Chapter 38

Alex walked with me to the church. We laughed and joked as we cut our way through long overgrown summer grasses. I was thankful he had offered to go with me, but as my de facto partner at Stormway, I would have roped him into it, regardless.

The priest was jovial enough, meeting us at the church door with a wave and a bright smile. He invited us into his cozy offices for the discussion.

"I apologize, sir, that I have never been one for the pew," I said, looking around the room and marveling at all the gold and lacquered paraphernalia.

The priest waved away my concern. "Spirituality is not prescriptive. You find your calling and value in work, in creating, in supporting the people in your care. Your industry is your scripture. There is not much I could teach you inside these walls that you do not already practice."

Touched, I reigned in my would-be flippancy about religion and nodded. I remembered, of course, too late for it to count, that he was the same man who saw fit to marry Walther and Bess when no one else would have dared.

"Luckily, today I am here on a mission for my people," I said, settling into the smooth, wooden chair. Years of partitioners worrying the wood had worn the arms down to a glossy smoothness.

The priest inclined his head, allowing me to continue.

"There are several women who wish to have their husbands declared dead. Or, if that is impossible, have their marriages annulled. They wish to start new lives with new men. They wish for children."

Frowning, the priest leaned forward and rested his chin on his clasped hands. "That is a very serious request. I understand the losses across Ellesmure are quite significant."

"The husbands of these women have been gone for years with no contact," Alex said, stepping in smoothly. "We have sent scores of letters with no reply. I even tested the time required to send a letter to, and receive a reply from, the Mainland. Three weeks. Some of these women have not heard from their husbands since the day they left — five years ago."

A lifetime ago. The last time I, myself, had heard from family. Calum had been religious in his updates, Angus' messengers never failed to bring reports. Riders, scouts, and trackers had traveled from Stormway to the Mainland and back countless times over the years. Never with news, never with a note to pass on.

"I am all for the virtues of a loyal heart, sir, but I can no longer deny these women the right to a life they want. Children, companionship, comfort, and security. It is important to me as their would-be Laird to ensure that they have access to the comforts of a full life."

"And what if the men return?" The priest asked, peering at me with a challenging glint in his eyes. "I hear rumors there is no official record of their actual death. The Island forces have most of your father's regiment marked as 'missing, assumed dead' on reports."

I raised my eyebrows at that. There had been no suggestion that was a possibility. "Do you know of something I do not?" I asked, cocking my head and staring the man down. "Are you informed of some clue that I missed? The war has been over for almost two years. Every other man has returned from the battlefield. Laird Grant of Istimere has been relentless in the pursuit of information of the missing Ellesmure forces to no avail."

The priest held up his hands, halting me, stopping my attack. "All I know, dear lady, is that thousands of men disappeared without a trace. We cannot give up hope they might yet survive. Miracles have been known to happen."

I snorted, turned off by this foolishness. Alex rested his hand on my knee, settling me.

"I suppose we will have to sort that out later if that magical day ever comes," I said cooly.

Appeased, the priest nodded. "And do you wish to have your own family proclaimed dead, Lady Eilean?"

The question knocked me off guard, though I should have expected it. I turned my gaze toward Alex, hopelessly seeking his suggestion of the correct answer. "Why would I want that?" I asked my friend.

"You just laughed at the mere suggestion of a miracle," the priest chuckled. "Could it be you hope for one yourself?"

I blinked at him, stunned for words.

"It's simply a matter of legality, my lady."

I shook my head, thinking as quickly as I could. "No, no." I decided. "Not yet, at least. My claim on Ellesmure is tenuous enough. Until they finish negotiations on the Island Charter, I won't act. We need only grant certificates to the women who wish to remarry."

"Very well," the priest said with a grin. "Since it has been more than a year since the last known instance of communication, we are well within the law for allowing annulment. I shall approve it for whoever seeks one. I will also send notice to my associates across the island to do so in their parishes. By the Lairds own command, of course."

Blushing at the deference, I looked down. Even so, my whole body relaxed at the progress made and I smiled, "Thank you."

"It is my pleasure!" His eyes twinkled. "Perhaps now I might see you on a Sunday from time to time?"

I hesitated long enough for the priest to laugh. "Not only do I expect that might be too much, but I am also a fool to have saved my bargaining chip until after the matter was concluded. We all need days of rest, my lady. As you serve every day of the week, I anoint you with the leisure of lazy mornings in bed rather than huddling on a hard pew."

"I can only hope I live up to your gracious opinion of me," I said, a touch off-kilter. Unfamiliar with religious men, the priest made me feel caught in a warm, soothing web.

Alex laughed, and the priest looked at him. They shared a knowing smile I didn't know how to decipher.

"I only know what others tell me, and the nature of my work means I hear a lot." The priest provided a cryptic explanation.

Bemused and ready to go, I thanked the priest and stood to leave.

"If I might borrow Lord Leslie for a few more moments?" The priest asked. "There is something unusual I would like to show him."

"His Lordship informed me he is accepting all excuses to be away from the castle at present," I said, patting Alex's shoulder. "Detain him as long as you want." I slipped out of the door after a last round of gratitude.

In the main hall of the church, its size stopped me from rushing straight back outside. The warm stillness of the air, and the sensation of being alone but watched, was strange. Sitting down on a pew, I regarded the hundreds of candles flickering in small jars. White, grey, blue, and red glass globes covered each. They must have had some meaning, but I was ignorant of it. Each flame a bright, fluttering prayer. It was mesmerizing. I hadn't been in this chapel since Walther's wedding and the effect was as soothing as that long-ago midnight escape.

Entranced as I was by the lights, I wasn't sure how long Alex and the priest conferred in private. From the depth of my rapture, I laughed restlessly, wondering if he was confessing his misdeeds. That would have been scandalous.

Eventually, I heard the scrape of Alex's steps approaching. Looking up, I noticed he carried a large wooden box that he jostled and fixed under one arm.

"What did the priest have to show you?" I asked, standing and taking his other arm, which he offered.

"A strange collection of documents. I hardly know the meaning of it. He thought it would be useful not only to record in the registers at Stormway but to send with Calum to the delegation." Alex's voice was awestruck, and he moved as if he were in a daze.

"Was it that interesting?"

"Quite," he answered as we exited the church.

"Are you going to tell me what it is?" I squinted against the sun, blinding after the darkness of the chapel. "If it is something concerning the records of Ellesmure, why didn't the priest show me, too?"

"I rather think he didn't want to get your hopes up."

"Oh?"

Alex peered down at me, deliberately weighing the choice of whether to let me in on the secret.

"I can command you, you know," I said, annoyed at his hesitation.

He laughed and then nodded. "They're old records. Ancient. Some of the first written by the founders of Ellesmure."

"And?"

"And... the first Laird of Ellesmure was a woman. Actually, all the Lairds of Ellesmure were women until one hundred years ago."

I came to a dead stop. "But —"

There was too much to comprehend at once. What came to mind first was the recollection of a lifetime of embarrassing stories. We didn't have a girl's name picked out! No Laird had ever produced a girl child! The MacLeod's have run this island for thousands of years! The fame and strength of Ellesmure men cannot be discouraged! On and on the memories flooded until I saw and heard them all swimming and echoing in my mind with such a racket it was hard to think at all.

"That would mean there have been more female Lairds than male," I said stupidly. My tongue was thick and dry. It flopped in my mouth uselessly, too stunned to work.

"It's not just Ellesmure," Alex whispered, a bright delight starting to dance in his eyes. He smiled widely, a touch of hysteria claiming his expression. "There are records of female Lairds from across all the Islands. Most of the papers in this box are early genealogical records for the entire Federation."

I swallowed, not sure what to do. My body, it seemed, had come to an absolute standstill. Afraid to move or think or breathe or speak, I was suspended; frozen in time. Only my mind continued, endless possibilities and implications weaving into a multitude of destinies that stretched out before me like a map.

"It could change everything," he added, eyes shimmering with tears. Excitement was clear from the arch of his eyebrows to the soft smile on his lips. He cupped my cheek and nodded as a tear slipped down his cheek.

It might change everything. But if women had been in power before, it meant greedy men had ripped it away from them. There was no guarantee the sons of those ancestors would willingly give it back without significant struggle. Similarly, it stung that the priest would try to barricade me from the information. Acting as if he knew best. As if he was the protector of my feelings.

"He should have told me, too," I said, pulling away from Alex's grasp.

"I'm sure he was thinking of your best interests."

"I am sick and tired of people protecting me," I stomped away, temper riled.

Alex followed, jogging to keep pace.

"My father, my brothers, my mother, Calum! To some extent, you, though I'm sure you don't mean to." I turned on him accusingly. Wrapped up in my anger. "Everyone thinks they know what I can and cannot handle better than I do! Now a man I've only met once, who lauds me to my face, hands over MacLeod genealogical information to you and not me. Who runs the damn place? A ghost? Or am I not a living, breathing person?"

I was shouting, raving, throwing my hands and my voice in every which way. A jumpy feeling vibrated down my neck and along my limbs, rattling my fingers and toes. Desperation to expel the sensation had me shouting and gesticulating like someone driven mad.

"You're right," Alex said.

I stopped in my tracks and looked at him. He had always supported me, but this felt different. It felt important that he had not tried to fight back. Alex sat the box on the ground and strode toward me, devastation making his entire body sag.

"You're right. I apologize." He said, standing in front of me, dejected. His arms hung heavily at his sides. "If I have tried, or continue to try to shield you, it's only to prevent you from feeling pain." His eyes were tight with concern. A different kind of feeling made them water now.

"I can handle pain, Alex." My voice broke on the admittance.

He cupped my cheeks and looked at me intently. "I know you can, but I don't want you to. And if I can stop it, let me."

My heart broke to hear it, to feel the sadness in his tone as he struggled between validating me and the impulse to protect me. Ducking my head, I let him fold me into his chest. Allowed his arms to buffet me from the breeze and the sun and whatever lay beyond.

"It can be both," I confessed into his shirt. Looking up at his open expression, I said, "Next time I won't leave a room so easily. And if you find yourself in a conversation that should involve me, you can stop the chatter until I've been fetched."

Alex nodded, his smile returning.

"Together we'll lead by example and teach anyone who doubts. I am not to be coddled."

"Agreed," Alex said.

"And when I want to be sheltered, like this," I snuggled up against him, "I'll make sure you know it."

Chuckling, he held me tighter. "That sounds fair."

Popping up on my tiptoes, I kissed him, running my hands through his hair and caressing my fingers down his neck. "You're far too easy, you know that," I taunted against his lips.

"What can I say? I'm a fool for authoritative women," he laughed. Going on the advance, he leaned me back, bending me over his arm, deepening the kiss. "And because you're right, of course. How many times have I admitted that now? Twice? Three times?"

"Teenage Alex would have never been so agreeable."

"Yes, he would have," Alex purred. "I've always known what you are. You're a force of nature, Eilean. I've been lost in your storm since the day I met you."

His words reverberated in my chest and made me breathless. I kissed him again, chasing the feeling. The heat of his hands on my body made me desperate. The scratch of his beard as he spread kisses over my jaw and neck tickled and licked at me like a flame.

"Want to go rattle some nerves?" He asked, pulling me upright. He jerked his chin toward the box.

I beamed. "Let's astonish them."