Book 4: Chapter 65: Patch 11.0

Now that Fenrir’s girlfriends have been pulled away by Tabitha to discuss the plans for their girls’ night, Fenrir is being dragged the opposite way by Oleander and Rao with Corwin following behind.

“Uh… what’s going on?” Fenrir asks.

“War!” Oleander declares.

“…what?”

“You heard me, Fenny.”

“I know I heard you, but that doesn’t mean that I understood you.”

“What is there to not understand? We’re going to war.”

“Alright. Why are we going to war and against who?”

“Womankind!”

“…why?”

“Because! They’ve having a girls’ night but excluding me!”

“Because you’re not a girl. Doesn’t that make sense?”

“Silence, Fenny. You know I don’t care about the sensible and logical!”

“Actually, out of everybody I know, you’re actually one of the most logical people. I mean, you’re going to law school. Law school.”

“That has nothing to do with a girl’s feelings!”

Fenrir sighs and gives up, saying, “So, what’s the plan then?”

“We’re going to have a Boys and Girl night!” Oleander declares, pointing to himself when he says “girl.”

“You know, you make your gender really confusing. Am I supposed to call you a boy or a girl?”

“I’m a boy, duh.”

“But you’re always calling yourself a girl.”

“Because I’m a girl.”

“But you just said you’re a boy.”

“I am.”

“But you’re also a girl?”

“Right.”

“So… what am I supposed to call you?”

“Daddy.”

“No.”

Oleander pouts before saying, “Don’t think too hard about it and just keep on calling me a guy.”

Rao sighs and whispers to Fenrir, “Thanks for asking that bro, because I’ve been hoping somebody else would.”

“You know I can hear you, right?” Oleander says, shoving his face between Fenrir’s and Rao’s.

“Okay, so, I know why you’re doing this, Olly. But why are you dragging me, too, Rao?” Fenrir asks.

“Because! We need a men’s night where we play poker and get drunk!” Rao explains.

“I’ll pass on the poker but hard agree on the drinking,” Oleander says, nodding his head.

“Corwin, what do you think about all of this?” Fenrir asks, looking over his shoulder to the following Corwin.

“I think it sounds like a rather enjoyable night, and I am fine with both the drinking and cards aspect of it,” Corwin answers.

“We’ll bring Shogun and get him drunk, too,” Rao says.

“I’m pretty sure that’s animal abuse,” Fenrir says.

“Nah. It’s just a game, plus my bro Shogun has already drank from my mugs before when I wasn’t looking! He can handle his alcohol.”

Fenrir stares at Rao with disappointed eyes.

The others are, too.

“Wh-what? It’s not my fault he drank it when I wasn’t looking, and now he likes it!” Rao explains.

“You wouldn’t use that excuse with real animals or kids, right?” Fenrir asks.

“I – I mean… I would be more careful about where I leave my drinks in the first place, but if they try hard enough to get to them, then it’s not like it’s my fault, right?”

“Change of subject time before our opinion of Rao drops even lower!” Oleander declares.

“Agreed,” Fenrir says and Corwin nods his head.

Rao says, “You guys are making it sound like I’m—"

“So, we’re going to wait until we find out when the girls’ night is, and then we’re going to plan to have our own secret night without letting any of them know!” Oleander tells them. “Shogun is allowed to come if you think he won’t snitch on us to Rock.”

“Rock isn’t allowed to come?” Fenrir asks, sounding betrayed as his ears twitch.

“Fenny, Rock is a girl. She can go out with the others, and they’re probably going to invite her anyways.”

“Fine… do we get to bring the sheep who are males?”

“…sure, Fenny, if that makes you feel better,” Oleander says. “Have you even checked to see if they’re male or female?”

“Nope.”

“Really?”

“What? They’re covered in wool. Do you expect me to push all their wool out of the way or something to check and see if they have dicks or not? That’d be weird.”

“I guess we’ll find out after shearing them then.”

“Does it matter?”

“Aside from knowing which ones to invite to our secret party, which… I still can’t believe I’m actually agreeing to, we can set up breeding pairs to get more of them. The more we have, the more wool we get, the more we can trade and use. That wool can be used for blankets, pillows, beds, clothes – all that stuff.”

“And insulation,” Rao says. “Don’t know how important insulation will be, and wool is probably going to be our most effective and realistic option.”

“You mean like, for the buildings?” Fenrir asks.

“Yeah. Put it in the walls and ceiling. Synthetic options would be better, but I doubt we can get those here. No idea how we’d even get around to making them.”

“I bet Tabs would be able to figure out a way to make them somehow.”

“Maybe, but I think she’d agree that wool is—”

“Boring!” Oleander interrupts. “We’re supposed to be talking about activities for our night together! What are we going to do other than drinking and maybe playing cards?”

“Fluff the sheep?” Fenrir suggests.

“No.”

“Pick up girls?” Rao asks.

“You’re the only single one of us, so no.”

“Stargaze?” Corwin asks.

“That might work!”

“Fishing while stargazing?” Fenrir asks.

“Now we’re getting somewhere!”

“Fishing under the stars while drinking?” Rao suggests, earning a proud smile and excited nodding from Oleander.

“That’s it! We’ll steal The Shoebill when they’re not looking and go out fishing under the stars!” Oleander explains.

“Is it really stealing if it’s our boat?” Fenrir asks.

“But they might be planning to use it.”

“So… you want to potentially ruin their plans by stealing The Shoebill before they have the chance to take her out?”

“Right! I told you, Fenny. This is war. This is what happens when I don’t get invited to girls’ night.”

“Despite the fact that you’re a boy?”

“Right.”

“Who’s also a girl?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I guess it’s a plan then. So, when are we doing it?”

“That’s what she said,” Oleander says with a grin. “We have to wait and find out when the girls are going to have their night. That’s when we’ll do it.”

“And what if they plan on keeping it a secret?” Fenrir asks.

“Oh, Tabs is behind it, so they’re def going to be keeping it a secret.”

“Then how are we going to find out?”

“That’s where you come in, Fenny. You have four contacts on the inside.”

“You… want me to spy on my own girlfriends?”

“Or fuck the information out of them. Either works.”