29. All alone..

Anika

Feeling a bit down, I got ready for work. I didn't have much energy or interest, but duty called. I opted for comfort, threw on a plain t-shirt, and tucked it into my jeans.

Today, I had a client meeting at a café instead of the office, so I skipped making breakfast. Coffee, my old friend, would save the day.

I left for the café around 9 am, mentally gearing up for a challenging client. Luckily, the café wasn't far, and I got there in about 15 minutes. The meeting lasted 2 hours, during which I had two iced coffees. We agreed on some things, but he threw in unexpected changes.

I went to the office and completed my work for the day. The daily commute on the metro was exhausting, and I had to stand in the crowd for God knows how long.

Jai used to pick me up and drop me off daily, but now he barely answers my calls. Asking him to drive me around seemed like a lot.

I reached home late, around 9:30 pm, a little later than usual. Changing into sweats, I waited for Jai. As I read my book and scrolled through my phone, I managed to get some work done, selecting a few designs.

I sat on the sofa and didn't realize when I gradually drifted into sleep. The next morning, I woke up in bed, snuggled into my blanket. But I didn't find Jai next to me. Again.

The next few days went by the same. At least, in the beginning, he would leave notes, but gradually, he stopped doing that too.

He didn't answer my texts and ignored my calls. It wasn't just that. I waited for him daily, ended up sleeping on the sofa, and woke up in our bed. He came home after I went to bed and left before I even woke up.

At this point, I think he's forgotten me. It's been almost four days since I've seen Jai. I spoke to him maybe twice.

I've gained a little weight since we started going on dates, so maybe he lost interest in me. Honestly, maybe I'll lose interest in myself too. I'm not great in any manner, and I've shown him the worst side of me as well.

And he just left.

Then again, I was no match for Jai. He was the perfect guy, and then there's me with my insecurities hidden deep inside of me

I didn't want to revisit that part of my life again; once was enough.

It happened in the first week of college when I was bullied by a gang. They insulted me in front of so many people based on my appearance. I can admit I didn't have the best fashion sense.

One girl made a comment about my skin tone, which hurt more than usual. I think I have a normal brown girl's skin tone, and even if I didn't, it's disgusting to comment about anyone.

I was mad at Aarav because he wasn't there when this happened. We were always together, but not that day. He had a day out with 'the boys.' He'd made a few friends from the class, so he had to go.

But when he came back and saw my expression – which I tried my hardest to hide with a smile – he caught me.

"What's wrong, beautiful?" he asked. Aarav had given me that name on the first day of college; I thought he was flirting, but no. He was a cutiepie, my chotu.

I ranted about everything that happened and even blamed him for not being there to support me. He just listened and hugged me, maybe dealt with them behind my back because I saw two of them with a black eye a few days after I told him.

I was brought back to the present when I heard my phone ring. It was Mom.

"Hey, Mom."

"Hello, beta."

"What's up?"

"I can't call my bachi now?"

"Haha. You can call me anytime, Mom."

"So, I wanted to inform you about a function. It's in 3 days. I'll text you the details, but I want you both to make an appearance. An hour will also do."

"Sure, Mom. We'll be there" Will Jai be there? I don't know as well.

We chatted about random things for a few minutes, then hung up. My heart truly felt better.

They'll also be coming home on Jai's birthday next week, so I'll meet them again in a few days. And my thoughts went back to Jai.

I was done. I decided to go to the office and talk face to face with him. If he wants the marriage to continue like this, it will from my end as well.

When I entered Jai's floor, the first person I saw was Aarav. I asked him if Jai was in the office. He said yes, so I went to meet him and asked him directly.

I barged into his office, and his secretary was taking some notes that he was saying.

"Anika! What are you doing here?" he asks, surprised.

"We need to talk" I say as controlled as possible.

"Alone" I specify when his assistant doesn't take a hint. She asks Jai and leaves the room.

"What happened?" he asks me.

"What happened? Seriously, Jai? When was the last time we spoke face to face?!" I yelled.

"I know you're mad. But I have a goal to achieve" he said, as if I'm trying to stop him from achieving it.

"Did I ever stop you? I've always supported you, Jai. I've given my input as well,"

"I know"

"When are we going back to normal, or is this the new normal?" I asked.

"Give me 2 days, okay? I'll be free after that" he said.

"Promise?"

"I promise" he replied, hugging and kissing my forehead.

He broke the promise, which my brain expected but my heart did not.

I was happy that he was so focused on his job, but the part of me that wished for a romantic relationship was broken.

Two days turned into four and four into six. I barely talked to him. I received a few texts here and there, but other than that, none. Nada.

I felt alone in so many ways that I cannot explain. My daily routine was waking up, going to the office, coming back, and waiting for Jai to return. I had stopped eating as well. I didn't even have an appetite.

I know the world didn't revolve around him, but mine did.

I stopped talking to my friends as well. If they got a hint, they didn't press into the situation.

Maybe this is the new normal.

This was what I had feared before marriage. It was turning into reality.

I went to the function that Mom said, alone. He said he'll be there, but he wasn't. I had to greet everyone by myself, and when they asked 'Where's Jai?' I had to smile and say, 'Stuck at work, you know how it is and blah, blah.'

I had to stand awkwardly – all alone – when Mom and Dad were going all couply on each other. I was glad Aarav wasn't here. He would have taken one look at my face and asked me what had happened.

Maybe Mom and Dad had an idea that something was wrong. Mom asked me, 'What's wrong, beta?'

'Nothing, Mom, just periods,' I replied. And I really was on my period. The first time periods saved me. Mom sent me back home even before my one hour had ended, which I was grateful for. I just lied there with my heating pad.

I even had to take a painkiller. I was someone who didn't take any because I wanted to tolerate my own pain and be a strong girl. So, you can guess how much pain I've got.

With my period pain into the mix, I took leave for a day in between. I had no energy, neither physical nor emotional, to work.

The only thing that kept me a little happy was my books. My little fictional world where everything was good. And I'll truly be grateful to them.

The next day was the concert I was so excited for, and guess what?

He missed it, and I was more tensed about my marriage working at this point. He forgot. His work always came first.

It was clear that I didn't matter to him, maybe I never will.

It wasn't about the singer anymore. It was me and Jai enjoying the songs and having fun singing and dancing. I let that slide too.

His birthday is tomorrow; it's 8 pm already, so I had 4 hours of time to decorate. I bought the gifts already. I called him and asked if he'd be home by 12 today, and he said yes, so I'm counting on it.

This was the last chance I'm giving him. If he doesn't show up now, I don't know what's going to happen, but it definitely won't be good.

..........................................................................

❀₊˚⊹♡

My heart is aching.

I tried my best to convey Anika's emotions. I hope I did justice.

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I post every Tuesday and Saturday, so wait for the next one😉