Book 1: B8 [Non-Canon]:Patch 9000.1: FWW

“We must weaponize the waifus, Fenrir,” Thelmes says from behind his desk, resting his chin on his hands as he puffs his cigar. “Think of the possibilities.”

“But is such a thing possible?” Fenrir asks.

“Did you ever hear the tragedy of Zarth Denseius the Protagonist?”

“No?”

“I thought not. It’s not a story the normies would tell you. It’s a harem legend. Zarth Denseius was a Harem Protagonist of the Trash, so powerful and so hung that he could use his weeb powers to influence the overseer and create waifus. He had such a knowledge of the weeb side, he could even turn the waifus he cared about into weapons.”

“He could actually weaponize the waifus?”

“The weeb side is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be trash.”

“What happened to him?”

“He became so trash… the only thing he was afraid of was losing his shit taste, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep and cucked him by NTR’ing his harem. Ironic. He could weaponize his waifus, but not himself.”

“Is it possible to learn this power?”

“Not from a normie.”

Thelmes leads Fenrir into a secret, underground room of the office.

Inside of the room is a mermaid girl swimming around in a large tank of water.

“You must weaponize her, Fenrir,” Thelmes says.

“But how?” Fenrir asks.

“First, you must gain her trust.”

“I know what I must do now.”

Fenrir approaches the tank and starts talking about cheesy shoujo mangas with high school girls whom fall in love with older men such as their teachers, senpais, or school janitors.

The mermaid girl’s eyes light up as her pupils turn into pink, glowing hearts.

Of course a mermaid girl is going to be obsessed with shoujo.

“Splendid, my apprentice, splendid. You shall become a Trash Lord in no time,” Thelmes praises him.

“What now, master?” Fenrir asks, turning his back to the mermaid.

She’s smacking at the glass wall of her tank to try and break free to glomp Fenrir and ask him if she’s kawaii desu uguu~.

“Now it is time for the final test, my apprentice.”

“I am ready.”

“Grasp your new waifu and activate her.”

Fenrir reaches into the tank, grabs the mermaid by her tail, and pulls her out. He performs kancho on her to activate her, causing her to freeze in a straight line and make a “pssshhew” sound with her mouth. When he swings her around, she goes “wooom, wooom,” and “ffffkkshzzzwooom,” and when she’s not being swung around, she makes a passive “nnnnn” noise.

“Splendid,” Thelmes says as he strokes his green chin. “Now, attack the normie.”

A curtain is pulled up to reveal a completely average looking noob with only a loincloth over his crotch. He’s tied up to a wooden pole.

“Are – are you sure, master?” Fenrir asks.

“Do it.”

Listening to his master, Fenrir approaches the normie, readies his fish waifu weapon, and begins smacking her face-first against him!

He smacks, and he smacks, and he smacks! The fish waifu weapon makes various clashing and wooshing sounds as she’s swung around, though she gets interrupted every time her face crashes into the normie.

And then he feels it.

“I did it! I felt it! I felt the power of the fish waifu weapon unlock within me!” Fenrir excitedly says to Thelmes.

“Splendid. You now have a five hundred percent damage boost when using fish waifus as weapons. Now, finish him.”

With a crazed lust in his eyes, Fenrir faces the normie, prepares his fish waifu weapon, and goes for the normie’s neck!

His head is smacked right off of his body and is sent flying onto the ground, rolling around with convenient black bars covering up any potential blood and gore.

“Splendid, splendid. From here on, you shall be known as Zarth Wolfius, and together, we shall conquer this world of waifus and normies.”

Fenrir kanchos the mermaid again to deactivate her, making her body go limp as he tosses her onto his shoulder.

Donning a black robe and mask, Fenrir and Thelmes walk off to dominate the in-game world.

Then comes reality.