5.

1 Week.

It had been a week since the party, and the kiss. Aether acted as if nothing happened, I, on the other hand, was a complete mess. He was at ease, hanging out with his friends and other girls acting as if nothing happened at all, like he didn't confess his heart aching feelings for me, like he didn't lovingly kiss me at the party, like he didn't care about what happened at all. That was enough to make my blood boil. First he has the nerve to make out on my locker with my best friend, who knew how much he threw around girls but still made advances on anyways, then profess his love for me at some shitty party only to ignore my existence?

I wanted to be mad, to scream and kick and cry at Aether but then, his words echo in my mind,

"Alex. I like you. So much sometimes it hurts."

My heart aches with his. As much as I had convinced myself how much I despise him, my heart betrayed my thoughts and sent daydreams of me and him together, and what it'd be like, to mix into my head, forcing me to finally recognise my feelings.

Feeling. It disgusted me. They only reminded me what they had done to me when I was with that asshole.

When I was into my 2nd year of high school, I was slowly finding myself, figuring out what and who I liked and didn't like, including people. I'd remembered from time to time where i'd thought of a boy in a not-so-straight- way, so that year I was on a mission to figure out my sexuality. That's when I met him. From first glance, He was nothing much, just like all the other boys. It was only when he started to talk to me, was when it clicked for me. His personality and way he spoke and acted towards me had me swooning over him in no time. And when he told me he liked me, I was convinced life couldn't have gotten any better.

We were dating in secret. Lots would not want to hide their affection towards another, and neither did I. But the mischievous thrill that sparked in me made it give into it. And so, that was my first love, Meant to be a beautiful thing, with someone who you could possibly be with for life, but unfortunately for me, mine was far from beautiful, or anything that could last.

I still remember that day, it lives on in my mind, like a spewing jar of regret and pain I try my best to keep firmly shut. After 3 months of dating, I'd come to school one day, to find people move away from me and create a path, as if I was some sort of parasite. I was scared, tears brimming at my eyes. In the distance I saw him, and in desperation, I reached out to hold him, but quickly retracted my arm when I heard what they were saying,

"Wow, you were right man, he is one of those homos." One blonde haired sneered, whispering and cackling like animals.

His friends words chocked me, I was stuck in a tight grip of fear and shame. Why wasn't he saying anything? I thought he loved me.

"I told you from the start! I was right all along, now where's my money?" He sneered, sticking out the hand I used to hold, groping for the money.

The start. Did he not love me at all? Was our love just some bet all this time? I watched with tear blurred eyes, as his friends passed around valued notes, then slapping it into his open palm. My head a hurt, my heart aching worst as I watched them walk away. My legs shook as I stood up and grabbed his arm, still in denial about everything. Was my first love not real? Was I really just a bet?

"You really thought I liked you? God, I thought you were smarter then that."

His words stung me like a million wasps, while he flicked my hand off and brushed himself off, like he was afraid of catching something from me.

Those were the last words he ever spoke to me. He left me on the floor, crying as I gripped my chest, my hands cold and numb. I wanted this to all go away. I wanted to be in his arms as he soothed the numbness and pain away. But what we had was gone. In fact, It was never really there to start with. For months I wept, refusing to go to school. I transferred as fast as I could, starting fresh and leaving behind the past mistakes. I vowed to never fall again but alas, Here we are, with feeling for the one person I shouldn't have feelings for.

My eyes still filled with tears remembering that time. No matter how much I try to push it away, I always find it crawl out if the depths of my memories. I wipe away my tears as fast as I could, so nobody would see me cry. The bell rung, signalling students to proceed to their next classes. My mind was splattered across a blank canvas today. I knew trying to attend and focus on class would only make me feel worse, so I thought to just skip. As I went back to my lockers to put away my things and run off, a uncomfortable sense of déjà vu hit me like a train when I saw who was at my locker again. For the 3rd time, Aether was on my locker, making out with some random chick.

God, why me!?