someone else. "I thought I had no chance with you, so I kept trying to convince myself I still wanted to be with Lydia. But after the party, after you kissed me. . . I couldn't pretend anymore. It's true that I've never been with a guy before, but I'm not just experimenting. I really like you, Derek."

Derek was silent for a long time, making me feel nervous about the confession I had just made. Eventually, he looked at me, the moonlight lighting up his face in a beautiful way. "Can we go back and sit down?" he asked, stopping to turn back the other way. I nodded, unable to tear my eyes away from him. As we walked back to the blanket with our things, he suddenly slipped his hand into mine, still silent. I wasn't sure if I should talk more, or if I should give him time to think things over.

As we made it back to our blanket, Derek sat down first, so I took the spot next to him. He laid back, his hands behind his head as he stared at the stars. I still sat up, looking down at him curiously. "Are you okay?" I wondered, hesitantly reaching up to run my fingers through his hair. "Did I make a mistake, telling you how I felt?"

Derek smiled, closing his eyes as I played with his hair. "No, I'm really happy," he said softly, followed by a small sigh. "I just don't know what to say. I spent so long telling myself you could never like me, I never thought this day would come."

"Oh," I answered, not knowing how to respond. "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner. I didn't know how. . ." I mumbled, embarrassed.

He laughed quietly, opening his eyes to look at me as he sat up to face me. "Don't be sorry, Stiles, I understand," he promised, our knees touching as he scooted closer to me. "It's just- well, what do we do now?" he wondered, our eyes locked. I didn't know what to say. I wanted to be with him, but he was confusing me now.  Instead of talking, I closed the small gap between our lips and kissed him gently, resting my hand against his neck as he kissed me back eagerly. For a moment, the world around us seemed to disappear, but soon, Derek pulled away with a small sigh. "I could get used to that," he chuckled, resting his hands on my legs.

"Me too," I whispered, my face red as he stared into my eyes.

His glowing smile started to fade into a more serious look, which worried me. "Stiles, I think it's best if we just take things slow," he said, his voice faltering as he looked away from me. "You're really important to me and I don't want to rush things, or mess this up. I want to make sure you're comfortable and that you know what you want." His intentions were good, but it made my heart sink. I didn't want to go slow. I wanted him, and I was sure about that. It occurred to me that maybe he wanted to take things slow for another reason, being that he just broke up with Brett. Or maybe he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me and he was looking for a way to let me down easy. I tried not to think so negatively, but it was something I did too well.

"We can take things slow," I agreed, trying not to sound as heartbroken as I felt. This didn't mean we couldn't be together, just that things were going to move at a slower pace than most normal relationships. "Whatever you want, Derek. I'm not going anywhere."

His smile returned as he looked at me again, his hands still gripping my legs. "I hope not," he answered. A long silence filled the air as we sat there, looking at one another with nothing to say. Eventually, Derek moved away, putting a few inches of space between us. "What's next on the agenda?" he wondered, changing the subject to something much lighter. After that, we ate the dinner I made and talked about anything other than relationships and feelings. When we finished eating, we packed everything up and drove back to his house.

"Are you staying for a while?" he asked, as I walked with him to the front door. I hadn't planned on staying after our talk about taking things slow, but I would never turn down spending time with him.

"If you're okay with that," I answered, uncertainly.

He laughed quietly, opening the door to let me in first. "Of course I am," he promised, following me into the house before shutting the door behind us. We walked up to his room after talking to his mom about the movie, though Derek did all of the talking because I didn't pay much attention. We obviously didn't tell her about before the movie, or the beach after the movie. Once we got away, we shut ourselves in his room, making ourselves comfortable on the bed as Derek put in a video game. It was one they played all the time, even though Derek always won and was very competitive about it.

"Stiles, are you okay?" he asked, halfway through a round. I wasn't really into the game much, as I had a lot of things on my mind. He must have noticed I wasn't really trying, because he even went as far as to pause the game, even though he was winning. "We can do something else," he offered, looking at me with a worried expression.

"I'm okay," I promised, glancing at him for a moment before looking away to avoid his eyes. "I just have a lot on my mind."

"Is it because of me?" he asked, his voice soft and understanding. "Because of what we talked about tonight? I'm sorry if I confused you, or upset you in any way. I just-"

"No, Derek," I cut him off, giving him an assuring smile. "I'm not upset with you at all. I promise, it's nothing you did. I'm just a little distracted, is all."

He hesitated, as if he didn't believe me. Finally, he sighed, turning back to the game. "Well, do you want to keep playing?" he asked.

"Yeah, let's play a few more rounds," I replied, only because I knew it was his favorite game, and it was a way to keep us preoccupied so we didn't have to talk about feelings. Derek turned the game back on, starting a new round. I tried to pay more attention this time, so he could stop worrying about me. Miraculously, I actually won a game, which hadn't happened in months. I thought Derek let me win to make me feel better, but by the look of shock on his face told me otherwise.

"How did you do that!?" he yelled, tossing his controller to the other end of the bed as he turned to me. "You cheated, didn't you?" he accused, teasingly.

I laughed, scooting away from him before he could strangle me. "Hey, I won that fair and square! I don't cheat!" I retorted, but it was too late for me. He lunged across the bed, tackling me to the mattress as we both laughed until we were out of breath. The controllers fell the floor, the game forgotten as I fought him off, failing miserably. After a few more seconds of arms and legs flying everywhere, Derek had me pinned down successfully, his hands holding my wrists over my head, his knees on both sides of me, his full body weight on top of me. . . it became very intimate very fast. The laughter died down as we locked eyes. I licked my lips, catching my breath as he held me down. For a moment, I wasn't sure what he would do, but then he kissed me, hesitantly at first, and then when I didn't push him away, he deepened the kiss. He freed my wrists, instead threading his fingers through my hair. I wrapped my arms around him, enjoying every second of this. As his tongue teasingly slid across my bottom lip, I let out a small moan, unable to keep quiet. I had never felt so powerless, yet so safe with someone before now.

"Is this okay?" he asked, his voice low as he kissed down my neck slowly, sucking gently while he moved his hands down my sides. His fingers tugged at the hem of my shirt, as if asking for permission. I nodded, unable to get out the words without making an embarrassing noise. He made eye contact with me, holding my gaze as he lifted my shirt over my head, then carefully pushed me back down onto the bed. Immediately, he went back to kissing me, all over my body, his fingertips lightly tracing down my sides. I could hardly breathe, that's how amazing this moment felt. When his fingers slipped under the waistband of my jeans, I held my breath, hoping he would keep going. He hesitated, tugging slightly, but he stopped suddenly.

"Derek," I whimpered, sitting up on my elbows to look at him. "It's okay. I want to," I assured him, leaning forward to kiss him sweetly. I obviously hadn't planned on this happening, at least not for a long time, but it was something I knew I would be okay with. It meant being closer to him, and if he wanted to, then so did I.

Derek licked his lips, as if considering it, but then he shook his head, sitting up to face me. "I want to, Stiles, but I have to be honest with you before we do anything like that," he sighed, his eyes staring into mine with an expression that meant he was serious. "If this doesn't mean the same thing for you as it does for me, I don't think we should be doing it right now."

"What are you talking about?" I replied, sitting up the rest of the way so we were level with each other. He reached for my hand, holding it tight in his own as he traced his thumb across my skin. "You can tell me anything," I assured him, giving him a small smile.

He bit his lip nervously, hesitating. I knew this was important, but I wasn't sure exactly what he was trying to tell me. My heart was racing as the silence stretched on and he still hadn't said anything. Finally, he took a deep breath. "Stiles, I love-"

Someone pounding on the door cut out conversation short, making Derek jump away from me as the moment was ruined. "Are you guys decent?" Cora yelled, barging in despite not getting an answer. She saw that I was shirtless and quickly covered her eyes, but didn't leave. "Jesus, I didn't think you'd actually be naked!" she screamed, making Derek roll his eyes.

"He's not naked, idiot. What do you want?" he asked, annoyed.

She slowly lowered her hand from her eyes, seeing that I still had my pants on, then she shook her head in disappointment. "Stiles, your dad just called the house phone. He said you weren't answering you cell and he needs you to call him back. It's an emergency, I guess," she said, making me jump out of bed to get to my phone. I had put it on silent at the movies and never turned it back on. I didn't expect any calls anyways. "Anyways, make sure you guys are practicing safe sex!" she added cheekily, before leaving the room and slamming the door behind her.

After seeing five missed phone calls from my dad, I quickly called him back, my mind racing with all of the horrible possibilities. He picked up on the third ring and he sounded like he was fine, so my heart slowed just a little. "Dad, Cora said it was an emergency. Are you okay? Did something happen at work?" I rambled, nervously.

"I'm fine," he promised, calming me down immediately. "I know I told you you didn't have a curfew tonight, but my car's not starting and I need a ride home," he explained. "I would ask someone else, but Melissa's at work, and that's about the only other person I know who'd help."

I sighed a breath of relief, already grabbing my things. "Okay, are you at the station?"

"Yes," he answered. "I'll have to have someone look at the car tomorrow, but it's late."

"I'll be there in ten minutes," I promised, telling him goodbye before hanging up the phone and shoving it back into my pocket. I quickly put my shirt back on and shoved my shoes back on my feet. "Der, I'm really sorry, but I've got to pick my dad up from work. His car won't start," I said, apologetically.

"No worries," he answered, though he looked upset. I realized it was probably because he didn't get to tell me what it was that he wanted to tell me. Cora cut him off before he could say it. I tried not to think too much about what he was going to say, though I had a good idea. Talking about it now would have been awkward, since the mood was killed. I made a promise to myself to talk to him about it as soon as possible. "Be careful," he added, dragging himself out of bed to walk me to the door.

"So, I'll see you at school tomorrow?" I asked, lingering on the front porch. His face still held a look of sadness, but I wasn't sure what else to say.

"Yeah, I'll see you," he replied with a small smile. I thought about kissing him goodbye, but the atmosphere seemed off and I didn't.

"Okay, bye," I mumbled, watching his face fall as I walked away. I mentally smacked myself. He looked like he wanted to me kiss him, or to say something else, but it was too late now. I made a mental note to myself, since there was no reason for Lydia to give me lessons anymore, seeing as how I had Derek. Lesson number 18 probably should have been: always kiss him goodnight.

I stopped, halfway to my jeep, before turning around to walk back up on the porch where Derek still stood. "Stiles, what are you-" he started, but I cut him off with a kiss. It was a short and sweet kiss, but when I pulled away, he was smiling again, so I considered it a win.

"We should talk tomorrow," I suggested, stepping away from him. "About that thing you wanted to tell me," I clarified, making his face red.

"Okay," he agreed. He gave a small wave as I left him standing on the porch, this time with a smile on his face.