Chapter 22

Erika's pov

The drive to Le Petit Éclat was filled with a comforting silence. Cat held my hand, her thumb gently stroking the back of it. The warmth of her touch eased some of my nerves. I never would admit that her touch brought such serenity to me, like I immediately don't have any worries in the world when Cat holds me, hugs me, speaks to me.

"Excited?" Cat asked, glancing at me with a smile.

I rolled my eyes, she knew I didn't want to go, but I guess if it made her happy.

"Okay my moody girl, are you at least ready?" She chuckled.

I nodded, trying to match her enthusiasm. "I'm a little nervous.," I admitted.

"Don't worry, love. Carol's wonderful. You'll enjoy it," she reassured me.

"How are you guys friends again?" I asked, looking at Cat's focused features. She made a sharp turn, but I trusted her driving abilities, more than my own so I paid no attention to it.

"In college we were roommates, and best friends," A sad smile appeared on her lips, "we were inseparable."

With that I knew there was more. I mean there must be a reason they don't really talk anymore. They watch each other's lives in pictures on Instagram now, instead of actually talking despite them being twenty minutes away from each other.

Though I didn't want to pry further. Even though I burned with desire to know what caused a rift between the two.

The restaurant was nestled in a bustling corner, its exterior adorned with twinkling lights and lush greenery. Inside, the atmosphere was intimate and inviting, with soft music playing in the background and candlelit tables adding a warm glow.

Dr. Dweck was already seated at a table by the window, a welcoming smile on her face as she saw us approach. "Catherine, Erika! So lovely to see you both," she greeted, rising to give Cat a hug and a peck on the cheek.

"Carol, thank you for joining us," Cat replied, her tone affectionate and familiar.

"Erika, dear, you look absolutely adorable," Dr. Dweck said, turning to me with genuine admiration.

"Thank you Dr. Dweck" I replied, my cheeks warming under her praise.

"Oh nonsense, no formalities, it's Carol or Aunt Carol, whichever you prefer." Dr. Dweck responded, it's always going to be Dr. Dweck to me no matter what.

Alas I still nodded with a polite smile.

We settled into our seats, the table elegantly set with pristine white linens and sparkling glassware. The ambiance was both sophisticated and relaxed, a perfect backdrop for our dinner.

​​"It's been too long since our last proper dinner," Dr. Dweck remarked with a light laugh. "How have you been, Catherine? I hear you've been incredibly busy with the department's new initiative."

Cat nodded, her face lighting up with enthusiasm. "Yes, it's been a whirlwind. The new program is taking shape, and we're getting more support than I anticipated."

I listened to them exchange stories, their words weaving around me. While I tried to follow their conversation, my mind wandered, lost in thoughts of upcoming assignments and lingering insecurities about the evening. It was both soothing and isolating to hear them talk, their voices mingling with the quiet clinking of silverware around us.

As I sat there, fiddling with the edge of the napkin on my lap, I found myself retreating into my thoughts, the restaurant's gentle hum almost lulling me into a trance. I didn't notice Cat's eyes on me until she leaned over and gently cupped my face.

"Erika, love," Cat said softly, bringing me back to the present. "Are you alright?"

I blinked, slightly flustered at being pulled from my reverie. "Oh, yes, I'm fine," I replied quickly, hoping my smile seemed genuine.

Dr. Dweck chuckled, her gaze kind. "It seems we've been monopolizing the conversation a bit, haven't we?"

Cat nodded, looking a little sheepish. "I'm sorry, Erika. We didn't mean to leave you out. Would you like something to do? Maybe you'd like to color a bit?" Her voice was gentle, as if trying to coax me into admitting a desire I might not even be aware of.

I felt a flush of embarrassment rise in my cheeks at the suggestion. "Color?" I repeated, my voice a bit higher than intended, "No thanks." The idea was mortifying. Such a suggestion in front of my professor felt like a crime.

"You know, Erika's work in her classes has been extraordinary," Dr. Dweck commented, steering the conversation back to me. Thankfully she sensed my discomfort.

My cheeks heated again, but this time with a mix of pride and shyness. I kept my eyes on no one thing or person in particular.

"She's been working incredibly hard," Cat agreed, her tone filled with warmth. "I couldn't be prouder of how she's handling everything."

Feeling their genuine praise, I looked up, meeting their eyes with a shy smile. "Thank you, but I'm pretty much like everyone else in my class, they're all so smart," I rambled, feeling seen and appreciated despite the quiet nature of my presence.

Cat chimed in, her voice playful. "She's being modest. Erika's been doing exceptionally well, top of her class in several subjects."

I felt my face grow warmer, the attention making me shy. "It's not that big of a deal," I mumbled.

Dr. Dweck chuckled softly. "Oh, don't be embarrassed, Erika. It's something to be proud of. You've worked hard."

As our server arrived to take our orders, I was grateful for the distraction. We each selected dishes from the exquisite menu, featuring a variety of French-inspired cuisine.

Once the server departed, Dr. Dweck leaned in, her expression thoughtful. "Catherine mentioned you might be interested in a TA position, Erika. Is that something you'd like to discuss?"

I nodded, feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety. "I'd like to learn more about it, if that's okay."

"Of course," she replied warmly. "I'm looking for someone to assist with my introductory biology course. It would involve helping students during lab sessions, grading assignments, and possibly even leading a few discussions."

"I don't know," I admitted, imagining myself in a teaching role. "I'd love the experience, but I don't know if I'd be able to do both TA'ing and the internship at Cat's."

Really I just realized I probably wouldn't like it that much, and Dr. Dweck treats me just as Cat does.

Cat smiled proudly, her hand resting on my back. "I think you'd be fantastic at it. If it's too much for you, you can always stop the internship."

Dr. Dweck nodded in agreement. "Your understanding of the material is already impressive. I've no doubt you'd excel in the position."

"No, that's okay I think I'll just do the internship, someone else deserves the opportunity to TA." I responded quickly.

"Well if that's what you want dear, I understand." Dr. Dweck's genuine tone put me at ease. She gave me a sweet smile before looking back at Cat and speaking as if I wasn't there.

Cat fixed a strand of my hair and gently patted my back. I don't know why she suddenly touched me, but she did and I wasn't complaining.

Our conversation flowed smoothly, Dr. Dweck asking questions about my interests and future plans. I found myself opening up more, sharing my passion for neuro and my hopes for a career in research or surgery.

The food arrived, beautifully presented and delicious. I savored each bite, grateful for the distraction from the focus on me.

"Erika, have you thought about pursuing a field within biology?" Dr. Dweck asked, her tone encouraging.

"I guess I like genetics," I replied, feeling more confident as I spoke about my interests. "I love learning about how genes influence everything from physical traits to behaviors. But neuro is my true passion."

"Neuro is a fascinating area," Dr. Dweck said, her enthusiasm genuine. "though I have some contacts in the genetics field if you'd like to meet them sometime."

"Woah, thank you that's so kind." I said, touched by her offer.

As the evening continued, I noticed a subtle shift in the conversation. The dynamic between Cat and Dr. Dweck was odd. Their eyes met often, lingering just a moment longer than necessary, and their laughter was shared in a way that suggested a history between them.

"Catherine, do you remember that conference in Paris?" Dr. Dweck asked, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Oh, how could I forget?" Cat replied, her cheeks tinged with a hint of pink. "That was quite the adventure."

"I think you should tell Erika about the croissant incident," Dr. Dweck said with a mischievous grin.

"Oh no, not that story!" Cat groaned, covering her face with her hands.

I perked up, intrigued. "What happened?"

Dr. Dweck chuckled, clearly enjoying Cat's embarrassment. "Well, during breakfast on the first day, Catherine was so excited to try the famous French pastries that she didn't realize her scarf had dipped into her coffee. She walked around with it dripping all morning until someone finally pointed it out."

I burst out laughing, imagining the scene. Cat joined in, unable to resist the infectious laughter. I liked seeing Cat more laid back, it's nice to see her being teased not teasing me.

"That's not even the best part," Dr. Dweck continued. "Later, she apparently thought that she was a french expert because instead of saying she needed a hotel room she asked someone to go back to our hotel room."

Hm. Our hotel room?

"Hey, I used the translate app!" Cat defended, still laughing. "And at least we got the best hotel."

"Because that guy wanted to f-" Dr. Dweck suddenly stopped. Cat cleared her throat before giving a piercing glare to Dr. Dweck, halting her next words.

I laughed at her slip up, causing Cat to shift her attention to me. This made my laugh morph into a smile.

"He wanted to finally get off of work." Dr. Dweck saved herself, or tried to.

"Yes, he was very eager. I think that's enough stories for the night." Cat demanded as she took a sip of her water.

Just then, our dinner arrived. The server carefully placed our plates in front of us, and I couldn't help but admire the presentation of the food. My pasta looked delicious, and I eagerly began eating, the rich flavors instantly making me forget my earlier anxieties.

Before I knew it, my plate was nearly clean, with only a few vegetables remaining. I pushed them around with my fork, trying to make them look less conspicuous.

"Done with your food already?" Cat asked, glancing over at my plate. "What about your veggies?"

I hesitated, not wanting to admit that I didn't want them. "I'm full," I mumbled, hoping she'd let it slide.

Cat's expression turned stern but remained gentle. "Erika, you know how important it is to eat your veggies. If you don't eat at least three bites, I'll have to feed you myself, and no dessert."

My face flushed with embarrassment. The idea of being fed like a child in front of Dr. Dweck was mortifying. I glanced over at her, hoping she hadn't heard, but she simply smiled warmly.

"She's right, Erika," Dr. Dweck chimed in, her tone light and encouraging. "Vegetables are good for you. Just a few bites, and then you can enjoy dessert."

I felt trapped, my embarrassment growing as I realized there was no way out of this. With both of them watching me expectantly, I reluctantly speared a small piece of broccoli with my fork.

"Good girl," Cat praised as I took the first bite, her tone softening. "See? It's not so bad."

Dr. Dweck nodded in agreement, her smile never wavering. "You're doing great, Erika."

Feeling like a child under their watchful eyes, I finished the three bites as quickly as possible, desperate to move on from this embarrassing moment. When I was done, Cat gave me a reassuring pat on the back, and Dr. Dweck beamed at me as if I had just accomplished something monumental.

"There you go, monkey." Cat said, her voice filled with pride. "Now you can have dessert later."

As dessert was served, a decadent chocolate mousse, Cat turned to me with a soft smile. "I'm so glad you decided to join us tonight."

"Me too," I admitted, grateful for the opportunity to connect with Dr. Dweck and learn more about the possibilities ahead.

As we enjoyed the final course, Dr. Dweck's gaze shifted between Cat and me, a knowing smile on her lips. "Catherine, you've done a wonderful job with Erika. Such a polite and humble little girl"

I wondered if Dr. Dweck knew Cat wasn't my real mother. Although Cat didn't raise me, she had been more like a mother to me than my own. "I couldn't ask for a better little one," Cat replied, her affection clear.

I felt a warmth spread through me, a deep appreciation for the support I had found in Cat and I supposed Dr. Dweck now. She is a kind woman from what I've gathered in the short amount of time I've really known her.

As the evening drew to a close, we rose from the table, and Dr. Dweck gave me a gentle hug. "It was a pleasure, Erika. I look forward to seeing you in class, and perhaps as my TA."

"I'd like that," I replied, but I lied lol I do not want to be a TA.

Cat and Dr. Dweck exchanged a warm embrace, their connection palpable. "Thank you for tonight, Carol," Cat said, her voice soft and sincere.

"Anytime, Catherine, anytime" Dr. Dweck replied with a smile. "Take care of each other."

With a final wave, we parted ways, stepping out into the cool night air. As we walked to the car, I felt a sense of contentment and gratitude.

"See? That wasn't so bad," Cat teased, nudging me playfully.

I laughed, nodding in agreement. "It was actually... really nice."

Cat wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. "I'm proud of you, Erika. You handled it all so well."

"Thank you," I said, leaning into her warmth.

As we drove home, I let out a huge yawn. It was only 9 p.m, but I was pooped. This whole pretending to be a baby thing has turned me into a real baby.

"Is my baby sleepy?" Cat teased as we pulled into the driveway.

"No." I responded simply while exiting the car. I had to call Mama about Thanksgiving break plans. I didn't know if I was going to go home. I didn't necessarily want to, but I didn't want to intrude on Cat's plan if she was hosting for her family.

If Eiki was staying I'd stay with him, but I doubt his family wouldn't want him home.

"I think she is." Cat said as she lifted me up onto her hip. Her hand gently rubbed my back whilst we approached the door. Ugh. She was so warm and nice and my body just melted into hers. She hated me, she wanted me to sleep, but I couldn't sleep.

"Cat noo, I have to do something. I can't get sleepy and you're making me sleepy." I whined, I sounded like a tired, whiny, baby, but for some reason I couldn't help it.

We entered our home and Cat placed me on the ground, "I'm sorry love, I didn't know."

"Good night Cat." I said before I walked to the bathroom to shower and after that I'd call mama.

"Good night lovebug." I heard from the distance, causing a smile to etch my face.

After getting out of the shower, I wrapped myself in a towel and stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My hair was damp, sticking to my face in a way that made me look even more tired than I felt. I sighed, knowing that the conversation I was about to have would likely drain me further. But I had to call Mama.

I quickly dressed in comfortable pajamas, grabbed my phone, and sat down on the edge of my bed. I hesitated for a moment, my finger hovering over her contact, before finally pressing it. The phone rang a few times before she picked up.

The phone rang for what felt like forever before Mama finally picked up. I was met with a cold silence on the other end before she spoke.

"Erika, why are you calling so late?" Her voice was sharp, a tone I'd grown all too familiar with over the years.

"It's not that late, Mama," I said, trying to keep my tone light. "It's just past nine."

"Well, it's late here," she snapped back, her words laced with irritation. "What do you want?"

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves that were already creeping up on me. "I just wanted to talk about Thanksgiving. I wasn't sure if you wanted me to come home this year."

There was a pause, and I could hear her exhale sharply. "I don't know if I can afford a plane ticket."

"It's okay Mama I have money for one." I replied ,hopeful.

There was another pause, longer this time, before she spoke again. When she did, her voice was colder than before.

"Erika, I don't know why you're even bothering to ask. I don't want you here."

The words hit me like a slap in the face, and for a moment, I couldn't even breathe. "You don't want me to come home?"

"No, I don't," she said bluntly. "You're not doing anything worth celebrating, Erika. Your studies are mediocre at best, and you're wasting your time with that coffee job. I don't need that kind of disappointment at my Thanksgiving table."

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I fought to keep them at bay. "I'm trying my best, Mama. I'm doing well in school—"

"Doing well? You could be at the top of your class, Erika. But instead, you're settling for 'well enough.' That's not good enough, not for me, and it shouldn't be good enough for you."

Her words were laced with disdain, each one cutting deeper than the last. I had always tried to make her proud, to be the perfect daughter, but no matter what I did, it was never enough.

"I just wanted to know if you wanted me home for Thanksgiving," I said, my voice trembling.

"Well, I don't," she replied bluntly.

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. They slipped down my cheeks, hot and painful. "Mama, please..."

"Please what? You want me to tell you that you're doing a great job? That you're the perfect daughter? Because I won't lie to you, Erika. You're not."

Her words echoed in my mind, and I felt something inside me break. I had always known that I wasn't the daughter she wanted, but hearing it so plainly, so cruelly, shattered any last hope I had.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice barely audible.

"I don't need your apologies, Erika. I need you to get your act together.Don't bother coming home."

My heart was pounding in my chest, the pain of her words almost unbearable. I had never felt so small, so worthless. But somewhere deep inside, a small spark of defiance flickered.

I ended the call, the silence that followed feeling like a weight had been lifted from my chest and replaced with a deep, aching void.

The tears flowed freely now, and I didn't try to stop them. I let them come, let the pain and hurt wash over me. I had always known that I would never be good enough for her, but hearing it out loud was something else entirely.

As I sat there, alone in my room, the realization that I was truly on my own sank in. Mama didn't want me, didn't care about me. I was just a disappointment to her, nothing more.

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someone needs to make a wiki how on packing for college and leaving ur hometown along with all ur friends and family. im seriously so sad i can't believe i move next weekend and then i have to be an adult like im literally just a teenage girl stop.