Ready for Love

I cling to Selene’s back as she charges, silvery mane and tail flying, wherever she desires. I have to get away for a while. What have I done? my mind repeats to the rhythm of Selene’s pounding hooves. The Berkeley mansion fades into the rest of the scenery behind us, but this brings me no relief. The weight of the plan agreed upon by my fiancé’s family and me sits so heavily on my shoulders that I almost wonder that Selene can run so swiftly. She is joyous to have been released from the stables, ecstatic to feel the turf beneath her hooves, and my melancholy self-doubt does not affect her mood at all, as yet.

Selene’s gait slows to a trot and then a walk. I open my eyes and lift my face from her neck to see that she has brought me to the garden of the clear stream, where once Dmitri painted me. How long ago that seems!

“Why did you bring me here?” I ask Selene, eyes wide with wonder as memories of all the hours spent here flood back. Selene nickers and lowers her head to drink from the stream. Something here calls to me, or to my magic, which seems here at ease, energized, while I am still much vexed.

I am to marry Dmitri in five days’ time. Such is the timeline upon which we have all agreed, under the plan I suggested at breakfast. Meantime I am to spend all my time training and studying military strategy. Dmitri is to help me train, and to train himself, as much as he can. I’m not sure what else he’s meant to spend his time on. I left him arguing with his mother about the more minute details of the marriage ceremony. I couldn’t bring myself to wait for him to conclude the discussion. I had to be alone.

Now that my only companion is a lunar-lustred mare, I dismount and bend by the stream to splash my face with its pure, clear contents, hoping that this will calm me and bring similar clarity to my thoughts. I should probably practice with my magic, but my thoughts won’t settle; I can’t achieve the focus I need. The thought of marrying so soon, especially after all that happened yesterday--was it really only yesterday?--is really nothing less than terrifying. And there’s no guarantee that this choice will accomplish what I mean for it to accomplish. It’s just the best plan that I have, the best plan that any of us have.

Will it be enough? Will it be worthwhile?

“Quite a conundrum you face, my child,” Acionna’s liquid tones remark behind me. I whirl around to face her, quite startled, but surprise quickly transmutes to exasperation. Of all times, now, when I most would like to be alone? “My apologies for violating your solitude. I know you came here for space to think. I simply wanted to speak with you, to gain some insight into your state of mind, and, perhaps, to offer you some comfort. The other realms have been much abuzz about all that has come to pass at the Berkeley estate.”

“You speak of Xenia de Poitiers and her visit, I presume,” I answer as calmly as I can. Why now, of all times?

“Indeed, ’tis what most of the other realms have marvelled at. Her Malevolence places high value on the schemes she here attempts to bring to fruition. Otherwise she would not have come in person and made such a spectacle. ’Twas rather rash of her, and belies that she is becoming reckless, perhaps power-mad.” Acionna pauses, allowing me to consider the full weight of her words. The sorceress will be less rational but, perhaps, easier to trick if this is in fact the case. “But, of course, I knew of other things that gave me cause for concern.”

“I cannot imagine. Yekaterina and Giacomo both have gone, and heretofore they were your greatest concerns in my corner of the globe, were they not?”

“Greater still even than they in my concerns for you has been your relationship with Dmitri, and it is my understanding that you and he are to wed within a se’en-night. Have you properly reconciled? Can you think of this prospect without recoiling on account of the discord that has been between you?”

“I recoil at the prospect, but not on account of discord. Dmitri and I have kissed and made up. Things are not such as they were, but they are certainly on the mend.”

“So what causes you such distaste for marriage? It cannot be Dmitri himself.”

“No, far from it. My distaste is not even for marriage, only for the haste which we must undertake. That it is so soon is my single and overwhelming cause for alarm. I have not been prepared for marriage. I know not how to be a proper wife, nor how to manage a household, and as for bearing children--” I shudder at the prospect and do not continue, choking on my vehement protests against that particular idea.

Acionna smiles maternally at me. I feel that she understands my feelings only too well.

“Your concerns are nothing less than natural, and I myself know not how to alleviate them, for I have never been married.”

“Never a romance for you?” I ask, suddenly curious and a bit pitying. Acionna chuckles.

“I wouldn’t say that, quite. There is much you do not yet know about the supernatural realm, but I will tell you this much: I am not the only elemental guardian.”

“So there are others like you?”

“Yes, male and female, one guardian per element.”

“Which is your sweetheart?”

“That I shan’t tell you. It matters not to you. Of more value to you, just now, is help in dealing with the conundrum you face.”

I groan in frustration. For a few moments I had forgotten, and having remembered only makes the situation seem worse.

“I wish there was another way, a better way to keep us safe so that we can follow our own convictions,” I whisper, so filled with so many emotions that I do not trust myself to speak louder.

“What if you disappeared entirely?” Acionna suggests.

“What do you mean?” The idea both scares and intrigues me.

“We could feign your death. I can break the necklace, which would break on its own if you died, and take you to my realm, where your grandmother could not find you.”

“Could I ever leave? Would I ever see Dmitri again?”

“Once your grandmother dies, it would be possible for you to return here, but fire elementals cannot come to my realm, and for you to leave while yet she lives would be for her to find you.” Grandmother is old, I know not how much so, but she has so much vitality that I fear her death to be far off, unless she be struck down in the impending war. The thought of being unable to see Dmitri for so long troubles my heart and my spirit.

“What happens to the contract between the Berkeley and de Poitiers families if I die?”

“Your grandmother must quickly make arrangements for a new bride for Dmitri, else your grandfather’s life is forfeit.”

“None of my half-siblings are qualified, are they?” I rather hope not. After having so recently being rid of competition for my fiancé’s affections, the idea of him being promised to anyone else fills me with boiling green rage and brings back that vicious monster which until yesterday had lived caged in my chest.

“Not one.”

“She would not offer up my grandfather’s life?”

“Most likely not. She has done much to preserve him until now, too much to throw it away now. Certainly he has been no boon to her. If she were apt to get rid of him, she would have done so long ere this.”

“So what would she do? It seems my life is something of a necessity to her.”

“Indeed. I cannot say for sure what course of action she might take if you were unexpectedly removed to the next life, but it seems more than likely that she would use this brewing war as an excuse to eliminate the Berkeley clan and thereby eliminate the contractual obligation to them.”

I gasp, bringing a hand suddenly to my chest as though to take away the searing pain that shot through it at this horrific and shocking idea. I might become physically ill on account of this thought.

“That cannot be,” I exclaim. Selene comes solicitously to my side, nickering anxiously, and I lean on her silver flank for support. “I will not abandon them and leave them to such a fate in the interest of self-preservation.”

“A noble maid you are, and, I think, ready for the fate which you have designed for yourself. I commend you, for scores of maids are not half so honourable.”

“I do only what is decent and best for the greater good. You flatter me and give me more credit than is my due.” I cannot help trembling, overcome by the magnitude of the decision I have made and the dilemma that I and my family face.

“Nevertheless, my child, I would that there were more in the world like you.” She pauses as though listening for something. “Your fiancé approaches and thus I depart.”

“A last question, before you go,” I importune even as she begins to dissolve into mist.

“Be quick. He comes at a gallop.”

“Will you be manifestly present at my wedding?”

“You may depend on that.” And with that she is gone. The sound of galloping hooves fills my ears and makes Selene come full alert. I turn to face the sound and moments later find myself watching Dmitri arrive astride Excalibur. His features show that he is troubled, but even so I have never been so glad to see him.

“I didn’t expect to find you here. Excalibur must know you better than I do. He would not be dissuaded from this course,” Dmitri remarks, a touch of ironic humour colouring his tones, as he slides off the back of his noble black steed. Excalibur goes directly to Selene and the two of them nicker and nuzzle each other in greeting.

“I think he cared more to see his own sweetheart than for any desire of yours,” I giggle as the two horses meander some distance away from us, no doubt seeking some privacy.

“So it would seem.” His eyes, illuminated with concern, search mine for a few moments. I wonder what he’s looking for. “Why did you come here, Aerys?”

“Selene chose this destination. I asked her the same question. If you object to it, we can go elsewhere.”

“I cannot think of anywhere I would rather be just now. I simply wondered that you would feel the same way, with what we have decided.” He pauses, evidently searching for words. “Are you sure that you’re willing to go through with this, as we’ve laid it out?”

“I do not believe any other course of action could possibly have more desirable outcomes. Have you not heard it said that desperate times call for desperate measures?”

He sighs heavily and a look of bitterness settles into his features as he looks down, glaring at the ground as though it is to blame for the situation in which we find ourselves. “I want our wedding to be so much more than a political maneuvre chosen to outwit an evil sorceress.”

“Given that our marriage was arranged from the start, without either of our input or consent, I would say that we have been exceptionally lucky, this rather unpleasant situation notwithstanding,” I point out. “Kyla, at least, has not been so fortunate, and nor has Zira’s husband.”

Dmitri smiles ruefully, his eyes meeting mine once more. “I suppose that’s true.”

I take a deep breath to steady myself. What I must say next is rather difficult, to say the least. “My only request is that, once we are married, you do not pressure me to do anything. All that is promised by the marriage contract will be yours in due time, I assure you, but if I am not ready, that night--”

“I give you my word. I would not be a gentleman if I pressured you or forced you to do anything with which you were not comfortable.” The earnestness and depth of caring in his eyes convince me, and I impulsively hug him in the overflow of my gratitude.

“Thank you,” I whisper against his neck, hoping he’ll hear me. He squeezes me tighter in reply. We stay like that for a while, just enjoying the moment, but eventually he pulls back. That same searching concern with which he regarded me upon his arrival has returned to his eyes. What else?

“You know as well as I do that strange things are meant to happen...on our wedding night,” he begins carefully. I sigh heavily. I knew this was coming, from someone, at some point, but I had hoped to not have to deal with it quite yet. I don’t have a plan for this yet. “Of course, we could always try to fake something, if necessary....”

“I have thought of that.”

“So you have a plan?”

“I’m still working on it.” He pulls me back to his chest and kisses the top of my head, trying to offer comfort. It’s only somewhat effective.

“Please understand, I don’t mean to pressure you at all. That’s the last thing I want to do, ever. I want you to be happy.” He sighs and I echo it, knowing there’s a “but...” lurking in the unspoken. “But we’re plotting against Xenia de Poitiers, and--”

“I know.” My thoughts won’t settle, try as I might to organise them into something coherent. “No one really knows what will happen...when our magics unite. A union like this has never happened before. Anything could happen, or nothing could. Who’s to say--”

“The only opinion that matters of whatever does or does not happen that night is that of the Bavarian witch, and you know that as well as I do. I’m not the one you have to convince, and I doubt that, should she actually come here again, she will be in a mood to reason with you.”

“Trust me, I’m aware of that. And I will do everything in my power to...mentally prepare myself. I just wanted to make sure that you are the gentleman I hoped and thought you were. After yesterday, you know--”

“This can’t be easy for you. And I’m so, so sorry that...well, not that we’re getting married so soon, exactly, but for everything that’s happened in the past few weeks--”

“I know. You’ve already apologised, and I know you are sincere. You need not apologise again. I’m sorry for it, too, but what’s done is done and now we must move past it. I simply wish that everything did not have to be so rushed for the sake of politics. But as I said earlier, overall we have been quite lucky in this match, and I cannot complain too much. We can both simply prepare ourselves as best we can and make the best of whatever comes, no matter how things shake out. What of the wedding itself? Will your mother be able to cope with all the stress?”

Dmitri snorts with laughter and pulls me down to sit beside him on a nearby boulder. “On the contrary, she’s actually in her element, unbearable as she will make things for everyone who has any role in planning. She loves event planning and she’s been dreaming about this marriage ever since the contracts were signed.”

“Contracts? As in, more than one?”

“Multiple copies of the same one. Each family has a copy somewhere.”

“I see. So what does she have left to plan?”

“Mostly getting guests here on such short notice. I believe it should be much the same crowd as was present for our engagement ball. At my request on your behalf, none of your family are to be invited except for Kyla and any of her husband’s family who wish to come. I think a delegation from my mother’s family, one skilled at travelling at high speeds via air currents, is meant to take a detour to India to try to get her here in time. Nadezhda is heading that party.”

“Malina will be disappointed that she does not get to travel to India to fetch Kyla.”

“She will have an opportunity to accompany Kyla back to India, assuming that your sister is not too frightened and put off by the troop of elementals sent to fetch her to come at all.”

“That is a distinct possibility, you know.”

“And if she does not come?”

“I will be bitterly disappointed and Malina will take her place as my Maid of Honour.”

“I suppose I should not be surprised that you have already planned for this.”

“You knew I had, after that last letter I received from Kyla.”

“I’m sorry. I had forgotten. Of course, it only makes sense. But will you be all right with--”

“Under the circumstances, that is the least of my worries.”

“Fair enough. Is there anything I can do to ease your worries?”

“Stay out here with me all day, and let’s have no more talk of the wedding or the plans or what’s to come after.”

His smile tells me that this idea is as pleasing to him as it is to me. “Your wish is my command.”

***~O~***