Chapter 30

Erika's pov

I shifted beside her, unsure of what to say. The way she had defended me—called me her baby, her family—made something deep inside of me ache.

"Mom?" I whispered, hesitantly lifting my head off her shoulder .

She flinched slightly at my voice, but then her fingers placed a loose grip on my back. When she finally turned to look at me, her eyes were red, brimming with tears she refused to let fall.

I swallowed hard. "Are you okay?" It was a stupid question, obviously. She wasn't okay.

A bitter laugh escaped her lips. "I should be asking you that baby."

I shook my head, blinking away the sting behind my eyes. "I don't care about what he said. I care about you." I wasn't really upset. I had heard far worse.

Cat looked down at the sandy ground, running her thumb over my shoulder, lost in thought. "I just... I hate that he thinks of you like some obligation. Like I just picked you up one day because I needed something to do." Her voice cracked, and she bit her lip, as if trying to hold herself together, "but that's for me to deal with. Don't you wor-."

I hesitated before speaking. "Why did you want to do this?"

Her head snapped up, her brows furrowing. "What do you mean?"

"I mean... why this arrangement?" I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. "You could've taken in anyone, but you chose me. I'm old, I'm... I don't know. A mess. You could've waited and adopted a little kid, a real baby. Someone who wouldn't argue with you every other day. Someone who you could actually take care of."

Catherine's grip on me tightened, and suddenly, she was cupping my cheek, forcing me to meet her gaze. "Erika," Her voice was firm but warm, like she needed me to believe her. She rarely called me by my name. Only really when I was in trouble.

"I chose this lifestyle because it was most convenient. At first at least. But then I realized I love you Not because I needed a project. Not because I needed control. Because I just love you."

My breath hitched at her words.

No one had ever said that to me before. Not like this. Not without conditions, not without expectations.

She pulled me closer, resting her forehead against mine. "I don't care if you're seventeen or seven. You're my baby. And that's never going to change."

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to will away the overwhelming emotions threatening to spill over. "What if your dad never approves?" My voice was small, fragile.

Catherine pulled back just enough to look me in the eyes. "I truly don't care about that honey."

I shook my head. "I don't know how to be a good daughter, Cat. I've never really let someone take care of me. Every time I start to... I feel like I'm losing myself."

Since I started this arrangement, each time I have to be a baby I feel as if I'm suffocating. Like a rope is being tied around my neck and Cat's kicking the chair holding me up.

She nodded, like she understood. "Then we'll figure it out together."

A single tear slipped down my cheek, and Catherine wiped it away with her thumb. "You don't have to be perfect, monkey. You just have to be you."

I inhaled shakily, my chest tight. "You won't hate me?"

She let out a soft sigh, pulling me into a tight hug. "Oh, Never." a shushing sound exited her mouth, "Never."

I clung to her like she was my lifeline, burying my face in her shoulder. She rubbed my back slowly, the way she always did when she was trying to soothe me.

I was supposed to make her feel better, not the other way around. But Cat had that effect on me.

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"Honey, don't leave." Cat's mom tried to reason, "I talked to your father-"

Cat sighed, "Mom I love you and Jer and everyone, but I can't do this."

She was packing our clothes, of course not letting me help, "I want to get to know Erika more."

"Then you, and you alone, are welcomed to come visit us in Connecticut." Cat slammed the suitcase and tightly closed it.

"Do you want to leave sweetie?" The attention now all turned to me.

I gave her a sad smile, "I want to see you again grandma." It was the truth, but my real answer was that I wanted to do what made Cat the most happy.

She approached me and gave me the biggest hug I'd gotten from anyone besides Cat. She smelled like cinnamon and fresh linen, the comforting scent wrapping around me like a warm blanket. I clung to her for a few extra seconds, savoring the moment, not wanting to let go.

"Oh, sweet girl," she murmured, squeezing me tighter. "You take care of yourself, alright? And call me whenever you want."

"I will," I promised, my voice barely above a whisper.

Cat shifted the suitcase beside us, clearing her throat. "We should get going before traffic gets bad."

Grandma pulled back, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. "Of course, of course." She turned to Cat and shook her head. "You're just like your father. Stubborn."

Cat forced a smile, but there was an unmistakable sadness in her eyes. "I love you, Mom. Tell Dad—" She hesitated, then shook her head. "Just... take care of yourself."

Grandma nodded solemnly. "I always do."

Jeremy was waiting for us outside by the car. He leaned against the hood, arms crossed, a smirk tugging at his lips. "So, you're ditching us early, huh?"

Cat rolled her eyes. "It's for the best."

Jeremy turned to me, opening his arms dramatically. "Guess this is our last hug for a while, huh?"

I giggled and stepped into his embrace. Unlike Grandma's hug, Jeremy's was playful and quick, but no less warm. He squeezed me tightly before pulling away. "Don't let her boss you around too much, kid."

I grinned. "No promises. She's a tough one."

Cat groaned. "I am standing right here."

Jeremy winked. "Yeah, and?"

She huffed, shaking her head before opening the car door for me. "Alright, let's go before I strangle your uncle"

Uncle Jermery had quickly become my favorite person. I missed him as soon as we left.

I slid into the passenger seat, buckling up as Cat tossed the suitcase into the trunk. She lingered for a moment, staring at the house, her expression unreadable. Then, with one final nod to her family, she climbed into the driver's seat and started the car.

As we pulled out of the driveway, I turned back, watching Grandma and Jeremy wave from the porch. My chest tightened. A part of me already missed them.

"They love you, you know," I murmured, glancing at Cat.

Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. "Yeah," she said softly. "I know."

"Lovebug, you are supposed to be in your car seat." She said slightly annoyed.

"Mommy, please just this once." I gave my best puppy dog eyes. Though that was hard because I barely had any eyes.

A smile crossed her face, and I knew I got my way.

The road stretched ahead, winding through the coastal landscape before giving way to highways and city lights. The silence between us was thick, but not uncomfortable. I watched the scenery pass by, my mind lost in the events of the past few days.

After about an hour, I glanced at Cat. "Can we call Dr. Dweck? I want to check on Tsuki."

She smirked. "I was just about to suggest that."

She tapped her phone's Bluetooth system and dialed. After a few rings, Dr. Dweck's voice filled the car. "Well, well, if it isn't my two favorite runaways."

Cat chuckled. "You make it sound dramatic, Carol."

Dr. Dweck scoffed. "Oh, please. Your mother called me. She said you stormed out like a rebellious teenager."

I stifled a laugh as Cat groaned. "Of course, she did."

Dr. Dweck's voice softened. "How are you two holding up?"

I answered before Cat could. "We're okay. I just wanted to check on Tsuki."

"She's doing just fine," She assured me. "Though she has claimed my couch as her own. I think she believes she's royalty."

I smiled, relieved. "That sounds like her."

"She's been eating well, sleeping even better, and she likes watching documentaries with me. Honestly, I'm tempted to keep her."

"Hey!" I protested. "She's my baby."

Dr. Dweck laughed. "Relax, hun. She'll be waiting for you when you get home."

Cat cleared her throat. "And, uh... thanks, Carol. For watching her. And for everything else."

"Anytime," Carol said, her tone soft and knowing. "Now, focus on driving and don't do anything stupid."

"No promises," Cat teased before ending the call.

I sighed in relief, settling back into my seat. "I can't wait to see Tsuki."

Cat glanced at me, her lips twitching. "You really love that cat, huh?"

"She's my best friend," I said matter-of-factly. After Calliope, there was not very much competition.

Cat scoffed. "Ouch."

I smirked. "Well, you're my mommy, so it's different."

She let out a dramatic sigh. "Fine, I suppose I can accept that."

The car rolled smoothly down the highway, the hum of the engine and the soft music playing in the background making the ride feel almost peaceful.

Until I realized...

"Oh no," I suddenly said, "no, no, no."

Cat looked over at me with the same face of distress, "What is it lovebug?"

I started to feel this strong sense of sadness wash over me, but I wanted to contain how babyish I'm about to sound.

"I left Paul." I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible.

"Oh monkey, do you want me to turn back?" Cat asked her tone coded with sympathy.

As much as I wanted to be seen as a capable adult, I couldn't shake this strange feeling of unease cause by his absence, but my pride was more important than my discomfort, "I guess it'll be okay."

Cat took her eyes off the road to give me a stern look, "Baby, let's not lie." I looked away to avoid her intimidating stare. "Lovebug I'm going back don't worry."

I didn't even notice but she was literally already turned around, on the way back to her parent's house.

I couldn't even say anything. I wanted Paul, but I wanted to not admit it more.

As soon as I thought my embarrassment was over, we hit the red light Cat reached for something in her pocket.

The dreaded pink plastic object.

She took it's cap off and placed it near my mouth.

"No, please." I pleaded. Pleads that fell on deaf ears, "Why?"

"Lovebug, you lied to me, and you're also picking your lips right now, as we speak!" Cat scolded gently, nudging the pacifier against my lips.

I immediately dropped my hands into my lap, huffing in frustration. "That doesn't mean I need that," I grumbled, turning my face away.

She sighed, "Baby, I told you that if you keep hurting yourself the pacifier will be enforced"

I clenched my jaw, feeling the humiliation creep up my spine. My chest ached from leaving Paul behind, but the thought of sucking on a pacifier right now, especially after throwing a fit over something so childish, made my stomach twist.

I hesitated, looking at her from the corner of my eye. The soft, patient expression on her face made my resolve weaken.

"Just for the ride back," I mumbled, feeling my ears heat up.

A victorious smile tugged at Cat's lips as she gently pushed the pacifier between mine. "Good girl," she praised, brushing her fingers against my cheek before focusing back on the road.

I slumped against the seat, sucking lightly as I stared out the window, trying to ignore the fluttery warmth her words sent through my chest.

By the time we arrived back at her parents' house, my embarrassment had somewhat dulled, though I was still desperate to get Paul and get back on the road before Jeremy or, God forbid, her father saw me like this.

"I'll grab him," Cat offered as she parked the car in the driveway.

I immediately unbuckled myself and reached for the door handle. "No, I'll do it!"

Cat raised an amused brow. "You sure? I don't mind, love."

"Yes! I don't need a babysitter," I snapped, yanking the pacifier from my mouth before stuffing it into my hoodie pocket.

She chuckled but held her hands up in surrender. "Alright, alright. Go ahead, monkey."

I rushed out of the car, my heart hammering in my chest as I darted up the steps and into the house.

To my relief, it seemed empty. Grandma was probably out back, and Jeremy was nowhere to be seen. Thank God.

I hurried up the stairs, my socked feet barely making a sound as I slipped into our shared bedroom. Paul was sitting exactly where I'd left him—propped up against my pillow, waiting for me.

"Gotcha," I whispered, grabbing him and pressing his worn fur against my chest.

I turned to leave, but just as I reached the door, I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Hey, what are you doing back here?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin, spinning around to see Cat's father standing in the doorway. His broad frame filled the space, and for a moment, I felt like a child caught sneaking cookies from the kitchen.

His face was unreadable, his sharp eyes flickering from me to the stuffed monkey in my arms.

"I—uh, I forgot something," I mumbled, gripping Paul a little tighter.

He crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe. "That thing?"

I swallowed. "His name is Paul." Ugh why was I so stupid, why did I say his name?

A strange expression crossed his face, something between amusement and something else I couldn't quite place. He nodded, stepping further into the room.

"You know, Catherine had a stuffed rabbit when she was little," he said, his voice quieter now. "She wouldn't go anywhere without it. She named it Hopscotch. Drove us crazy when she lost it at the grocery store once."

I blinked, surprised by the sudden softness in his tone. He was just asking me weird question not even 5 hours ago.

"She never told me that," I said, tilting my head.

"Yeah, well," he let out a short sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. "She probably wouldn't. She's stubborn, emotional, just like everyone else."

I almost smiled at the thought of Cat as a little girl, clutching a stuffed rabbit the way I held onto Paul. I never had anything like Paul before. Not a blanket, stuffed animal, pacifier, I just existed.

"She still is," I admitted. "Stubborn, I mean."

That actually made him chuckle. "Yeah, that she is."

A silence settled between us, not necessarily uncomfortable, but heavy with things unsaid.

"I guess you two are alike in some ways," he said, his gaze lingering on me.

I furrowed my brows. "How?" Was he implying I WAS stubborn?

He hesitated for a moment before finally speaking. "She always wants to take care of people. She always wants to fix things, even if it means putting everyone else before herself. But when she was younger... she used to struggle with feeling like she didn't fit. Like she had to prove herself all the time."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

He exhaled sharply, shifting his weight. "Catherine was always different. She never cared about the things other kids cared about. While other girls, like her best friend for example, were worried about dances and boyfriends, she was the weirdo reading and talking about research studies I couldn't make sense of. She always had this need to... be the best. To do more than everyone expected of her."

I nodded slowly, understanding more than I wanted to admit. "I guess I kinda can relate"

His eyes softened just slightly. "Yeah... I think you do."

I bit my lip, looking down at Paul in my arms. "I didn't mean to cause problems between you and Cat."

His jaw tightened, but when he spoke, his voice was steady. "It's not your fault. Catherine and I... we've always seen things differently. She's always been headstrong, and I—I guess I never really knew how to handle that."

I hesitated before asking, "I thought you hated me? But you're being so nice to me right now."

He looked at me for a long moment, then sighed. "Hun, I don't hate you. I really barely know you. And that's the problem. Catherine brings you here and calls out of the blue to introduce you and I hadn't even known your name yet."

Something in my chest loosened, just a little. I never hated him. Until he was mean to Cat of course.

"I'm sorry that you thought that I hated you. I do want to get to know you still, and I want to know my daughter. Please tell her to come back." A deep sorrow burrowed in his brows, I knew he was sincere, but I also knew how much he hurt Cat.

"I don't know if Mom wants that." I simply said, getting ready to make my exit. Making a point to call Cat Mom, hoping he will know that I will always be on her side.

He studied me carefully, then said something that surprised me. "You remind me of her."

I looked up, startled. "What?"

"You and your Mom," he clarified. "You both act like you have to hold everything together on your own. You both think you have to prove you're worth keeping around."

I swallowed hard, feeling a lump form in my throat, "Like you said though, you don't even know me."

He shook his head slightly. "I didn't mean to offend you," he sighed, "But you don't have to, you know. At least not with her. Catherine's already made up her mind about you."

The lump in my throat tightened. "But I do with you?"

"She loves you. So I guess that's all that matters right?" He asked. I couldn't shake the feeling of that being a trap question. What did he want me to respond? Should I care what he wanted me to respond?

A silence stretched between us again, but this time, it felt... different. Lighter, somehow.

After a moment, he cleared his throat. "You should get going before she sends a search party for you."

I nodded, gripping Paul a little tighter as I walked toward the door. But before I stepped past him, I hesitated.

"Thanks," I said quietly. "For... talking to me."

He gave a small nod. "Take care of yourself, Erika."

I stepped outside and hurried back to the car, my heart still pounding in my chest.

"You forgot something else too, you know."

I spun around to see Jeremy leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, a knowing smirk on his face.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Oh my gosh, Jeremy! What are you doing?"

He shrugged. "Just came back in to grab my jacket, and then I saw you sprinting in here like your life depended on it." His smirk deepened. "Came back for your little friend, huh?"

I clutched Paul tighter, narrowing my eyes. "So what if I did?"

Jeremy held up his hands. "Hey, no judgment here. I still have my old teddy bear somewhere."

I blinked, caught off guard. "You do?"

"Yeah. And trust me, if Cat knew, she'd never let me live it down." He grinned, then nodded toward the door. "You better get back before she comes looking for you. She's scary when she's worried."

I rolled my eyes but made my way past him. "You're not wrong about that."

As I slipped back into the car, Cat immediately turned to me her brows knitted together in concern.

"Took you long enough, monkey," she teased, but her eyes searched mine carefully. "Everything okay?"

I hesitated, glancing back at the house one last time. Then I turned back to Cat, giving her a small smile.

"Yeah," I said. "Everything's okay."

She didn't seem entirely convinced but let it go, pulling out of the driveway.

As we drove away, I clutched Paul against my chest, thinking about what her father had said.

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try not to kms bc of midterms level fucking impossible!!!