Chapter 42

The onslaught of my morning was never-ending. Scarcely a second after Alex made his departure, Innis pushed through the door, her face like thunder.

A chambermaid trailed after her, helplessly trying to announce the woman's presence. With a sigh of exasperated failure as Innis overtook her, she slapped her hands against her thighs and slumped off to clear the breakfast dishes.

Innis wore a pale blue gown. It shimmered like frost in the morning light. Momentarily weak and prone to feelings of insufficiency, I was jealous of her finery. Her self-possession. The truth that in appearance and behavior she was the Lady I would never, ever be.

"Sit," I said, my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth. I slid into an armchair by the fire and let my head roll back onto the cushion.

Innis followed suit, perching on the edge of the chair, posture perfect. She studied the room, her nose crinkling at the sight of the yet-unmade bed. The sheets mussed on both sides. It was clear I had not slept alone and here she was, another witness to my impropriety. I cared less and less. Let her judge.

Innis opened her mouth to speak, but then glanced at the maid. She shot me a pleading look.

I dismissed the maid, asking for her to return in a quarter-hour.

Thus alone, I steeled myself against whatever Innis had to say.

"Are you alright?" She asked with surprising gentleness.

I blinked, squinting at her. I had never known Innis to inquire after my well-being. "Fine enough," I groused. "Can I help you?"

Innis eyed the bed one last time and then shook her head, clearing whatever thoughts raced there. "My father is sending a troupe to come to collect me." She said matter-of-fact, cocking her head as if it amused her. Her fresh ringlets bounced against her cheek. "I thought I would give you an advance warning that there might be some brutes showing up and demanding to take me home."

I frowned at her. "Will he stop at nothing?"

"Ha!" Innis barked, blowing through her veneer of ladylike grace. A madness glimmered behind her eyes. "No, I dare say he will not."

"Maybe their boat will capsize and they will drown on their way here," I suggested.

Innis smiled at that. "Yes, maybe so."

A grimace was my reply. The conversation, her presence, grated on my frayed nerves. I did not want to be rude, but I was very close to ordering her out of my chambers as well so I could sulk.

"It's not easy," Innis said, her voice gentle.

"What isn't?"

"The position we've put ourselves in. We have to keep going, even when everything feels like it's falling apart. When we feel like falling apart."

I looked at her, tears stinging behind my eyes. Blinking furiously, I waved away her concern. "It's nothing. I am being terrible when you are being hunted by your own father. I am sorry you have to experience that."

"Now that I've been a Laird, or as much of one as I could be, it's strange. I understand my father more, now." Innis sniffed and rolled her eyes. "I don't agree, of course. But I can accept the way a million decisions and their consequences have to be constantly juggled."

A small smile conceded from me and I shook my head. "I don't know if I can ever understand the need my father had for conquest and bloodshed. He did all this. You wouldn't be facing death if my father hadn't started the war."

I heard it for the almost-lie that it was. Hadn't Innis been complicit in my request for starting a central library? Wasn't I tracking down documents from across the world to establish precedents for what might happen in the future? Not all battles happened in muddy fields with bloodshed. Some happened on paper with documentation.

Innis considered this, chewing on her lip. "Maybe and maybe not. True, I wouldn't be an outlaw in my own home... but I also wouldn't have learned that I was capable of so, so much more. It's the loss of that potential that hurts the most. I know I am smart, strong, and able, but no one wants to allow that."

"The problem lies in reshaping these men's intellects. I fear that might be a losing battle." I grumbled.

Innis' eyes flicked to the bed again, and she smirked. "Boy trouble?"

I laughed, covering my face with my hands. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Come now, don't insult me with false stupidity."

My head spun from the hangover, the fight with Alex, and now this. With a groan, my arms flopped against the seat. "As I am sure you are aware, I cannot marry without giving up my legal right to Ellesmure."

Innis nodded, understanding. "And?"

"Alex is convinced that I need to maintain a mirage of my reputation, regardless. Just in case. He is angry that I allowed the servants in the room this morning before he managed to sneak away."

"But you two have been —"

"Years," I emphasized, shaking my head.

"Idiot." Innis crossed her arms.

I snorted a laugh, not sure when this friendship and trust had blossomed, but enjoying it all the same.

"What is your agreement?" She asked.

I blinked at her, "We don't have one."

Innis huffed, "Maybe that's the problem. I've only been here for a while, but I know there isn't a single woman alive who can compete with you for his affection. The only woman Lord Leslie would consider for a wife is you."

Given our conversation ten minutes ago, I met her assertion with skepticism.

Innis, defiant, stared at me, looking like a cat that had cornered a mouse. She was ready to make the kill.

Every inch of me dared me to contradict her claim, but I couldn't. I knew it as well as I knew my soul.

"It's impossible," I said, hating how weak I sounded. "He's heir to The Fist."

"So get a brat on you and force the issue." Innis' laugh startled me from my brooding.

Heat flooded my face and my stomach quivered with alarm. "I'm not sure that's the right way to go about this."

Shaking her head, still reeling from her amusement, Innis agreed. "No, you're right. He loves you, though," she said simply as if it were the easiest assumption in the world. "Everyone knows it. Playing innocent doesn't spare either of you from the fact that everyone just knows. You two trail after each other like lost puppies in need of food. As the two richest people in the world — because you are, if you didn't know — I don't think anyone or any Island Charter could stop you. Regardless of what you decided."

My attention caught on the word love. He'd never... I'd never...

I shook my head and looked down, twisting my fingers together in my lap.

Innis watched me with raised brows. "Oh, you're a fool, Eilean." Her voice was warm and teasing. "Ask him, see what he says." Nothing but playful challenge danced in her eyes. She looked merry with the thrill.

"We'll see," I hedged, more than ready for this conversation to be over with. I felt like a pent-up wildcat, itching for something to claw at. "I have to get to work if you don't mind." Standing, I gestured to the door.

Innis smoothed her skirts as she stood and grinned at me. "And protection from my father's henchmen?"

"Oh, right," I grimaced. "Yes, of course, you have it."

"I never doubted that." She winked and laid a hand on my shoulder, patting it dispassionately. More a pantomime of comfort than anything with true softness. From Innis, I suspected that touch meant quite a lot.

"I'll talk to Angus about it," she added with a shrug. "I'm sure he'll have barricades in all the harbors before nightfall."

I smiled, "Undoubtedly."

With a wink, Innis took her exit amidst a swishing of silk.

Left alone, I could only wonder at the hideousness of the morning. The good feelings of excitement I had felt at the start of the day felt as foreign to me as the clamor of my heart.